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The powerful and independent submissive - now there's a... - 9/3/2005 5:27:50 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		I like my submissive partners to able bodied humans who essentially could function without my control but who thoroughly get off on me superimposing my control.

In my opinion, if a submissive has no power, what do they have to exchange in a power exchange? (Providing of course, you agree with the concept that this is a power exchange). What is their value?

I like someone who, once they have gotten to know me, knows what I require and desire and does their best to see that my requirements and desires are met. I want them to speak up and be honest with me if they can't rather then sacrifice more then they can give. I’m not looking for a martyr to sacrifice their existence for me. I also want someone who can be creative and imaginative and surprise me with new ways of showing me devotion.

I value a self-started and a highly motivated proactive person in all areas of life. As an employer, those are the only types of people I’ve ever hired. I have no more interest in micromanaging my partner as I do my employees or my cat for that matter. `

So I’m curious. How many of you share my view, think I’m completely out in left field or think this might be fine for me but totally get off on micromanagement. And why?

Oh and side note, don’t apologise for disagreeing with me please ;-) <weg>

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 6:17:47 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		So we'll get a lot of "I like my subs to be feisty and thinking and not a doormat" posts.

Most of us are just people, we're great at some things, not so great at others. Some dominants like to micromanage- food, clothes, activities, partners, orgasms, everything. Some dominants like to delegate.

I think we all want strong reliable partners who can be willing to be honest. Lots of people have problems with this, hence all the posts about journals and how to communicate and such. But I think it depends on a combination of their natural raw talent and their ability to be trained. Independence and confidence CAN be trained into people.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 6:26:33 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		Hi LA,

I definitely share your view. Because I choose to experience this lifestyle within a monogamous, loving relationship, my submissive needs to be someone with whom I can relate on many levels. I want my relationship to be a partnership with someone who shares my interests in BDSM and D/s, as well as vanilla life, without needing to be micromanaged. My sub needs to have a strong sense of self and be comfortable in his role, as well as comfortable in his life in general.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 6:29:53 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Well that description sounds like me except self starting in the morning sounds difficult.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 6:30:17 PM   
RavenofPK


Posts: 320
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

So we'll get a lot of "I like my subs to be feisty and thinking and not a doormat" posts.



So......according to *your* line of thinking.......if a submissive female is humble and quiet, as opposed to feisty and thinking, she is a doormat??

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 6:33:49 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenofPK


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

So we'll get a lot of "I like my subs to be feisty and thinking and not a doormat" posts.



So......according to *your* line of thinking.......if a submissive female is humble and quiet, as opposed to feisty and thinking, she is a doormat??


I don't think that's what Em was implying at all. She predicted that many will say that.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to RavenofPK)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 6:52:44 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Well that description sounds like me except self starting in the morning sounds difficult.

Well that's where incentive comes in <weg>

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/3/2005 7:12:29 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I agree with LA.

I think one of the greatest gifts that a submissive/ slave can give their Master/Mistress is to be able to walk into a situation, see what needs to be done, keep their rules and best interest of the Master/ Mistress in mind and do it.

It just has always been my thought that if i had to wait for my Master to tell me each and everything to do, how much of a service am i to him and how much of burden? I have rules, i follow them. I know what is expect of me. If there is a time when i am not sure and cant talk to my Master then i do what i think is best and later communicate. If he doesn't want it done that way then he tells me and i try to fix it the best way i can or learn not to do it that way in the future.

Yes i know some will argue that this isn't for them. They want TPE and that is great if it works for you. I am just stating that this is what works for us. And in my head it is TPE. I gave Him the power, he delegated some of it back to me. I know and always remember that it can change in a moments notice. So it is a Total Power Exchange.


_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 12:45:21 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I like someone who, once they have gotten to know me, knows what I require and desire and does their best to see that my requirements and desires are met. I want them to speak up and be honest with me if they can't rather then sacrifice more then they can give. I’m not looking for a martyr to sacrifice their existence for me. I also want someone who can be creative and imaginative and surprise me with new ways of showing me devotion.

I value a self-started and a highly motivated proactive person in all areas of life. As an employer, those are the only types of people I’ve ever hired. I have no more interest in micromanaging my partner as I do my employees or my cat for that matter.
I'm completely there with you, but if there is sufficient chemistry (he's mentally stimulating, respectful, kind and makes me horny), I'm not above micromanaging in case he needs some fine tuning to modify behaviors that get under my skin.. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 9/4/2005 12:46:06 AM >

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 1:26:06 AM   
IndigoDadesi


Posts: 185
Status: offline 		In my relationship there are times when I will have to leave my slave on his own for a couple hours, days, weeks, or even months so its incredibly important to me that he can handle his day to day life and make decisions on his own. I dont think this means that any power has been taken away from me, it simply means that I feel comfortable and confident enough in my training of him when I do have to be away that he will remember his training whether Im there or not.

However, I think there is a fine line between giving a sub independence and being neglectful of your responsibility as a Dom/me.


~ I.D.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 1:50:33 AM   
Ojedieu


Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		Actually, I think you've expressed exactly what I look for as well. Micromanaging someone is no fun for me. I enjoy being spoiled, but I don't want to have to spell out every little detail about *how* they go about that. I'll give feedback and let them know what kinds of things I like, but if you have to feed them a script for every action they take, *yawn*. And I love nice surprises. Sometimes when they've gotten to know me well enough, they come up with things I enjoy that even I wouldn't have thought of. That's always nice :)

Plus, a fully-realized person is beneficial outside of the scene too -- I like someone I can just hang out and talk with as well as one who serves me. I'm not into 24/7 -- too much of a strain IMO, so having someone who can function outside of the kink is plenty important to me too.



_____________________________

Ojedieu

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 4:17:45 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Just sitting here wondering if there really are people who "can't function" unless someone is telling them what to do all the time? And why would anyone have a relationship with them..? Isn't that obvious? Is this really just a case of mismatching of objectives and personalities? Is it that the sub man (?) is asking for direction as to how to please the f dom, but she'd much rather he guessed what she wanted? Or are there really sub men around who are so clueless..?

I'm just bemused by the idea of hopeless men (?) wandering around lost without women to whip them into shape... Just wondering... because I evidently have no experience of this...

~ Elektra

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 9/4/2005 4:19:41 AM >

(in reply to Ojedieu)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 6:19:25 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM

Just sitting here wondering if there really are people who "can't function" unless someone is telling them what to do all the time? And why would anyone have a relationship with them..? Isn't that obvious? Is this really just a case of mismatching of objectives and personalities? Is it that the sub man (?) is asking for direction as to how to please the f dom, but she'd much rather he guessed what she wanted? Or are there really sub men around who are so clueless..?

I'm just bemused by the idea of hopeless men (?) wandering around lost without women to whip them into shape... Just wondering... because I evidently have no experience of this...

~ Elektra


Reading some of the profiles on here, you might think this is the case.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 10:31:26 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM

Just sitting here wondering if there really are people who "can't function" unless someone is telling them what to do all the time? And why would anyone have a relationship with them..? Isn't that obvious? Is this really just a case of mismatching of objectives and personalities? Is it that the sub man (?) is asking for direction as to how to please the f dom, but she'd much rather he guessed what she wanted? Or are there really sub men around who are so clueless..?

I'm just bemused by the idea of hopeless men (?) wandering around lost without women to whip them into shape... Just wondering... because I evidently have no experience of this...

~ Elektra


I think one of the directions LA may have been coming from was this:

I have seen (albeit, female, and these experiences have been limited), slaves, that even ask for permission to go to the bathroom, and if told no, (and I have seen this ) quietly squirm until being allowed to. I am not saying this is wrong;hell, if it works for them, go for it. But, there ARE some relationships that ARE micromanaged, with specific lists when the dom/me is absent, accounting for every minute of the day, with no deviation expected. I personally do not like to micromanage, like LA and some of the others, I do not have the time or the inclination for it, and, since my preference is for motivated, self-starters(whether male or female), the need to micromanage defeats the purpose of preferring those types of people, IMO.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 10:33:07 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM
I'm just bemused by the idea of hopeless men (?) wandering around lost without women to whip them into shape... Just wondering... because I evidently have no experience of this...

Reading some of the profiles on here, you might think this is the case.


I think that the reason some project this image is because they think that dominants want blank slates and/or totally mouldable matter to work with. Often times it will work but then after the honeymoon period is over and reality sets in, that's when it often falls apart.

I would rather know limits, boundaries, non-negotiables from someone before I get involved. I'll decide right then and there if I can deal with those.

In my view, a strong man who has an idea of where he wants to go will be in a better position to give me devotion then a guy who is clueless.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 10:34:55 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I personally do not like to micromanage, like LA and some of the others


Funny how we haven't heard from many micromanagers! I know you are out there... Come out, come out wherever you are!!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to kc692)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 10:52:59 AM   
subbgary


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline 		I agree 100%. A sub should want a Mistress not need one.

gary

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 10:59:40 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		OK....I've been lurking here for a while but felt it is finally time to post on this subject. I'm a very strong, opinionated 49 y.o. woman with a successful career who had never had anything to do with this lifestyle until January. Then I finally met more than my match in a very strong man who "knew" me almost immediately. He has been teaching me what a submissive is. I have willingly entered into a power exchange with him and have been delighting in the freedom and love that I have gotten in return. When I ask him quite honestly if he thinks that my "power" gets in the way, he lovingly tells me that it means more to him that someone with a "backbone" and who is "opinionated" would relinquish their power to him than one who has none. He is touched and awed in some ways that I do submit so easily to him. And yet, we still feel free to argue about politics and other subjects in our vanilla states. Power finds its level. A more powerful and independent sub needs the most powerful dominants. I don't think I could submit to anything less.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 11:23:23 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbgary

I agree 100%. A sub should want a Mistress not need one.

gary


I disagree.
I see a huge difference between needing a dom and being needy. I need to eat, to sleep, to drink - and I need to be Owned. But I am not needy for chocolate, or alchohol or to be lazy - because these things don't have much benefit. But I defintately need a dominant to move forward - even if not to complete me.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to subbgary)
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RE: The powerful and independent submissive - now there... - 9/4/2005 12:11:57 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I like my submissive partners to able bodied humans who essentially could function without my control but who thoroughly get off on me superimposing my control.

I don't feel I've got the ability to superimpose my control over anyone, though it is a kick when someone accepts it. That is probably a minor difference in outlook toward a statement I otherwise agree with.

I've been wondering why this is; if we can assume there is a range of personalities from powerful and independent to meek and passive, then it for me I find the powerful and independent types to be more entertaining and stimulating. Perhaps too they can be seen as more of a challenge and therefore submission is more rewarding. As for micromanaging -- I'm just too lazy for that.

So basically, I'm mainly interested in folks who are stimulating and entertaining so I first look for gals with those qualities; submission is optional.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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