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Ryugen -> Bad for Personal Development? (1/31/2008 10:02:18 AM)
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Now here's where I ruffle a few feathers again. Not meaning to upset anyone, and I truely mean that. If this post agrivates you then I appologise, but I am posting this here because I think the CM community is a bunch of intelligent, thoughtful, and open minded people. Therefore I find it to be the best place for any questions intellectual or verging on the intellectual.
Myself and my mother had a talk yesterday about submission and what s-types get out of it. A bit of background for you all, she knows I'm into the lifestyle and identify as a Dom. She's heavily against it, but she always seems to come up with very good arguments about her point of view. Which makes defending my life choices very interesting, as I love intellectual debate. Now, I realise that what each s-type gets out of submitting to another is different, but there ae soem common things that cause them joy. Ultimately it's the very act of submitting to another and I guess the level of trust there-in. However, the things we discussed were more practical reasons for submission.
Such reasons we discussed were the abdication of responsibility (for both one's self, and ones actions), what kind of events lead to someone being involved in a BDSM lifestyle, a few different things different subs give up to their Tops, and some real-world situations where it might be desireable for even her to submit to a Master and have Him take charge instead. Despite our debate, I am still a firm believer that SSC BDSM is a legitimate lifestyle choice.
So I'll pose the conclusion of my debate with her to you, despite my arguments I couldn't quite win against her anyway. I guess her having over twice as many years as me makes her a sure winner anyway [:D] Submitting to another or becoming responsible for another is ultimately stunting and detrimental to personal developement. I know, sad that I couldn't win the debate against her, but she's very good. Although in hindsight there are a few things I could have bought up in the debate, pity I don't have an equally powerful foresight.
I can understand how being involved in a BDSM lifestyle can be detrimental to personal development of those under the age of 30, as I'm told you don't really fully gain a sense of self until around that age (not told by her, I think I read it somewhere). I can also understand that it's important for someone to learn how to fend for themselves and be accountable for their own actions. Especially considering the fact that when a BDSM relationship falls apart, just like a vanilla relationship, all involved have to pick up the pieces and get on with their own lives. I do believe that in some circumstances people are left worse-off in the way of their own personal development in a BDSM relationship, although I think that would mainly be when it's a young couple which go to the point of the Master taking complete responsibility for their slave when niether of them has learned how to do such things as save for a rainy day, assessing risks, etc. All those basics people usually learn after highschool or during (and sometimes after) University.
I also think that the majority of people involved in SSC BDSM are smart, intelligent, openminded people. Ultimately I think these people have a better chance of surviving the fallout of a relationship breakup than those of the vanilla orientation. Although one has to take into account that there's a level of commitment beyond a simple vanilla relationship when we're talking about a BDSM lifestyle relationship. Having said that, I've also come across a lot of depressed s-types who have talked in their posts about their Master or Dom being the only one that prevents them from cutting themselves. Now that's worrying considering that some of those relationships may end. Where will that leave the sub? More depressed and without the lifeskills to cope with their depression on their own? Admittedly, getting through depression is a hell of a lot easier when you have people who care about you. However does submitting in a BDSM relationship prevent you from learning such things as how to deal with depression in productive ways?
I know a BDSM relationship can work, can be productive, constructive, educational, enlightening, fulfilling, and ultimately if their is a breakup then the ones involved can come out the other end with more useful lessons than they went into it with. However, that doesn't mean that it's the most common outcome from BDSM relationships.
So, if anyone has any thoughts, opinions, or useful ammunition for me to take as future debate material then I'd be very happy to hear it!
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