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ORIGINAL: LadyLolly

Actually, you should have it easier being a male het dom.  Societal norms are bias with the male (in reality even with 50/50 lip service) ultimately expected to be the dominant partner.

Debates are a good thing.  Healthy.  Help you to better examine and verbalize what is internal for you. Not a thing in the world wrong with loving and respecting a parent - even when you disagree. Debate and discussion are so much more productive than fighting or storming off. 

When my Alpha/spouse outted me to my folks, the main thing they looked at is as long as what transpires is between consenting adults, while they might not understand it, was OK.  In a D/s "relationship" rather than attempting to do 50/50 (and both sides working against each other to getr thier "fair" half) the parties have agreed to work in tandem with one party always having the responsibility for the final say-so.  Both desire this to be so. There is (ideally)  no infighting, subderfuge, passive-agressive gamesmanship to "win" undermining the best efforts of each.  Harmony rather than discord.  

When you were growing up, did your mother ever end a discussion/debate/argument with the parental trump card of  "because I said so"?  Did she, in an authority position as your parent, stiffle and criple your growth and development?  Or did she guide, nuture and teach you from the benefit of her own experience?
Did she demand you clean up your room, do your chores, not drink and drive her car - she "made" you do things to build character, develope skills and good habits (or tried to anyway). Hopefully not just because she could "boss" you, but because she loved you and wanted to help you become all that you could be by fulfilling her parental role as example,  guide and protector.

What does a s get from D/s?  Hopefully all of the above.  Some one that cares for them, wants the best for them, some one that gives them a good swift kick in the butt when they need it and holds them accountable.  Hopefully they get some one that inspires them, denies them self defeating excuses, protects and defends them from others and thier own mistakes.  
   
Perhaps appearing somewhat parental in execution,  ideally not to stunt but to nuture.  A role not much different than an employer, dean or any authority figure interested in mentoring and assisting another in personal fulfilment and growth, with the consentually given power and authority to help it along.  

(smile) good luck with the debates with your mom - she can still try to pull that because I said so trump card <G>.

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 Submitting to another is ultimately stunting and detrimental to personal developement. 

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ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

First face the fact that your mother is Dommeing you. Second your losing the debates because your sucking up to her.

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ORIGINAL: catize

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 Submitting to another is ultimately stunting and detrimental to personal developement. 

To be quite frank, I was a selfish person.  In most of my vanilla relationships I kept a running score card of whose ‘turn’ it was.  It didn’t matter if it was an intimate or platonic relationship; if the ‘score’ wasn’t even then I wouldn’t give another inch until <insert event> was reciprocated.  That was a rather myopic view and I can realize now how fucked up that was.
Submission has taught me to give without a balance sheet in my head.  It has generated a personal growth that has improved all aspects of my life.  Paradoxically, I have reaped greater rewards because I don’t focus on the debit side.
It is, admittedly, a work in progress. Instead of feeling stunted, however, I am stunned by the joy that envelopes me.  I am a better friend, a better lover, a better person
I believe I have found the real ‘me’ and I like her a lot!