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RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 8:44:05 PM

LivingForce

Posts: 7
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

Just so ya'll understand I consider myself to be a gentleman... My mother raised me to think that chivalry is not dead. For that notion I always hold doors. Say yes ma'am yes sir and such. I do have my way of being a complete prick to people but I think everyone does depending on the day time and place.

Now to my next question I guess. To all you people who say that the submissive is a reflection of their owner. How is that so? I mean when they are around me that is one thing they choose to submit to me and to please me as best they could. In doing so they may not think that general population deserves that same respect. To be honest I am inclined to think they don't deserve it either.

Its kinda like this to me. I put the effort into training my submissive. I took the time to work with her thru the good the bad and the ugly. You don't know her you haven't held her when she cried or kept her warm when she was sick. My care for her is deeper than yours will ever be. So because you don't like how she does something or reacts to you or because she is not the 'norm'
lifestyler.

How is that a reflection on me? I hope you don't take this the wrong way but it seems more of a reflection on you that you are not open minded to those around you.

Just so ya'll know I honestly am not trying to flame or troll or be rude to anyone I do want your opinions and enjoy reading what your thoughts are on this subject...

(in reply to subnstudent)

Post #: 61

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 8:55:07 PM

PrizedPosession

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

My mom used to say i was a reflection of the family

But to me when people say you are a reflection it is because that is who you associate to and with. Even if that person is their own individual they have friends who they get along with and must in some way have a way to relate to that person.
Personally i believe that you are your own person but you aren't a reflection of someone, maybe a dilluted sample if anything. But you do have to have something to base a relationship on and usually on some sort of personality trait.
Sorry if i make minimal sense i'm sleepy...
-bobcat

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(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 62

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 9:02:50 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Think of it like this, a completely vanilla situation... a husband and wife go to a party, the wife gets falling down drunk, embarrasses herself, etc. What do you think the others think of the HUSBAND? Do they pity him? Do they wonder why he doesn't pay more attention to her at parties and monitor her alcohol? Do they wonder why he didn't take her home when she went over the line? If this is a regular occurrence, and there are other less-than-desirable behaviors, do they wonder why he stays married to her at all?

There are lots of ways that the behavior of one person can reflect on the person they are with.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 63

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 9:20:24 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LivingForce

Around others that she doesn't know or only sees at certain times.. even around other Dominat/submissives I think she needs to be her own person and treat them how she feels they should be treated. Even if that way is harsh or rude or unrespectful by one standard or another shes my submissive shes not submissive or a slave to everyone around her... she needs to please me because I am her owner...

What are your thoughts on this?

I don't agree. When in a group setting with her Dominant, I strongly believe a submissive should be respectful to other Doms. If one of them says or does something she doesn't appreciate, I expect her to come tell me and I'll have a chat with the other Dom.

My .02 zlotys. Your milage may vary.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
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(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 64

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 9:34:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well to add to the pile here-

The trouble starts when we try to take our personal relationship orientation and try to suggest anything else be related to it. A persons personal relationship orientation just happens to be what type of relationship they find most fulfilling. That's it- the notion they should act or feel differently than anyone else in any other context is false and that's where the trouble starts.

Secondly, if you want to just be rude when you want and polite when you want, just say it. Couching it in dom or sub terms just gets annoying. It's not gentlemanly to arbitrarily apply good manners. We were at a concert tonight and of COURSE there were a gaggle of girls who talked through the whole darn thing- I wanted to just tell them they'd used up all their polite points and could no longer get upset when someone else "was rude" in public. But I didn't- mostly because that would have been rude to continue talking and I actually wanted to try and enjoy my experience.

So don't try to claim manners only when it suits you. Someone else lacking manners or respect is NEVER a reason to forget your own.

Finally, we are all a reflection of those we choose to be close to. It's just a fact of life.

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(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 65

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 9:36:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill
I don't agree. When in a group setting with her Dominant, I strongly believe a submissive should be respectful to other Doms. If one of them says or does something she doesn't appreciate, I expect her to come tell me and I'll have a chat with the other Dom.

My .02 zlotys. Your milage may vary.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

Why would you talk with the dom? The dom might completely agree with you. What if there is no other dom?

I love how people think doms wear blinking neon signs above their heads in public- it's not like you can or SHOULD assume anyone is anything. If someone came to me and said "Hey your sub said he wasn't cool with this" I'd just look at them blankly and tell them to run along and deal with it with him.

Again- when people presume something based on personal relationship orientation, it all goes bad.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 66

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 10:33:49 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

I offer politeness, I expect it in return. I give respect, I expect it in return. As my parents taught me "Do unto others as you would have them Do unto you".

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 67

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 11:14:07 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I expect mine to be civil and gracious, just as I demand of myself. If others choose to be rude and classless, I simply don't associate with them.

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 68

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 1/31/2008 11:48:15 PM

MsPleasure

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline

They should be themselves until I decide I want them to react differently.

(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 69

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 12:00:02 AM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

I'm expected to conduct myself in a manner that not only reflects my Sir, but who I actually am. Who I am is a thoughtful, kind, humorous and considerate human being. I'm no different when conversing with a stranger, I'm just me. Now, don't get me wrong, if someone is disrespectful towards me, I may take the high road and not say a word... or, if the hormones are raging

well then, I'm not responsible for my actions or the foul words that spew out.

girly (mean people suck)

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happily forever one

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 70

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 2:43:15 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

What I know is this: when I'm out either vanilla or lifestyle, my subs have always been kind and attentitive not only to myself, but to others as well. This is due to the types of relationships I have developed over the years, and associating myself with the kind of women I've called or collared as my submissive. It pleases me to no end when my submissive is paying me special attention and taking care of my needs or placing me as the center of her attention...but I also find a great amount of pleasure when she will also include those that I'm either having a conversation with, or interacting with generally. This may be just extending an offering for another drink or something, if she sees that their submissive (if they have one) is being there for her Master or Dom, then she'll use discretion as needed.

I like the idea that my submissive is caring and would not even think of disgrace to either herself or myself. I'm not a fan of sassy subs that brat out and smart-mouth their Dominants while in a public setting...it's tolerated if that's the way they wish to conduct themselves--not that there's nothing wrong with that! It's just not MY cup of tea. I will not tolerate it with my submissives though, and have never had to correct one due to that is not how they act around me..I don't like it and they know that. They also don't really have that trait in them in the forefront of their behavior. I don't encourage bad behavior and I don't need my submissive promoting this sort of behavior in order to do what? To 'drum up' some play afterwards? They KNOW that I'm ALREADY going to do that with extreme vigor afterwards, and to misbehave would only diminish that reward.

So my opinion is that submissives and slaves should be a reflection of their Dominants and Masters/Mistresses in that they represent their counterparts as an extention. Behave, be nice, and be something to be proud of around others...be it vanilla or BDSM.
span.jajahWrapper { font-size:1em; color:#B11196; text-decoration:underline; } a.jajahLink { color:#000000; text-decoration:none; } span.jajahInLink:hover { background-color:#B11196; }

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 71

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 7:14:44 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LivingForce

Now to my next question I guess. To all you people who say that the submissive is a reflection of their owner. How is that so? I mean when they are around me that is one thing they choose to submit to me and to please me as best they could. In doing so they may not think that general population deserves that same respect. To be honest I am inclined to think they don't deserve it either.

Its kinda like this to me. I put the effort into training my submissive. I took the time to work with her thru the good the bad and the ugly. You don't know her you haven't held her when she cried or kept her warm when she was sick. My care for her is deeper than yours will ever be. So because you don't like how she does something or reacts to you or because she is not the 'norm'
lifestyler.

How is that a reflection on me? I hope you don't take this the wrong way but it seems more of a reflection on you that you are not open minded to those around you.

Whether or not you want your submissive to be a reflection on you is frankly irrelevant.

Others will see her that way.

The same way they see you as a reflection of your family, your job, your friends, your city, your country -- and all of those a reflection upon you too.

That is the way human beings make necessary baseline judgments of others. If a person gets to know you more they will likely see you as an individual but until that happens you are going to be grouped in their mind. I loved my prejudice psychology class I took.

So you can understand that and work with the facts about how the human mind works or you can attempt to ignore it.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 2/1/2008 7:15:15 AM >

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(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 72

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 7:17:56 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think some of this theory goes back to the chat room style of D/s, where subs sashayed around with bells tinkling, asked permission to do everything except breathe, served drinks on pretend silver trays, etc. When they came out of the chat rooms and into real life situations and realized that this stuff is probably silly to try to do in most public places, they don't really know what TO do.

A kajira in training still can wear nice bells on her anckle ( and yes people do look lol)

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(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 73

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 7:38:01 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 74

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 8:50:08 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

I offer politeness, I expect it in return. I give respect, I expect it in return. As my parents taught me "Do unto others as you would have them Do unto you".

If all people would do this...it would be so much better. I am raised like that too

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 75

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 9:03:28 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

I offer politeness, I expect it in return. I give respect, I expect it in return. As my parents taught me "Do unto others as you would have them Do unto you".

Until they piss me off!

BadOne

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 76

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 9:11:29 AM

SoCurious2Feel

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I offer politeness, I expect it in return. I give respect, I expect it in return. As my parents taught me "Do unto others as you would have them Do unto you".

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterWilliam55

I offer politeness, I expect it in return. I give respect, I expect it in return. As my parents taught me "Do unto others as you would have them Do unto you".

I agree with this and don't think it has anything to do with being a submissive or a master. It's basic human kindness.

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Post #: 77

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 9:14:40 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LivingForce

I think like this... My submissive is my submissive. She needs to show respect around me because I am her owner. I have taken the time to train and mold her into the submissive I wish her to be. Around others that she doesn't know or only sees at certain times.. even around other Dominat/submissives I think she needs to be her own person and treat them how she feels they should be treated. Even if that way is harsh or rude or unrespectful by one standard or another shes my submissive shes not submissive or a slave to everyone around her... she needs to please me because I am her owner...

What are your thoughts on this?

i act the same way i act towards everyone. if you treat me with respect i'll treat you with respect, but i'm not going to let you walk all over me because i'm a submissive. i don't grovel, i don't use bizarre titles, i don't keep from making eye contact or any other protocol, unless Sir has expressed that i should or need to do so. and then i do it because those are His interests.

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(in reply to LivingForce)

Post #: 78

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 9:23:35 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LivingForce

Now to my next question I guess. To all you people who say that the submissive is a reflection of their owner. How is that so? I mean when they are around me that is one thing they choose to submit to me and to please me as best they could. In doing so they may not think that general population deserves that same respect. To be honest I am inclined to think they don't deserve it either.

i think it depends on the situation. if i were taking a dominant role and we went someplace vanilla like the grocery store then i would want him or her to keep from embarrassing me but beyond that they are their own person. if we were somewhere where our relationship could be more open and they did something that may raise eyebrows then yes i would be concerned simply because i wouldn't want to have to field other people's accusations, questions or concerns. though i think my reaction would be similar to yours: he/she is mine and not yours, and if you're that thin skinned then it would be best for us not to interact in the first place as i personally tend to run on the harsh/open to a fault side.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

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Post #: 79

RE: How should a sub act around others? - 2/1/2008 9:39:58 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

I don't agree. When in a group setting with her Dominant, I strongly believe a submissive should be respectful to other Doms. If one of them says or does something she doesn't appreciate, I expect her to come tell me and I'll have a chat with the other Dom.

I don't believe dominant people should be given extra deference merely because of how they self-identify. There is but one "dominant" in my slave's universe--ME. Everyone else stands on equal footing.

That being said, I expect my slave to be gracious and courteous to all, and especially to those few who are from time to time guests in my home.

_____________________________

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)

Post #: 80

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