quote:

Grab the good looking new arrivals before the competition and corrupt them first.  Same as you would at a BDSM club.  If a guy has been on collarme for months or years, there is probably good reason he is still supposedly single.   He has been checked out and passed over.  Or he just likes pretending to be available.  Or he plays around.  Something smells fishy.  Are all new arrivals a good catch?  Of course not.  But the ratio of "keepers" to duds is better amongst the new (and naive :-).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
If a guy has been on collarme for months or years, there is probably good reason he is still supposedly single.   He has been checked out and passed over.  Or he just likes pretending to be available.  Or he plays around.  Something smells fishy

At first I was a bit offended by by the statement quoted above, but then I remembered that I was "snatched up" early on for a period of time after joining CM.  To the best of my knowledge, I don't play around and I don't smell like fish either.

What occurred to me more than anything is that the same could be said of all the Dommes who have been on CM for more than a few months.  Some of us subs aren't going to give our submission to the first woman with a whip that comes along and says "come serve me" or especially the ones that say "on your knees worm!"  If it's not a match where compatibility of interests exists (both vanilla & BDSM) along with similar philosophies regarding the type of power exchange we'd both like to have, it's just not going to work for me.  It's probably no surprise, but just as Dommes have choices, so do subs.  I don't intend to jump into another relationship with the first Domme to come along that expresses an interest in me without her taking the time to genuinely get to know me as a person and a man before we ever get into discussing entering a power exchange.  

In part, my problem with the OP is that it implies subs are a commodity and that all are pretty much the same.  Trouble is, we're not all the same and you'll get in return from most of us that have have something to offer a woman, who tend to feel about things as I do, exactly what you take the time of yourself to invest in developing a relationship with me.  If you don't want a relationship with a sub, then I can understand why a Domme might just "stop".  Relationships of any kind take time and energy.  A Domme, just like a sub, has to do her part too!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dari
...I just don't get their particular fetish or interests, even if some of them match my own.

Sorry, but I don't quite get this attitude.  To me, there's lots of room for flexibility and I don't expect a perfect match.  I'd hate to pass up what might be a really great relationship because one or two kinks weren't exactly in sync.  I like to think of myself as being flexible and realistic, not rigid (well, not in this regard  ) or inflexible.  Until one talks with the other, and gets clarification on some of these things, they don't really know what they often mean or exactly how important they are to the other. 

Makes me wonder how many ships have passed in the night...

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dari
...I just don't get their particular fetish or interests, even if some of them match my own.

Sorry, but I don't quite get this attitude.  To me, there's lots of room for flexibility and I don't expect a perfect match.  I'd hate to pass up what might be a really great relationship because one or two kinks weren't exactly in sync.  I like to think of myself as being flexible and realistic, not rigid (well, not in this regard  ) or inflexible.  Until one talks with the other, and gets clarification on some of these things, they don't really know what they often mean or exactly how important they are to the other. 
 
Makes me wonder how many ships have passed in the night...
 
 - pixel

quote:

New Dommes might get "frenzy" and try to collect male and female subs like football cards.  But after a few years, most of us have tried the poly thing and realised that one stable, loving D/s relationship in the hand beats 10 potential partners in the bush.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
My intent was to demonstrate that most of U/us are  not commidities, as you have stated---that the human interaction is extremely important to us and just because we do WIITWD, doesn't change our basic human framework.

You're absolutely right Lady Hathor, it doesn't change our basic human framework.  At the end of the day, we're all still human beings who want to be loved, accepted and cherished for who and what we are on the inside, not just for our eye candy appeal (never been a problem for me) or what we can do for others.  My profile states: "If You want my submission, You'll need to allow me time to get to know You first... I think You'll find it's well worth the wait."  IMO, that statement goes both ways.

Unfortunately, it seems to me we live in a society where relationships, like most everything else, are viewed as disposable.  We live in a society of fast food restaurants, 24 hour convenience stores, Walmarts, instant ordering via the internet, home shopping, etc.; in essence, a society where instant gratification is something we're becoming accustomed to.  I can remember when stores closed at Noon on Saturdays if they were open at all, and everything was closed on Sundays.  Today's younger generation probably has no concept of what I'm talking about.  That was long before the days of home delivered pizza or the internet (all said showing my age/experience). 

It just seems to me that many approach this lifestyle almost from a backwards approach.  If my partner doesn't take the time to get to know me well enough to get inside my mind, how can they possibly know what buttons to push when we reach the point that we're enjoying doing other things together and are ready to establish a D/s dynamic and begin to "play"?  The answer in my opinion is that she can't!  Similarly, how can I know what will push her buttons?  To me, that's what makes it truly an exciting relationship!

quote:


However, there ARE tons that play 52 pickup--so My lesson here to both Dominants and submissives, is at the end of the day, if you want quality---be discerning--if you want a deck of cards--go buy one.

"52 Card Pick-up" was a suspensful movie, but a messy one too, just as the game is!

quote:


And from MsCfromMelbourne:
 

quote:

New Dommes might get "frenzy" and try to collect male and female subs like football cards.  But after a few years, most of us have tried the poly thing and realised that one stable, loving D/s relationship in the hand beats 10 potential partners in the bush.

Smiles. Yeah what she said.
 
I guess the lesson here to all, is be smart, be wary and take some time.  Many of us just don't play 52 pickup for a reason.

Ditto!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Hiya elan and pixel

LOL....I knew as soon as I hit the OK button that some "old timers" around here would be offended by the opinion that the quality of newcomers might (as a percentage) be better than the long term and still looking (male or female).....

.....of course there are exceptions and you two are good examples!

In that case, you're both forgiven and excused.  

quote:


So those hot torso shots might work, guys

Nah, if a woman doesn't want the real me, then I wouldn't want her anyway.  I don't expect perfection from her, so I'd hope she wouldn't expect it from me.  I've got my share of scars here and there which help make my body all the more interesting than those plain "hot torso shots", and mine looks pretty good for a guy who just turned 50 (have a couple of those shots in the saved file folder ready and waiting for the right woman to view).  

This may be the internet, but life is ultimately still about being realistic in terms of expectations regarding yourself and others.

quote:


Do we Mistresses have happy, long terms relationships?  Yes we do.  Are our consorts kinky, smart and handsome?  Yes they are (in our opinion - and whose else's counts when it comes to matters of the heart?). 

Exactly!  It's your opinion that counts in terms of what is attractive.  Beauty is relative to the beholder.  The more attractive I find a woman to be on the inside, the more beautiful she seems to become to me on the outside; sometimes to the exclusion of all others.  Some of the women whom I've met that appeared to be very attractive at first glance, upon talking with them, suddenly became very unattractive to me.

quote:


Do we stop looking when we find someone yummy?  Yes mostly....if we have been around a while.  New Dommes might get "frenzy" and try to collect male and female subs like football cards.  But after a few years, most of us have tried the poly thing and realised that one stable, loving D/s relationship in the hand beats 10 potential partners in the bush.

I'm glad to hear to you say that!  When happily involved, I become so oblivious to others that I tend to need to have them pointed out to me.  LOL!  If anything, I may notice an outfit or article of clothing another woman is wearing and comment how good it would look on my Mistress without really noticing anything else about the woman who was wearing it.  I just don't think in those terms anymore. 

My fantasies always involve my partner, not some celebrity or "star of the week".  But that's just me and the way I'm wired.  I can't speak for other submissive males.  It's that emotional connection that drives things for me.  Perhaps that's what happens with maturity and getting past the peak of the testosterone driven years...

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dari
...I just don't get their particular fetish or interests, even if some of them match my own.

Sorry, but I don't quite get this attitude. To me, there's lots of room for flexibility and I don't expect a perfect match. I'd hate to pass up what might be a really great relationship because one or two kinks weren't exactly in sync. I like to think of myself as being flexible and realistic, not rigid (well, not in this regard ) or inflexible. Until one talks with the other, and gets clarification on some of these things, they don't really know what they often mean or exactly how important they are to the other.

Makes me wonder how many ships have passed in the night...

- pixel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dari
...I just don't get their particular fetish or interests, even if some of them match my own.

Sorry, but I don't quite get this attitude.  To me, there's lots of room for flexibility and I don't expect a perfect match.  I'd hate to pass up what might be a really great relationship because one or two kinks weren't exactly in sync.  I like to think of myself as being flexible and realistic, not rigid (well, not in this regard  ) or inflexible.  Until one talks with the other, and gets clarification on some of these things, they don't really know what they often mean or exactly how important they are to the other. 
 
Makes me wonder how many ships have passed in the night...
 
 - pixel

I agree with Dari's thoughts.  I'm unwilling to compromise on a majority of what I want, and I will not allow someone else to compromise what they want.  I've a friend who, while we have many things in common, I'd never take on in an LTR because he seeks things that I have no interest in. I also could not let him seek that sort of thing out outside of my control because he'd be surrendering himself to someone other than me.   So, he'd never be fulfilled, and he'd not be truly happy.  That's not what I want in a partner, lover and submissive.

There may be kinks listed in my profile which I've listed as "likes" or "loves", but they may be things I could live without if everything else were right.  I'm also open to trying many new things which I've not experienced before and in fact desire to explore a number of things.  Thus, I feel as though I'm very flexible and not rigid in my expectations.  Just because something isn't on my list or is on mine, but not hers, doesn't mean we still wouldn't make a good match.  That was the point I was trying to make. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLolly

Ok. are we also assumiing we've also gotten past the
Mistress, I want to eat your poo
and
I will service your dogs too...
and
the laundry list of how they will "get off" by serving  - mostly  
      involving that lil pecker of thiers that they are still under the
      ilusion that we envy and cannot live without....
and
how they want to own thier very own dommie wommie, err want to be owned  by

Looks aren't all that.  Sure I admire a pretty face or a taunt tush as much as the next person - but dosen't mean I'm going to enjoy thier company once they open thier mouth......

There's terms to come to terms with.  Goals, objectives, needs, parameters to examine.  Character, sincerity, level of understanding to get comfortable with. All kinds of compatibility factors to consider. Are they likely to enhance my life with thier presence enough to offset the investment of time and effort on my part?  Will I and do I even want to be fulfilling thier particular needs and wants - really?  Are they trainable?  Passive agressive?  More about the "stuff"/kink than the D/s. Do they really understand what they are asking for - and just what they are liable to get?

Bottom line, are they really meeting my criteria and am I really able to fulfil thiers.

quote:

There are some things which I enjoy, but could live without, while there others which are very important to me. That was the context in which my post above was written. Things which I may enjoy, but aren't essential to my happiness, I'd readily forego for the right relationship. I wouldn't expect to seek them outside the relationship, nor would I expect my partner to give up a "deal breaker" in order to have a relationship with me. I think you interpreted my post a bit too literally.

There may be kinks listed in my profile which I've listed as "likes" or "loves", but they may be things I could live without if everything else were right. I'm also open to trying many new things which I've not experienced before and in fact desire to explore a number of things. Thus, I feel as though I'm very flexible and not rigid in my expectations. Just because something isn't on my list or is on mine, but not hers, doesn't mean we still wouldn't make a good match. That was the point I was trying to make.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I recently received an email from a VERY attractive submissive male.  He had the type of looks that generally make me want to throw him down and do all sorts of nasty, evil things to him.  What made me pause, however, was the email itself.  In it, he claimed to have read my profile not once, but twice to "make sure he didn't miss anything."  Yet, his email mentioned absolutely nothing about how he would fit into my life at all.  He wrote a lot of pretty words that meant nothing, and I suspect that same email has been sent to dozens of other dominant women.  It was that generic.  This is the type of approach that gets an immediate "Thanks, but no thanks," from me.  If a submissive can't take the time to tell me about himself and show me something that will give me an indication that he's actually interested in the life I share with the Kaptin, then I'm not wasting my time on him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

I do not understand the question either, but I do have an observation about internet dating

Grab the good looking new arrivals before the competition and corrupt them first.  Same as you would at a BDSM club. 

If a guy has been on collarme for months or years, there is probably good reason he is still supposedly single.   He has been checked out and passed over.  Or he just likes pretending to be available.  Or he plays around.  Something smells fishy

Are all new arrivals a good catch?  Of course not.  But the ratio of "keepers" to duds is better amongst the new (and naive )

Do I sound predatory? Yes.  What can I say - I have a good hearted, loyal and handsome sub so I must be doing something right

Although beauty is in the eye of the beholder.......

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dari

Alternately, if one of your kinks that you really, really like is one of my hard limits - you're not going to feel fulfilled either.  At least, not long-term.

To me, those are "deal breakers" and weren't at all part of what I was speaking of.  To me, there are certain things in which there would have to be some compatibility, and others where there's some flexibility.  It's not all a case of "black & white" as might be implicit when reading a person's profile.  Without talking to the other to discuss it, one would never know.  I'm only suggesting that perhaps some dismiss others without a 2nd glance who might be very compatible with them because they assume there's no flexibility in their kinks or other interests when that might not at all be the case.  YMMV.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan



I worry that my shelf-life is wasting away, and by the time I'm finally ready, I can finally give of myself in the way someone special deserves...The shiny new models will be out, and nobody will want that mangy old pup in the window anymore.