RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (Full Version)

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sweetwenchie -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 8:57:49 AM)

i did not neccessarily think the question was in regards to poly.  i am not poly at all, and took the question to refer more to her Dominant playing with another in a public play setting, perhaps i was wrong, it has been known to happen... often. [;)]   i can separate my Dominant playing with someone in a public setting, no actual penetrative sex from any jealous emotions.  Now if He were off playing with someone else privately... that is a whole different question in my mind, and an entirely different response.



sexyred1 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 8:58:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Many times playing with others and being poly isn't because the person isn't enough.
Some people are wired to be with and form intimate relationship with more than one person at the same time.  I just look at it as that's the way they are.  I'm not sure it's that much a reflection on their partner not meeting their needs as it is that they just enjoy many partners in their life.

argh typo



Oh, of course I know all that, but as I said, I am just commenting that for me, that would never work and I would never consider it.



kittyinpink -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 11:17:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

i did not neccessarily think the question was in regards to poly.  i am not poly at all, and took the question to refer more to her Dominant playing with another in a public play setting, perhaps i was wrong, it has been known to happen... often.


You're right sweetwenchie.  My question had nothing to do with poly.  The situations I'm speaking of are play, with absoluetely no sexual contact, and are in a public dungeon.  He does not do private sessisons with other people. 

I'm beginning to think that once we've been together longer I'll be more comfortable with it.  Also, last time we weren't officially a couple, and now we are.  That might help to reassure me that I'm still his even if he plays with someone else.  He said he's willing to do "damage control" with me after he plays with other people so I can find out what kinds of the scenes of his I can handle watching.



littleone35 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 11:28:06 AM)

This would never happen because Master promised i would be the only one he plays with.  It not that i am insecure i am very secure in our relationship, but if he plays with anyone i want it to be me.

Matt's littleone



littlebitxxx -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 11:48:06 AM)

I have no problem watching him play with others, either in public or private.  Just as I am fine with having him watch me being played.  It's another tool of learning about each other as well.  I get to watch him in motion, technique, imagination and see her reaction.  He gets to see what I like and how I react to certain things.  We can discuss it afterward and get our own really good scene going of stuff we'd like to try together.

If we're in public, we leave together and the others go their way.  If it's in private, the other one goes home.  At the end of the day, it is just me and my man....the way we want it.  I view playing casually as something akin to going for coffee with a friend.  No strings, no super huge emotional attachment...pretty much the interest stops when the flogger does.  Doesn't fit for everyone, but works for us.



AquaticSub -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 3:42:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink
He said he's willing to do "damage control" with me after he plays with other people so I can find out what kinds of the scenes of his I can handle watching.


Sounds like you've got a pretty good thing going. I hope it all works out. [:)]



hejira92 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 4:04:21 PM)

Great thread and what wonderful, well-thought out responses.
 
I understand everyone's pov, and everyone has been polite and respectful. <sigh.> If only every thread was like this...
 
My personal take is this:
I have never seen Him top anyone else. But I agree with so many here that it would be hot for all the reasons mentioned- watching His face as He acts, seeing the way His body moves, enjoying His enjoyment and plain old voyeurism watching another girl "get" it - so, I am definitely looking forward to it one day. I am way in the minority, however, in that I also think it would be hot to watch Him take it to the next level and actually have sex with another woman.
 
But then, I am a filthy pervert. [8|]



PainsPrincess -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 4:15:49 PM)

I have had the opportunity to play with many different subs in public settings, with my slave watching and even attending.  She understands that I am an extreme sadist and I understand that she is NOT an extreme masochist.  Therefore we do play together, but in order to get my thrills I play with those who are able to take much more pain than my slave.  This I view as respect for my slave as I do not force her to be used in a way that she is uncomfortable with.  Additionally, her being a switch, she has her boys and bois to play with and I will on occassion attend her.  We both understand the others needs and try to allow them to fulfill those needs.

Sir Pain



sweetwenchie -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 4:19:56 PM)

ahhhh, that makes your insecurity more understandable! If you were not an official couple you were not secure enough in your place in his heart.  Add that to being fairly new and it is a recipe for jealousy and insecurity.   Damage control would be ideal, and i imagine that as time goes on, and you become more and more comfortable with the relationship and His public play that the types of play you are able to watch will expand more than you realize today.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 4:20:51 PM)

Well you know, in my first relationship as an owned slave, seeing your master play with his live in slave the night you come down and NOT playing with you after not seeing him for two months and he's told you how much he misses playing with you and can't wait to do it...yeah that hurt like a mother fucker.

But really, it had nothing to do with the other woman or the play, it was really how disconnected we were and how often his words and actions did not connect.

For now, gosh, I throw him at as many women as I can :)  I get as much if not more thrill from that- seeing his reactions, knowing exactly what's going on in his mind, with the bonus that I get to sit and watch and be lazy.



Thorns82 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 6:27:06 PM)

I have never seen him play with someone else, but I think I might enjoy it, eventually.  I do not think he could watch someone else play with me, since he has a very protective streak.  Sexual play would be ok, but anything involving pain might cause that "MUST SMASH" instinct to kick in ^^;



julietsierra -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 6:33:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I am way in the minority, however, in that I also think it would be hot to watch Him take it to the next level and actually have sex with another woman.
 
But then, I am a filthy pervert. [8|]


pssst,... it IS hot to watch that!! But in deference to the OP, I didn't take it to that end in this thread. But oh man! it's hot.

juliet



givingin -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 6:39:35 PM)

To be honest, I don't deal with it.  There just isn't any way this will happen.  To me it's such an intimate experience and I think in some ways it would be more hurtful to me than him having sex with someone else.

I know that many don't have problems with it.  Just wanted everyone to know that it's not a given with D/s relationships and not something you have to deal with in order to be a submissive or slave.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 6:40:11 PM)

Well, I would rather be watching and even playing too then him doing it without me.



mbes -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 7:20:33 PM)

I don't want him to play with anyone else, but at least part of that is due to the fact that we don't get enough play time ourselves. If/when that changes, I expect I'll feel much differently.



sensiia -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 7:33:28 PM)

We discussed this topic this morning Sir and I.

I have no problem with Sir scening another as I would also be there watching, what a turn on it would be. He tends to play harder then I can handle at the moment why should he be denied his pleasure, I know who he will be using and loving afterwards :)



LPslittleclip -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 8:35:39 PM)

i like to watch my M'Lady play with others it gives me  a certain kind of satisfaction that this person might only experience this once i get to have it all the time. i am the one she has collared and is kept by her so for me it is a benefit to be able to observe from a different setting, it really helps to get me in the mindset for play myself. when M'Lady plays she is lost to the room and sees and hears only the scene  it is a thing of beauty to behold.
proudly collared by LadyPact



hejira92 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 9:07:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I am way in the minority, however, in that I also think it would be hot to watch Him take it to the next level and actually have sex with another woman.
 
But then, I am a filthy pervert. [8|]


pssst,... it IS hot to watch that!! But in deference to the OP, I didn't take it to that end in this thread. But oh man! it's hot.

juliet



I knew there was a reason I love you. Thanks for making me feel not so alone out here on the end of the bell curve.



HizBabyGirl -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/1/2008 11:47:02 PM)

You said it so well, I agree totally.



girlygurl -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 1:26:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

No sex involved, just when your Dom scenes with another sub.  I've tried to watch Him play with another sub one time at our local Dungeon, but ended up quietly leaving.  I'm new and right now I still see all play as an emotional connection, so it was hard for me to watch.

He said that it's alright and He will not play with others while I'm there again, but I know his former subs had no problems with Him sceneing with others, and I'd like to learn how to not get so emotional over it.



Kitty, IMO it's not uncommon to feel the way you did. Sir and I have been together for a little over a year now, and I can honestly say I'm OK with Him playing with others... the difference with us is, when I say "play" it does involve sex.

It wasn't always like this, the only person I was OK with was His exslave, the two of them were together when He and I met, so she was a part of the package. The thought of someone new was a completely different story. My heart dropped anytime we had "the talk" about Him playing with others. Things changed when I became secure in our relationship and that just takes time (at least for me). I know He loves me, and I know that anyone He plays with will not be a replacement, rather someone that brings my Sir pleasure.... and I for one loveeeee when my Sir is happy!

girly



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