RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (Full Version)

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breatheasone -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 1:41:10 AM)

FR~~
I love my Master, I know He loves me. I am secure in that love completely...I would hate seeing Him play or ANY thing else with another.... Of course I like to see Him happy...and I am fortunate enough to have a Master that is happy with His girl.(LOL, that would be ME)[:)]



trainedobedients -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 3:09:41 AM)

Not, I can't deal with that, especially since I believe that it involves a mental bond. It would break my heart and trust. Yes, I know people will read my profile and say what the f... she fucks with others. Yes, I always state I am the only whore in this relationship because he made me like that. I seek and need a faithfull Master and I hate to share what I find valuable, I rather lend you my car and that is my baby.



eyesopened -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 3:25:37 AM)

No sex involved i can't say i would be bothered in a public dungeon setting.  my Master has the capacity to be a cold, sadistic bastard so i know there would not be any emotional connection that could be detrimental to the relationship He and i share.  i might enjoy watching Him dish out more than i am currently able to handle.  It might be hot to see His power in action. 



FreeAgent -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 3:47:16 AM)

I think bear really said it best when he said:
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

Is is possible you could act as an assistant for your Dom when he is scening with another? That may help strengthen the bond you have with him and not feel jealous/neglected/uneasy or any other emotions which may be crossing your mind at that time.


Since it kinda turned you on, really make yourself apart of the scene.  In my first experience watching Him with another, I felt similar emotions to you because I really felt left out.  But, once I expressed that to Him, we began to find people to scene with us together and that really forged a way ahead for me.  Eventually I was able to let go of a lot of my unneeded insecurities. 

No matter what you do I wish you all the best!  If you ever need to talk you gotta new friend should you want one.  Going through jealousy alone sucks! 
[:)]



julietsierra -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 3:50:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I am way in the minority, however, in that I also think it would be hot to watch Him take it to the next level and actually have sex with another woman.
 
But then, I am a filthy pervert. [8|]


pssst,... it IS hot to watch that!! But in deference to the OP, I didn't take it to that end in this thread. But oh man! it's hot.

juliet



I knew there was a reason I love you. Thanks for making me feel not so alone out here on the end of the bell curve.


hey, being at the right end of the bell curve only means we're unique.

juliet



hejira92 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 7:23:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra


hey, being at the right end of the bell curve only means we're unique.

juliet


[sm=banana.gif]



ownedgirlie -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 9:24:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra


hey, being at the right end of the bell curve only means we're unique.

juliet



[sm=banana.gif]


Um...got room for another over there?  It took me awhile to reach this point, but now I can't wait for it. 



DesFIP -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 2:09:46 PM)

Don't push it. For now you can't handle it. If he's fine with you going into the other room and you are fine with him playing as long as you don't have to watch, then that's great. Once your relationship has lasted a lot longer, then you won't feel this same way. But your insecurity is natural simply because your relationship is so new.



laurell3 -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 2:18:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Does his interactions with others change how he interacts with you?  If not, then make sure that you do not evaluate your relationship with him based on his relationship with others.  Also do not compare yourself with the other people that he plays with.

When I watch him play with others, I get to watch the sadist.  When he plays with me, I get to experience the sadist, but not watch.  It is a different perspective on an aspect of him that I adore.  I especially liked it when he played another man.  He has no sexual attration to men, so the play was purely an exercise in sadism.  It was awesome and terrifying to watch.

Try to view this issue from different perspectives and then maybe you will find a way to resolve it.  I know for me, that the more security I gained in our relationship the easier it was to not fall into negative thinking that made watching a challenge.

Knight's Kyra


I think this is great advice.  The bolded part I think is something I would really like to see because it challenges my personal viewpoints about what "play" is for me and I'd really like to see a nonsexual interaction to learn as it's always puzzled me.  Oddly despite the fact it's clearly not sexual it turns me on to think of my partner merely sessioning with another person.  I'm not poly nor will I ever be but I also don't equate straight up sessioning or even one-time sex with interfering with my or my partner's feelings for each other.  (I'm not suggesting everyone should or can be this way, merely saying where I am).

OP it sounds like you have someone that is willing to consider how you feel and work with you on it, other than kyra's advice at looking at how you view it, I would add, keep talking to him, he's listening.



venusinblu -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 2:29:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I really admire those who can handle the sharing and watching deal. I personally could never do it nor would I want to.

I would not want to watch or want a partner of mine to play with anyone else, but me. If I am not stimulating enough of a companion either in or out of a scene, then he should not be with me and I should not be with him.

It is not about being insecure, it is about valuing myself and the relationship and keeping that special intimacy just between the two of us. Otherwise, why would there be an US if others are needed?

But then again, I don't believe or understand poly.


I have to say that this is how I feel about it too - I just couldn't handle it ... I admire those who can.  For some inexplicable reason I also couldn't respond to him if I knew he'd been aroused by some some other sub in a scene. If I don't arouse him, I don't want the passion some other woman has inflamed in him. 



quick -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 10:20:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I really admire those who can handle the sharing and watching deal. I personally could never do it nor would I want to.

I would not want to watch or want a partner of mine to play with anyone else, but me. If I am not stimulating enough of a companion either in or out of a scene, then he should not be with me and I should not be with him.

It is not about being insecure, it is about valuing myself and the relationship and keeping that special intimacy just between the two of us. Otherwise, why would there be an US if others are needed?

But then again, I don't believe or understand poly.


I agree with you, sexyred. I have no desire to participate in something like that, and doing so would be decidedly lacking in pleasure for me. Any dominant I am involved with will know that from the outset.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/2/2008 11:12:35 PM)

I'm not the OP but I want to thank everyone for their responses- it opens my eyes so much to the "other side" of what people experience.

Watching my partner play with someone else or having him talk about playing that night has a profound effect on me.  An ex used to say he loved it because he couldn't talk about it with his other partners at the time because they got uncomfortable about it- while I craved more and more.

But as much as I love knowing what happened, and get a total high knowing they had that experience, totally vibing on their energy from the scene, and blissed out on being together again- it's never PERSONAL.  In that, whatever relationship they had or whatever they did, it really has nothing to do with ME or with US.

I guess it helps that we are open poly- and by that I seriously mean we can do anything, anywhere, with anyone.  Common manners are expected- call if you're going to be late or deviate from the plan you said, don't cancel predetermined dates unless it's something special, etc.  But seriously, he could call me tonight and tell me he met this super hot chick at a bar and did some high kink stuff he's never done with me and I'd only be upset that I couldn't want myself and couldn't wait to hear more about it later.

Perhaps it's because I am poly and a switch- my relationships are extremely compartmentalized in that each dynamic I set up and grow into is its own song in itself.  And yet, I balance and blend them together in great harmony.  What he does with someone has nothing to do with me, what I do with someone has nothing to do with him or us- except that it's who we are and we celebrate that.

Thanks to this thread, the next time someone says "I don't understand how you can do that"  I'll be better able to understand why.



serisa -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/5/2008 6:16:47 AM)

jelous.  some may say this is wrong, or that i am being immature.  perhaps this is true but i can only be honest and admit what i know deep down i would feel inside.  i know i would act ok if actually faced with it and had no choice as i would not want to be an embaressment to anyone and make a fuss but given the choice i would prefer not to be forced to experience these feelings in the first place.  i would wish to be the one with Him

i think i would like to watch others play if He was not participating Himself



Zechriel -> RE: How do you deal with your Dom playing with another Sub? (2/5/2008 7:39:26 PM)

Well, this thread hit too close to home as I am SOOOO jealous of Master. He gave me the choice though to either know or not know whn he was going to play with someone. And by play, it is sex and just that sex with no D/s, as he says "just a romp". Of course I would want to know as my mind can always imagine the worst. So he said he would tell me. And my fear is that he will replace me or add another slave. So in telling Master my fear and in him recognizing it, he knows that I am not ready for that scenario and will not confront me with it until I am more secure in my role. But it takes major communication, all the time.

But let us be honest here. All Dom/mes are not alike and "perfect". Just b/c we desire them does not everyone else does, or even the majority. Like I cannot believe that Master had such a hard time finding a slave b/c he is gentle and kind and not cruel. I would think that every slave would want a Master like that but alas-not. And I am finding that out. I kept saying, "I think you can have your pick of any woman out there." And finally he said, "If you keep making crazy statements like that I will be forced to give you an assignment and bear in mind-you will not like it." I was shocked and said, "I am not ready for that." And he said, "I know you are not but if you insist, I shall make you find me a woman to f**k, not to keep though. Then you shall see how picky I truly am." Needless to say, I learned that night to keep my mouth shut about how easy the "picking" or "sceneing" process can be.

Maybe when the time comes I will be more ready to watch, to help even as some have said here. But for now I am not and out of respect for me, Master puts it aside, delays it, does not talk about it, however you want to say it. I know that I cannnot have Master 24/7-he is way too bachelor-ish and picky-and I have children to raise. But that does not stop the hurt or the jealousy does it? Time, reassurance that he cares for me in the D/s way, and communication about it will get me there eventually. Oh yes, and reading, reading , reading threads like this help. :) Good luck darling!
Love you all,
Zechriel
  Master's slave angel



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