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Silence - 2/1/2008 10:08:56 AM   
sHHedonist


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline 		All due respect to A/all.  My question is one that has perplexed me for awhile now. 

I respond to an email sent to me after reading the email and looking at the profile so obviously He/She has seen something that was found appealing enough to respond to me ... with me so far? 

We email back and forth a few or so times and decide to move it to IMing (and this has happened to me three times now out of a (trillion emails, exaggerated of course) as there really has to be some compatibility seen prior to moving it forward, correct)?!  We meet for IMing and His/Her answers are one sentence, non-correct puncuation, not even bothering to take the time to write as if it were in email or at least He/She had been writing in email AND because the conversations would basically sit with nothing happening i begin to ask questions and again the one sentence, lack of punctuation, etc.,  and so after a period of time, depending on how much work i have to put into the conversation, i just politely tell Him/Her this is not going to happen and bid them adieu, end of story.
Please, WTH!  What is this?  Why is this?  This is a Master?  A master of what?  If He/She cannot hold a conversation, initiate a conversation, direct a conversation, what the hell!  Is it my karma?  It is not that i am picking willy nilly some guy/girl but PLEASE! 
If first step is email, next step is IMing and from there ... well, i can't seem to get beyond there and so ... !  Are masters/mistresses more intimidated by a slave versus a submissive?   How does a master/mistress expect to building a foundation in which to move forward?
i know this might be a form of written suicide in CM since the last post i made here was never taken seriously and was hijacked for others' fun ... no problem as i didn't take it personally.
All i ask is if you have nothing positive, productive or constructive to say regarding this, please take it elsewhere.  That's all. Thank you A/all very much.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:11:51 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		passive agressive response to feeling pushed perhaps?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:16:33 AM   
MollyTroubletail


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it's you, the same thing happens to me and every other sub I've talked to. If there was something very compelling about the emails, but the person just happens to suck at speed-typing, then maybe a phone call instead of an IM session would do the trick. Some people spend a lot of time thinking out their replies in email and spell checking, and don't do very well at writing otherwise.

More commonly, though, the person you met was just lazy and not very interested. I would come out and point-blank ask them whether their slow and short replies meant they weren't interested, at least giving them a chance to tell you if they are dyslexic or they're trying to type around their kids screaming, or whatever. If pointing out that you're frustrated by their lame responses doesn't cure it, then I'd say you definitely wouldn't want to meet them anyhow, so no big loss there; that's why you're taking it slow in the first place, to weed them out, and it's working.

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:18:24 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I take it that you dont have a flame retardant suit on. I dont know how to give a passive agressive responce.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:20:26 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		If they aren't interesting to talk to, why talk to them? I've talked to a lot of people and if they don't interest me I just move on. Out of the billions of people in this world, I probably only find a small fraction of them compatible and interesting to me. You have the same problem. Just keep being yourself and eventually someone will come along that meets your expectations and standards.

(in reply to MollyTroubletail)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:24:54 AM   
fasn8nsub


Posts: 78
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		If this has only happened three times out of a trillion, i would say that these three were just messing with you and not serious about much more than exchanging a few emails.  Whose idea was it to move to IM?  Yours?  or theirs?  If it was yours, maybe they didn't really want to, and that was their *polite* way of discontinuing the correspondence.  If it was their idea to move to IM, then i find the lack of interest a bit odd.  If it happens again, you could try asking why they wanted you to move it to IM if they had nothing to say.  i've never had this problem, but then again, i don't IM much.  Someone really has to strike a chord with me to get an IM or email addy... if not a chord, they'd better be striking something else (like my funny bone), or nothing moves forward.  i don't think it has anything to do with being slave or submissive.  It's a personality thang.  Try to start out light and amusing with IMs to keep the interest level high.  Too serious, too fast is a turn off for some... including me.  Don't give up just because of a few.  Change tactics and move on.... and have fun with it all. :)

Good luck!

~slavebitch


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~Mae West

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:34:35 AM   
sHHedonist


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline 		Thank Y/you all.  Great things to think about!  The frustrating part is while emailing is the first step and was with these 3 people in particular, we had great rapport through the emails!  I mean true connections in so many ways and then CRASH!  They decide to move it to IMing and my thoughts are, 'Wow, we connected so well in email and so YES, i'm ready to move it forward", like they are.  And what the h***!!  IMing is just dead and i'm in no way shy and at that point excited that we both found so much mutuality to move it to the next step and then it's just dead.  If he/she cannot hold a conversation, dictate a conversation ... i'm hurt, disappointed, sad, and confused.  Thank Y/you all for your input, suggestions and opinions ... it had made me see things that i had not seen as a possiblity.  One thing missing then is the lack of honesty on the part of the master/mistress if they have initiated the IMing and are slow at writing or need more time to collect their thoughts ... ??? 

Are we not working toward the same thing... building a foundation!!
Thanks again E/everyone... i speak from pain right now.

(in reply to fasn8nsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:40:03 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

Please, WTH!  What is this?  Why is this?  This is a Master?  A master of what?  If He/She cannot hold a conversation, initiate a conversation, direct a conversation, what the hell!  Is it my karma?


Hi sHHedonist,
Speaking as someone who does not respond immediately to emails I get, I have to say that most times when I check email, I am rushing out the door to get to school. There could be a hundred different reasons why a Master does not answer his emails right away. Let me ask you this: If he immediately replied to all of your emails, would you then be exasperated by his eagerness? Would you think "What kind of Master is this who has no life, that he could answer my emails with such pitiful eagerness?"
 
I am baffled by your questions. You are assuming that his silence is his way of backing off and not wanting you. I should think that he would come right out and say it rather than play a stupid game. But, what if you are wrong? Maybe he is thinking about what he wants to write? Maybe he is seeing how patient you are? Maybe it is his own test to see what you will do.
 
Who knows? He does.
 
I would suggest you just wait it out and if he no longer talks to you, chalk it up as yet another bad experience and move on to the next one.
 
I wish you well.

_____________________________





(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:47:33 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		hmm.  if i'd had that attitude, i'd not be with Daddy.  *smiles*  ( just re-read this and it sounds as though i was scolding...i wasnt.  i was laughing at myself...)

i adore him....he types a bit slowly, he uses all sorts of shortcuts in writing, and he frequently mis-spells things.  yep, that makes me a bit nuts.  however, he's honest, he's sincere, he pursued me quite diligently, and i'd say saved my sanity.

sometimes IM communication goes well.  sometimes it doesnt.  sometimes we lose what the person is trying to say because we dont have the visual clues of body language, or the auditory clues of inflection and tone.

kitten, thoughtfully

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 10:48:11 AM   
sHHedonist


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline 		Mistress OF GA,
You, ma'am have misunderstood my post.
I am not referring to their reactions/responses to emails.

sHHe

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 11:14:20 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Let me see if I have this straight. You were in their email circle or so you thought. You are not in their IM circle. Now you are confused as to what thier lack of interest means. How does NOT INTERESTED sound.

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 11:16:42 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Let me see if I have this straight. You were in their email circle or so you thought. You are not in their IM circle. Now you are confused as to what thier lack of interest means. How does NOT INTERESTED sound.

Bingo

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 11:23:21 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sHHedonist

Thank Y/you all.  Great things to think about!  The frustrating part is while emailing is the first step and was with these 3 people in particular, we had great rapport through the emails!  I mean true connections in so many ways and then CRASH!  They decide to move it to IMing and my thoughts are, 'Wow, we connected so well in email and so YES, i'm ready to move it forward", like they are.  And what the h***!!  IMing is just dead and i'm in no way shy and at that point excited that we both found so much mutuality to move it to the next step and then it's just dead.  If he/she cannot hold a conversation, dictate a conversation ... i'm hurt, disappointed, sad, and confused.  Thank Y/you all for your input, suggestions and opinions ... it had made me see things that i had not seen as a possiblity.  One thing missing then is the lack of honesty on the part of the master/mistress if they have initiated the IMing and are slow at writing or need more time to collect their thoughts ... ??? 

Are we not working toward the same thing... building a foundation!!
Thanks again E/everyone... i speak from pain right now.


Can you say unrealistic expectations... a true connection from swapping a few emails!  Come on.  Are you really that desperate that you feel a emotional connection from some email.  Maybe you should wait until the first seconds of a phone call before you decide to spend the rest of your life with them.  Just a thought

BadOne

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 11:28:33 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		I'm stuck on the mention of lack of proper sentence structure and punctuation in an IM, that means I can never IM again.

I am one of those people that cannot stare at an IM screen and do nothing else, it can bite me in the ass when i start reading something on a board and get distracted from the IM conversation.  I also tend to try to get my thoughts out as quickly as possible so that the person on the otherside isn't waiting forever while I type, this means that I neglect all proper writing rules, drop non-essential words, punctuation and grammar.

Cnversation tends to naturally ebb and flow, sometimes I answer with a one or two word response and sometimes I have alot to say in rebuttal to the other person.  But I abhore questions fired at me in quick succession, if one has to play 20 questions then I wonder at your conversation ability, and if you ask and ask and ask without divulging any information of your own I question the give and take of the interaction.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 12:00:39 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sHHedonist

Mistress OF GA,
You, ma'am have misunderstood my post.
I am not referring to their reactions/responses to emails.

sHHe


Then I shall read it again. My apologies if I have misunderstood your entire post.

_____________________________





(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 12:03:45 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sHHedonist

Thank Y/you all.  Great things to think about!  The frustrating part is while emailing is the first step and was with these 3 people in particular, we had great rapport through the emails!  I mean true connections in so many ways and then CRASH! 


Keep in mind that e-mail is not as immediate as IM. It is easy to come across as interesting and intelligent if you have a few hours as opposed to having to be brilliant and engaging off-the-cuff. The people you hooked up with may be good at (a) stealing others' thoughts and words and using them in e-mail, or (b) good enough at percolating ideas and sentences when they have time to sound interesting.

Also, in e-mail, you have this person's full attention for that amount of time (assuming they are not cutting and pasting). In IM, you never know how many conversations are going on and what number you pulled out of the ticketron.

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 12:13:26 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

I respond to an email sent to me after reading the email and looking at the profile so obviously He/She has seen something that was found appealing enough to respond to me ... with me so far? 

Yep
quote:

 We email back and forth a few or so times and decide to move it to IMing (and this has happened to me three times now out of a (trillion emails, exaggerated of course) as there really has to be some compatibility seen prior to moving it forward, correct)?! 

Not necessarily. Many times I have given the boy a chance to impress me in Yahoo chat. Sometimes it may surprise you how impressed you can be if open to another form of communication.
quote:

We meet for IMing and His/Her answers are one sentence, non-correct puncuation, not even bothering to take the time to write as if it were in email or at least He/She had been writing in email AND because the conversations would basically sit with nothing happening i begin to ask questions and again the one sentence, lack of punctuation, etc.,  and so after a period of time, depending on how much work i have to put into the conversation, i just politely tell Him/Her this is not going to happen and bid them adieu, end of story.

I have found that when this happens, the one that I am trying to chat with is either one of two things:
In a chat-room
Can't respond because their wife/husband walked in and they had to minimize the screen or click out of the chat box.
quote:

Please, WTH!  What is this?  Why is this?  This is a Master?  A master of what?  If He/She cannot hold a conversation, initiate a conversation, direct a conversation, what the hell!  Is it my karma?  It is not that i am picking willy nilly some guy/girl but PLEASE! 
Well gee, you determine whether a man is a Master by his lack of conversation in a chat box? Maybe he is not a Master of conversation, but I think you are being very critical about him.
quote:

 If first step is email, next step is IMing and from there ... well, i can't seem to get beyond there and so ... !  Are masters/mistresses more intimidated by a slave versus a submissive?   How does a master/mistress expect to building a foundation in which to move forward?
As a Mistress, I do not get intimidated by a submissive or a slave. I would expect to build a foundation on trust and communication. The fact that he is doing neither may suggest that he is not interested in you OR he is married (Writing emails is a lot easier to hide than an open chat window). Either way, there are red flags here and I would suggest you pay attention to them.
 
Again, I wish  you well.
 



_____________________________





(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 12:42:18 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My spelling sucks, something you'd notice in live chat if you haven't figured it out reading my posts. I'm dyslexic, too. So, some might not the the worlds best in IM. They might also not be much of a conversationalist...or they might have 10 windows open at once and you're the 10th on the totem pole.

In the end, what matters is that they're not a match. Move on. As you do, start looking at the common traits, both positive and negative, these people have. If you want a different results, start with different conditions.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 12:43:34 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~
People actually use punctuation much in IMs? Hmmm who knew?! i guess i kinda suck in those cause i am more interested in the content of the conversation than being the punctation police (though i do love the little outfit that comes with it )....


i don't think i'd use that as a way to judge something/one....though your other points are quite valid, as far as not keeping up their end of the talk or not being able to take the lead.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Silence - 2/1/2008 1:16:15 PM   
venusinblu


Posts: 165
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		I think the person on the other end of the IM could not possibly be compatitible with you - you require communication as a part of your relationship, (as do I) and the person you were IMing doesn't appear to require that.  The other person may indeed be interested but be unable to express it in instantaneous conversation - albeit electronic.  Perhaps you need to find someone who matches your need for the to and fro of discussion.  

_____________________________

Louis: Do you think I would let them harm you?
Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

When the going gets tough, the tough get under the table . ... Edmund Blackadder

(in reply to sHHedonist)
Profile   Post #: 20
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