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Rover -> RE: Emotional Sadists (2/2/2008 6:00:19 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Veryleggyredhead
Emotional Sadists
This term describes a type of abuser who blends well and easily into the fabric of the lifestyle.
Why are emotional sadists all abusers? Are physical sadists all abusers? Don't you think this is an uninformed stereotype?
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He in a top role can appear, at least initially to be in sync with others in his or her role. Many of these pseudo tops are proficent at manipulating others to believe that they are on the level. The most dangerous among them are charming, charismatic, confident and very convincing in their portrayal of themselves as a genuine top.
Why aren't they "genuine" Tops? What makes them "pseudo-Tops"? Is that anything like triceritops? Are all sadists "pseudo-Tops" and not "genuine", or just the emotional sadists?
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The majority will seek out a bottom who is a distance way because their longterm objective, abusing a bottom emotionally will require that the bottom leave their own community and join the top in her or hers, limiting the bottom's support system.
And this is based upon what study? Is there any evidence to support this other than a fertile imagination? There very well may be, but it would be important to know about it in order to put this claim into context.
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This type of individual will (until they have gained a significant degree of control) appear to be loving, nurturing, protective, and everything we bottoms seek in a sane, safe, responsible, and caring top. The other shoe drops later, and drops hard.
There are plenty of emotional masochists out there who would be grateful to find an emotional sadist for a consensual relationship (just as physical sadists find consensual physical masochists). Why is it assumed that emotional sadists uniquely obtain partners via subterfuge and deceit?
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The emotional sadist will employ any number of strategies, and not just those I will list here, to undermine the bottoms self esteem and establish absolute contol, ie: projection, (they do something insensitive or cruel, then attack you when you attempt to address it) periodic and ongoing abandonment, continual critisism, attacks on the state of your mental stability (attempts to lead you to question whether you are perceiving reality accurately or are unbalanced), and questioning on a continuim your commitment to them.
Gee, now here is someone who personally dislikes emotional sadism passing judgment on it for the entirety of BDSM. You might as well have Jerry Falwell or the National Organization of Women pass judgment on physical sadism, and pawn it off here as if it objective. This is a well written article, proving that even well written articles can be full of crap.
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I have read here and elsewhere comments from both subs and slaves who avow that their top is always right and that they as a bottom have no choice or say so in how they are viewed or treated. Individuals with this mindset are an easy and ongoing targets for the emotional sadist.
I'm not aware of anyone that is "always right", but if their relationship isn't working for them then they always have the right to end it. Statements like this portray slaves/submissives as mindless, irresponsible automatons who must be protected from themselves and their own bad decisions.
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Am posting this here as this is an educational forum and I suspect there are bottoms who have encountered this type of abuser, who may well be able to add something of substance to my description here which will further educate a novice on alt and prevent him or her from falling prey to such an individual.
Ah, the predictable educational and protection disclaimer. What would we do if such learned minds were not out there protecting all the poor little subbie wubbies who are all just victims in waiting?
Where's the puke icon?
John
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