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mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 8:17:33 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

Just wondering if anyone else feels this same way...
i LOVE serving! However i'm having issues with play that contains pain. i anticipate it and want it but don't look forward to it, then it comes. i take it but HATE it while it's happening, in fact it makes me angry. i don't take my anger out on anyone but just angry in general. i want to lash out at whatever i'm leaning on or whatever i'm laying on. i want to take whatever tool is being used and break it! i also find that although i want to cry i'm having trouble letting it go. When it's over and the Dom is trying to talk to me i can't look Him in the eye for a short time, again not angry at Him. And then a short time passes and i feel good, physically feel good, powerful, and a lot less tense, and want to cuddle and be held. Is this a normal reaction? What the hell is going on with me?!?!?!

< Message edited by greenie -- 9/5/2005 8:18:47 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 8:52:48 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Its normal for you, and it's exactly what happens to me as well. I get angry, I get hateful, I can't stand that this person who just put me through that now wants to comfort me. The sadist usually has to order or force me to hold him and let the emotions subside until I can release and relax.

I like to say this "I love everything about pain play except the pain part"

Not all subs and slaves are masochists. We submit because of our desires for other things, we just don't take any direct pleasure from pain.

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 2

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 9:23:48 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

if i could go straight from the anticipation to the relief after it would be perfect! lol. i truly do love how free i feel after.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 9:30:44 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: greenie
if i could go straight from the anticipation to the relief after it would be perfect! lol. i truly do love how free i feel after.

No kidding!!! Luckily I've learned I can get my fix through things OTHER than pain...however pain play will always have its own intense brand...and you're right, sometimes I wish SO much that I were a masochist and could experience as they do.

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 4

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 9:33:05 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

We have a friend who swears like a truck driver when she plays. She will stomp and lash out with her feet. It's somewhat disconcerting to people that don't know her and how she plays. So, I do understand that.

My first Dominant was a wise man. I had no problem sexualizing some of the pain, and totally couldn't handle the others. He actually had me masturbate while we played and it helped me associate the pain with pleasure and made life much easier for me. So, maybe reward therapy would work?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 5

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 9:47:19 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

that has actually been an ongoing fantasy for me, to have both pain and sexual pleasure at the same time. i have made this known to Master but since we haven't had many opportunities for play it hasn't been explored yet, but i'm sure we will.
i'm the same way as your friend. i stomp, pound my fists, physically push with arms and elbows (almost broke the back of a chair from pushing so hard against it with my elbow), and CUSS UP A STORM. LOL i'm almost causing myself as much pain as the person with the tool!
i personally think that this reaction is from such a large amount of anger i store inside me due to stresses, anger that i have trouble letting out in healthy ways. i think this because afterwards i feel all this relaxation and peacefulness. i'm not sure if i want to give this up actually. i'm so tense, stressed, and on edge much of the time that i am craving this outlet now. Is it possible to sometimes have the the anger outlet pain and at others have the sexually intense pain, keeping them seperate?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 10:03:51 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
So, maybe reward therapy would work?

A lot of people can be trained to enjoy and transfer pain/endorphins into a specific pleasure rush.

I can't or at least I can't after 7 years in relationships with sadists who love hurting me and actively trying several periods. I just don't have that endorphin rush.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 10:19:49 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
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i get an adrenaline rush like you wouldn't believe! muscles quaking, energized, mind crystal clear. i always knew that i loved a good adrenaline rush just from my past experiences with all my tattoos and piercings...the same thing there. i anticipated each of them in a good way, hated when they were happening, and felt so damn good after. lol i'm an adrenaline junky.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 8

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 10:26:37 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: greenie

i get an adrenaline rush like you wouldn't believe! muscles quaking, energized, mind crystal clear. i always knew that i loved a good adrenaline rush just from my past experiences with all my tattoos and piercings...the same thing there. i anticipated each of them in a good way, hated when they were happening, and felt so damn good after. lol i'm an adrenaline junky.

I'm a total adrenaline junkie, I love fear play. Part of why pain is so intense for me is because I'm scared of it. But it's not an endorphin high, I get no direct feeling of pleasure from pain.

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 9

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/5/2005 10:31:46 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
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*sighs* me either....yet lol. i'm hoping to learn!

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 10

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 12:08:30 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I understand. I get that way occasionally. Usually I love pain, but sometimes I have this horrible reaction to it. Master hits me, my heart jumps up in my throat, and I literally see red for a minute. It's very very intense anger. It's some kind of kill or be killed animal instinct for me. It's very rare, but sometimes it happens. I recently told master about it, and now I have to tell it when it happens. I get to take a few minutes out to calm down, and I'm usually ready to jump right back in.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 11

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 3:33:17 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

i take it but HATE it while it's happening, in fact it makes me angry.

this slave feels the same way when in a vanilla restaurant and the waitress insists, throughout the entire dining experience, to get a response out of this slave when it is clear that Master is the one ordering. this slave sits there, smiles sweetly at her and looks at Master, but it really makes this slave angry.

quote:

Is this a normal reaction?

not sure what you mean by "normal". this slave is never angry at Master for giving her the opportunity to serve His sadistic desires. perhaps it helps that she is a masochist, in that she enjoys His infliction of pain....after Master has allowed a few orgasms, it is hard to be angry at anyone.

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 12

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 4:24:32 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I don't think there is a normal in this lifestyle that applies to everyone. I usually enjoy the pain that Master inflicts, but this past weekend, I couldn't handle it and I did experience anger. Not at Master, but at everything that I have ever been pissed at!! Don't focus too much on someone saying that your normal, because everyone is different.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 13

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 4:36:58 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greenie

Just wondering if anyone else feels this same way...
i LOVE serving! However i'm having issues with play that contains pain. i anticipate it and want it but don't look forward to it, then it comes. i take it but HATE it while it's happening, in fact it makes me angry. i don't take my anger out on anyone but just angry in general. i want to lash out at whatever i'm leaning on or whatever i'm laying on. i want to take whatever tool is being used and break it! i also find that although i want to cry i'm having trouble letting it go. When it's over and the Dom is trying to talk to me i can't look Him in the eye for a short time, again not angry at Him. And then a short time passes and i feel good, physically feel good, powerful, and a lot less tense, and want to cuddle and be held. Is this a normal reaction? What the hell is going on with me?!?!?!

Not every submissive is a masochist and even some mental masochists don't have bodies that agree with the mental outlook.

I can't really do better than some here have done in responding but I will suggest that you read the end of http://www.lovingdominant.org/1stScene.html It might give you some hints of how your master could proceed.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 14

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 6:10:56 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

mixed feelings?

yeah. i know. me too.
but the really good thing here is Mistress actually got me to cry finally.
i am not a pain puppy nor do i want pain but i got a chance to release...and it felt good,..despite embarrassment about crying as a man.

wolf

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 15

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 6:29:06 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I can only relate to the pain that I put myself through if I'm working out hard, as the expression goes..."no pain, no gain."

On a funny side bar, I was at a workshop where the the topic was sadism and a sadist was inflicting pain on his bottom, who did enjoy it and played with him on a regular basis. He was smacking her butt pretty good with a cane, when his hand slipped and he inadvertantly struck himself in the leg.
To hear and see a six foot, two inch, 250lb male sadist say "ouch, that hurt", was priceless!

I swear, for a minute I thought he was going to cry! He could give it, but not take it.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 16

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 6:31:19 AM

softysub

Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

Hi greenie

During play sessions, i tend to get very angry, but not at the Dom. I just want to kick Him, spit at Him (when not gagged).....i hate when that happens. I dont know why i am this way cause its truely a bad thing to do. Luckily, the Dom i have sessions with is very patient, well He does know me.......its probably my bratiness coming out, all the frustration of everyday life.

I just know that i get my ass redder

If someone has an idea or an explanation, i would be very happy

softysub

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 17

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 6:35:47 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

pain well part of my late Master play was pinn not so that i cried but a lite pain. Nipple clamps and some hair puling (which i love don't know why) thins like that. I am not into pain i am not a pain slut and sometimes i did get angry but got over it quickly.

littleone

(in reply to greenie)

Post #: 18

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 9:25:58 AM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

it's anger that i feel when i'm with the M/s couple that i play with on occassion but when the Master who is training me hurts me i cry like a big baby.
Thank you all for your responses!

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 19

RE: mixed feelings about pain - 9/6/2005 1:58:02 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

quote:

this slave is never angry at Master for giving her the opportunity to serve His sadistic desires. perhaps it helps that she is a masochist, in that she enjoys His infliction of pain....after Master has allowed a few orgasms, it is hard to be angry at anyone.

I'm like you, beth on this one. I get the endorphin rush of subspace, where my nervous system, my wires "cross" and the pain mixes in confusion with sexual arousal. I really go wild. After, my senses are sharp clear and I feel high.

Some pain I don't like but endure for a dominant's pleasure and control. I haven't felt angry.

BUT: I hate orgasm denial! With a passion! terrible punishment and a counter productive turnoff. Grrr

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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