One could get very jaded...

One could get very jaded... (Full Version)

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xxblushesxx -> One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:33:56 AM)
....very quickly just by reading the 'positive experiences' forum, and then reading the profiles of the people who have made those posts just a month or three later. Of course not every relationship will be (or should be) forever. And just because something doesn't last doesn't mean it wasn't of value to those who participated. But someone said something the other day, (I think it was Focus, but, I'm not entirely sure) about (and forgive my rough translation of what was so elegantly worded, please) how there seems to be a direct co-relation to those people who posts on these boards talking about their 'perfect' this or their 'soul mate' that, as to how quickly those relationships disintegrate. Yes, when we find someone who is different, and who feels 'right', we DO want to shout it to the world. It's an amazing feeling. But, how quickly and how hard the mighty do fall. It's hard enough to keep a vanilla relationship going. Even more difficult (yet rewarding, imo) to keep a kinky relationship with vanilla overtones running smoothly. Add to that the pressure that has been unwittingly applied by someone who believes (in less than 2 months, 4 months, or 6 months) that their relationship is so special, that they write about it ad-nauseum. There are no flaws, there are no cracks, it is perfect. What happens when that relationship shows it's first crack? Does that person write about that? Or do they write even more flowery prose to cover up the ugly crack? ~Christina (whose been guilty of the hearts and flowers once or twice as well....)

KatyLied -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:38:57 AM)
This may sound cynical, but I think that those who proclaim the loudest are trying to convince us and them that they are in a wonderful relationship. When I've been in a great relationship I've talked a little about it, mainly I've enjoyed it privately, because I don't want it to be a thing of public consumption. I may share good things with a few people. I think that people who gush constantly on the message board need to have public approval for what they do. Perhaps because they aren't getting that acknowledgement in their relationship.

crouchingtigress -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:40:47 AM)
becoming jaded is a choice....a choice that will lead to so much phyical and emotional misery that i can hardly believe any one would choose it...however all you have to do is read the posts in here for an hour or so to find that many folks do.

IrishMist -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:41:36 AM)
I do agree with you; though I would point out that relationships fizzle all the time; not just the kind that we witness here J It really comes down to the same ole mixture; compatibility and taking your time to get to know the person you are committing yourself to. Stop focusing on the fantasy and take stock of the reality. Stop being a princess/prince and accept responsibility for your own failings. Advice we see given time and time again; not only here, but in real life to people we know intimately; friends, family, acquaintances. As for the last part of what you said; I think that they start up a; new name and come back here to ask WHY their relationship is on the skids. I could be wrong, but that’s my feelings.

TysGalilah -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:48:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx ....very quickly just by reading the 'positive experiences' forum, and then reading the profiles of the people who have made those posts just a month or three later. Of course not every relationship will be (or should be) forever. And just because something doesn't last doesn't mean it wasn't of value to those who participated. But someone said something the other day, (I think it was Focus, but, I'm not entirely sure) about (and forgive my rough translation of what was so elegantly worded, please) how there seems to be a direct co-relation to those people who posts on these boards talking about their 'perfect' this or their 'soul mate' that, as to how quickly those relationships disintegrate. Yes, when we find someone who is different, and who feels 'right', we DO want to shout it to the world. It's an amazing feeling. But, how quickly and how hard the mighty do fall. It's hard enough to keep a vanilla relationship going. Even more difficult (yet rewarding, imo) to keep a kinky relationship with vanilla overtones running smoothly. Add to that the pressure that has been unwittingly applied by someone who believes (in less than 2 months, 4 months, or 6 months) that their relationship is so special, that they write about it ad-nauseum. There are no flaws, there are no cracks, it is perfect. What happens when that relationship shows it's first crack? Does that person write about that? Or do they write even more flowery prose to cover up the ugly crack? ~Christina (whose been guilty of the hearts and flowers once or twice as well....) You make a very good point. I, personally, do not have a perfect relationship. I am not perfect and so it couldn't be. I also feel that the "rougher times" are the ones that have made me grow and learn the best lessons. Also realizing that those that do claim perfection > are probably in for a rude awakening : ) Life : ) follows same pattern I think. Bringing the flaws or problems I feel at times, to these mssg boards is not one of my strong suits.. Sometimes, I wish I could. I have watched some honest heartfelt disclosures be treated like chub in a shark tank. This may be part of my hesitation. My main hesitation? I have this character defect> I tend to build a clock to tell someone what time it is. ( Tysons words and one we work on constantly ) . So it never feels quite "right" to put a situation OUT THERE without about 10 paragraphs of pre-problem set up info....NO ONE wants to hear that dribble and I realize that : ) So, hence, I listen alot and continue to work on my efforts to be more concise in my descriptions and dialogue : ) I appreciate everyone who shares their stories and I learn so much from others being willing to do that. I will get there : )

laurell3 -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:48:39 AM)
This is actually a good thread and I think we also see the mentaility often in the why can't I get a misstress and why isn't my slave submissive enough and many other unrealistic threads as well. The reality is the people here are just people like in other walk of life. They have limitations and flaws like everyone else. Unfortunately many people enter the lifestyle believing that a fantasy D or s will change them or their lives magically and don't stop to realize that not everything everyone says is true and not everyone that dons a label is necessarily the right person for them and the only person that changes you is you. I think anyone experiences glee (man you know you're aging when you use the word glee) at a new relationship and may want to shout it from the rooftops, but when someone continues to profess it's perfection and never really talks about themselves, I feel sorrow for them that they have no sense of self or ability to prosper because of their feelings about themselves rather than others.

xxblushesxx -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:49:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Stop being a princess/prince and accept responsibility for your own failings. I AM a princess, tyvm! As for the last part of what you said; I think that they start up a; new name and come back here to ask WHY their relationship is on the skids. I could be wrong, but that’s my feelings.[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

IrishMist -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:52:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist Stop being a princess/prince and accept responsibility for your own failings. *I AM a princess, tyvm!* As for the last part of what you said; I think that they start up a; new name and come back here to ask WHY their relationship is on the skids. I could be wrong, but that’s my feelings.[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif] EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK OOppss you are right. I am sorry [&o] You are a princess [:)] [&:]

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:58:11 AM)
Happiness should be taken whenever we can get it, and it should be shared. There is far too much negativity in the world. A perfect relationship to one, does not mean that it's a perfect relationship. it just means that it is perfect for them. My Prince Charming may be your worst nightmare and visa versa. The thing of it is that we should be happy for people that are happy and wish them well. Wether it's for a month or a lifetime. Not try to punish them for we think they have something we don't.

TracyTaken -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 7:59:45 AM)
Some people are in love with falling in love, so they do it over and over again. I have good vanilla friend who does that. When the honeymoon ends, the real work begins, and that's not so fun to talk about. Even harder if you've already painted a portrait of perfection.

beargonewild -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:02:02 AM)
~FR~ I think it is a common event for many who are in the beginnings of a D/s influenced relationship to always want to expound on the positive aspect and sometimes get too carried away. I do confess I have been in that boat a few times myself. I believe it's part of human nature to become blind sighted and thinking that this relationship is perfect, he or she is the greatest thing on earth and we tend to forget momentarily that we all have our flaws. I may be reaching here but I feel that most people will either ignore or gloss over those first signs of a crack in the dynamic. Some will quickly seek others for advice on what to do, some will run and some will take time and put effort into fixing what needs to be fixed. I know with my first foray into a M/s relationship, I jumped in without fully understanding what I was getting myself into. So naturally that failed, yet at the same time, I learned where I went wrong and hopefully won't make that same poor judgment next time. Personally I didn't feel a need to subject anyone to my sorrows and blather on and on over it! Even now, I will not go into any explanation of what happened, all I sate is we were not compatible enough.

Justme696 -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:02:45 AM)
agree , enjoy happiness when it is there. We can't look in the future if it will end or not. We, of course, hope happiness will never end. Sadly things in life always end..sooner or later. Enjoy it while it lasts :) (and it eassier to write about the good, then the bad for most people)

laurell3 -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:05:07 AM)
I'm a bit confused as this thead is actually about concern over those that jump into relationships and don't think and end up getting hurt, disappointed and jaded and how that is someone interpreted as not being happy for them. Should we be happy for them? Do you think we're jealous of them for setting themselves up for failure and eventually burning themselves out? I personally am concerned for people that constantly leap without looking assuming that because someone wears a D label they are good for them or even worse yet, safe. None of those comments imply jealousy or inappropriate emotion and the OP's point that unrealistic expectations will burn one out eventually is a very good one and one to learn from. How is that in any way jealous, angry or not being happy for someone where we should?

MadRabbit -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:05:22 AM)
This is one of the many reasons I do not talk about my current relationship or my past ones on these boards.

szobras -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:05:56 AM)
There are no flaws, there are no cracks, it is perfect. I am certain my relationship was 50% flawed and cracked when I entered into it. Anything less would be unlrealistic to me. "Practice does not make perfect, but perfect practice makes progress"~ Vinc Lambardi Those natural cracks and flaws have become opportunities for us together.

batshalom -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:08:20 AM)
Everybody loves the romance days. It's harder to enjoy the work. It's just the way it goes. Early-day love sickness can blind one to many things, including ultimate compatibility. I just sit back and smile and am glad for the good feelings that new romance brings - the world could use a larger dose of it. (I am rather cynical about such things these days - I'm old - but I am always happy for "the other guy.")

KatyLied -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 8:11:00 AM)
quote: Should we be happy for them? I'm not happy for people who jump from on dysfunctional relationship into the next. I feel sorry for them, but only briefly, because their behavior is what gets them into the sticky spot to begin with. I'm certainly not jealous of what they have.

MmeGigs -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 9:07:44 AM)
New Relationship Energy is an intoxicating thing, and like other intoxicating things can cause us to be irrational. For me, the first relationships I had with malesubs were pretty overwhelming. I finally found myself meeting fellows who I might actually want to be with long-term, so I got starry-eyed and started visualizing little vine-covered dungeons with picket fences… I’d tell someone, maybe lots of someones, that this might be the one. Then the NRE wore off, we’d discover we had significant disconnects or little in common, we’d go our separate ways, and I’d feel pretty silly for having gotten so carried away. I got lucky 8 years ago with the hubby – when the NRE wore off we found we were perfect for each other. We’ve talked about adding a third to our household but haven’t done much about it yet. It’s been a while since those first relationships, and I know I’ve gotten more picky and skeptical. A partner search can be a disheartening process. Mostly it’s first dates that go nowhere, which is almost better than when it takes a few dates to figure out it’s going nowhere. It took me a few years of serious looking before I met the hubby, and it took a lot of internal pep rallies and a bit of self-delusion to keep a positive attitude and continue putting myself out there during those years. I hope that when I’m ready to put some effort into the search for a new family member I’ll still have some of the starry-eyed irrationality that I had 10 years ago. I’m sure I’ll make a fool of myself a time or two along the way but if I’m not successful in my search it won’t be because I held back on the chance things wouldn’t work out.

fluffyswitch -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 9:29:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx ....very quickly just by reading the 'positive experiences' forum, and then reading the profiles of the people who have made those posts just a month or three later. Of course not every relationship will be (or should be) forever. And just because something doesn't last doesn't mean it wasn't of value to those who participated. But someone said something the other day, (I think it was Focus, but, I'm not entirely sure) about (and forgive my rough translation of what was so elegantly worded, please) how there seems to be a direct co-relation to those people who posts on these boards talking about their 'perfect' this or their 'soul mate' that, as to how quickly those relationships disintegrate. Yes, when we find someone who is different, and who feels 'right', we DO want to shout it to the world. It's an amazing feeling. But, how quickly and how hard the mighty do fall. It's hard enough to keep a vanilla relationship going. Even more difficult (yet rewarding, imo) to keep a kinky relationship with vanilla overtones running smoothly. Add to that the pressure that has been unwittingly applied by someone who believes (in less than 2 months, 4 months, or 6 months) that their relationship is so special, that they write about it ad-nauseum. There are no flaws, there are no cracks, it is perfect. What happens when that relationship shows it's first crack? Does that person write about that? Or do they write even more flowery prose to cover up the ugly crack? ~Christina (whose been guilty of the hearts and flowers once or twice as well....) well i haven't read the thread but i'm personally thinking about it from stuff i've read on other sites. i think it depends on the individual. some people talk about it like it's a given in every relationship, others will kick and scream, and others will attempt to gloss over it. i think it depends on how bad the crack is in the first place and how willing people are to talk. i mean i talk. about everything. to everyone. it's hard to get me to shut up. but i have friends that getting them to open up is like pulling teeth and keeping them from closing up again is even harder.

sexyred1 -> RE: One could get very jaded... (2/2/2008 9:40:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied This may sound cynical, but I think that those who proclaim the loudest are trying to convince us and them that they are in a wonderful relationship. When I've been in a great relationship I've talked a little about it, mainly I've enjoyed it privately, because I don't want it to be a thing of public consumption. I may share good things with a few people. I think that people who gush constantly on the message board need to have public approval for what they do. Perhaps because they aren't getting that acknowledgement in their relationship. I totally agree with Katy. And will add that many of those who proclaim loudest and most often, who think that everyone who speaks honestly is jealous of those relationships, is off base. Who would be anyone be jealous of a relationship of a stranger? We all have our own personal lives and relationships; just because we do not broadcast them and examine them publically under a microscope or shout about how blissful we are, does not mean we hate or or are jealous of anyone. That assumption that people who do not shout about how wonderful their relationships are or constantly ask how others feel about their relationships, might be bitter or angry or jealous, is really wishful thinking on the part of those thinking that. I, for one, am thrilled when someone truly is in a healthy, happy, productive and real life relationship.

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