RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update

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MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:17:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 So...in honor of this event, I pose these questions and I will share rhe answers with her: What was your first, real time experience like as a Domme learning the lifestyle? What did you learn from it? If you could have done anything differently that first time, what would it be? Apologies I could not find the original thread despite searching, so some of this might already be addressed. Faye, I respect you enormously, but this thread squicks me too. I am Second Generation kinky. Both my brothers and my father have a successful festishwear manufacturing business (which I have written about elsewhere). We all know in broad terms what we are and what our partners are. Having said that, D/s is a form of sexuality. Any discussion of my parent's (or brothers') sexuality totally squicks me. At your daughter's age, my mother tried to tell me funny stories about sticking things up my Dad's bum and I had to stop her. YUCK!!! She has also tried to have "girls talks" with me since about BDSM. I am old - and independent - enough to tell my Mum to shut up and mind her own business about my sex life. But is your daughter? 20 is an impressionable age when you still strive for Mum's approval. Faye, why does Mum wants her little girl to be the World's Best Dominatrix? What if she wanted her to be the World's Best Fuck? Would you teach her how to flirt then take her to a brothel keeper for "the sexual aspects of her training"? How is this "educational process" any different? As for my father? I do not want to know!!! I don't care of he's the best sub on the planet (PS: bet he is not!) or he could get me free training by the best pro-dommes in Australia. I want my sexual privacy and he wants his. Do your subs have the same rights? Is it appropriate for your daughter to also be deliberately exposed to your D/s partners' sexuality? IMO, this is in danger of being seen as covert incest. IMO it is not appropriate for parents to discuss their own sex life with their children or ask intrusive questions about the child's sexuality. I think it is completely inappropriate to try to shape the child's sexuality in one's own image. It fails to respect the child's most sacred boundaries - his or her right to have their own unique sexualiy unfold over time at his or her own pace. Before I respond to you...here is the original post: Like Mother, Like Daughter? Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:19:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TruthMan Then I will say it........this is wrong. This level of active involvement of a mother with her daughter's sexuality is unnatural, and in my view, sick. I am curious - where is the father of these young women? What is his assessement of this activity. truthman... her father is alive and well! Thank you very much! Involved too! Also a believer in living your own life. We talked about it, he trusts and respects my judgment and he also feels it's better for her to learn what I feel is appropriate from me and work with a mentor rather than leave it to chance out there. You know what they say about making assumptions don't you? Faye

fluffyswitch -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:26:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 have read all of the posts so far and will take the time to answer individually. First of all, I was remiss for not posting the link to the original thread. I posted this because there have been several that support me and have encouraged me with words of advice. It was the advice of one that answered the original post to find someone I respect and trust to mentor her, closer to her own age. I hadn't thought about that. ... Faye honestly it makes me sort of sad that we can't exchange sexual education between generations anymore if this is how we're going to be treated. i mean if it freaks you out fine. but i learned a lot from my mother without any serious trauma, and frankly, for most of human history if it wasn't your mother it was another wise woman teaching you this information. the only reason that the line of communication really shut down between me and my mom was the fact that i was queer. but i still call her with questions sometimes.

TribeTziyon -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:31:50 PM)
There seems to be a trend in alot of the 'fluff' or 'romance' and 'paranormal romance' genres in books now adays that have involved 'light BDSM' (lack of better term) in them. It seems to have caught on like wild-fire among the younger sets. I mean late teens and twenty-somethings. I am involved with a writer's group and I see it rearing it's head more so in the last year than ever before. It's almost like the flavor of the month, year... I always worry that what they write may lead them into situations they are unprepared for. A tangental thought on this matter is what if we were talking father/son here. Would that be somehow more acceptable to the masses.

fluffyswitch -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:33:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TribeTziyon A tangental thought on this matter is what if we were talking father/son here. Would that be somehow more acceptable to the masses. probably, for the simple fact that like it or not male sexuality has a long standing history of being priviledged.

ShaktiSama -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:37:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TruthMan Then I will say it........this is wrong. Oh, goody. I love male dominant participation on threads in the Mistress forum. They are always so positive, respectful, affirming and understanding. quote: This level of active involvement of a mother with her daughter's sexuality is unnatural, and in my view, sick. You're right. All women should learn about sex only from the man who rapes them on their wedding night. [:'(] And no girl should admire her mother, or want to be like her in any way. Much less have the desire to join the BDSM community as a female dominant and regard the woman who raised her as a bastion of safety and common sense. There are NO predators in this community who are going to try to sell an inexperienced twenty-year-old girl on some bullshit about how she "has to bottom before she can be a good top". There are no idiots and prima donnas who are going to get a new girl mixed up in crazy melodrama. And no girl just starting out in the world of D/S could possibly benefit by having an older woman who has loved and cared for her all her life helping her...to find friends and mentors to trust (people who will be held accountable, if nothing else), or to recommend books that might contain useful information or truth, etc. shakes her head I am amazed, truly, that people cannot see why this is a good thing. I have two daughters myself; I have always been the person they came to for truthful and frank information about sex. The same way they came to me when they needed to be taught how to use sanitary pads, or how to be fitted for a brassiere. This is just life, folks. Life happens, even to kinky people. Like Faye, I generally do not volunteer information or advice without being asked. I certainly never exposed my daughters directly to "lifestyle" sexuality when they were growing up. But I would never turn my child away if she asked for my help, especially in a situation, like D/S, that was potentially dangerous. And I would be appalled by any mother who did. If you know something your child needs to know--you tell them. If you're too overcome by prudery and shame to speak frankly and openly, at the very least you help them find the information they need safely. I don't know why this is so hard to accept.

sinclairtoy -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/2/2008 7:52:59 PM)
I don't get why this is such a disturbing topic for some people. No one seems all that bothered by daughters going to their mothers for The Sex Talk, why should this area be any different? I forget exactly how we got outed to each other, but my mum's a switch, and she knows I'm submissive. We frequently go to each other for tips, or to share particularly weird stories. Most mothers don't have any problem pulling out the 'You fucked up card.', and what better place to have that waiting than when initially learning about ones Dominant side? Although exchanging blow job techniques is probably overstepping some sort of bounds...

SweetDommes -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 4:11:16 AM)
I must admit that I'm a bit weirded out by the level of interaction as well. I would have welcomed a serious version of "the talk" from my mother instead of the rather pathetic one that I got - but to have me watch any sort of sexual interaction would have been an absolute no-no (and for most, BDSM is incredibly sexual ... so this comparison fits). There is a big difference between talking and supporting and offering advice, and giving private demos - that's the part that squicks me out. I think it's great that you are supportive, Faye, but think the actual teaching would be best done by someone else that you know and trust.

Jasmyn -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 6:38:08 AM)
Faye I hope your daughter has herself a fab 21st treat at the Mistress dinner :) quote: What was your first, real time experience like as a Domme learning the lifestyle? I was switching with my boyfriend about 8 or so years ago. We had met via BDSM a few months before so we spent a lot of time experiementing in play sense, but no d/s outside those scenes, until we decided try d/s for a week, tossing a coin to see who would be subbing to who. Yay for me I won and chose to be on top. We were in cities about an hour apart so we were able to make good use of emails and online chats during the week, culminating in my visiting him on the weekend. We spent a few hours going through a BDSM checklist together and from his responses and mine, I laid out some ground rules... ways he was to address me, that I would be setting daily tasks for him, slave positions I wanted him to learn, a mantra he was to recite when asked...luckily his flatmate worked late and we'd use this time when he was alone in the house each day on the phone to each other ... during these chats he had to be naked, in collar and cuffs ... his daily tasks would be anything from finding a particular coloured rope to ringing me at an allotted time or doing an internet search for a topic of my choice. Each morning he had to ring me and then check his email for his daily task and send a morning letter of devotion so I would have that to read when I got up. By the time the weekend rolled around he was amping. He was responding well to the structure and desperately panted for more. It was not until our second night together that we were able to totally immerse ourselves, with all the trappings of BDSM and I nearly came in my pants when I first put the collar about his throat real time... having him beg for it first ...explaining to him exactly what this collar means to me and by extension would mean to him ... that if he was not prepared to accept it on those terms and ultimately respect it because of those terms, then he best not beg for it. Asking him if he wanted it, if he really did want to be 'owned' by me, having him tell me how much he wanted to be 'owned', to be mine, etc ... By the time the collar was buckled about his neck he was floating and so was I. That moment had consumed my thoughts for a week, as they had his ... I don't think either of us really understood going into it just how powerfully symbolic that one act could be. My only props that night were the collar, a leash, wrist and ankle cuffs, and a blindfold ... he was never bound or tied ...so the cuffs really were surplus to requirements in the end, but putting them on him while inspecting 'my slave' to be, teeth, hair, bollocks, chest, arms, muscle tone etc ... helped to set the mood ... also the wearing of the cuffs had become ritualistic for him as he had had to wear them whenever he spoke to me on the phone in the week prior...thus wearing them was an extension of his servitude. The night was memorable and one I always remember fondly, the whole week was a trip in itself ... I had some great fem doms around me and books and read what I could and asked questions where I could and bounced ideas off my fem dom friends ...and it was all good and valuable info ... the night flowed ... I got into a stride ...putting myself on a pedastal ... quick to pull him up if he didn't address me as he should ... quick to praise him when he pleased me ... a lot of the night was spent with me spinning fantasies to him and having him act out certain parts ... he had a bi-side ... and in the 'community' he was seen to be the 'dominant' one of the two of us ... so I played on those to things ... talking him through a fantasy moment of fucking him in public ...then at a drop of a hat having him crawling around on all fours, while I lead him around on a leash, telling him we were at a play party, describing everyone in attendance ... pretending I was taking him from table to table..getting him to spread his legs or bend over, or open wide for inspection ...telling him maybe it wouldn't be me fucking him in public but one of these fine dominant men ...pulling and pushing him from reality to fanstasy ...over and over again ...till he didn't know what way was up and what way was down ... He ultimately called safeword and asked that we stop ... he was in la la land and deeply in subspace ... It was not until later the following day when we discussed him safewording, did I find out just how far under my spell he was ... as in a moment of clarity ..he imagined the unimaginable and realised in that moment had I told him to crawl across hot coals to his death because as his Mistress and he my collared sub, that would please me ... he would have done it ... even wanting me to ask it of him ... It had freaked him out just how readily he went under and it was a longtime before he asked me to dom him again. quote: What did you learn from it? I learned the power of symbolisms, rituals and words... and how vulnerable people are to them...and how much I love them for it. quote: If you could have done anything differently that first time, what would it be? Within that particular scene/week, I don't think I would have changed a thing ...

ladydaphne -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 7:42:38 AM)
I think you are doing the best thing

MissHarlet -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 7:49:37 AM)
I am not sure how I would have handled this situation other than to answer questions as they were asked.... I have always done that and I have two sons ... as a young mother I wasnt always sure I had the right answers and often had to ask a male friend lol. I commend you for doing what you think was best for your daughter, you know her better than anyone. I do know that I totally believe that young people need mentors and to be taught safety etc .. not just to learn it on their own at the risk of hurting themselves or others physically or emotionally. Good luck to both of you and I wish her the very best in her path into this wonderful way of life.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:03:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Shawn1066 I just had a thought as I was reading this, and a question... Would you have been just as proud and supportive of your daughter had she turned out to be a submissive? I assume the answer is yes, but I'm just interested to hear your side of things on that. DV's Fox My middle daughter went through a difficult struggle that I realized after the fact she told me she was gay. When she finally got the courage to tell me, all I said was, "Ok, I still love you, you are still who you are." She looked at me and said, "wow is that all you're going to say? I thought you would be upset or something." I told her that I would be one of the biggest hypocrites of the world if I preached acceptance and not judging others if I couldn't accept my own child. I told her that I suspected as much anyway because of some of the comments she would make. She was a freshman in high school at the time. Long story short as she grew older, she found that she was also attracted to men and now she has the best of both worlds. Here admission of being submissive was surprising as I said before and when we did talk about it, she said she feels more dominate with men and yet submissive with women. Of course that opened another topic of me helping enlighten my child. She was confused about that and yes, I did direct her to read and I talked to her about "switching". Was I proud of these admissions? Yes! I am because she knows and with guidence can accept herself without thinking negatively. Did I teach her how to be a good submissive... No! It is not my responsibility to train her to be a submissive because if she does enter into a D/s relationship it will be up to the person she is with to teach her how to be what she/he wants. What I did teach her is how not to be someone's doormat, how to have respect, what not to settle for, how to choose someone that will fit her, I encouraged her to know her limits, and make them known. This submissiveness is my nature and it has nothing to do with BDSM. It is who she is. She has not been in a BDSM relationship per se but when she is in a relationship she is passive with women and more dominate when dealing with men. I'm proud of the fact she did come to me and even though we have an open relationship with someone, there still may be times when people may worry whether or not there will still be acceptance once they openly discuss something. I honestly feel there is a certain strength in submissives that I admire. A great sense of self and the remarkable to trust their Mistress/Master is a beautiful thing. This is not saying she is submissive as it relates to BDSM but is bottom with women and top with men. To be totally honest, she has also taught me! It was because of her we attended Pride Week in D.C. and in Florida. Had I not been there to help her find answers, what kind of hellish life would she have had, struggling to understand herself? I give her rainbows! Some of you will no doubt know what I mean by that. She has a massive collection. And yes... I wore my tee-shirt that say "Proud mom of a Bi-Woman" when we marched in the parade. I hope that settles the "submissive" issue. Faye

MissHarlet -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:06:30 AM)
Sounds like you are a great mom .... I have talked to others that take pride if their child is Dominant and hate if they are submissive lol makes me wonder at their own insecurities ...

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:16:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Faye I hope your daughter has herself a fab 21st treat at the Mistress dinner :) Jasmyn, WOW!!!!!!!!! That was fantastic! You were prepared! I thank you so much for taking the time to share, in such detail, I might add! This is what I would want mine to experience in time. Thank you for your support in this matter. Now let me go get a tall, *cold* drink! Faye

Shawn1066 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:16:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 quote: ORIGINAL: Shawn1066 I just had a thought as I was reading this, and a question... Would you have been just as proud and supportive of your daughter had she turned out to be a submissive? I assume the answer is yes, but I'm just interested to hear your side of things on that. DV's Fox My middle daughter went through a difficult struggle that I realized after the fact she told me she was gay. When she finally got the courage to tell me, all I said was, "Ok, I still love you, you are still who you are." She looked at me and said, "wow is that all you're going to say? I thought you would be upset or something." I told her that I would be one of the biggest hypocrites of the world if I preached acceptance and not judging others if I couldn't accept my own child. I told her that I suspected as much anyway because of some of the comments she would make. She was a freshman in high school at the time. Long story short as she grew older, she found that she was also attracted to men and now she has the best of both worlds. Here admission of being submissive was surprising as I said before and when we did talk about it, she said she feels more dominate with men and yet submissive with women. Of course that opened another topic of me helping enlighten my child. She was confused about that and yes, I did direct her to read and I talked to her about "switching". Was I proud of these admissions? Yes! I am because she knows and with guidence can accept herself without thinking negatively. Did I teach her how to be a good submissive... No! It is not my responsibility to train her to be a submissive because if she does enter into a D/s relationship it will be up to the person she is with to teach her how to be what she/he wants. What I did teach her is how not to be someone's doormat, how to have respect, what not to settle for, how to choose someone that will fit her, I encouraged her to know her limits, and make them known. This submissiveness is my nature and it has nothing to do with BDSM. It is who she is. She has not been in a BDSM relationship per se but when she is in a relationship she is passive with women and more dominate when dealing with men. I'm proud of the fact she did come to me and even though we have an open relationship with someone, there still may be times when people may worry whether or not there will still be acceptance once they openly discuss something. I honestly feel there is a certain strength in submissives that I admire. A great sense of self and the remarkable to trust their Mistress/Master is a beautiful thing. This is not saying she is submissive as it relates to BDSM but is bottom with women and top with men. To be totally honest, she has also taught me! It was because of her we attended Pride Week in D.C. and in Florida. Had I not been there to help her find answers, what kind of hellish life would she have had, struggling to understand herself? I give her rainbows! Some of you will no doubt know what I mean by that. She has a massive collection. And yes... I wore my tee-shirt that say "Proud mom of a Bi-Woman" when we marched in the parade. I hope that settles the "submissive" issue. Faye Lovely answer. Thanks for your perspective. I think it's rather interesting. DV's Fox.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:24:41 AM)
fluffyswitch, My heart goes out to you for what you mom felt. That is the very reason I accept my children! Our children will do and say things we find unacceptable but to not accept who they are is why so many people feel rejection from others because they were rejected from those that loved them less when they revealed certain things about themselves. Thanks for your post. Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:35:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nats The process of learning who one is, their likes, dislikes, and what they have a passion for should be cherished, nurtured, and have experiences cultivated for enhancing it. I never saw the other thread, so I'm unsure why anyone would wonder why her reaction would be different if her daughter was submissive. It's the same as implying that those qualities which she cherishes in a mate would somehow be unacceptable for her in her daughter... and that makes no sense to me. Nats, I couldn't have said it better! Thank you! Faye

fluffyswitch -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:39:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 fluffyswitch, My heart goes out to you for what you mom felt. That is the very reason I accept my children! Our children will do and say things we find unacceptable but to not accept who they are is why so many people feel rejection from others because they were rejected from those that loved them less when they revealed certain things about themselves. Thanks for your post. Faye well we're getting there. it's just taking time. i literally think though that it was the single hardest thing i've had to do yet. but thanks.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:44:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AtlantaMistress No time to answer the questions posted by the OP - will try to get back to do so....but thought this would be the appropriate place to note that I have just gotten MY MOTHER into D/s - she is naturally dominant - I certainly came by it honestly. For a variety of reasons, I finally convinced her to set up a profile (LadySharon). She has seen me form relationships and become totally independant and extremely happy since I have embraced both the lifestyle and profession. She is overwhelmed at how much fun she had communicating with several subs who just want to take her shopping (mostly for shoes - all those heel whores - she's eating it up & LOVES shoes), and simply spend their time and effort to please her. She is going to start going out to clubs with me to see demos and learn how to play, and I am so tickled by the whole thing! I also have 2 daughters, and OP - I appreciate the post because it won't be long before these Goddesses to be are ready to start to learn - 10 years may seem long, but time flies when you are having fun, and my life is FUN!!![sm=biggrin.gif] Sandy, This is simply fantastic and with a twist. I can remember when Playgirl magazine came out. I was in the Army then and the guys would post their girlie pics up. Equal op here! I started posting my hunks on the wall and mysteriously the Playboy centerfolds became fewer and fewer. LOL... I would send my mom the pictures of her "type" and for Christmas I got her a subscription. I remember once she told me there were times she wished she had a harem of men locked in the basement and when she wanted one she would wear something sexy, go down to the basement, and pick the one she wanted! I never knew if she was in the lifestyle and never asked but I did feel close enough to talk to her about things AFTER I began my journey. I can remember her telling me to, "treat a man like he is the king of the castle but make DAMN sure he's treating you like a Queen!" I remember thinking and hoping I was be "as cool as my mom" when I had children. My mom passed away a year ago this past March and I regret that we didn't have a chance to experience what you and your mom has. Faye

Jasmyn -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:48:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Faye I hope your daughter has herself a fab 21st treat at the Mistress dinner :) Jasmyn, WOW!!!!!!!!! That was fantastic! You were prepared! I thank you so much for taking the time to share, in such detail, I might add! This is what I would want mine to experience in time. Thank you for your support in this matter. Now let me go get a tall, *cold* drink! Faye Don't forget the ice!

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