RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update

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MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 8:55:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 So...in honor of this event, I pose these questions and I will share rhe answers with her: What was your first, real time experience like as a Domme learning the lifestyle? What did you learn from it? If you could have done anything differently that first time, what would it be? 1) My first serious relationship was with a submissive woman, when I was 18 years old. Our relationship was relatively brief in the scheme of things, but very intense and playful during the time it lasted. 2) I learned various things from it, but I suppose the one thing I would pass on to a new dominant of either sex is how lucky you are to begin your journey with a level of self-awareness...and a community that has some system of ethics that you can adopt or reject as you see fit. Speaking for myself...I went through agonies with my first lover, trying to avoid being rough with her or leaving marks on her milky skin. I would feel dreadful guilt if I saw a bruise on her body, even though she bruised easily. It took me years to realize that for some submissives, bruises and marks are part of the pleasure--lingering souvenirs that help them remember a deeply satisfying and pleasurable experience. Similarly, I think you are lucky to consciously know what you are, and to be able to seek people who are your natural counterparts, with a full knowledge of things like "negotiation". My first submissive and I were not members of a larger community that could introduce these concepts to us--we just stumbled into our dynamic on our own. She usually didn't have any trouble getting her submissive needs met, although I was not ready to satisfy all of them. Once in a while, though, she would resort to terrible things to try and get me to play the way she wanted me to. I still remember kneeling over her chest on the bed, both of her wrists finally pinned, after she had refused to stop tormenting and bothering me while I was trying to sleep. I looked down into her eyes very gravely to say "I love you very much...but I do not like this game." She burst into tears--doubtless as much out of frustration as any other emotion, sadly. I had met some of the need she had, but not all of it, and she wasn't able to directly articulate that she had to be restrained and disciplined for relief. Instead she was driven to try and provoke me into real anger to elicit that exercise of power... If we had been better prepared, she might have been able to simply say what she needed. 3) I'm not sure I had the option to do things differently at the time, considering how poor my resources were. It would have been nice if there had been a supportive community and a loving, dominant mother to give me some idea of how to start. I know I would have found my own way--I found it without help, after all--but I think I would have evolved much faster as a dominant and a person if there had not been such a long struggle for acceptance, of both my own needs and those of my submissive partners. As it stands, you are going to have a big leg up on the girl I was at your age, and I am envious. But keep in mind, as you learn how to navigate and negotiate D/S relationships, that you will still constantly run into people out in the vanilla world who have D/S feelings...but no way to articulate, understand or negotiate them. Some of these people will probably be drawn to you and may even want to be involved with you, but please...try to be patient, understanding, and tolerant of their goofy behavior! They will not have the had the benefit of an experienced parent and a supportive community to help them understand that they are "dominant", "submissive", "switch", "masochistic", or whatever...and all they will know is that there is somehting wrong with the way they feel, because the outside world constantly tells them so. You may have to show a lot of compassion and understanding when they project their fears and doubts onto you, blame you for their sexuality, etc. But all I can say is this: you go, Baby Domme! I hope you find a lot of good things in the books you're reading, I hope you have a lot of fun, and I hope you fly higher, farther and faster, with fewer things to hold you down, than all the generations that came before. If we can put a little extra wind beneath those wings, I am happy. [:D] ShaktiSama, Thank you for your response and support in other posts! I am loving your response to Truthman! In fact I am going to share this whole exchange with some folks that I'm sure will enjoy it. Not to mention create debates. I'm very thankful for answering it the way you did. I was hoping to give my daughter a booklet of posts that others wrote about their experiences good or bad. I am grateful for the words you spoke directly to my daughter. I will be printing them and taking them to her today. I would really love to meet some of the ladies that post here because of their strength, openess, and most of all willingness to defend and challenge others and are not afraid to speak it without sugar coating it. Thank you! Faye

ShaktiSama -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 9:06:33 AM)
Any time, Mama Domme. [;)] I do like to meet and hang out with other female dominants when I can. Community is strength.

chivalrousknight -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 9:07:35 AM)
Great post once again.You already know my opinion about it, but one more time I want to give You my full support about Your decision to mentor her.Reading back all Your posts about the matter, I also wanted to add few thoughts:1. Your kids come first and are the most importan thing in Your life. You left the lifestyle to grow them in the best way for their future. I think You did it because You wanted them to develop their personal point of view about life in general, instead than growing up with a stereotype. I can tell this costed You a lot of sacrifices but I'm also sure You don't regret any of Your decisions about that. 2. Your kids trust You. It's wonderful to see such an open relationship between a mother and her creature. Kids are like an arrow thrown toward the future and You want them to be sane and safe always during their journey.3. You are an excellent mother. You have been very brave to make this decision and I'm sure You are making her the best gift she will ever receive. Your advices will take her away from many mistakes she would have surely done for lack of experience. Indeed You are a great Woman, Mistress and Mother. Don't ever forget that. CK _____________ Look around just people, can you hear their voice Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice. But if you're in the eye of storm Just think of the lonely dove The experience of survival is the key To the gravity of love.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 9:51:20 AM)
*This post is in response to MsCfromMelbourne.* *I'm going to reply to each of her statements in color so all can see my responses. I haven't figured out out to do the individual quote and then respond...* "Having said that, D/s is a form of sexuality. Any discussion of my parent's (or brothers') sexuality totally squicks me." Not all D/s relationships are sexually based. In fact, as we all know some are totally non-sexual. There are beautiful woman lead relationships that have NOTHING to do with BDSM "At your daughter's age, my mother tried to tell me funny stories about sticking things up my Dad's bum and I had to stop her. YUCK!!! " I respected my daughters far to much to even THINK about telling them about me sticking something up someone's bum! To me that was crossing the line. There aren't any specific details given about any of my activities. All sexual questions are directed to her mentor. What goes on between them is their business. I don't question either of them. "She has also tried to have "girls talks" with me since about BDSM. I am old - and independent - enough to tell my Mum to shut up and mind her own business about my sex life. But is your daughter? 20 is an impressionable age when you still strive for Mum's approval. " My daughters do not have to "strive" for my approval, they all ready have it! The fact your mother is still telling you things and you feel the need to tell her to shut up indicates to me she is the one forcing her will on you! That was not the case here. In fact I NEVER brought the subject up as you've obviously have and still are, my daughter came to me. "Faye, why does Mum wants her little girl to be the World's Best Dominatrix? What if she wanted her to be the World's Best Fuck? Would you teach her how to flirt then take her to a brothel keeper for "the sexual aspects of her training"? How is this "educational process" any different?" Now this is a downright crude statement! I didn't say I wanted her to be the best Dominatrix in the world... how would that be measured anyway. What I want for her is to be safe and sure of herself and to accept herself. I also want her to never harm another be it mentally or physically. I don't want her to guess at things or learn the wrong things at the wrong hands. Since I am not one to run from the rude and crude, I will say this to you. If that was something one seriously wanted, if it meant giving her the opportunity to learn and grow, yes I would. Also... if I were a "professional" be it as a pro-domme or "escort", or member of a brothel for that matter I would be offended by your tone. I know some wonderful woman that are more high class than most of the women I know and they are professionals. And guess what my dear.... if you're going to do something constructive.... what's wrong with wanting to do it to the best of your ability? "As for my father? I do not want to know!!! I don't care of he's the best sub on the planet (PS: bet he is not!) or he could get me free training by the best pro-dommes in Australia. I want my sexual privacy and he wants his. Do your subs have the same rights? Is it appropriate for your daughter to also be deliberately exposed to your D/s partners' sexuality? " My subs have rights! Always... and not once were they used as part of any activities. One is more than willing to help. The minor witness of discipline was to place him in the corner and talk to him until I could give my daughter my full attention. The end! She has not been deliberately exposed to anything sexual as I stated even before you posted this. Did you take the time to read it or refer to the original thread? "IMO, this is in danger of being seen as covert incest." Ouch! Covert incest? Define that please, the way you in your way of thinking mean it. So if a child happens to walk in on mom and dad in a sexually compromising position, the parents have covertly committed incest? Or does the intent make it covert incest in your book? "IMO it is not appropriate for parents to discuss their own sex life with their children or ask intrusive questions about the child's sexuality. I think it is completely inappropriate to try to shape the child's sexuality in one's own image. It fails to respect the child's most sacred boundaries - his or her right to have their own unique sexualiy unfold over time at his or her own pace." I agree with this statement 100% which is why I never did this. It appears to me you are voicing what was done to you and you still are dealing with it but are now at an age when you can tell you mom to can the conversation. For that, I feel for you. I never have and never will ask for intimate details. Remember...she came to me. I never went to her talking about the lifestyle nor giving play by play descriptions of what I do or don't do. Nor to I want to hear specifics about her sexuality but I will be here to answer questions for her. You seem so hurt by the way things were done with you. Let me ask you this... you say you are "second generation". Was it of your own will or because of the exposure and possible brainwashing your mother did as you were growing up? Faye

undergroundsea -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:01:26 AM)
I am glad to hear that things are going well and extend my best wishes to each of you. Cheers, Sea

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:06:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TribeTziyon I don't know that I could do this for a child of mine in the depth that you have. It certainly sounds as if it has been an enlightening journey for you both. It has been because I know more about her and am floored and honored that she saw fit to come and talk to me freely and openly. It also gave me the opportunity to see how she had matured into the young lady she is. I see "adult" depth in her. Not because of her choice but because of the rich conversations we've had sense. Thanks for your post. Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:07:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea I am glad to hear that things are going well and extend my best wishes to each of you. Cheers, Sea Thank you Sea! I was waiting to hear from you! Faye

Lashra -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:09:08 AM)
MistressFaye1, Congrats on your daughters wonderful achievements, she has accomplished what many of us wish we could have. I see nothing wrong with mentoring her in the lifestyle now that she is an adult and your keeping sex out of it. In fact to me it seems like your doing nothing more than passing the torch in a way. I've heard of male Doms doing this, I see nothing wrong with a Domme doing it. My own daughter is still a teen but already her boyfriend says that she is " the man" of the relationship[:D] Although I doubt she chooses the Domme path, you never know it could happen. I've taught her from a young age to be independent, open minded, free thinking and to love herself (as I do)no matter what her orientation(s) in life maybe. So congrats on your babyDomme and I wish you all the best. ~Lashra

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:18:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 have read all of the posts so far and will take the time to answer individually. First of all, I was remiss for not posting the link to the original thread. I posted this because there have been several that support me and have encouraged me with words of advice. It was the advice of one that answered the original post to find someone I respect and trust to mentor her, closer to her own age. I hadn't thought about that. ... Faye honestly it makes me sort of sad that we can't exchange sexual education between generations anymore if this is how we're going to be treated. i mean if it freaks you out fine. but i learned a lot from my mother without any serious trauma, and frankly, for most of human history if it wasn't your mother it was another wise woman teaching you this information. the only reason that the line of communication really shut down between me and my mom was the fact that i was queer. but i still call her with questions sometimes. I agree... it makes me sad too. So many young people get their education in the streets and have little ability to talk to their parents openly and honestly. I could get on my soap box here but won't. Thanks for your post. Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:32:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra MistressFaye1, Congrats on your daughters wonderful achievements, she has accomplished what many of us wish we could have. I see nothing wrong with mentoring her in the lifestyle now that she is an adult and your keeping sex out of it. In fact to me it seems like your doing nothing more than passing the torch in a way. I've heard of male Doms doing this, I see nothing wrong with a Domme doing it. My own daughter is still a teen but already her boyfriend says that she is " the man" of the relationship[:D] Although I doubt she chooses the Domme path, you never know it could happen. I've taught her from a young age to be independent, open minded, free thinking and to love herself (as I do)no matter what her orientation(s) in life maybe. So congrats on your babyDomme and I wish you all the best. ~Lashra Lashra, You, like so many others, are one that I looked forward to hearing from. Thank you for your support. Well said! Historically, not only do Doms train/teach their sons, it's a known fact that some men will take their "boys" and make them a man by taking them to a professional so he can become a man. It was looked upon as a rite of passage. Imagine the flack that would occur if a woman admitted she did the same for her daughter. I don't think this is done as much now as in the past. The younger generation is far more knowledgable and exposed to things via TV, music, videoes, than some of us ever were and it's getting worse. Maybe so many wouldn't get into so much trouble if parents took the time to really talk to them and truly listen to what's being said. Kudos to your daughter! This is the same way my daughter was! I noted that long before we had that talk. Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:41:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TribeTziyon There seems to be a trend in alot of the 'fluff' or 'romance' and 'paranormal romance' genres in books now adays that have involved 'light BDSM' (lack of better term) in them. It seems to have caught on like wild-fire among the younger sets. I mean late teens and twenty-somethings. I am involved with a writer's group and I see it rearing it's head more so in the last year than ever before. It's almost like the flavor of the month, year... I always worry that what they write may lead them into situations they are unprepared for. A tangental thought on this matter is what if we were talking father/son here. Would that be somehow more acceptable to the masses. TribeTziyon, Your post gave me some more insight. I knew there was a huge increase in young adults and teens being interested and dabbling with BDSM but I was unaware books are being written and have become so popular. Your other point is a great one to make! I also wonder if this were about a father/son would there be a difference in some of the responses. Thank you for your post! Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:50:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sinclairtoy I don't get why this is such a disturbing topic for some people. No one seems all that bothered by daughters going to their mothers for The Sex Talk, why should this area be any different? I forget exactly how we got outed to each other, but my mum's a switch, and she knows I'm submissive. We frequently go to each other for tips, or to share particularly weird stories. Most mothers don't have any problem pulling out the 'You fucked up card.', and what better place to have that waiting than when initially learning about ones Dominant side? Although exchanging blow job techniques is probably overstepping some sort of bounds... I agree! And I too think exchanging bj techniques is overstepping! lol Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:52:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes I must admit that I'm a bit weirded out by the level of interaction as well. I would have welcomed a serious version of "the talk" from my mother instead of the rather pathetic one that I got - but to have me watch any sort of sexual interaction would have been an absolute no-no (and for most, BDSM is incredibly sexual ... so this comparison fits). There is a big difference between talking and supporting and offering advice, and giving private demos - that's the part that squicks me out. I think it's great that you are supportive, Faye, but think the actual teaching would be best done by someone else that you know and trust. Someone else will be teaching actual techniques as she wishes to explore them. I provided reading materials, assignments, and heart to heart talks to be sure she was in the right place. Once that was established I engaged the help of another Domme I trust and one that is closer to her age. Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:55:38 AM)
Thank you Shawn...

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:57:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Faye I hope your daughter has herself a fab 21st treat at the Mistress dinner :) Jasmyn, WOW!!!!!!!!! That was fantastic! You were prepared! I thank you so much for taking the time to share, in such detail, I might add! This is what I would want mine to experience in time. Thank you for your support in this matter. Now let me go get a tall, *cold* drink! Faye Don't forget the ice! LOL... I didn't!

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 10:58:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch quote: ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1 fluffyswitch, My heart goes out to you for what you mom felt. That is the very reason I accept my children! Our children will do and say things we find unacceptable but to not accept who they are is why so many people feel rejection from others because they were rejected from those that loved them less when they revealed certain things about themselves. Thanks for your post. Faye well we're getting there. it's just taking time. i literally think though that it was the single hardest thing i've had to do yet. but thanks. You are quite welcome. I find at times, it is the parent that needs to grow up more than the child. Faye

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 11:01:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chivalrousknight Great post once again.You already know my opinion about it, but one more time I want to give You my full support about Your decision to mentor her.Reading back all Your posts about the matter, I also wanted to add few thoughts:1. Your kids come first and are the most importan thing in Your life. You left the lifestyle to grow them in the best way for their future. I think You did it because You wanted them to develop their personal point of view about life in general, instead than growing up with a stereotype. I can tell this costed You a lot of sacrifices but I'm also sure You don't regret any of Your decisions about that. 2. Your kids trust You. It's wonderful to see such an open relationship between a mother and her creature. Kids are like an arrow thrown toward the future and You want them to be sane and safe always during their journey.3. You are an excellent mother. You have been very brave to make this decision and I'm sure You are making her the best gift she will ever receive. Your advices will take her away from many mistakes she would have surely done for lack of experience. Indeed You are a great Woman, Mistress and Mother. Don't ever forget that. CK _____________ Look around just people, can you hear their voice Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice. But if you're in the eye of storm Just think of the lonely dove The experience of survival is the key To the gravity of love. ck, you know where my heart is... I thank you and love you all the more for putting these thoughts here. Soon... Faye

domiguy -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 11:12:00 AM)
It's gross. It crosses many boundaries that I think should be respected within the parent child relationship. It's gross. Now on the other hand if you know of any mother/daughter submissives that would like to "do" each other whilst in my service please pass their names along....Nothing disgusting about that. There really is something fairly disgusting about "it" as well...But it is so fucking twisted that it has distorted the line of sickness in such a violent manner that it has in itself become a thang of beauty.....All I know is that heaven awaits such a mother daughter team.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 11:29:55 AM)
One more post before I go to my "other" daughter's house for our annual Superbowl Party. Who by the way is not a domme per se but dominate in her household. I'm providing a link so that people can know and hopefully accept... not ALL dominate woman are into BDSM. Here is an interesting site to read more about female lead relationships/marriages. Venus on Top: http://www.venus-on-top.com/index.html Explore the site, it's worth reading! There's some information for men also! We know you guys love us! The other day I complemented my son-in-law about how well he did something and she (my daughter)replied, "I trained him well." We all laughed at that. Once I asked him how he felt being a stay at home dad. He said he, "lives to make and keep his family happy and it's all that matters. She (my daughter) has been able to follow her career and educational goals because I can hold it down at home and I love doing it." If only I had that kind of support when they were younger! He can and does put the foot down on some issues and so far I've secretly agreed with him. I say secretly because I do not get into their personal business but they both have come to me wanting to vent. I never give advice, unless asked and that advice is given without choosing sides. Have a great Superbowl Sunday! Go Pats!!!!!!!!! Faye

ShaktiSama -> RE: Like Mother Like Daughter Update (2/3/2008 5:43:56 PM)
Interesting website. I may have to buy the book to see what is being said. :)

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