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RE: hard limit - 2/9/2008 6:59:01 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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do you realise how lucky you are??? wow, he could have kept this from you and then sprung it on you when you got here....you have been given the gift of the red flag, you and your um now have all the information you need to decide; come here and live with a lier, or stay there get a new house and chalk up the lost money to a dodged bullet.

although i do agree with john, his actions are questionable, and he likely was looking to pull out, but he is a bitch-baby, and could not be honest about it.

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Post #: 81

RE: hard limit - 2/11/2008 3:40:32 PM

BDSMDSMS

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/11/2008
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Take it from a man. He gave you the answer by not giving you an answer. Sometimes you need to listen to what we are not saying.
If you feel something is wrong but still decide to relocate and even after 5 pages of good advice you can only fault yourself.
Think about your child first the c*ck in the states second.

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Post #: 82

RE: hard limit - 2/11/2008 4:57:47 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

do you realise how lucky you are??? wow, he could have kept this from you and then sprung it on you when you got here....you have been given the gift of the red flag, you and your um now have all the information you need to decide; come here and live with a lier, or stay there get a new house and chalk up the lost money to a dodged bullet.

although i do agree with john, his actions are questionable, and he likely was looking to pull out, but he is a bitch-baby, and could not be honest about it.

Ditto. Moving from one country to another is HUGE. With a UM much more so. Yes, at least you found out before the move. If you go ahead and move anyway you've accepted it You knew the answer for yourself on this as much as it sucks and what it has cost you is small compared to the big picture of going ahead.

The timing of his " changing his mind" on an agreed upon hard limit of monogomy really has the imagination going as to why and why now. It is extremely manipulative. The refusal to discuss is a tip off - he wants you come and without that hard limit or he'd rather you didn't. He may very well have another on the horizon or even have had one he's decided he wants to keep too. Bottom line, you may never know - but do you really care? What you do know for sure is how he has conducted himself and has shown himself to be untrustworty. If his idea of honor is telling you he will not respect the agreed to hard limit at the last possible moment that's something of concern too. Suppose it it better than none but still pretty shabby.

You have to look out for your own best interest - it's clear he won't.
Condolences and best wishes.

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Post #: 83

RE: hard limit - 2/11/2008 7:13:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sextoygirlNY

greetings magicone,

the question i would have is your hard limit is based on fear of the unknown, or damaging moral and ethical issues...

Example:
Hard Limit-"I do not have unprotected sex with HIV positive people"
vs
Hard Limit-"I do not do suspension"

Actually for some of us suspension is a medical issue. At least inverted suspension is. I suffer from vertigo and that would bring it on. There is no compromise on this. Hell, when I'm getting twinges of it, he can't even have me lie across the bed with my head hanging off because it will cause a full blown attack. Most people would laugh if you said you hard limited having your head hanging over the edge of the bed, except for those of us who have to.

Besides the op can't compromise. She's monogamous and he isn't. More importantly he didnt tell her about it until he thought it would be too late for her not to move. That's unethical.

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Post #: 84