Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

getting over or into something you don't care for


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> getting over or into something you don't care for Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:01:51 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		So this has crossed my mind on a few occasions and i was wondering if there are things that others do and have maybe had success with regarding learning to like or sexualize something that you don't like or aren't into.

my first example is that i really detest having someone go down on me, like can't stand it, especially girls but not only them. i just can't get into the whole thing.

i was made to do it this last summer at a swinger club. i had to just accept it while a couple went down on me and i couldn't stand it. Afterwards i started to try to make myself more into it by masturbating about the very thing i cant stand. Making it, in my mind, that i am just being an object for my Daddy and that is it (which was the lesson he wanted for me)........Fast forward>>>>>>>>> On my bday weekend a few weeks ago he allowed a girl to go down on me again.....this time i was able to find alot more pleasure in the act than i had the time before. Granted, it still isn't my cup of tea, and is more of a tease to me than something really enjoyable, but i felt internally different this time.

So that is one example of a semi success.

Now, recently my Daddy has made a home office upstairs...some mornings i wake up and he is up there with the door closed, as well as some other times.....Unfortunately for me, i was raised with closed doors not being allowed and the reasoning behind that was that "if the door is closed then you are doing something that you shouldn't be doing, or don't want others to see." (good concept maybe for UMs, not so practical in adult life).....His reason for closing the door is to mostly keep the kitties out and to just be working undisturbed....Still...due to my upbringing i generally have a very negative reaction to this...it just triggers me BADLY.

So i was contemplating asking him if i could somehow work out something to change my response to this by sexualizing it in some way....so that i can hopefully change my negative, natural response to this.

So has anyone done anything like this and had success with it? What did you try? If it didn't work why do you think it didn't?

Thanks in advance for your answers

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 2/4/2008 5:15:16 PM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:25:10 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		good luck with that cherry.....

what about trying to remember when one door closes another opens?
what about trying to support him by training the cats with water squirters?
what about working through your programming in a way that supports the relationship you are in now, and not the values of a relationship from your past?

i would not put the burden on him when you have to work through emotional triggers, it can be awfully draining.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:27:51 PM   
parttimehotty


Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		i hate it too, cherry, very much. When a man wanted to go down on me, i'd just wiggle away and start on him, acting like i was so hot that i couldn't keep my mouth off of him when in reality i just wanted him to stay the F away :(  When my longtime vanilla bf wanted to do it, i just went "away". i didn't know what to call it then..."out of body experience" but know i can call it my subspace. i'd focus on other things, things that made me buck w/enthusiasm.  He thought he was doing something.....i should have just been honest w/him and told him i don't like it, go anywhere else except there.

****Or were you asking about the closed door???******

< Message edited by parttimehotty -- 2/4/2008 5:29:24 PM >

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
http://www.chkittyclub.com/pages/home.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ThankYouCar

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:29:33 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		if i knew what sex was i'd be able to comment on it... 

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:39:24 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		How about some 'closet time', and when he lets you out, (by opening the door) he does something delicious to you? (only you know what that might be...) Also, every once in a while when he locks himself in his office, if he were putting together a scene for the two of you to do that might be helpful as well.
And yes, I've definitely perverted things I thought I'd hate into things I enjoy.
It can definitely be done.

~Christina

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:44:00 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I've never consciously tried to do something like this, though I'm sure at some time or two in my life I've managed to get over something I've disliked.   

As far as your dislike of doors being closed, I can sympathize.  For me, I don't think it has anything to do with how I was raised... I don't recall there ever being a ban in our house and I do remember pretty much living my teenage years in my bedroom with the door closed.  However, I seem to have an unconscious association with someone closing a door around me... it just feels like them saying, "go away, I don't want to be with you right now".  I recognize that it isn't a rational feeling, but it's there nonetheless.

Fortunately it's not been an issue for FirmhandKY and I.  We rarely close doors at home and there is little need to.  However, there has been a time or two when I've closed our bedroom door when Firm has stayed up working in the livingroom.  Even then, I felt the need to be apologetic and assure him that I was simply shutting out the light and sounds of the tv so I could sleep.  Talk about projecting feelings... 

That being said, it's possible that Firm may some time in the future start taking refuge in his office and closing the door so he can work in peace... though I do try very hard to not bother him when he's working.  Knowing myself as I do, I would imagine that I might feel a little hurt or worried. 

Thinking about how I might handle that, these are the things that I could think of that might help me get over it...
  • Ask to spend some time with him in the room with the door closed.  Nothing to disturb him, but just be allowed to read while he works... get used to the door being closed but my not being closed out.
  • Ask that the door be closed even when he isn't in there.  Again, to simply get used to the door being closed.  I'm guessing it would be kinda like wearing seatbelts... when it first became a law, it was strange and unusual to me to have a seatbelt on.  After a while, it was strange to be in a car without one.
  • Ask that I be allowed to enter anytime I like.  Not to disturb him, but for the reassurance that I wasn't being closed out.  I would imagine that in this, I would probably take advantage of it more often at first, but as I grew more comfortable it would happen less and less.

lol... Sorry, cherry... I realize there aren't any sexualization methods in there.  But maybe once you got comfortable with him behind closed doors, you could start thinking of how to make it a turn-on.  One step at a time, you know. 

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 2/4/2008 6:29:03 PM >

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 5:49:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm gonna go ahead and focus on the two examples you gave because training a new response into someone is such a completely individualized process that I could go on for days and never make a scratch to the actual depth of possibilities.

1)  Whenever you're involving other people, there's just no way to safeguard.  Other people can suck, other people can throw off your energy, they can just be bad at oral sex (which a majority of people are) and there you are trying to be a good polite girl which just adds to the pressure and dislike of the situation.  So allow yourself to be ok with not liking it for that reason.  Unless you are given the privilege of getting to know someone and choose how/when you have sex with them, it's just going to be that way.  Just make sure you talk to your master AFTERWARDS and let him know "Yeah that part where I was panting and rising my hips, it was really hard not to rip her head off if she scraped her teeth on my clit on more time" so he gets the full experience.

Giving yourself permission to not love something can go a long ways towards putting it into your bag of skills.

2)  Perhaps put a sign on the door that says "I still love you this closed door is meaningless"?

Something that simple and blunt might be all the reminder and help you need.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 6:45:24 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I'd just put you in haevily padded and locking bondage mittens for a day, and close the doors. And work on your reactions to your frustrations in due time.

At the end of it all,you would probably still be alive-and you can't control something you won't confront.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 8:45:47 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I'm not sure if you're up for a work-around or not, so I'll throw this out there.  Put a screen door on the office.  You know, a regular screen door that you would put on an outside door (go for a pretty wooden framed one).  My sister did this when she had little ones, to keep the animals out of the bedroom and therefore out of the cribs.  It allowed her to keep the solid door open, so she could see and hear what was going on inside.

Cali




_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 9:53:49 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

good luck with that cherry.....

what about trying to remember when one door closes another opens?
what about trying to support him by training the cats with water squirters?
what about working through your programming in a way that supports the relationship you are in now, and not the values of a relationship from your past?

i would not put the burden on him when you have to work through emotional triggers, it can be awfully draining.


Definitely good thoughts....as far as the kitties though lol, they just love him and want to be close to him like i do (do i hear a Capenters song in the background...???)

i definitely don't want to burden him with it, he has explained his reason for it and i understand and i know the responsibility lies with me....i more just wanted to ask permission from him to try to sexualize it in some way.

Kinda like, if i see the door is closed...i go back in to the bedroom and masturbate thinking of something having to do with im being in the room....vs. freaking out internally and driving myself nuts.

Thanks


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 9:55:48 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty



****Or were you asking about the closed door???******


Actually i wasn't actually asking about either of my own examples....i was curious if others had been successful in behavior/thought modification by sexualizing something they don't like or enjoy or have difficulty with.

Thanks for sharing though


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to parttimehotty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 9:59:40 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		xxblushesxx,

my issue is feeling locked out, or that something is amiss behind the door...so locking me in, although hot, i don't think would have the desired effect...and  he doesn't actually lock the door and i am welcome there anytime he said.

i think of something like i mentioned in my reply to crouchingtigress or binding me outside while i masturbate...that way i can condition a sexual response instead of a freaked out, angry, afraid (combination) reaction




_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:05:04 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

I it just feels like them saying, "go away, I don't want to be with you right now".  I recognize that it isn't a rational feeling, but it's there nonetheless.

Fortunately it's not been an issue for FirmhandKY and I.  We rarely close doors at home and there is little need to.  However, there has been a time or two when I've closed our bedroom door when Firm has stayed up working in the livingroom.  Even then, I felt the need to be apologetic and assure him that I was simply shutting out the light and sounds of the tv so I could sleep.  Talk about projecting feelings... 

That being said, it's possible that Firm may some time in the future start taking refuge in his office and closing the door so he can work in peace... though I do try very hard to not bother him when he's working.  Knowing myself as I do, I would imagine that I might feel a little hurt or worried. 

Thinking about how I might handle that, these are the things that I could think of that might help me get over it...
  • Ask to spend some time with him in the room with the door closed.  Nothing to disturb him, but just be allowed to read while he works... get used to the door being closed but my not being closed out.
  • Ask that the door be closed even when he isn't in there.  Again, to simply get used to the door being closed.  I'm guessing it would be kinda like wearing seatbelts... when it first became a law, it was strange and unusual to me to have a seatbelt on.  After a while, it was strange to be in a car without one.
  • Ask that I be allowed to enter anytime I like.  Not to disturb him, but for the reassurance that I wasn't being closed out.  I would imagine that in this, I would probably take advantage of it more often at first, but as I grew more comfortable it would happen less and less.

lol... Sorry, cherry... I realize there aren't any sexualization methods in there.  But maybe once you got comfortable with him behind closed doors, you could start thinking of how to make it a turn-on.  One step at a time, you know. 


Thank you treasure, you pretty much got it totally the way i think it....althought there is the added thing "something is going on behind the door that someone doesn't want anyone to see"

i like your ideas, though not sexual, they definitely work on part of the problem. The reason i asked for sexual is because my natural response is so intense, i will need something intense to replace it (or i think)...i really like the idea of the door being "just closed"....not sure how i would react to it, but it is an idea that is worth checking into.

Thank you.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:22:42 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i like that..."giving yourself permission to not like something"..i think i've done that, to an extent, but then again if i must accept it then it is better for me mentally/emotionally and just on a fun level to try to get the most enjoyment out of it.

i do have to be the polite girl and just take it, so i am trying to find a way to make my head be more in the experience of it and less in the "uhhhh you aren't doing it right, there isn't a right, can someone please just fuck me" headspace that i get into.

And i'm not sure if he would go for the sign on the door idea...tho it is a valid idea for sure.


< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 2/4/2008 10:23:43 PM >

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:24:53 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Cherry, you really don't have this sexualize this to change the negative auto responses you are having to a closed door.

Actually, I'd probally have you say some little mantra to yourself about the other reasons why people have doors closed.   Perhaps something along the lines of when a door is closed you must open your mind.

I don't know what kind of door protocals you have at home? i.e. such as being able to knock on the door and wait for a response or what here.  

Hell, I would consider resorting to actually acting out a mental bondage scene, non sexual,  where you were forced to stand on the one side of a closed door. Where you were not permitted to move or leave until the door was open again.  Hell perhaps, stand there with you in front of a closed door.  Toss you into high protocal mode, and take control of your breathing and get all sort of Mental and Yoga with you.    Where you are not permitted to move, yet where you must face the door.   I'd be asking you questions about the door, your thoughts and emotions.  Then go on the other side of the door.  Have you focus upon the door with me on the other side.   Wanting you to explore all the thoughts as to what I was up doing on the other side.   Then come back out after x minutes...  have you share everything with me.   Knowing myself, I would probally be creating or putting together a gift or something special for you.   Kind of a reward for hearing your truthful and honest reactions and mental stuggle! 

Hell.. now I suppose... one could literally bind you to the door, on the inside so when it was closed.. you could see what was going on.  Then over the course of time.. bind you to the outside of the door.   The Binding or your physical bondage to the door, being representative of how your own mental thoughts have you in bondage in a negative manner.   Don't know cherry... these are very loose ideas I'm working with.

Basically, to mentally and physical face this negative thing...

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:25:34 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'd just put you in haevily padded and locking bondage mittens for a day, and close the doors. And work on your reactions to your frustrations in due time.

At the end of it all,you would probably still be alive-and you can't control something you won't confront.


Now this is interesting....and well within the whole idea that my Daddy employs in making me face my fears.....because ultimately it is a fear....though i might freak in the bondage, a part of me would love it and hope it would do the trick


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:26:13 PM   
SnugasaBug


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		daddyncherry,

Have you ever thought of something as simple as opening the door, sitting there on the floor by the door, and just sit, with pillow maybe, watch and be reassured you are not being locked out and being left alone.

No disrespect, but when I close the door and leave my dog outside, she will whine, claw on the door, or just be depressed, (not eat), until I come out, but if I left the latch unlocked enough for her to enter into the room, and just sit there, without disturbing me...just watching...she is content.

Good luck,
Snug

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:28:24 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
.....
Giving yourself permission to not love something can go a long ways towards putting it into your bag of skills.

2)  Perhaps put a sign on the door that says "I still love you this closed door is meaningless"?

Something that simple and blunt might be all the reminder and help you need.


Hey, I love this sign on door idea.  Also it would make for a great little mantra to tell yourself as well.   "Daddy loves me, this is just a closed door!" 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:34:24 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		This is a very insightful post, as loose as it is (according to you)....alot of good stuff here, unfortunately my Daddy just wouldn't deal with any of this, it isn't his way....the ball is in my court to deal with it and all i can do is get permission on some stuff.

i am allowed to go up there, but i just don't, the door is closed and i freak internally...

How i have been dealing with things is hoping to be awake before he is so that i am downstairs already and don't wake up and walk out of the room to see the closed door....this has started a bunch of days out on the wrong foot for me for sure.....either way...i will IM or text message him from downstairs and tell him Good Morning and ask if he needs anything. Sometimes he comes down, other times he asks me to bring it up....then i don't have to go upstairs and be faced with the door being closed....then i just wait until he comes down for his shower and go in and join him there.

i have tried the mantra, tried reasoning with myself....this only goes so far...some days it is enough, other days not quite as much.


Great ideas though, now if i can figure out how to do those myself in some form.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:48:17 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Unfortunately we rent so this isn't an option.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> getting over or into something you don't care for Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.107