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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 10:50:21 PM

daddyncherry

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i am allowed to go up there, i just don't....when i have my heart nearly beats out of my chest...not fun....just opening the door is just not an option..i mean it isn't locked....but i can't just go open it up and sit there....there have been occasions when i have sat on the floor by his desk or on the futon, but this has almost always been when the door was left open already or when i was invited up.

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 11:29:26 PM

solia

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How about using a baby gate? If they're little kittens, they won't be able to climb over it yet. Maybe this will give you enough time to work out your issue before they figure out how to climb.

< Message edited by solia -- 2/4/2008 11:31:06 PM >

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 11:31:35 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

i am allowed to go up there, i just don't....when i have my heart nearly beats out of my chest...not fun....just opening the door is just not an option..i mean it isn't locked....but i can't just go open it up and sit there....there have been occasions when i have sat on the floor by his desk or on the futon, but this has almost always been when the door was left open already or when i was invited up.

Cherry, this is gonna sound like a really strange question here. Do you ever have nightmares or very bad dreams involving a door as well?

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 11:39:44 PM

daddyncherry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

i am allowed to go up there, i just don't....when i have my heart nearly beats out of my chest...not fun....just opening the door is just not an option..i mean it isn't locked....but i can't just go open it up and sit there....there have been occasions when i have sat on the floor by his desk or on the futon, but this has almost always been when the door was left open already or when i was invited up.

Cherry, this is gonna sound like a really strange question here. Do you ever have nightmares or very bad dreams involving a door as well?

Not that i recall...but i do have an extensive abuse history from childhood to teenage......so i'm sure there are some thing that stem from there.....Also, i distinctly recall the day my father left and my mother locked herself in the bathroom so that i couldn't see her crying....i sat outside the door trying to get in to console her....right after that my abuse started...so there might be something there for me to try to work through with my therapist.

i don't just react like this to him closing the door either, i used to get unusually angry, almost violent even, if i would be locked out of the house due to fogetting my key.

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cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 11:40:49 PM

daddyncherry

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thanks for the try, but nope, they are all big and very agile and they looooove him and want to be close to him.

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cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 11:44:15 PM

daddyncherry

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~FR~

Just a quick note about this thread....it has TOTALLY gotten side tracked/hijacked from the OP....i'm very grateful for some of the ideas from everyone but....

i was curious to learn if others had been successful at modifying behavior/reactions etc by sexualizing something that they don't actually enjoy. (the things i wrote were to be examples to make it more clear what i meant-see how that worked LOL)

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cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/4/2008 11:53:30 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

~FR~

Just a quick note about this thread....it has TOTALLY gotten side tracked/hijacked from the OP....i'm very grateful for some of the ideas from everyone but....

i was curious to learn if others had been successful at modifying behavior/reactions etc by sexualizing something that they don't actually enjoy. (the things i wrote were to be examples to make it more clear what i meant-see how that worked LOL)

I might try to sexualize a sexual activitity or BDSM play activitity. In the case of your door example, I don't think sexualizing would do much to resolve it! Wait, cover it in HOT EROTIC pictures that actually turn you on. You might look at the door a hell of a lot different.

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/5/2008 12:05:18 AM

daddyncherry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

~FR~

Just a quick note about this thread....it has TOTALLY gotten side tracked/hijacked from the OP....i'm very grateful for some of the ideas from everyone but....

i was curious to learn if others had been successful at modifying behavior/reactions etc by sexualizing something that they don't actually enjoy. (the things i wrote were to be examples to make it more clear what i meant-see how that worked LOL)

I might try to sexualize a sexual activitity or BDSM play activitity. In the case of your door example, I don't think sexualizing would do much to resolve it! Wait, cover it in HOT EROTIC pictures that actually turn you on. You might look at the door a hell of a lot different.

That is a cute idea...but...ummmm....no please. LOL

i was thinking more along the lines of some of the things i've mentioned eariler....instead of getting upset and letting it get to me, returning to bed and masturbating about what is going on behind the door, or by internalizing my slavery somehow and using that.....Or outside of the door (preferably bound, but then he would have to be disturbed to do that)....Something like that....i thought if i started thinking of it when he isn't home, when the door isn't an issue then it would take that presure away, then maybe next time it happened it wouldn't hit me like it does.

Also, of course, noticing that this is a real issue for me (something i'd never been faced with in adult hood unti the last couple months) it is definitely something i could deal with in therapy. There is a type of therapy called EMDR that deals with mending neuro pathways so that you can hault reactions like this in their tracks (mostly anyway)....So that is something i should do in the near furtue.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/5/2008 8:21:46 AM

mhawk

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for me it would be the whole idea of caging. my Lord and Mistress keep a cage up in my quarters to be used upon their disgression. it is eventually to be part of my slavery to them,spending certain amounts of time each day in the cage. for me right now it's sort of an open wound so to speak. acouple of years ago i spent 72 hours in a jail cell and it impacted me so deeply i never knew how much untill we tried the cage for the first time. it is something we are working on.

another things for me is in my life i have had many reasons to not want to be with men even in a M/s situation.but with time that is something i got over and my Lord knows it is not easy for me to fully surrender to a man, but i trust Him enough to be able to be working on that as well. and so far that is going well.

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RE: getting over or into something you don't care for - 2/5/2008 8:48:57 AM

charlotte12

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Hmmm...I've never tried to sexualize a non-sexual activity that I didn't enjoy. But then again I have so many issues with sex itself that I have to work on sexualizing anyway that I don't think trying to sexualize something to make me like it would end up helping.

I have had some success in reconditioning myself to enjoy a sexual experience that I didnt' usually enjoy. For example, from the time I first started having sexual fantasies (well even before that ) all my sexual thoughts revolved around, kidnap, rape and punishment. It has taken some active work on my part and a lot of patience on Master's part for me to begin to enjoy and be turned on by more gentle things or sexual experiences where I'm supposed to be taking an active role. One thing I have done to help is to find something about the thing I'm supposed to be enjoying that does speak to me and focus on that aspect for a while during sex or masturbating. I find key phrases or images that get me excited and incorporate them into my fantasies. Basically I believe that if I spent 10 years or so fantasizing about only one sexual activity I have to be patient and realize that new turn ons and fantasies have some major catching up to do.

I believe its' the same with any behavior. Our minds and bodies get used to things being one way and the only way to really change that is to actively and physically change the things we are used to. If you're used to being upset at seeing a closed door you have actively make the choice to do something enjoyable everytime you see it. This could be something sexual for you. For me it would probably mean sitting and eating a bowl of icecream while holding my teddy bear.

My point is that if your body and mind start getting used to pleasurable things occuring when the door is closed it's possible that you'll start to grow less anxious. It wont' work at first and the pleasurable things will seem forced or fake but over time you will start to create new associations. Maybe..... it's worked with me for some things. For example, I used to not cum during sex and when the man would turn away and fall asleep I was left frustrated and feeling abandoned. So moments after sex can be stressful for me, especially as Master starts to look tired but by cuddling into him and enjoying his arms around me I have gotten used to getting attention after sex and no longer freak out so much if he falls asleep and turns away.

Of course that doesn't discount that if the anxiety is coming from a history of abuse therapy is probably crucial as well. Some things are easier to retrain yourself in than others.

Good luck hun!

charlotte

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