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RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 2:30:21 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		A nice bottle of SKYY Berry is always welcome. I can buy my own flowers. Alcohol tends to be a little but harder.

(in reply to SirWaverider)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 2:55:57 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Why would you consider giving a gift out of place?

Granted giving you a mercedes on a first date might be a bit out of proportion, but a small token to show they are happy to be with you and thankful for your time and sharing makes perfect sense to me. The Owner gave me a dozen roses the first time we met.

I don't like giving or getting THINGS. Things gather dust, take up space, get lost, get broken, etc. So much more I'd love to be taken out to dinner, given a book to read (a thing but also an experience), tickets to a show or something I could DO, or something we could share together.

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 2:56:42 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		We would appreciate flowers (myself more than SilverRose, who is very difficult to shop for--she doesn't like flowers, chocolate, and is allergic to 99% of the fragrances--including perfumes, colognes, essential oils and even bath soaps/shampoos--on the market, despises diamonds and most jewelry, and is picky about everything else. *chuckles*), but more than anything we would appreciate simple dignities...things like, if we are out for coffee, offering to refill our cups when the submissive gets up for a refill--or offering to carry our plates when we go somewhere that does not have table service, or pulling out our chairs--or even rising to greet us when we arrive after they've been seated.

These are all things that -we- were taught were "manners", and while flowers are nice, frankly, some sign of basic etiquette would be a phenomenal gift.

So far, we have only had one submissive who even offered, or showed signs that he or she knew that there --and most of the time, they wait and expect SR or myself to bring -them- refills.

Anyway...

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 2:59:57 PM   
Shadowsdream


Posts: 35
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline 		I never regard flowers as a romantic gift when given to Me by a submissive coming to Me for the first time but I do enjoy them as a token of respect. Bringing Me a toy would not impress Me more or less nor would arriving empty handed.

Sincerity for Me is not measured in tokens though a gift always brings a smile to My face in appreciation for the gesture that confirms how much I have been on the submissives mind.

I suspect for Me receiving without expecting is thrilling in a very primal way.

(in reply to SirWaverider)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 3:13:41 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		When I first met my Lord, I brought Him an autographed copy of the book Loving Dominant by John Warren. During one of our many talks, I learned that my Lord really enjoyed the book but had lost His copy when He loaned it out and it was never returned.

My Lord was very pleased with the gift and said that He would not be loaning out that copy.

Knight's kyra

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 3:56:46 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I think people are missing the point... it is not the item that matters (flowers, toyes, books whatever)... It is the intention and consideration behind the said gift. Everyone is different... but a gift given with good and honorable intentions and consideration are indeed something to be treasured. I think the item itself can only be consider in comparing to an individuals tastes and wants. When one gives a gift that takes into consideration what they enjoy or want... they are reflecting their intentions as well as their considerations.

that phrase "it's the thought that counts" I don't think it came along for nothing.


KoM

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Gifts - 9/7/2005 5:13:15 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I have absolutely no problem with flowers, candy, a book. As has been stated already, something simple and thoughtful like that shows that one has been paying attention and puts some thought into the gesture.
On a first meet, or even when just getting to know someone (i.e. the courting phase), I would consider the gift of a toy a bit too personal. I would liken that to receiving lingeie on the first or second date. It consider it inappropriate.
OTOH, I have a website with a wish list. And, although not meeting face to face, I do have a few admirer's who enjoy spending something on Me, and they will choose something from My wish list. Since there is no pressure to consider that I would use that toy on them (lingerie would indicate "I sure hope I get to see you in that!") those are always welcome, yet unsolicited, "tributes".
But then, I love fresh flowers! Or dark chocolate, or...getting off track here.

edited to add: What the hell...most of them show up empty handed anyway! So I would welcome flowers, but I wouldn't turn down the toy! It has happened, and My toy chest is bigger for it!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 9/7/2005 5:16:45 PM >

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(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 12:38:29 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		As long as it's not a teddy bear. I f***ing hate getting teddy bears from someone, anyone. Maybe it's a bad incident I had with Teddy Ruxpin as a very young child. lol. Anyway...perhaps a collar would be nice....a good one. They could present it to you, and if you decide to keep them on as your sub, you can present it back to them. It's kind of backwards, but it's nice. (And of course, if you're not interested, simply give it back to them with no strings attached). =)

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~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
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(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 4:31:02 AM   
katerina21


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/9/2005
Status: offline 		I think that bringing flowers to you was a very nice move from his side. Especially at the preliminary stages of an acquaintance.
So i think, that yes, flowers were the best present that he could offer you at that specific time.
Heck, we may have 'special' interests from the ordinary people, but nonetheless, some vanilla customs are there all the time and thats how it should be, in my humble opinion.
katerina

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 4:52:13 AM   
Dr24


Posts: 25
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline 		I dunno to be in the minority again ... I have to say also that I see the INappropriateness of flowers. they are definately a symbol of romance and love .. I once ahd a sinple fuck buddy who brought me flowers I was disgusted and felt he had totally crossed the line .. if you are lovers and that then sure but for your dom? I dont think so?!

(in reply to SirWaverider)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 5:21:28 AM   
QueenVamp


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ok this has been a extremly frustrating thread and now I regret starting it.

People seem to be so obsessed on the subject of flowers and if gifts are appropriate that they skip the entire REASON and QUESTION of the post which was asking what little gifts you wouldn't mind.

Geeze. Just forget it.

(in reply to Dr24)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 6:14:16 AM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenVamp

Ok this has been a extremly frustrating thread and now I regret starting it.

People seem to be so obsessed on the subject of flowers and if gifts are appropriate that they skip the entire REASON and QUESTION of the post which was asking what little gifts you wouldn't mind.

Geeze. Just forget it.


Obviously most of the people answering your QUESTION didn't mind flowers.

cello


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(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 7:31:42 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		My spin on this: A single red rose with some greens around it. (And maybe ask the florist to please leave the thorns in place.) It seems like the perfect gift for a lady that you are going to meet. You ARE a lady aren't you QuennVamp? And how would he have known that you never get flowers from your family?

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(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 9:06:12 AM   
Veav


Posts: 150
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't mind a stick or two of RAM. C'mon, it's cheap enough they're throwing it in cereal boxes these days!

Nah, it does seem like the common consensus is "whatever sounds nice to the gifter/giftee". If what's nice for the gifter matches what's nice for the giftee, then it's a good start. If what's nice for the gifter doesn't match what's nice for the giftee - you're going to have a short evening.

So it's not about the deadly, malevolent lilies at all. }:D

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(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 9:12:43 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenVamp

Ok this has been a extremly frustrating thread and now I regret starting it.

People seem to be so obsessed on the subject of flowers and if gifts are appropriate that they skip the entire REASON and QUESTION of the post which was asking what little gifts you wouldn't mind.

Geeze. Just forget it.


I actually thought that most people stayed relatively on topic ... I mean, most people agree that flowers are a nice, simple gesture for an initial meeting - depending on what the purpose of the meeting is. I do believe that everyone on here agreed that it is the intent behind the gift that is important, and everyone who stated that they would not want toys also stated that they would not want them because of what that implies about the mindset of the submissive that they are meeting (unless they are meeting specifically for play, in which case, yeah, toys are appropriate - we just don't ever have a first meeting with anyone just for play).

Oh yeah, and at least a couple of people did list things that they would consider appropriate for a first meeting ... if that is what you want, then:
chocolate
flowers (anything but lilies )
something related to an interest that we have talked about - a book, a craft project, etc

Things that are not acceptable for a first meeting for us:
clothing of any kind
anything specifically BDSM related - so no toys, and that would probably also include books ... that one might have to be negotiated depending, again, on the intent behind it ... if it's "how to perform CBT" we would probably have to send him packing, if it's "the loving dominant" we can probably let him stay.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 9/8/2005 9:17:06 AM >

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 9:31:52 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		I'm with most, flowers being apropriate ARE, in fact, a very nice unassuming gift, token...whatever.

I think that bringing some kind of toy, that's not for use on you...but them.. is kind of presumptuous. And likely instead of a flowers being unapreciated thread... we'd have had a ....the nerve of this guy/girl of bringing toys assuming they should be used right now thread... how pushy are they!?!?

Not everyone likes everything. But this poor guy thought he was doing something nice. Just say thanks...and let him breathe a sigh of relief at the apreciated gesture.

On the other hand, you can also make it clear before meetings, like some other dommes, that you expect this or that type of tribute or gift. It would clear up your dilemma of being disappointed of flowers.

If this sounds snotty.... well.... I intended it too. I'm trying to show you how your post read. It came off sounding really snotty over, what was suppose to be, a nice gesture by someone wanting to get to know you better, play...and whatever else.

Now, to satisfy the nitty gritty of your question.... flowers are indeed an apropriate gift.
However, other ideas of gifts might be...... something they noticed you mentioning in likes and dislikes in conversation you surely had before meeting each other. ( I don't know what these are.... because I have never spoken to you.) If you just love getting toys... maybe you don't have a huge stock of them yet.... then yes, clamps or something that particular sub finds fascinating, or was maybe afraid to try, but would like to try XX with you.... that would be good.
Maybe a little crop, or if the person in question has a nack for making something... a homemade toy that they specialize in.

Thank you for reading...

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 10:38:09 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenVamp

Ok this has been a extremly frustrating thread and now I regret starting it.

People seem to be so obsessed on the subject of flowers and if gifts are appropriate that they skip the entire REASON and QUESTION of the post which was asking what little gifts you wouldn't mind.

Geeze. Just forget it.



OK, maybe I misunderstood??? What gifts would you not mind getting.....

quote:

I tend to agree with the majority.. a vanilla gift that shows they have been paying attention to my likes and dislikes since we began communication;flowers, candy, or a book about an area of interest of mine. Gifts/tribute are never required, but i do love them, and i would rather know they considered me a human and a woman before a Domme. If he had brought something play oriented, I agree, he would have taken that home, and the meeting would have been very short.


So, respectfully, to paraphrase, flowers, candy, books, something that interests me.....good gift.

Cuffs, nipple clamps, play toys. anything that says ..this is what I want you to do to me.......bad gift.

I'm sorry we don't agree with you, but I think a lot have answered your question completely.

(in reply to QueenVamp)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 2:38:31 PM   
MasterHyde


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

And cause less questions by vanilla family members who know my husband doesn't buy me flowers. haha.


Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but is this the biggest objection you had? That you're cheating on your husband, and receiving flowers from someone might be a "tip off" to your deception and dishonesty? Personally, I think there is nothing at all wrong with someone buying you flowers, whether he's dominant OR submissive. Maybe you're upset because you think your DS life should exist in a vacuum outside of your vanilla life. That submissive people should only buy gifts that reflect their submission, and that people who are cheating on their spouses shouldn't have to worry about getting caught.


< Message edited by MasterHyde -- 9/8/2005 2:39:11 PM >

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(in reply to lonewolf05)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 2:45:38 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		Now why would you assume she's cheating? She could be in an open relationship but her family members may not be privy to that information.

(in reply to MasterHyde)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Gifts - 9/8/2005 3:01:28 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHyde

quote:

And cause less questions by vanilla family members who know my husband doesn't buy me flowers. haha.


Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but is this the biggest objection you had? That you're cheating on your husband, and receiving flowers from someone might be a "tip off" to your deception and dishonesty? Personally, I think there is nothing at all wrong with someone buying you flowers, whether he's dominant OR submissive. Maybe you're upset because you think your DS life should exist in a vacuum outside of your vanilla life. That submissive people should only buy gifts that reflect their submission, and that people who are cheating on their spouses shouldn't have to worry about getting caught.



I'm sorry, I'm confused..... is this an ethics thread or a thread to Ladies about what they prefer as gifts???? Not a flame, just a question.....

(in reply to MasterHyde)
Profile   Post #: 40
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