Conversation is not a one way street (Full Version)

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greyangelus -> Conversation is not a one way street (2/4/2008 11:16:32 PM)

Hmm, has this ever happened to anyone? (Thats a rhetorical question Farley, do you know what a rhetorical question is?) kudos if you get the reference 

You find a sub thats got a decently written profile.  Shes new, shy, or inexperienced but wants to move forward with finding out about herself and where she fits into all this.  Maybe not quite what your looking for, but enough so that sending a "hey, how you doing?" or some other message like that seems reasonable propostion.

Shes responds well enough, enough for the two of you start emailing back and forth.  But wait, Batman, theres trouble ahead. No questions from her.  At all.  I mean none. about anything.   It's you the originally interested party, asking all the questions and getting all the replies.

Now note, I'm really not trying to read anything into this, there could a huge amount of reasons for it. She's just shy and has difficulty asking questions (the most likely case IMO, I'd say most subs get enough attention that its easier simply not replying to the first email), shes geniunely not interested and merely being polite, etc etc.

Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.



GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/4/2008 11:30:32 PM)

FWIW, I suck at questions... at least online.  in PERSON, ya cant shut me up.., and it doesn't help that I'm ADD (ooooh/......sparklies!......).
Questions occur to me more often face to face than via email, and I will often ask them totally out of context to anything else.

but thats just me ;)



daddyncherry -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/4/2008 11:35:23 PM)

~FR~

IMO i think you're right, she might just be shy....atleast it is a goof assumption....When people are shy or nervous they sometimes forget to ask questions because that would mean they would have to be assertive. i have had this issue more times that i can count and then it will hit me that i haven't asked anything.

you could ask her if she has any questions for you....Or if she would like to know anything specific. That might indicate something to you....not sure how to help on the blunt part lol, that isn't generally my forte.

Best of luck



GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/4/2008 11:37:29 PM)

cherry.. sometimes, asking "do you have any questions" just causes a brain fart.. at least for folks like me...LMAO!



MistressOfGa -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/4/2008 11:42:31 PM)

Greyangelus,
I would say this to her:
 
"I noticed that you aren't asking me any questions, I know that you are shy and sometimes the questions don't come out till I am not around to ask them. Might I suggest that you write down your questions and then present them to me while I am chatting with you?"
 
If she has no questions when you talk with her again, then you might re-think if she likes you or not. Never assume that they don't until you have tried everything.
 
Good luck,
 
MoGa



GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/4/2008 11:48:39 PM)

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol



BitaTruble -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 12:21:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus


Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.



I'm all for open and honest communication but if you're afraid of spooking her, how about asking her a few questions that require more than yes/no answers and get her to thinking about 'how' one goes about learning a specific dominant and what sort of service they require.

Example:

How would you serve someone you didn't know? Do you feel that you can serve someone without discovering who they are, what they want, how they operate? How important is mutual communication to you? What do you think that entails? Do you feel that asking questions to get to know perspective dominants is important? If not, why not? If so, what kinds of questions would you ask to ensure that you are both compatible with someone and they are worth your time and effort?

Just a few off the top of my head. I think I must have asked Himself tens of thousands of questions because I was truly interested in him as a dominant and a man and knew I wouldn't be able to serve him well unless I knew him well.

Good luck. Let us know how it all goes!

Celeste



MistressOfGa -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 12:28:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: greyangelus


Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.



I'm all for open and honest communication but if you're afraid of spooking her, how about asking her a few questions that require more than yes/no answers and get her to thinking about 'how' one goes about learning a specific dominant and what sort of service they require.

Example:

How would you serve someone you didn't know? Do you feel that you can serve someone without discovering who they are, what they want, how they operate? How important is mutual communication to you? What do you think that entails? Do you feel that asking questions to get to know perspective dominants is important? If not, why not? If so, what kinds of questions would you ask to ensure that you are both compatible with someone and they are worth your time and effort?

Just a few off the top of my head. I think I must have asked Himself tens of thousands of questions because I was truly interested in him as a dominant and a man and knew I wouldn't be able to serve him well unless I knew him well.

Good luck. Let us know how it all goes!

Celeste

Celeste! Good answer! Where have you been, you have been missed.
 
Hugs,

MoGa



MistressOfGa -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 12:29:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol

lol GT, you are something else!



sweetnsensual -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 12:35:32 AM)

I have the same problem with a Dom I'm talking to.  I asked one of my friends and he suggested (this may seem a little childish) playing 20 Questions.  That way at least you're not the one asking all the questions, it can be kinda fun and playful but also ask real, indepth questions.  Of course, as mentioned before she may not be able to think questions up to play the game but it's worth a try.  I have yet to play this game with the Dom, but hopefully I will be able to soon.

Hope this helps and good luck.



BitaTruble -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 12:39:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Celeste! Good answer! Where have you been, you have been missed.
 
Hugs,

MoGa


Ah, Mz MoGa - Just had a busy r/t week with Himself and the mutt. All back to normal now and I'm in catch up mode for threads. It's always good to come home. Hope you and the pup are doing well. :)

~hugs~

Celeste






littlebitxxx -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 2:11:13 AM)

As a firm believer in communication, I communicate quite well...with no questions usually.  I'll get asked all the time if I have any questions for him/them/whoever.  I just tell them no, if I have a question I will ask but I usually find out everything I need to know in just plain conversation.  Works for me, YMMV.



softness -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 2:29:08 AM)

i very very rarely ask questions directly when i am getting to know someone ... unless they say something i do not understand and ask then only for clarity .... I prefer to get to know someone using conversation rather than questions and answers ...

also .. when I can't see someone face to face I cant trust their answers to be open, honest and off the cuff ... so I would rather just see what comes up while chatting.

I know how I am frustrates some because they want to tell me all about themselves and market all their unique selling features ... and when I just want to natter away with them about everything and nothing no opportunity is offered

but *shrugs* ... am a listener and a conversationalist ... not an interviewer ...



Justme696 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 3:42:16 AM)

quote:

Other than just stopping the communication and never really bothering her again, is there some other way of dealing with this?  Any tips, tricks, side glances to figuring this little conundrum out?  I suppose I could just be blunt and say "Hey, you interested or not?", but that does spook quite a few I've noticed.


yes do that...communication also means to be clear. perhaps the choice of words can be diferently..but..the question is justified if you feel that she is "uninterested" .
keep things simple..ask it directly...but ask nicely.
for example "may I ask you why you never have questions? "
It is not so hard.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 4:54:26 AM)

Inexperienced subs often think it is INCORRECT to ask any questions of a Dom.  On top of that, many women are socialized to converse instead of "interview" (as you are seeing in the responses above).  How about:

Him: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
Her: Yes, three.
Him: Cool! I have three brothers.  Hey... would you like to hear more about them?
Her: Yes, please, I like hearing about families.

Ask questions for her.  Then she's not uncomfortable asking, but has the option of helping to direct the conversation.



Justme696 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 6:01:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Inexperienced subs often think it is INCORRECT to ask any questions of a Dom.  On top of that, many women are socialized to converse instead of "interview" (as you are seeing in the responses above).  How about:

Him: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
Her: Yes, three.
Him: Cool! I have three brothers.  Hey... would you like to hear more about them?
Her: Yes, please, I like hearing about families.

Ask questions for her.  Then she's not uncomfortable asking, but has the option of helping to direct the conversation.



yes that is a nice way to get information too. If she doesn't reply to that approach, then she propably isn't interested....or want a pure D/s relation with out any extra's.
But at least you have it clear then



trappedinamuseum -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 6:12:12 AM)

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "questions".  Do you mean "questions in general, as in conversation", or "BDSM questions?"

Honestly, it irritates the devil out of me when someone e-mails me, and I respond, and then, by the second e-mail or third or even fouth e-mail, they ask me, "Do you have any questions?".  That's not the type of person I am.  If I have questions, I will ask them.  However, I don't feel it necessary to ask a Dominant, or a Master, or whatever you call them questions about their lifestyle, or how they run things.  I want to learn more about that in a progression.  I would rather talk about vanilla things first, and see if we are compatible, and then move on to the other, and that is where most of the questions come in. 

Its not my style to talk "lifestyle" to someone right off the bat.  I have to trust them/like them/ feel like I know them to be able to do that.  But, that's just me.  Your mileage may vary.



adoracat -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 6:30:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol


*giggling*

that just reminded me of the sigline i had for the longest time...

"i have a mind like a steel...OOoo! look! sparkly! *wanders off* "

kitten



lauren0221 -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 6:40:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum


Honestly, it irritates the devil out of me when someone e-mails me, and I respond, and then, by the second e-mail or third or even fouth e-mail, they ask me, "Do you have any questions?".  That's not the type of person I am.  If I have questions, I will ask them.  



I'm pretty much the same way. And usually, at that point if there isn't a good flow of conversation, trying to pull questions out of me is not going to help.

(and cracking up at the oooohhh - sparklies)



GreedyTop -> RE: Conversation is not a one way street (2/5/2008 6:48:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oooh...good advice, MoGa!

(hey look, SPARKLIES!!)

lol

lol GT, you are something else!


LOL let me know when you figure out just WHAT, ok??  *grin*



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