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help with domination - 2/5/2008 5:02:07 AM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		i don't have a problem as such, i just would like a little advice or guidance on how i can help someone dominate me so to speak.
 
i do consider myself to be submissive (though i can be a little bratty with it), however i have got into the  mindset that i can only be submissive with certain kinds of people - or if a partner or friend dosn't become the more dominant figure of a relationship then i end up doing it.
 
now WhiteKnuckleRide does not consider himself naturally dominant - which is fine, however he wants me to help him become more dominant towards me - the problem being i have no idea how to do this.
 
from a Master/Doms point of view is there any particular way which i can help, or give him guidance with?
 
thanks
 
 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 5:28:22 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		what makes you feel wanted, what inspires you to be a better person, what gets you right ( Y ) <===here?

Communicate. or alternatively, communicate it.

Ron 

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Taintedblood)
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RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 6:04:30 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		That is a hard one..... I was once in love..with my slave..and had a hard tiem to Dom her. I couldn't even slap her by times..lol
Stilll we were happy..and as said above...keep talking....it might fix it. But soemtimes..it just won't work.
(btw do you allow to be Dom-ed?)

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

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RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 6:11:30 AM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		we do talk and communicate but my communication just isn't enough  at this stage and it is really quite hard at times.  we are happy don't get me wrong, he is just very new to all this and a little unsure and while i am not as new as him so to speak i am still quite new to this and thought i may be able to get some insight on the message boards.

may i ask what you mean by 'do you allow to be Dom-ed?' as i am not sure what you mean

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 7:27:57 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Did you try a seatch on this, I really think this one has been done many times before.

Mike


(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 7:40:04 AM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		nope i didn't try a search on this and perhaps one has been done many times however, if i ask myself and then if people repsond and ask me things then i will be able to answer and hopefully relate it to my situation

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 8:42:00 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I understand him wanting your help in becoming more dominant, but really he knows his issues best and if you could get him to ask specific questions it maybe more useful as we could address those items.  In general he just needs to take control, I don't what what else to tell you it just comes naturatly for me, without specifics I could write a book and not really provide any help.

Mike


(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 8:42:15 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		you cannot, if you do you will most likely start "toping" from the bottom and that is not a direction I think you are looking at.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 8:46:35 AM   
Taintedblood


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

you cannot, if you do you will most likely start "toping" from the bottom and that is not a direction I think you are looking at.


this is what i am worried about - topping from the bottom as it just isn't in me.
 
i have tried to communicate with him things but i dont seem to be doing it well enough.
 
maybe he is better talking to a dominant person about things i am not sure

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 8:52:02 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		You can lead a horse ....   etc.

If he really wants it, then he will ask himslef.  That's part of being a Dom, stepping up to the plate.

Mike


(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 9:14:07 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		He has posted here before, you need to leave this to him.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 1:20:16 PM   
MasterTrader


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline 		If you do a search, you will find websites that will help him understand his role as the dominant partner.  Until then I suggest you can continue being submissive towards him...sit at his feet when relaxing in the evenings, ask for permission to to ordinary tasks...address him properly when speaking to him.  By being more submissive it will make him feel more dominant...and thats a start.

(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 1:23:01 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

we do talk and communicate but my communication just isn't enough  at this stage and it is really quite hard at times.  we are happy don't get me wrong, he is just very new to all this and a little unsure and while i am not as new as him so to speak i am still quite new to this and thought i may be able to get some insight on the message boards.

may i ask what you mean by 'do you allow to be Dom-ed?' as i am not sure what you mean



well one can try to control a girl...but if she doesn't serve him or allow him to control...it is hard to be a Master


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 1:30:06 PM   
SoCurious2Feel


Posts: 38
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

That is a hard one..... I was once in love..with my slave..and had a hard tiem to Dom her. I couldn't even slap her by times..lol
Stilll we were happy..and as said above...keep talking....it might fix it. But soemtimes..it just won't work.
(btw do you allow to be Dom-ed?)


Justme - does this mean you can't be in love with your slave?  I wonder if other Doms feel the same way or have the same thoughts? 


_____________________________

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 2:17:46 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Good communication is NEVER topping from the bottom....geez.....

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to SoCurious2Feel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 2:43:49 PM   
MasterTrader


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline 		You can be in love with your sub/slave, In my case my sub is also my wife.  However when introducing her to the lifestyle I found that I could not train her the way I had trained others in the past.  Upon self reflection it was because of love and there was no way of getting around it.  I am still coming to terms with it.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 6:27:53 PM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		In fact, amoungst most or many couples the D/s side of the equation sometime diminishes as the contingencies of real life interfere and as the relationship matures.
The Play side may still be active, but for many this is not enough. A thought, is to try putting in place a set of protocols or actions to re-activate these urges. They are subtle day-to-day actions which in themselves seem simplistic and obvious, but used over time help keep the dynamic alive or get it going again. Although I use them to keep my sub/slave in the mindset on an almost subliminal level the use of these protocols also keep Me in the mindset. With a few hand signals, a bit of ritual and some verbal promps, it can help to keep things going.

These are actions as opposed to simply talking it out. As much as communication is helpful, the old adage holds true..."Actions speak louder than words."

If you wish specifics on what, when, and how...contact me at my profile. Your Master should be part of this, if that's possible.


(in reply to MasterTrader)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 7:11:39 PM   
nwcutie102


Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline 		personally.... i don't think a Dom can be made.... i think it is more of a personality trait, a demeanor...... i could be wrong... i am new to this

(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 7:26:35 PM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		Subs loose their focus, Doms loose their focus. Many things get in your way over time. I hope that never happens to you.  It is also possible to love someone so completely that you loose yourself in it's depth. When you loose yourself, you risk loosing everything. That's why we put things in place that keep maintain the coherence of the relationship.

I may be an old foggy, but I have learned something about relationships.

(in reply to nwcutie102)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: help with domination - 2/5/2008 9:59:04 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Taintedblood

i don't have a problem as such, i just would like a little advice or guidance on how i can help someone dominate me so to speak.
 
i do consider myself to be submissive (though i can be a little bratty with it), however i have got into the  mindset that i can only be submissive with certain kinds of people - or if a partner or friend dosn't become the more dominant figure of a relationship then i end up doing it.
 
now WhiteKnuckleRide does not consider himself naturally dominant - which is fine, however he wants me to help him become more dominant towards me - the problem being i have no idea how to do this.
 
from a Master/Doms point of view is there any particular way which i can help, or give him guidance with?
 
thanks
 
 


There aren't any rules everyone couple is totally different, it's really up to the two of you.  You should read the posts he's had here.  He was impressive in his ability to at first admit complete confusion (and be sickened by us, lol) but then adapt, learn, discuss and grow.  I think you need to give him time.  The two of you will find your way together, talk to him.  Communicating openly is not "topping from the bottom." 

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Taintedblood)
Profile   Post #: 20
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