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Personal Belongings - 2/5/2008 10:41:41 PM

tenera

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/4/2008
Status: offline

Let me preface my question by stating that this isn't about blame or finding fault. I am truly trying to gain insight into my issues, which I do admit to a few

and what I could do better in my next relationship.

As my Owners supposedly only collared slave I was told to bring clothing for many occasions, all of my fetish wear and lingerie, and personal grooming items to be kept at His house. I was given space in the master bedroom, closet and bathroom to store it all. He was poly (one Master, many female slaves) and I was fine with that as long as all was in the open. I am a bit of a germ phobic and have an extremely lucrative yet stressful career and would therefore need my own space for solitude and personal possessions if it were to ever become 24/7 with other slaves involved. He agreed to this saying that everyone had a right to these things.

Within the first few months my female grooming supplies dwindled too quickly and hair that didn't belong to me was found in my brush. After 6 months of my needing to replace these constantly or have none to use for my visits I finally brought it up and asked that either he replace it or ask the ones using it to. I explained that this hurt me due to other monetary issues and he agreed for my reasons and request. The use slowed down tremendously and I thought all was okay.

Near the end of our 2 years together he was sharing photos of scenes he had done. They included three separate women (none of which were ever introduced to me) all wearing my intimate apparel. Including corsets, bras, and the worst, my thongs!
I cried.
He yelled.
His premise being that I am owned property and as such anything and everything I own belongs to Him to do with as he wishes. My insecurities came floating to the top and this was the beginning to our end.

Although I can see where I was wrong in many issues that we had, I can't seem to overcome this one. I would love to hear how other slaves/submissives would feel about this happening to them and of course any insight or help from Masters would be greatly appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/5/2008 10:53:59 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

There's a difference between being an Owner and being an ass.

If it wasn't something you agreed to beforhand, then he had no right to do it. What's worse is that he was doing it behind your back rather than bringing it up to you.

If my Owner wanted to burn all of my clothes in a furnace tomorrrow, I'd be fine with it...as long as she told me and discussed it with me beforhand. I'm entitled to know her logic, disagree and debate her decisions. In the end, however, when she puts her foot down. It's final. I prefer it like that.

In short, if my Owner did something similar, without at least informing me beforhand. I would be very upset and we'd have quite bit of talking to do.

No offense to you, but your Owner was an ass...

In future relationships, I don't think this is anything you can block beforehand. You were open and honest with your previous owner, but he didn't respect it. He lied to you after claiming to understand your worries.

DV's Fox.

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 2/5/2008 10:56:18 PM >

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 2

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/5/2008 11:49:28 PM

greyangelus

Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenera

Let me preface my question by stating that this isn't about blame or finding fault. I am truly trying to gain insight into my issues, which I do admit to a few and what I could do better in my next relationship.

As my Owners supposedly only collared slave I was told to bring clothing for many occasions, all of my fetish wear and lingerie, and personal grooming items to be kept at His house. I was given space in the master bedroom, closet and bathroom to store it all. He was poly (one Master, many female slaves) and I was fine with that as long as all was in the open. I am a bit of a germ phobic and have an extremely lucrative yet stressful career and would therefore need my own space for solitude and personal possessions if it were to ever become 24/7 with other slaves involved. He agreed to this saying that everyone had a right to these things.

Within the first few months my female grooming supplies dwindled too quickly and hair that didn't belong to me was found in my brush. After 6 months of my needing to replace these constantly or have none to use for my visits I finally brought it up and asked that either he replace it or ask the ones using it to. I explained that this hurt me due to other monetary issues and he agreed for my reasons and request. The use slowed down tremendously and I thought all was okay.

Near the end of our 2 years together he was sharing photos of scenes he had done. They included three separate women (none of which were ever introduced to me) all wearing my intimate apparel. Including corsets, bras, and the worst, my thongs!
I cried.
He yelled.
His premise being that I am owned property and as such anything and everything I own belongs to Him to do with as he wishes. My insecurities came floating to the top and this was the beginning to our end.

Although I can see where I was wrong in many issues that we had, I can't seem to overcome this one. I would love to hear how other slaves/submissives would feel about this happening to them and of course any insight or help from Masters would be greatly appreciated.

He changed the circumstances on you without telling you, for quite awhile it seems like.

He broke the deal, and got pissed at your for catching him at it. Nuff said and time to move on with your life.

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 3

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/5/2008 11:52:26 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I just gotta echo what shawn said.. although I think using the word ass is doing a great disservice to those fine animals.

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(in reply to greyangelus)

Post #: 4

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 12:21:10 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Now, do you feel you were wrong in these issues cause he said you were, or cause you honestly had some wrong in it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenera

Although I can see where I was wrong in many issues that we had, I can't seem to overcome this one.

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 5

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 12:25:08 AM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Harsh reality? You got used...You got played...You found someone who thought he could want, stare at, and eat his cake all at the same time without ever getting caught...It doesn't really matter how anyone out here feels, because it's not our crap...It's Yours, learn to accept that they are just feelings, not right or wrong and not good or bad...They just are what they are...Take the parts that You've learned from and grow with those...The rest of the shit? Burn it on fire and watch it go down in flames...You deserve better than this....

Kali
(Who for once tonight did not have to do my preface about not wanting to come off like a bitch!!)

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 6

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 12:50:14 AM

Valentyne

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

fast reply

Given the facts as presented I would have to say that this man was a self absorbed tool... not only did he not respect the trust and openness you presented him with, I feel he was at best grossly negligent in his responsibilities to you, sharing thongs... that is just nasty, and who was cleaning them between uses... who knows what you could catch if no one was being responsible about that. He allowed your personal care items to be used by others after saying that wouldn't happen, I'd consider that stealing and him a willing conspirator, not that some shampoo or lotion is a big deal, but the principle is. I think he absolutely violated your agreement and your trust and thereby nullified any right he may have had as your Master. His attempt at justification by saying you're his so your things are his just falls flat if he had already agreed to your stuff being only for your use even if it is at his house.

Your only issue that I see in this situation is trusting blindly... the unconditional trust you can find between certain Doms and subs is an intense and wonderful thing, and a lovely thing to strive for. But it takes time to build, and it is not something that realistically you should hand out to anyone who thumps their chest and says that's the way it is supposed to be. You're a sub not a victim... don't be afraid to protect yourself and your own interests!

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 7

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 12:52:39 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

There's a difference between being an Owner and being an ass.

We spell it differently here but an ass is still an arse!

To the OP,

Me, I own my girl mind, body and soul but her material possessions are not mine and I respect her ownership of them accordingly. Any "master" who doesn't see it that way needs to spell it out from day ONE so informed choices can be made.

And *ick*, there's just something "anti-intimate" about one woman wearing another's intimate apparel to me! I even discard old leather cuffs when I get a new girl in my life as I tend to regard cuffs (along with a collar) as the lifestyle's version of "intimate apparel".

It all sounds a little too grubby and communal to me - *everyone* deserves a level of privacy and respect for their personal possessions. The reason you can't overcome your issues with it is because they're not "your kind of people". You don't overcome incompatability, you move on - just as you've done.

Welcome to the Forums, btw.... :-)

Focus.

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 8

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 2:30:05 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i suppose during your visits He never gave you lingerie other than your own to wear? If it was share and share alike that would be one thing, yanno like each submissive brings items to the collective closet. It would be interesting to hear what the other girls thought of the items they were using. my guess is they thought the thoughtful and wonderful Master purchased them for their use. Think about it.... would you knowingly wear someone else's thong?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 9

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 4:53:32 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

Deal breaker. You two agreed on something and he violated that. I'd remove all those items that ARE mine, not HIS, as stated when they moved in, and get the heck out of there. I'd be pissed beyond all degree.

Don't ever give in to BS like that, you deserve better.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 10

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 6:41:35 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I echo what everyone has said. If this was not agreed upon and you had brought up the issue before then this is simply about a Master who did not respect you or value you enough to work on the issues.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 11

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 7:15:19 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

I can't think of many women who wouldn't be squicked by others wearing such personal items without being informed beforehand. Not to mention it's a great way to get crabs. I'll have to echo the others - if he wanted to do this, he should have talked to you about it beforehand.

I can't help but wonder what he told the women wearing those clothes?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 12

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 12:47:14 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'd remove the clothes as well, but, I'd burn them after. I'm just too much of a (you know) to leave them there for others to have more fun with.
Poly to me, brings visions of people who know each other, and are friendly with each other, and are open about what they are doing and who they are doing it with.
Not some guy who hides this from one, and that from another.
That's just a ...well...you know...
Dump his butt.

~Christina

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 13

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 1:08:24 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenera

Near the end of our 2 years together he was sharing photos of scenes he had done. They included three separate women (none of which were ever introduced to me) all wearing my intimate apparel. Including corsets, bras, and the worst, my thongs!

Although I can see where I was wrong in many issues that we had, I can't seem to overcome this one. I would love to hear how other slaves/submissives would feel about this happening to them

Let me just say GROSS!

Bullshit it belonged to him - he changed the rules. How very untrusworthy and crappy of him. It was a cheap shot to go back on his word and then get mad at you for being upset. He should consider himself lucky that he didn't get strangled with those nasty thongs that he let strangers wear. My god, what a turd. Maybe send him some pictures of his toothbrush shoved up some other man's ass.

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 14

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 1:09:11 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenera

I am a bit of a germ phobic and have an extremely lucrative yet stressful career and would therefore need my own space for solitude and personal possessions if it were to ever become 24/7 with other slaves involved. He agreed to this saying that everyone had a right to these things.

His premise being that I am owned property and as such anything and everything I own belongs to Him to do with as he wishes. My insecurities came floating to the top and this was the beginning to our end.

The section I am quoting I feel is the issue here. You had clearly explained your issues and he agreed. Thus if ant change in the original agreement is to be changed, it should be made clear and discussed before being enacted.
In my opinion, for anyone to decide to arbitrarily change the rules without clarification is doing a grave disservice to them self as well as their slaves. What I see that happened was a breaking of a trust you gave. To me that speaks of a Master who isn't worthy of trust if he has no qualms about messing with a slave's insecurities. There is a huge difference in helping a slave work through insecurities and deliberately walking over them.
This is very similar to what I went through with my former owner. He was fully aware of childhood issues I had left deeply buried and were harmless. Once I was living 24/7, he then determined that he was going to force me to face them all asap and deal with them all at once. My reluctance and reliving old scars only resulted in me being punished, because he felt I wasn't trusting him enough. Needless to say, after experiencing a bad traumatic flashback from him triggering a mental flashback. I packed my clothes and left without warning. This what I done based upon what I felt I had to do. I don't regret doing what I had done.

_____________________________

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That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

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(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 15

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 1:34:12 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

As his slave, everything belongs to him, so he can do what he wants with it. This is what I agreed to when I became his. If I have an emotional reaction to it then I would ask to discuss it with him and he would most likely help me work past the issues. For certain personal care items where sharing could present a health issue, I would ask permission to discuss my concerns and possible solutions.

For the most part, the biggest annoyance I would have would be if the person did not properly care for the item while they were using it and after they were finished with it. I am required to take care of his property and if someone else does something to prevent me from obeying his will in that regard, then I would consider a boundary to have been crossed.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 2/6/2008 1:35:12 PM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 16

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 2:32:44 PM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

He loaned out your panties? Ewwww... There are some things that are just personal, and do not ever get loaned out. That's one. Combs, brushes, toothbrushes, razors, they can all carry incurable diseases unless they are sterilized which is nigh impossible to do. Just soap and water doesn't cut it.

There are many differences between a self-centered egotistical asshole, and a dominant. You just learned one. I gather you have left. Don't go back.

Edited to add: Might be a good time to get yourself tested for some of those diseases. It would seem he is not too concerned with whether or not he might be sperading them

< Message edited by GrizzlyBear -- 2/6/2008 2:34:50 PM >

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 17

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 4:07:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm one of those types who honestly have no problems sharing clothes, even panties or bras.

My problem is the lack of being informed ahead of time- obviously just trying to take what he can without being responsible or ethical about it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)

Post #: 18

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 4:20:42 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with the others here. The two of you had what appears to be a very clear understanding about your personal items and possessions from what you have told us here. I was in a poly relationship before and there were some rules and understandings similar to those you have outlined here. I upheld these rules as if they were my own and would never have let these types of things happen.

Yes, he was an ass. The kind of ass who gives every honorable guy in a poly relationship a bad name. Sorry you had to go through that. Trash the clothing items if you still have them and move on. Hopefully he didn't take any images of you that he still has possession of. That's not a pleasant thought.

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 19

RE: Personal Belongings - 2/6/2008 4:27:22 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

He let someone else wear your panties????? That's disgusting.
Those were personal items of yours that no one had any right to use.
I would have walked the minute I found out...after I used his toothbrush to clean the toilet.

_____________________________

(in reply to tenera)

Post #: 20

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