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little attention - 2/6/2008 4:29:23 AM   
Lucratia101


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		when i'm with my master i feel head over feet in love with him but it hurts me when he hangs out with his freinds. im never really invited and i feel very alone. im almost to the point this week i want to give my collar back to him.  He does normally give me more attention then he has this week but i havent seen him all week and the one day he wants to hang out i can for only a few hours since i have work in the night and morning. what should i say i do to help this situation become better.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 4:42:03 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Everyone needs time to go be themselves. If that means hanging with his friends, then just wish him fun while he's out. If it's the feeling of disconnection that bothers you, try asking for something you could do on a daily basis to help you feel connected even wheny ou two can't interact directly. You could keep a diary, write a letter/email to him about your day, or produce something else if you have an artistic streak.
Try being busy when he's busy, or see if he has at least enough time to talk on the phone for five minutes before bed at night. Try to realize most people like their lives to be quite full of things other than their relationship, it's no slight on you, he simply doesn;t want to neglect his friends either. Perhaps he's spending extra time with them now because he was neglecting them for you previously.

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 5:34:44 AM   
mhawk


Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline 		well i can be hoenst i similarily go through the same thing but it's not my Lord being with His friends.

my Lord is away during the week as an engineer.He is only home on the weekend and on the holidays and when he takes vacation time. so there is not much time together.

but that does not mean that the time we ahve together isn't quality time becasue it is. even if it is not His floging me as Mistress/His wife does to me or having sexual interaction with me we still make the time to be around eachother. usuallly the first night He is back He jsut wants to be one His own entirely,which is fine we understand that. we either all go out somewhere for dinner or we order in. it's the weekly treat thing we do.

but we also find the time to do other things together such as this past weekend. my Lord and i went out and ran errands sunday and were out for hours and spent alot of that time talking with eachother. we also tlak through the week on a daily basis as well.

what makes it special are those weekends he chooses to use me for His pleasure either physically or sexually or if it's just sleeping with Him one night of the weekend while he is home.

just talk with you master about what you have mentioned here,there is alwasy a chance things will work out and the times you have will be wonderful.


(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 5:41:19 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucratia101

when i'm with my master i feel head over feet in love with him but it hurts me when he hangs out with his freinds. im never really invited and i feel very alone. im almost to the point this week i want to give my collar back to him.  He does normally give me more attention then he has this week but i havent seen him all week and the one day he wants to hang out i can for only a few hours since i have work in the night and morning. what should i say i do to help this situation become better.


"I realize that you're just not that into me, and that's okay, but it's time for me to find a partner who meets my needs as I can meet his" ?

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 5:46:29 AM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		You need to talk with him about how left-out and alone you're feeling.  It may be that he doesn't realize how much time he's spending with friends.  It may be that he doesn't care and expects you to deal with whatever little time he has for you.  Only he will know.  Then you will have your answer and can decide for yourself how you will deal with it.  Good luck.

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 6:21:55 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Say to yourself, do I really want to be a: slave? Submissive? girlfreind with kinky sex partner?
After you define the relationship format you want then you have to kinda stick to the expectations that come with that choice.
(ie you cant say I want a Master Slave relationship but I want to be able to act like and expect that I be treated as a girlfreind instead of a slave.) switch the terms to fit the situation you are in.

Now don't mistake this for carte blanc for the master to treat you any way he wishes without reguard for your mental/ emotional well being. The point I'm trying to focus on is are your expectations realistic and in keeping with the relationship you consented to being in. Or have you let your emotions shift you into a possition where you are expecting behaviour that is beyond the negotiated relationship.

Take a real hard objective look at it. Is it your stuff (singular) that you are having trouble with or is it your stuff (plural) that is off kilter


(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 6:22:51 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucratia101

when i'm with my master i feel head over feet in love with him but it hurts me when he hangs out with his freinds. im never really invited and i feel very alone. im almost to the point this week i want to give my collar back to him.  He does normally give me more attention then he has this week but i havent seen him all week and the one day he wants to hang out i can for only a few hours since i have work in the night and morning. what should i say i do to help this situation become better.


If it's a new relationship, I'd suggest that you are still in the honeymoon period where you can't stand to be apart.  That tends to pass.

Or, people strive for balance in their lives, he seems to have a need for you and for his friends and he may be working on finding the balance that is right for him, he may have previously spent more time with you and felt off kilter because of it and is overcompensating this week, it may balance out somewhere between.

m'Lord and I spend every other weekend together right now, so it's logical that when we get our time we devote that time solely to each other.  I firmly beleive though that when I move closer to him that the huge block of time we devote to each other will be spread more evenly throughout the entirety.

If your issue is merely time and you still feel that he does care for you and simply doesn't give you as much time as you desire, you might want to evalutate if your expectations are realistic, if they are then talk to him and see if he feels he can give you more time.  If not, find friends, find a hobby, find something to make yourself happy while he's out with his friends, or clean his house if you'd rather make him happy.  If he is displaying other signs that his interest is fading in you, you have to decide how much you want to work on the relationship.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 6:35:48 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I think all of the posts have good advice in them. From the information given by the OP there is no conclusion what is really going on.

My .02 worth, spending time together as a couple is a compatibility issue as both need to be near on the same page or at least be able to handle the difference in an open and honest way. At the same time if it is every time or most of the times you have issue with being left out then that is a personal issue to work on no matter what type of relationship you have. But if you are just an afterthought or just a kinky booty call to him then accept that or move on.

In the end it is what it is and either you can truly see where things could change for the better and not wish it to be better and leave it up to chance then try if not it is probably best to move on.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 7:16:35 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Have you tried going out with your friends while he goes out with his?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 10:51:22 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		FR

Some people are loners, some people are socializers. Some people are somewhere in between. Some people only need one person to satisfy their social needs, others need to be a part of a larger group.

I view it as a compatibility thing, closer to vanilla than bdsm.
For instance, I'm a loner. I need my 2 -3 hours a day in privacy or in a couple of days I'll go nuts and pour my overflown bowls of annoyance over the person standing next to me (which is usually my spouse). I also have the need to see other people socially, meet my friends and family without him being in my nearest vicinity. Does that mean that I don't love him or that I don't value our relationship? No it doesn't. I love that man to death and I hope we'll spend the rest of our lives together.... but that doesn't mean I wan't to be surgically attached to him either. We have discussed this in details and he has told me how he needs his social need met. Then we try to put our needs in sync. If we were on two completely different wavelengths with this we would soon hit a wall of incompatibility...

I value the time we do spend together, but if I'm annoyed because my social needs aren't being met, then this alone time we have is quite wasted. See where I'm gettin?.....

< Message edited by Viridana -- 2/6/2008 10:54:25 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 10:54:00 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

You need to talk with him about how left-out and alone you're feeling.  It may be that he doesn't realize how much time he's spending with friends.  It may be that he doesn't care and expects you to deal with whatever little time he has for you.  Only he will know.  Then you will have your answer and can decide for yourself how you will deal with it.  Good luck.


This is the advice I would give.  Is he into sports?  It could just be that this week is a guy sorta week for him, it's doesn't necessarily mean anything personal against you.  Talk to him.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 11:30:57 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Calmly and rationally discuss it with him, then step back and stop clinging. If things improve, great. If not, not great but not so bad either - it just means you want different things from your partner than he can / will provide.

As Archer said, you also have to determine what it is you want, and then determine if what you want goes beyond what you negotiated.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 11:57:03 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I'd suggest being gratefull for the time you do get, instead of being down, cause you can't hang out all day cause you got to work. Then I'd suggest stop being so clingy and let the man have his time with friends.  this is no reason to give back your collar, in my opinion. And trust me coming from me, that's a supprise, cause I am queen of cling. Daddy says my nick name should of been cling film. I used to get so bent out of shape when he spent all night with friends and I still do, but I try very hard to control it. He's much happier with me and much much more willing to devote more of his attention to me if I am not cling wrapping to him.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucratia101

when i'm with my master i feel head over feet in love with him but it hurts me when he hangs out with his freinds. im never really invited and i feel very alone. im almost to the point this week i want to give my collar back to him.  He does normally give me more attention then he has this week but i havent seen him all week and the one day he wants to hang out i can for only a few hours since i have work in the night and morning. what should i say i do to help this situation become better.


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 2/6/2008 12:52:19 PM >

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 12:39:16 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		ok have no fricken clue why it posted twice on me.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 2/6/2008 12:41:24 PM >

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 12:54:36 PM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		talk to him and tell him how you feel, and listen to your brain when He's discussing this with you, your brain is almost never wrong but, as we all know our hearts can be.

~meticulous~

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 3:13:07 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

"I realize that you're just not that into me, and that's okay, but it's time for me to find a partner who meets my needs as I can meet his" ?


This answer worked for me.

But then so did this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I'd suggest being gratefull for the time you do get, instead of being down, cause you can't hang out all day cause you got to work. Then I'd suggest stop being so clingy and let the man have his time with friends.  this is no reason to give back your collar, in my opinion.


I understand it can be difficult to cope with, but blaming him will not help.

We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves.  Perhaps you could work on your own feelings?  Why does it make you so unhappy when he doesn't spend that time with you?  I suspect the answers will be more about insecurity issues than about his behaviour.

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 3:42:18 PM   
BoundDown


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucratia101
what should i say i do to help this situation become better.


Have you actually sat him down and talked to him about your expectations, needs and desires?

Ya'll are in the beginning of the relationships so I would say it is a little early to talk about breaking up just yet, but then again your already collared to why not?

From reading both of your profiles I think you might want to spend a little more time discovering who you are, and not be so dependent on him.

Best of luck to you.

(in reply to Lucratia101)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 4:02:12 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Say to yourself, do I really want to be a: slave? Submissive? girlfreind with kinky sex partner?
After you define the relationship format you want then you have to kinda stick to the expectations that come with that choice.
(ie you cant say I want a Master Slave relationship but I want to be able to act like and expect that I be treated as a girlfreind instead of a slave.) switch the terms to fit the situation you are in.

Now don't mistake this for carte blanc for the master to treat you any way he wishes without reguard for your mental/ emotional well being. The point I'm trying to focus on is are your expectations realistic and in keeping with the relationship you consented to being in. Or have you let your emotions shift you into a possition where you are expecting behaviour that is beyond the negotiated relationship.

Take a real hard objective look at it. Is it your stuff (singular) that you are having trouble with or is it your stuff (plural) that is off kilter



Gonna have to agree with what Archer said here.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 5:34:00 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		There have been times in the past when I didn't feel I was getting enough time with my Sir, and due to "life" sometimes I had to adjust accordingly. He and I found other ways for me to feel connected when we weren't able to be together, such as journaling, chatting on the computer, and texting little messages through out the day. We always seem to manage to fit in some quality time be it "play" time or just having dinner together.

My best suggestion is to talk with your master and tell him what you're feeling. You sound frustrated and I understand that, but I don't think giving him the collar back is going to resolve anything (unless you really don't want to be his anymore). And, I sure wouldn't bring up the subject of returning his collar unless you're prepared for him to follow through with it and take it back.

Some times life gets in the way of what we want and/or need, (for me) learning to adjust to his schedule and being able to communicate when I'm feeling disconnected helped me a lot. I'm not saying one should settle for less than what they want, however I am saying look at the whole picture and consider if this is a temporary thing or are you feeling neglected more often than not.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: little attention - 2/6/2008 7:42:15 PM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		 
I can only imagine how great it is to be with someone you enjoy spending time with. All the butterflies and gigglies and such (my terminology) and how saddening it can be to be apart.  I'm a firm believer of having a life together yet maintaining your separate lives as well.  It works for some but not for all so I'm not saying that you are in teh wrong at all.  Your feelings mean something and they are just as valid as the next persons.  I'm not sure if you get to hang out with your friends and not invite him, but i'm sure sometimes you just want to go out with the girls and do your own thing...and the same courtesy should be extended to him.  Just enjoy the time you are together and realize that you will not ALWAYS be together.  Everyone needs some breathing room here and there. Perhaps you should tell him or see if you coudl be invited once in a while; or just let him know that you would like to be invited and see where things go.

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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