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The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 2:54:02 PM   
SubmissiveGael


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Online, or not online, that is the question.

3.5 years. That is how long I have searched for Miss Right. Well online anyway. I think its possibly just a waste of time. Friends I have made, but what it all boils down to is I am useless at creating enough interest in a prospective partner for them to go to the next level and meet me in person. I have tried every tactic, every angle. When I reach the point in a lengthly correspondence that I know I have to move on to meeting the person to really get them interested in me, for me get to know them enough to sustain my interest, everything seems to go wrong for me.

Obviously, I have never attempted to force the issue, or to meet someone before I even knew I wanted to, but just as it gets interesting for me, the person in question seems to 'go cold', 'chicken out' or 'get scared'. Call it what you will, but I just think now at this stage that the online method of networking has far too many limitations. For example, there are too  many walls to hide behind. People can come across all confident and sure of what they want initially, and then it all falls apart when the time comes to take it further. Maybe I just meet some very false people, or very insecure people, or maybe there is something seriously wrong with me (possible I guess!), but does this happen to everyone? Is there really a point to all this?!! Tell me there has been some success, somewhere, please!

SG.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 2:55:46 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		quit being so frightened of rejection.

Just ask for a simple coffee meet in the first month-always worked for me.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:00:56 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		You haven't mentioned your 'meeting' timeframe.  Darcy and I met after writing to each other online, after approx.4 months which really was a long time in comparrison to some others and we would have liked to have met sooner, but distance and work commitments were an issue.
 
Work out what is a good time frame for you and stick to it as close as you can - go beyond it and the person really isn't worth the time to waste.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:08:53 PM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		There's nothing wrong with you, don't believe that. It's people like this that you've experienced that give online relationships a bad name. Let the know from the beginning that you are interested in a relationship that goes beyond the internet... make sure they know that, and don't settle for someone who seems unsure. "Maybe I just meet some very false people, or very insecure people," that could be it. Did you ever make it apparent  in the beginning that meeting in person was something you would be itnerested in? Perhaps that would help screen out the "fakes."

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:11:46 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I've had a lot of success meeting people in real.  In fact, if I've been chatting with a woman for seven days, I tell her I will meet her anywhere she wants, 100% at my expense, but I'm not going to talk further until we set a date to meet in person.  They aren't spooked; they are impressed that I'm not a bullshitter.

I've met 9 women online-to-real in 9 months of looking.  I could have met more, but wasn't willing to woo more than one at a time.  Plus, I've stopped looking, hopefully for a long time, because this current lady and I seem to be pretty into each other.  We're writing poetry to each other, fer Crissake.  I haven't written poetry to a woman for years.

I shouldn't have mentioned the last part.  There's some big guys in black cloaks at my front door now, to take back my Certificate of Macho Domlihood.  Gotta go.

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:13:07 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		As long as it's not really sappy poetry...:)

Jeff

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:17:43 PM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Oh, and just Keep Looking! Don't give up! You may meet the one for you online, you may meet them randomly on the street. I happened to meet my fiance online, not on CM nor any other relationship site (see match.com, ugh) We were on something called facebook, I noticed we had the same interests, sparked up a conversation on AIM, and the rest as they say is history. We'v ebeen together 2 years, and lived with each other for a year so far, things couldn't be better. So keep looking and keep taking chances, you never know when one will pull through and become an amazing part of your life. Just try not to get too upset if things turn out wrong, because that just tells you it wasnt meatn to be and aren't you happy that you found it out this early on instead of later after you've met them and gotten too connected?

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:18:35 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
As long as it's not really sappy poetry...:)
Jeff

...sigh.....

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:20:39 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Damn.............

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:33:41 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Red is zero for two.  Real doms don't sigh either.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:33:49 PM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Nothings wrong with a dom who writes sappy poetry for their sub. I have to say I have a couple I've written myself to my fiance when he was my submissive, before we realized he was more a switch and a true D/s relationship is not right for us. We are now more equal partners, even though I am the more dominant of us two. Hence, the search for a real online sub of my own. And yes, before anyone asks, my fiance knows I'm on here and searching, it was actually at his insistance that I get on CM and search for a sub.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:34:59 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Red is zero for two.  Real doms don't sigh either.

Cali



I just hope Irish Mist didn't see it

Jeff

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:43:32 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
I just hope Irish Mist didn't see it
Jeff

It's a bomb I planted for her and Cali to stumble across.  I don't really do sappy, as you might have noticed from my posts.  Mine is humorous, biting, erotic.  Hers, however, is pretty frikkin sappy.

They took away my 300-year-old riding crop too.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:45:28 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

  As long as it's not really sappy poetry...:) 
errrmm...sappy poetry gets the bitches...

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:50:05 PM   
SubmissiveGael


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks all for those messages. I take on board all of what you have said. I have not given up, just needed a boost of 'it is not impossible'! Reason being, I am unable to attend munches or events of lifestyle nature on account of living so very far away from cities where they occur and having multiple work committments the next day. I sort of have to use the internet more than I would like to and so just needed hope! Thanks again!

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:53:27 PM   
Gleegal67


Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
As long as it's not really sappy poetry...:)
Jeff

...sigh.....



:: wiping the tears from my eyes due to laughing so hard! ::


I agree with others on here, just keep an open mind and don't have so many darn expectations on every conversation...just let it flow...and meet in a reasonable time frame.  I've met in r/t some quirky, entertaining, excellent conversationalists, guinely great people, all based from here and other sites.

Have some faith in us goofy humans!

_____________________________

~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 3:58:26 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hey Gael, here's one I wrote in a boring meeting yesterday, but then decided it wasn't good enough to send her.  So hopefully you will enjoy it instead.

There once was a babe who would squirt
And she got it all over my shirt.
I said, "Fear not, there's no doubt
The stain will come out."
Then I laid down in her lap and I slurped.

I expect the Pulitzer Prize.

(in reply to Gleegal67)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 4:48:11 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I've been looking for a BDSM submissive partner for years.
I've given up.
The right man just does not exist.
I wish you luck though.
Better not to get a meet than to be stood up.
Some of the stories I've heard are unbelievable.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 6:55:31 PM   
ta2dqt


Posts: 375
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveGael

Online, or not online, that is the question.

3.5 years. That is how long I have searched for Miss Right. Well online anyway. I think its possibly just a waste of time. Friends I have made, but what it all boils down to is I am useless at creating enough interest in a prospective partner for them to go to the next level and meet me in person. I have tried every tactic, every angle. When I reach the point in a lengthly correspondence that I know I have to move on to meeting the person to really get them interested in me, for me get to know them enough to sustain my interest, everything seems to go wrong for me.

Obviously, I have never attempted to force the issue, or to meet someone before I even knew I wanted to, but just as it gets interesting for me, the person in question seems to 'go cold', 'chicken out' or 'get scared'. Call it what you will, but I just think now at this stage that the online method of networking has far too many limitations. For example, there are too  many walls to hide behind. People can come across all confident and sure of what they want initially, and then it all falls apart when the time comes to take it further. Maybe I just meet some very false people, or very insecure people, or maybe there is something seriously wrong with me (possible I guess!), but does this happen to everyone? Is there really a point to all this?!! Tell me there has been some success, somewhere, please!

SG.


Why do you say "everything goes wrong for me?"  I would like to hear WHY you think it goes "wrong".



_____________________________

"Ask not that your Dom can do for you, but what you can do for your Dom."

"People are like fine wine, they get better with age!"

"Everything happens for a reason."



myspace.com/theoneandonlyta2dqt

(in reply to SubmissiveGael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The evasive reality ... - 2/6/2008 7:44:45 PM   
Urza


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Hey Gael, here's one I wrote in a boring meeting yesterday, but then decided it wasn't good enough to send her.  So hopefully you will enjoy it instead.

There once was a babe who would squirt
And she got it all over my shirt.
I said, "Fear not, there's no doubt
The stain will come out."
Then I laid down in her lap and I slurped.

I expect the Pulitzer Prize.



Haha i love it, one i'm going to have to remember now!!

_____________________________

"No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable."

"Without discipline, there's no life at all."

"I have come close enough to know that there is something to the "spiritual" side of leather."

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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