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AtlantaMistress -> Responsibility and Ending the Relationship (2/6/2008 3:22:12 PM)
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There was another post today about responsibility today, about a 13 year old young boy, and the 18 year old (?) babysitter who had such an impact on his life. I have been dealing with something today, with someone that had a similar "first time" and the relationship has ended badly. I know I was wrong, but I do not think unprovoked or maybe wrong in what I said, but not what I did. I would very much welcome the feedback, from both the Mistresses and submissives that add constructive posts to this forum all the time.
I got into this ass backwards...that in itself is a long story for another time, but to jump to the chase - the first sub I ever had as a Pro had an experience as a young boy with his Nanny. He liked it, but after a year or so, told his sister - who told thier parents, and he was in counseling for years because of it. It was when he was in college that he started realizing the fantasies he had weren't "bad" (although in retrospect, it was from molestation) and got into BDSM. Now, this man is very dominant in his vanilla life, and claims to crave the power exchange. At first, there was a huge chemistry between us, but he was somewhat of a smart ass masochist - and throughout the time we were together, he REALLY pushed me, which has made me so much stronger, and I recognize it and appreciate it. At one point, he actually "called me out" on being new when I started, but said I had an unnerving natural power, and it was amazing how I had grown. I really had strong feelings for him, and although it was a professional relationship - we both knew there was an intense chemistry. When I met him he told me he had not been with his wife for over 2 years, and referred to her as his ex. I assumed he was divorced, and we continued teasing one another with the possibility of a personal relationship. I am very sensual, just naturally with the way I am, and know how to use it, but with him, even more so - since I was prepared to cross over and take this professional relationship personal. I was honest with him about my intentions. Trust and communication are crucial to ANY relationship in my eyes.
Now, he got away with SOOO much that no sub today ever gets away with, since he was the first one, and since we did have those sparks. He would get in "sub space" wanting to see me - blowing up my email, hating if I wasn't online, thinking I was ignoring him, and if I couldn't see him THEN - we would set a time, and he would ALWAYS flake out. In fact, looking back, I don't think he EVER made an appointment to see me that he kept after our second appointment if it wasn't made the same day. I would often have to taunt him - contact him with some message I knew would put him into that place, to get him here, and then to punish him for cancelling on me. Any other sub that did that now would have to have a DAMN GOOD EXCUSE for a 2nd chance, and probably wouldn't get a third. I cannot count the number of times he did that to me.
At one point, he was totally ignoring me, not reading my messages, and I didn't get it. I finally made contact and got through to him to get him explain. I thought maybe I had lost my power over him, but it reality, it was the opposite. He explained that he always thought of me while masturbating, and other things - that was when I knew the power I really had (at that point it had been a few months since I had seen him). It was then that I started realizing my own power (like I said, I learned so much with him) and was surprised, and yet elated, knowing that I could get into someone's mind that way.
He also opened up to me about his ultimate fantasy - forced bi. I knew he wanted me to make him suck MY cock (which I had never done at the time) and didn't think he could actually go through with the forced bi, but explained to me he would fantasize about me whispering softly to him with my hands through his hair, getting him to suck another man's cock - although he said he NEVER looked at men that way, and had no "gay tendencies".
Right before x-mas, we sessioned, and I did have him suck my cock. The session was hot, and there were lines that were crossed. When he left tribute for me, I told him I was upset, because we had discussed that, and I told him I was a Goddess not a Whore. He explained that he put the tribute out at the beginning of the scene, as always, and it was true that what happened was a natural progression, and he didn't intend to offend me. I told him I would spend it on something to wear the next time I saw him - which I did!
He also told me, right after that session, that his wife wanted to reconsile, and he was going to a counselor, but didn't think he could do it. WHAT?? I thought he was divorced, and he had not only always referred to her as his ex, but also as an absentee parent, wanting custody for money, and, well, never anything nice. Come to find out they had been separated for over 2 years, but the divorce wasn't final. There was a lot of $$ at stake, and I with his business, and the way he takes risks, putting "everything on the line" it was not the time for a divorce. They weren't living together, and he said he told her about this side of himself and he would pursue it professionally, but it REALLY threw me for a loop. I felt betrayed - knowing I would NEVER have crossed a line with a married man. NEVER! We talked about it, and I told him I couldn't see him anymore. I knew the power I had over him, and knew there was no way he could not want more, or not think of me...but then after talking to him - with him literally coming to me, getting on his knees, putting his head in my lap. He had been searching for 20 years, and told me he had never met anyone who had more strength than he did, that could actually get him to submit the way I had. After he left, knowing he was being open with his wife about seeing someone professionally, I changed my mind, and told him I would see him, after all, it seemed ridiculous for him to pay someone that he wouldn't truly submit to, when he finally had submitted to me. I was clear though - NO MORE BS - he would submit to me and play by MY rules. I was very clear about those RULES - there were quite a few - one was no other Dommes, another was no flaking out on appointments, and if he did, he would still have to pay. He knows I am a stay at home mom, and this is how I make my living.
He saw me once after that, then contacted me and said he couldn't do it. He was losing his sanity - wanting me, couldn't concentrate on work, his family. So I agreed not to contact him until such time he could maybe handle a friendship. Then he contacted me, and once again, said he HAD to serve me, and agreed to the rules...and online, over the phone - he was a good boy. But he liked to play, to go back and forth, trying to provoke me, to get me to a point that I could get him to submit. It was this big game with him. He was jealous though when he wanted to see me, that there were others, not just other subs, but in particular one that I was starting to date (I let this other boy know everything about the situation) but he would want to come over and my boy was there, or we were going out - and he would HATE it...beg me to cancel my plans, etc. It would always end with me on the phone with him submitting to him...agreeing to be good.
So...I know, a fucking novel here...Saturday he wanted to come over - I couldn't. We made plans to see each other today. He knew I was making arrangements with my ex if he needed to come in the evening (which I rarely do) and yesterday, I had to track him down to find out about time. He tells me he is out of town, met a new Domme, and told her all his secrets - not to freak, he knew he was in trouble, and laughing (hehe hehe - shit typed) - so basically: breaking my rules, disrespecting me, and sticking his tongue out at me while doing it. Now, granted, I know he is a smart ass, but I felt he went WAY too far. I told him I was done. I blocked him from contacting me...but I also was angry at being so disrespected - so to answer his "we've both grown" about telling this new Domme his secrets (forced bi) I told him he would never grow out of the mind of the little boy whose nanny did bad things, and if it 24 hours, he met a Domme to tell his secrets, then the forced bi he fantasied about, which should be about doing something you would NEVER normally do to prove loyalty and devotion to his Mistress, word he didn't understand, it is was just his way of getting to suck cock and sleep at night. OUCH - yes, I know, in retrospect, I should have been the bigger person - I know the words HURT.
I attempted to apologize for my words, but trying to explain how disrespected I felt. He told me the words were like punches, and couldn't be taken back. As upset as I was about being disresepected, I am more upset that I really hurt him. I know my tongue is wicked, and I have always had that knack, of finding someones absolute weakness, and cutting them right to the core with what I could say without ever raising my voice. I don't like that side of me. In retrospect, I should have just ignored him, and told him, I would not respond until he had begged my forgiveness. The thing is - I don't know that that would have even been the right thing. I don't want to deal with his games and BS - and wasting my precious time, without regard. However, I would have hoped to have his friendship. The part he has played to push me to where I am as a Domme is almost impossible to truly put into words...bottom line, I wouldn't be where I am without him and what I learned from my relationship with him.
So...finally...the end...asking - any advice on where to go from here? Do I just let him calm down, let time pass, and then write him a letter wishing him luck and offering my friendship one day...do I risk even doing that opening up myself to restart the relationship - which he will never follow my rules...I can't take back the hurtful things I said. I really do take my responsiblity so seriously...(and christopher - I do hate that I hurt you.)
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