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MaamJay -> RE: Afraid of the pain. (2/8/2008 12:01:48 AM)
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LOL! very wicked!
To the OP ... as pointed out, D/s isn't ALL about pain, and there are ways to sensually spank and flog that amazingly minimise the pain and maximise the pleasure. Most things are worst only in our minds ... as a sub, i feared needle play (though i'm not a wimp with medical injections) ... i psyched myself up to ask Master to do it to me which He was kind enough to do ... only to find it was an anticlimax in a way as i didn't even FEEL the damn things going in LOL! i can remember looking at lots of bdsm pics and reading things and thinking "OMG NO! That must be AGONY! i could never do that!" only to find when tried ... it really wasn't anywhere near so bad! The main thing for a newbie is to try to keep an open mind, while clarifying for yourself what your "no go" zones are at this time. Bear in mind that some of these "no go" zones will remain forever, others will dissolve over time. That's "normal".
Now, I am in Australia so I don't specifically know what's around in Denver. But most local scenes do have the equivalent of New Members Nights ... they are called munches. These are social occasions, drinks or a meal, in a public place. Attendees wear normal clothes (basic black is always a safe bet) and simply meet and greet. No toys in evidence, conversation is discreet especially around other tables or waitstaff. If you want you can stick to a screen name or nickname, and don't feel pressured to answer questions about where you live or what you do for a living too specifically. Neither expect the others there to divulge too much personal info to you. Many groups would not allow you to attend a play party nor even give you the address of one until you have attended one or more munches and become "known" as being sincere in your quest, and clearly understanding of the rules of discretion and party protocols. That's to protect everyone. There are other more open groups, some operate out of nightclubs etc where the general public can wander in ... up to you if you choose to attend those sorts of events, My relatively high profile job in a sensitive field kept Me out of the more public arenas.
At play parties, if you have become generally known to the group through a munch, someone (the hosts or others) will usually keep an eye out for you, recognising it's your first time and you are nervous. They will usually show you around the venue, explain what some of the peculiar furniture is used for, and remind you of the polite way to observe and find out more. I have sat with many a newby in a quiet corner from which the play could be viewed but not interrupted and quietly explained what it was they were seeing, and tried to give insight as to how it might feel. At Our parties We used a ribbon system to identify subs and Dominants who were partnerless but interested in some play under the supervision of the House. That gave people a chance to explore safely and with others ensuring their safewords and limits were heard and respected. I think generally you will be pleasantly surprised at how much help you WILL find ... not saying all local groups are perfect ... there is good and bad in all ... just as in any other microcosm of humanity ... but I have found more bdsmers to be welcoming than not! Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
PS Re clothes ... regular clothes to a munch ... once there, you can ask about what to wear to the parties they may hold or attend. Again, failing all else, clean simple clothes (shirt and slacks) especially black, will go a long way, unless it is specifically a fetish event such as a Fetish Ball. The guy who turned up to Our party in a grubby sweaty once white singlet (vest), short shorts and thongs was pushing it rather!! Over time you might discover what special fetishy type of things might float your boat ... or the boat of a Mistress you might snare! Just try not to wander round the party with a mouth gaping like a goldfish at what you see people wearing (or not wearing!). It's a dead giveaway [;)]
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