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Aswad -> RE: Nice Punishment Idea (2/11/2008 2:30:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
There is a difference between state sanctioned public punishments of adults and an improvised and ill considered punishment of a child by his mother. Most glaringly is the advance awareness. Thai citizens know the fate awaits them if they are caught on the wrong side of the law. As adults, they can process that knowledge and make presumably reasoned choices. How does that apply towards a young boy?
I agree that the advance awareness is the most obvious issue. And indeed there is a difference. But there are a number of things a child will not- and cannot- have a choice in. No matter what one does, the child is in the original 24/7 non-consensual TPE relationship, and every single decision the parents do will be a compromise. There's no way around it. Parents have to choose a primary language, culture and morals, religion (or none), diet, activities, vaccination status and other medical decisions (including things like circumcision, and in some cases even gender assignment if there is an intersex condition). When the child grows older, one can increase available options, but there are choices being made pretty much up to the day when it leaves the nest to become an adult in its own right.
When imparting the chosen culture and morals, for a neurotypical child, I would propose that one tries to let as much as possible of it be done via sublimation (i.e. just set the example; kids emulate) and explanation. But when that is not adequate, other things must be tried: behavioral norms that are not absorbed via sublimation or explanation must be imparted via the means that correspond to the development stage that the child is currently operating at. Development psychology tells us that there are three conventional stages to the child's absorption of behavioral norms: aversion, prediction and conformity.
Also, parents seem to take the simplistic view that relational violence (yelling, guilt, shame, anger, disappointment, condescension, ignoring, etc.) is perfectly okay, whereas laying hands on the child is completely unacceptable. Neither is universally good or bad, and there is a lot of variation between children in this regard. In some cases, a spanking can actually replace a disproportionate amount of relational violence, for instance. Perhaps a more basic rule of thumb is that punishment must be the exception, rather than the rule, so that there is ample opportunity to couple cause and effect, as well as adequate impact from punishment. Otherwise, one will end up in an escalating cycle. Clearly, if the child is constantly way over the line, and there isn't some neurological reason for it, then it's time te review whatever approach one is taking.
Just a handful of small-change (prolly 2ยข in there soomewhere, too).
Health,
al-Aswad.
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