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Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 3:17:14 PM

EbonyPhoenix68

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Central Indiana
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Being that I am nearly three years into my journey of Dominance and having attended a quite few play parties/munches, I've occasionally questioned if I am still Dominant. And this is also given that I do what I do in the vanilla world (work, pay bills, go to meetings/sppoitments, etc.), but I wonder:Does anyone have those moments when they don't feel Dominant?

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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 3:17:51 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

yes... when LIFE happens... :)

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(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)

Post #: 2

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 3:35:42 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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I can only assume so....there are days I don't feel particularly subservient, so it stands to reason that the one on the other side of the whip can have "off" times as well.

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Post #: 3

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 3:47:54 PM

yahyah

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline

I sometimes wonder if Im really dominant, I have met up with other people who are into what I am and sometimes I just have to wonder if I am what I am but then looking at it again I am a Master and couldnt be other

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 4

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 3:49:30 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yes... when LIFE happens... :)

GreedyTop, I think I will bundle you up and take you home! I was thinnking of posting that very answer :)

MoGa

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Post #: 5

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 4:10:02 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I do believe you will find your not alone in that area at...times.

Like some have said *life* is life.

Because I have a dominate personality...does that mean I have a desire to dominate just anyone....of course not. Actually very few. Does it mean I *feel*dominate all the time...Nope.

I will never rise above being human...I fail at times. It makes me no more or no less of who I am...

I don`t walk around even thinking about *it* most days...=L=

Your in a good spot...

D

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 6

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 6:25:36 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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I think it's important to examine the question of "Am I really Dominant?" itself for the answers.

If one is going to ask "Am I really Dominant?", then there has to be some kind of qualifer that defines someone as "being" or "not being" "Dominant".

Many, many people have tried to provide such a qualifier for "being" or "not being" "Dominant" and have miserably failed, so it is safe to say that there is no qualifier that we can reasonably and logically reference to determine if we are "Dominant" or "Not Dominant".

So if there is no way we can determine whether you are "Dominant" or "Not Dominant" with reason, then why is the question being asked if there is no answer?

Maybe, because the question is being asked from a place of reason, but from feelings of insecurity....

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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 6:27:22 PM

MadRabbit

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Wait...wait....I take that back. You have to be able to spell "dominant personality" correctly to qualify as a Dominant.

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Post #: 8

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 6:42:15 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yes... when LIFE happens... :)

GreedyTop, I think I will bundle you up and take you home! I was thinnking of posting that very answer :)

MoGa

YAY! (how close to ATL are you??) LOL

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 9

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 6:44:08 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Wait...wait....I take that back. You have to be able to spell "dominant personality" correctly to qualify as a Dominant.

OUCHNOSESODAOUCH

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 10

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 7:44:30 PM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

{Venturing onto the Master's Forum uninvited]

See, I've really wondered about this (and even suspected it in my own Dom).

That whole Dom thing is a hell of a lot of work, it's a lot of responsiblity and a lot of pressure. And then, what if you suspect that you *really* suck at being a Dom because you are all stressed out about that and everything else (most people only have the "everything else.")?

Near as I can tell the answer lies in where you find your sanctuary. If you don't find that in practicing dominance, maybe it's not your thing ... or maybe are not matched with the right submissives.

All this isn't ever going to be the answer to life's problems. At best, I think, it is a sanctuary. A place where one can be exactly what they want to be with no worries that the being of that wanted thing will come back to bite them when "everything else" hits the fan. I think that's the big mistake newbies make, that the "being what they want" is somehow a cure for "everything else."

It sounds like what it is getting you down right now is "everything else."

(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)

Post #: 11

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 7:53:37 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

#1) Everyone is welcome to post in any forum.

#2) EbonyPhoenix: A good leadership tip to remember: Only give orders that will be followed. I just perved your profile. The first paragraph says all male Doms should stop reading after the first paragraph. How many people do you reallllllllyy think are going to follow your order? My profile says: "I do not accept Friend Requests." People I know send me requests anyway, just to fuck with me. But here's the point: I'm am not telling them what to do. (I don't control that.) I am telling them what I will do. (I do control that.)

You are constructing your own impotence if you are posturing instead of directing. Control what you are materially able to control and you will feel more in charge -- because you are.

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(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 12

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 9:49:11 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yes... when LIFE happens... :)

GreedyTop, I think I will bundle you up and take you home! I was thinnking of posting that very answer :)

MoGa

YAY! (how close to ATL are you??) LOL

Oh sure now that I have moved from Ga. I meet all the cool chicks who live in Ga!

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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 13

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 10:40:33 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I struggled with this for a while. Why? because there are people who can knock me out of control, who can take that control away from me. That may mean that I am not the most capable Dom, but it does not change the fact that I am a Dom. Why? Because I do not feel complete unless I am in control, because if I am not in control I am either going to fight for control until i have it or I am going to withdraw from the situation in one way or another. For me, it is as much a part of who I am as being heterosexual is, or the fact that I am a musician (again, not a very capable musician according to many, but that need to create sounds doesn't go away jsut because not everyone likes those sounds) I may not feel Dominant in all situations, but I am a Dominant, whether I am always being Dominant or not.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 14

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/9/2008 11:50:34 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

All the fricken time is the simple answer.

I guess that is because I often equate "feeling dominant" to "feeling in control". I had very little control when I was young, felt vulnerable, weak, and alone. I filled out nicely, and I became much more confident as I grew older and my traumas in youth tempered me into a dominate personality. Which is amazing if you ever met my family and the environment I was raised in. Still, when things do not work out as planned, or I fail to succeed to my expectations (and poen says I raise the bar way too high) I lose that "feeling in control" or "dominant feeling". Even my poen is a scrapper, and eventually I can usually win or at least draw and in the end she accepts my decisions. Though the constant struggle has me often questioning if I am her dominant or if she has manipulated me in to accepting her direction as my own decision. In these cases I don't feel dominant or in control even though I completely control the finances, own the house, control all the investments, have everything in my name, and if I give a stern command she will obey even if she objects. Ofcourse I am a hard headed person that only appreciates hard won battles, so I suspect I need a challenging slave like poen. But unless the battles that have clear cut victories with absolute surrender/success I don't "feel dominant" or "in control" and strangly unsatisfied.

Blackphx

(in reply to Nineveh)

Post #: 15

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 2:05:49 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

I only don't feel Dom when I meet a vanilla girl that I like a lott....then I ask myself the question..am I a Dom or not...or do I need it. That is a moment of confusion.
Luckely my job has Dominant features..lol...

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Post #: 16

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 4:07:55 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

OOo I really liked what Nineveh had to say on this.

Everyone has days when they need a break. To my way of thinking, this doesn't make a person less Dom, or sub. Yet when push comes to shove, you're able to step up to the bat.

Example 1: The dog gets hit by the car. You're going to react, and that reaction is going to be to handle the situation. Now, if the sub happens to be a vet, you're still not going to stay seated and do nothing. Even if they now take control of the situation of the dog, give you instructions, you're still the Dom.

Example 2: Dom gets pinned underneath a car while working on it. The sub, even through they're sub, should still be able to jack up the car and get the Dom out.

Dom gets up to get a drink of water, asks the sub if they want anything while they're up. Sub says, ice water please. Maybe the Dom needed to stretch their legs, move about an think, or just wanted to be nice and let the sub relax, it really doesn't matter.

Their dynamic hasn't changed, merely the events of the day have.

(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)

Post #: 17

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 6:25:11 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Most shrinks will tend to ask someone who tells them that they want control, a simple question.

Do you think it's because you lack control of your own life?

I decided I was not "Dominant" when I found the answer to that.

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Post #: 18

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 6:32:35 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Most shrinks will tend to ask someone who tells them that they want control, a simple question.

Do you think it's because you lack control of your own life?

I decided I was not "Dominant" when I found the answer to that.

and what does the shrink ask the sub/slave?

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 19

RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 6:46:59 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Most shrinks will tend to ask someone who tells them that they want control, a simple question.

Do you think it's because you lack control of your own life?

I decided I was not "Dominant" when I found the answer to that.

and what does the shrink ask the sub/slave?

The same.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 20

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