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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 6:54:24 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Most shrinks will tend to ask someone who tells them that they want control, a simple question.

Do you think it's because you lack control of your own life?

I decided I was not "Dominant" when I found the answer to that.


and what does the shrink ask the sub/slave?




The same.


IF I look at that...I never 'feel"dominant when I am with a girl...it is just happening (with the right one).
But it is good to think about it. When I started in the "lifestyle"  I did worry about it.


_____________________________

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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 7:06:43 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Most shrinks will tend to ask someone who tells them that they want control, a simple question.

Do you think it's because you lack control of your own life?

I decided I was not "Dominant" when I found the answer to that.


and what does the shrink ask the sub/slave?




The same.


IF I look at that...I never 'feel"dominant when I am with a girl...it is just happening (with the right one).
But it is good to think about it. When I started in the "lifestyle"  I did worry about it.



I can take limited control for fun-I don't want the sort of control that makes me an easy target for a weakling to use as a crutch.

Codependence is not fun-it's a drag.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 7:08:22 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		~fr~ When i am barking orders or running circles around everyone around me to get a project done, may feel dominant; it does not change that i am submissive.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 7:11:41 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

~fr~ When i am barking orders or running circles around everyone around me to get a project done, may feel dominant; it does not change that i am submissive.


lol no if you have to get a project done like that..people need to be fired


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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 7:15:18 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

~fr~ When i am barking orders or running circles around everyone around me to get a project done, may feel dominant; it does not change that i am submissive.


lol no if you have to get a project done like that..people need to be fired



No,that's whan you fire the hiring manager.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 7:15:45 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		LOL, that's another story entirely! ;)

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 8:34:12 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

All the fricken time is the simple answer.

I guess that is because I often equate "feeling dominant" to "feeling in control".  Still, when things do not work out as planned, or I fail to succeed to my expectations (and poen says I raise the bar way too high) I lose that "feeling in control" or "dominant feeling". Even my poen is a scrapper, and eventually I can usually win or at least draw and in the end she accepts my decisions. Though the constant struggle has me often questioning if I am her dominant or if she has manipulated me in to accepting her direction as my own decision. Of course I am a hard headed person that only appreciates hard won battles, so I suspect I need a challenging slave like poen. But unless the battles that have clear cut victories with absolute surrender/success I don't "feel dominant" or "in control" and strangly unsatisfied.

Blackphx 


Ok..this is gonna be weird..as it will probably look like self talking to self, but it ain't. Master, beloved Master you set bars so high Pegasus would be hard put to clear them. You succeed in far more ways than you give yourself credit for, but you are not a God and far from perfect, you are my god, and perfect for me. I know of no one who does not have failures, successes, flaws and imperfections. I hope to never meet such a person for no other could ever look upon them.

Yes I am a challenge, I will always be such, but that fire in me I suspect is what attracted you in the first place. I know that sometimes it would be nice for it to be easy..but I also suspect that you are correct in saying you would grow bored with easy. When I do not challenge you, you challenge yourself, and you are like many Dominants harder and more critical of yourself than you are on others, at work, socially and of course with me. You forgive the flaws and mistakes of others far faster than you ever do for yourself.

No I do not manipulate you into thinking things are your own decision, I do try to help in clarifying what you are already thinking when you get into your {If then<> go to} loops, sometimes by taking the opposite stance, sometimes just by repeating back what you have already said and helping you pinpoint the area where you start to overthink the problem. That is part of my duty to you and my joy to be your reflection and sounding board. Our talents match, our needs complement and complete each other, and you are my heart and my life. No other since my parents and children have laid such claim to me or such chains upon me.

All of us, sub and slave, Master and Dominant have doubts at times, times when things seem beyond our control and we over think things. All of us have times when we wonder at our choices or feel out of control. We are humans. Life happens. We have subscriptions and libraries not just issues. It is the persons in our lives that help us move past those as best we can.

Challenging, Alpha female, stubborn, willful, playful, intelligent, inept, accomplished, doubtful, afraid, courageous cuddly and prickly.. all of me is yours and you are my armor against the world. My guide, my protector, my control, my pain and pleasure, you are Master and I love you.

poenkitten 

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 12:05:53 PM   
Chocodelite4U


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		yeah right, sometimes i feel like i'm being pimmed by every bill collector and my kids at times. Shit happens then, flush it down the toilet

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Shit happens then you have to flush down the toilet!

Discpline is attitude Mind, Body and Soul

reach me at http://blackplanet.com/PHILSHARPE/

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/10/2008 2:54:31 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		As a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) I will say that even if I am not working as an accountant or make a mistake and double pay a bill, it does not make me any less of a CPA.  The same goes for being dominant.  All of us are only human and will make mistakes.  We might feel down or find someone else we think better than ourselves.  So what there is somebody else better than them out there as nobody can ever be the best or have the most.  Still we are what we are and if that happens to be a dominant or a master or sub or slave so be it.

(in reply to Chocodelite4U)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/11/2008 5:48:38 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		For me, it was learned behaviour, necessitated both by career needs as well as my "urges". So I never "feel" dominant, but I have learned to "be" dominant, and my experience is that you eventually can't turn that off.

(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/11/2008 10:51:28 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Some days.ya just don't give a shit. If you alter your perspective, declaring you are not feeling dominant, is dominant.

Jeff

(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/11/2008 8:37:31 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Even George Patton had days of wonder.  He didn't give a Dam if his troups liked him or not, as long as they did as he commanded them to do.  They hated him and they loved him..In the end, dispite days of ups and downs ...in the end he still was in command. 

  Sure I have my ups and downs..Most Doms do...But I always come back for more..guess I am too ....muleheaded,lol, to stop.  As for being in a submissive positon at times, in this modern age if your not richer than hell..you will find yourself in that position, and you will survive it what did Thomas Payne say{the modern man submits himself to the laws and will of the people and gains a position in life]

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/12/2008 5:34:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think I would like to ask if it is that you don't still feel it inside of you quietly waiting, or you simply don't have the energy to express it. Let's compare it to you being an avid golfer. You still are an avid golfer even if you're sick in bed because you know you'll want to get back out there once you feel up to it. The fact that you don't have the energy to do something is a lot different from saying you tried it, and don't like it, and never want to do it again.

With that said, the level of dominance he puts out is directly related to his stress and frustration level. He doesn't put out dominant vibes when work is very frustrating, he does if it is difficult but he can easily see his way, needing only to follow things along step at a time. Right now, he's doing car repairs and has been extremely frustrated because he couldn't figure out what the problem was. Last night he finally stumbled upon an electrical short that probably has been causing all the intermittent problems, and now he no longer is feeling frustrated even though he still has another long day of changing wires, checking sensors etc ahead of him. As a result, his sense of forging straight ahead is going strong, and now that he isn't frustrated, he's putting out those dominant vibes strongly again, although I don't think he knows that.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/12/2008 6:37:08 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		When I simply want to kick back, enjoy a glass of ice tea, bask in complete silence and think about nothing at all.   Sure for awhile I don't feel very Dom at all.   I'm trying to take a break away from it all.   However, there's hell to pay when somebody attempts to fuck with my timeout time and I'm instructing them to leave me alone for a little while and not bother me.

First and foremost, be human.  Be yourself and screw trying to apply the labels to every aspect of your life 24/7 in ever situation and setting.

I have my moments when I don't want to be in DOM mode at all, think greedy top hit the nail on the head with "Life".   Enjoy it some and don't let it squick you out too much.

If I have to worry about how DOM I am being while going to Wal-Mart for a few items.   Have to worry about being Dom while I place an order at McDonalds.. or worry about being DOM while I'm watching a TV show or other things... then I would be a complete basket case.

 

(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/12/2008 8:10:09 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I never really worry about whether I feel dominant or not. I am just me.
Domination is not a role I put on, its part of who I am, and extension of my personality makeup.
Now sometimes I like to sit back and watch and not take charge, at least right off.
Sometimes I don't feel like carrying the load of responsibilty.
Sometimes I am reactive rather than proactive.
But that doesn't mean I am not dominant.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/12/2008 9:34:03 AM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am a very laid back dominant. I am not dominant because I have to have things my way. 90% of the time i go with the flow on things. i let others choose whatever they feel like(which i admit pisses off submissives sometimes) but the thing that I feel makes me a dominant is that when I have a preference when i want to go somewhere I make it known. I laydown the law. "tonight I'm having Chineese..nobody else wants it? ok fine I'll be back in an hour" if it involves my submissive. I may give them a choice. "you get to choose between tacobell or white castle"...or well to kink-ify it:   "you get to choose between this paddle or that one...either way you are getting paddled!"

but as I said this is my actions when i'm chilled out relaxed easy going mode or just being indecisive. when i'm in dom/top aka"on a mission" mode thats a different thread all together. so is going into dom-headspace. that simply relates to the play and chemistry between me and my play partner.

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/12/2008 1:16:35 PM   
embersMaster


Posts: 24
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I go through phases where I don't want to be Dominant.  I have found that my life is the mirror image of my Dom-state.  If I am feeling particularly out of control in other places in my life, I will feel the need to be even more Dominant.  The reverse is also true, if I am feeling like I have to be in control of everything, everywhere, then I find that I want to have a break from being the Dominant one. 

Sometimes, it is ok to switch to the otherside.  Or to just take a break.

_____________________________

embersMaster

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/12/2008 8:55:28 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyPhoenix68

Being that I am nearly three years into my journey of Dominance and having attended a quite few play parties/munches, I've occasionally questioned if I am still Dominant. And this is also given that I do what I do in the vanilla world (work, pay bills, go to meetings/sppoitments, etc.), but I wonder:Does anyone have those moments when they don't feel Dominant?



Whenever I feel "unDominant" [?] I also feel like I'm not myself.  The two are inextricably linked, because of my personal viewpoint.

As an example:  I've always believed that anyone in a position of authority should be more patient, more knowledgable, more accepting of the consequences of responsibility when things go awry.  If I were to take charge of something at work and then slack off, I'd be disappointed in myself.  Same holds for a Dominant [at least, the type of Dominant I am].  If I gave a girl an unreasonable order and expected reasonable results, then I'm to blame for being entirely unrealistic.  I pause, focus, readjust my mindset, and move on.

As already noted, this is just being human.  In lay terms, we all fuck up once in a while, even do things counter to our nature; we regret and learn [or so the theory goes].  Same's true for submissives, I'm sure...



_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to EbonyPhoenix68)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/15/2008 1:06:50 PM   
Tristan


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, I have times when I do not feel dominant.  Usually its when I'm feeling drained after a long day at work.  However, I usually feel emotionally recharged in the role of dominant once I make the effort to be in control.  

Tristan 

(in reply to Lumus)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Not feeling Dominant - 2/15/2008 1:20:14 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Some days.ya just don't give a shit. If you alter your perspective, declaring you are not feeling dominant, is dominant.

Jeff


That's one of those strange things that irk me.

I really have no desire to be forced into a role because someone else expects me to behave in a certain way.

I know what that score is, and I hate bottoming to a slave who wants me to enable her all the time, exactly the way she desires it.

And isn't saying no to that at my whim, really a Dominant decision?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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