RE: trying to decide....

RE: trying to decide.... (Full Version)

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Dnomyar -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 9:59:15 AM)
Share toys! BS. Mine Mine

persephonee -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 10:11:00 AM)
Well, for those who missed it, i did speak to both of the Doms in question and we did all come to an understanding and cleared it up...since that post i have played with both and noted appreciably better behavior from them. Apparently, they would rather play than not, which is what i suspected when we discussed the problem. i am a spit-fire but do not enjoy drama, and the rules were clear from the beginning...i think things just needed a little tweaking and i thank everyone for their advice. ~And just maybe you wont have time to post BadOne~ i would have to say....only this....thank you for your concern and time in responding to my post. persephone(e)

OldBastardly1 -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 8:01:33 PM)
I am glad for you, that you were able to whip your Doms into shape. It seems you got them in line quite well. I am sure you will all 3 be quite happy. [sm=mrpuffy.gif]

Leatherist -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 8:04:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee Well, for those who missed it, i did speak to both of the Doms in question and we did all come to an understanding and cleared it up...since that post i have played with both and noted appreciably better behavior from them. Apparently, they would rather play than not, which is what i suspected when we discussed the problem. i am a spit-fire but do not enjoy drama, and the rules were clear from the beginning...i think things just needed a little tweaking and i thank everyone for their advice. ~And just maybe you wont have time to post BadOne~ i would have to say....only this....thank you for your concern and time in responding to my post. persephone(e) I predict unhappiness in your future-Doms seldom deal well with settling.

SovereignDaddy -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 9:15:51 PM)
I have to wonder why you feel the need to play with two dominants. By playing with two, does it give you permission to be "played with" by two guys, can you then pretend to be submissive and not have to submit but still get attention from guys, or do you like it because you don't have to make any kind of commitment? Just wondering, Michael

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 10:14:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SovereignDaddy I have to wonder why you feel the need to play with two dominants. By playing with two, does it give you permission to be "played with" by two guys, can you then pretend to be submissive and not have to submit but still get attention from guys, or do you like it because you don't have to make any kind of commitment? Just wondering, Michael Funny I hear those same arguments from people who don't understand poly and think I'm using it as some excuse to not commit.

persephonee -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/15/2008 11:50:11 PM)
my initial intent in dealing with more than one Dom was in fact to gain experience while lessening the possibility of committing fully to the first Dom who managed to crawl inside my head. ( an obviously easy enough thing to do as i continue to justify my position to people who dont even know me.) As a newbie to the community, but not a novice submissive( sexually)....i needed to express myself in BDSM in the safest emotional space possible for my own protection. The best way i could think to do this was to play in a more casual, less emotional way. Just as with the first person you have sex, the first Dom/me who creates the safe space you need to really submit becomes a very important figure in your life and in the best case scenario becomes a friend of yours for the rest of your life. That is why "my first Dom" remains in my life and i continue to play with him. i am not in love with him. He has things to teach, i am willing to learn...we are a match for now. Would we be good in a D/s relationship beyond sessions? No. The other Dom teaches me as well. He teaches me things that "my first Dom" would not be able to. Would we be good in a D/s relationship beyond sessions? We are working that out. Whether i am going to be in a 24/7 and who will be involved is not known to me at this time. Meanwhile i will scene or play or session with whom i choose. Learning, gathering information and experience until such a time as i feel that i am ready to submit to One.

SailingBum -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/16/2008 4:55:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee my initial intent in dealing with more than one Dom was in fact to gain experience while lessening the possibility of committing fully to the first Dom who managed to crawl inside my head. ( an obviously easy enough thing to do as i continue to justify my position to people who dont even know me.) . Reninds you that you the one who put it out there to a bunch of ppl that don't know you. What did you expect roses. BadOne

Justme696 -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/16/2008 5:09:58 AM)
How do you handle 2 Doms from a learning point of view when they have different opinions on the same subject? Just curious....do you tell Dom A what Dom B says..and how do you handle it yourself?

sirguym -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/16/2008 5:48:29 AM)
I am no believer in any kind of "received wisdom" "holy writ" or religion in general, but the bible has a lot of folk wisdom. It says at one point; "No man may have two Masters, lest he fear one and despise the other." It has truth IMHO; I can share a sub with a Domme, given clear demarcation and good communication. But I would not even try with a Dom, unless both were somebody very special indeed.

SailingBum -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/16/2008 5:54:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirguym I am no believer in any kind of "received wisdom" "holy writ" or religion in general, but the bible has a lot of folk wisdom. It says at one point; "No man may have two Masters, lest he fear one and despise the other." It has truth IMHO; I can share a sub with a Domme, given clear demarcation and good communication. But I would not even try with a Dom, unless both were somebody very special indeed. If your not a believer why did you quote the bible? Real curious. BadOne

persephonee -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/16/2008 9:19:16 AM)
How do you handle 2 Doms from a learning point of view when they have different opinions on the same subject? Just curious....do you tell Dom A what Dom B says..and how do you handle it yourself? < Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/16/2008 5:10:18 AM > i started out with my first Dom and added the next as they had distinctly different styles of play. Their opinions mesh almost completely except that their personalities are different so therefore they act differently. my first Dom is more of a resource to me, protector, someone i can come to for advice....for what thats worth. i know we will be in eachothers lives in some capacity forever....the second, is more of a resource in action....we play more often(which was one issue of contention) and we are much more physical. Dom A....focuses on subtle humiliations and acts of submission....helping me find myself in there to make sure its all real and not a role. Dom B focuses on the pain...which both deliver...but Dom B is more of a sadist and feels more comfortable delivering what i need. If i could ever bring them together...i may not have time to catch my breath again. Again...i could pretty much fall for either much to my detrement for personal reasons...but i just saw a quote today that everyone has probably heard...but i will put it here because i literally just found it...and its speaking to me so loudly today... you may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you dont trust enough. this was on a profile of all places and i havent heard back from the person...but it was just what i needed to see this am. i digress.... i dont discuss in specifics what is said from Dom to Dom...especially now that we are in unison...but really since i try to integrate what im learning into my own opinions...if one hears a new statement from me, its assumed that i learned it from the other... And im becoming rapidly aware that i may never learn what i really need to know until i just do it. Submit...to one and go on from there. Its difficult being new to something at my age. Its rewarding and exciting and id have it no other way...but it is a difficult path to follow. Good thing my bliss is at the end.... eyes lowered persephone(e)

Justme696 -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/16/2008 10:10:58 AM)
thank you very much for your detailed explanation. Was a nice and interesting read. Damian

eyesopened -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 7:27:59 AM)
What i find simply amazing is how female submissives are expected to share a Master but two Masters can't share a female and if they do, she must be topping them. What utter bullshit! This thread has proven to me that Dominant males can and do have the exact same jealousy/insecurity issues they find so unattractive in the submissives who are not happy with poly. Polyamorous relationships are not restricted to one-Dominant-many-submissives. When i was in non-exclusive relationships it was agreed that we would have other play partners, would practice safe sex, and we would not include the others in our play or our time together, even discussing the others was off-limits. That way we avoided drama. i found having non-exclusive relationships was a great way for me to learn about myself which i believe led me to be an even better partner for the Master i love.

BlackPhx -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 7:46:45 AM)
I think I am in agreement with you eyesopen there is a double standard involved. That is why I have tried double doming poenkitten with a mutual friend once. I found it damn fun, with no feelings of jealousy afterwards but I am also really secure in the knowledge she loves me like no others and will continue to choose my chains over others. I do think that a lot of dominants need mentoring and there is damn little of it taking place. I also think being a Master is a lot like being perfect it is a road and a journey not a destination. It is the ultimate goal we aspire to but will never fully achieve. But hey like I say in a lot of my posts I have an off beat and wierd way of looking at things and most of my contemorary peers are not pleased. Kind of like Penn and Teller telling the audience how magicans do thier tricks lol. Truth and honesty are a bitch BlackPhx "I am not kissing your ass, I am dominating it with powerful blows from my lips."

windchymes -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 7:52:21 AM)
Funny how this thread sounds a lot like that recent "Have two doms ever fought over a collar?" thread...and the general consensus was that that could never happen. [:-]

persephonee -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 8:02:07 AM)
When i was in non-exclusive relationships it was agreed that we would have other play partners, would practice safe sex, and we would not include the others in our play or our time together, even discussing the others was off-limits. That way we avoided drama. i found having non-exclusive relationships was a great way for me to learn about myself which i believe led me to be an even better partner for the Master i love. Hear hear! Thank you...i was wondering if i had gone crazy...but i really think its the best way to go for me for now. And as far as mentoring Doms goes...theres a thread about just that on a group i belong to in the midwest (yes im on the coast now but once a cornhusker always one.) New Doms dont want to admit a lack of experience as no sub wants to risk injury, and then there is the male ego....whereas subs can be novice for years and play the blink blink card indefinitely...all encompassing sub-frenzy covering for mistakes in judgement...W/we all have our learning stages...and hopefully growth doesnt stop ever. my goal is always to play safe and learn....and i dont like to pull out my novice card unless im really unsure of what is being asked or what is happening...(which is why i posted in the first place). In my life outside of this unexpected things rarely turn up...i havent questioned myself in years....until now...its delicious. i just wish that everyone were open to learning...admit when you dont know and get the answer. Its not hard to do...once you take the initial leap. smiling all the way to work persephone(e)

Justme696 -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 8:04:07 AM)
quote: That is why I have tried double doming poenkitten with a mutual friend once BlackPhx where did it go wrong? that is interesting for this thread (if You want to share of course)

littlesui -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 8:27:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Tell them both clearly that you haven't submitted to either, and their poor behavior is leading you to decide to never see either of them again. Then call red anytime they start this shit. It's perfectly fine for one or both to decide that they like you a lot, and would like to be your one and only. As long as they ask you. They've forgotten the consent bit involved. I think I'd go back to a public dungeon and play there for a while where the rules are clearly understood and you can yell for a DM if necessary. And in the meantime, I wouldn't see them until they decide they can or cannot continue as casual only and talk to you about it honestly. I agree - I had a similar experience - Doms who say they are happy for no strings attached until they are aware of a. n. other party then the big greeny steps in and everything becomes a means of manipulating you against 'the other one' - win at all odds - isolate and control. In the end it became easier to dump all parties concerned.

BlackPhx -> RE: trying to decide.... (2/17/2008 9:01:07 AM)
You are correct windchymes, it is very similar to that thread. I posted, with great oppsition if I might add, that competition was rampent among dominants for the attention of potential submissives and slaves. And as you pointed out the majority of the dominants said that was not true that just being compatiable was sufficient to be successful and they would never get caught being manipulated by a submissive or slave into competing for them. I also like the thread "Who do they think they are" in the general BDSM discussion forum which also seems to put this belief into perspective as well (aka "All that and 2 bags of Cheetos and a Ding Dong") . I encourage reading both threads persephonee if you want a different perspective on this same issue [;)]. The ever loving brown eyed Master of poenkitten BlackPhx "I am not kissing your ass, I am dominating it with powerful blows from my lips."

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