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How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:39:36 AM

awakenednj

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I am new to this. I am hungry for it. But.. how do you find out if a man can handle you while maintaining respectfullness. Masters- what are the best ways you have ever been approached? Please help.... Thank you

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:43:13 AM

ProlificNeeds

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Talk to them as you'd talk to anyone else you know. Demand respect as you would from anyone you just met. You are a person first and foremost (unless you want to be treated like a doormat).
Be polite, extend the same courtesy as you would to anyone you want to make friends with, but just remember. They don't command you, you submit to whoever you choose to. You don't have to be 'submissive' to every 'dominant' who walks along and wants a thrill from you. Submit to someone who deserves it, to everyone else, just be your polite cheerful self. It is afterall the most honest way to present yourself... by being yourself, don't pretend.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:50:08 AM

Viridana

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Approach with same courtesy and general manners you would approach anyone in life. Don't settle for anything less back

< Message edited by Viridana -- 2/10/2008 11:54:29 AM >

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:50:38 AM

Chocodelite4U

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Well said, The first and golden rule treat other as you would have them treat you. Give respect and respect yourself and the dom will respect you. Once your in a relationship the groundrules should be clear and agree upon.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:52:39 AM

Viridana

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.... double posting sorry

< Message edited by Viridana -- 2/10/2008 11:53:59 AM >

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:56:18 AM

awakenednj

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That is good advice- i guess I am looking for more specifics. What are ways you have been approached that were memorable?

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:58:13 AM

RedMagic1

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Could you start by answering: what kind of person are you looking for? What kind of relationship do you hope to build?

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 11:58:15 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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The ways that any good mature adult would- that they recognize their being a dominant is meaningless to me at that point and has no relevance on our discussion.

If you're looking to be swept off your feet, you'll end up cracking your head on the concrete.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:08:56 PM

awakenednj

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This may be the heart of my confusion. I am not sure what a relationship like this can be. I know that I have walked all over guys in the past. I don't know if there is something I am doing that would sabotage what i am really looking for, or if I have just only ever met one truly dominant man. It is such a rush. All i know for sure is that I want more... But it is a little scary/confusing. Is this common with new subs? How do you ask for control you are not yet sure you can respect? Is the only way to know for sure to actually dive in with it and see if it works? I have so many questions and no one in my life that understands this at all.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:12:10 PM

Level

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"Walking all over" people will generally elicit two responses from dominants: One, they'll see you as a challenge, or two, they'll see you as a pain in the ass, and avoid you.

And yes, IMO, the only way to find out if someone is right for you is to spend time with them.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:33:21 PM

ThundersCry

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Whats commom with new people is...not all but many...myself included,

sub... fever

dom/top....fever

I just kinda like to be talked to like I am a human =L=

The Sir stuff ....Y/you U/us...grinds me

Good luck...

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:34:31 PM

ProlificNeeds

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Don't put the cart before the horse. Get to know someone before you start a relationship with them. Start a relationship and build trust before you throw yourself into submission. If you find someone who is genuinely interested in you, it will occure on it's own. As you get to know them, and they you, they'll know whether they want you as a sub or not.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:44:07 PM

kinkypuppy2

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Just talk, Be respectful but not condisending, just be you.
and do NOT ever address them as "Master" you are not ( or not yet their slave,) so leave that title for later

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:44:29 PM

sweetwenchie

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Why not have nice normal conversations covering a wide range of topics? While finally admitted what you need and seeking it can be heady, you need to let your rational side do some of the talking as well. Do not offer all of your power to another if you have ANY doubt that you respect that person. There is no need to rush, despite the excitement of being new, and wanting to experience as much as possible. Think about it as you would any other relationship, would you give up all control to someone you just met? Would you agree to do anything and everything they wanted? Hopefully the answer is no.

Are there any local groups or munches in your area? Getting to know people who have a bit of experience behind them can be extremely beneficial.

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 12:59:59 PM

AMaster

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When making first contact talk to a DOM the same way you would any other person you want to get to know. By the way, most of us Masters are not offended if a sub approaches him first.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 1:48:31 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

That is good advice- i guess I am looking for more specifics. What are ways you have been approached that were memorable?

Well, Valyraen enjoyed the approach of some subtle flirting, tickling, a little play wresting...

Pretty standard stuff really. He doesn't expect or desire to be treated any differently than a vanilla man because he happens to enjoy holding the flogger until he actually owns someone.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/10/2008 1:49:40 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 1:51:28 PM

mstrj69

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The ones that came across the best were the ones I met at a munch because nobody was expecting anything but to talk as friends in a vanilla setting. I have had others email me and start off with "Master" which is nothing but a "turn off" for me as I am not their master and they are not my submissive or slave. You can write to anybody you are interested in talking to and possibly eventually meeting. I go through emails first and then after a couple of months, we can move onto phone calls if we both want. This is not something to rush, take your time, especially if initial contact is going to be via email versus a munch or an event in your area.

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 1:56:22 PM

BlackPhx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

I am new to this. I am hungry for it. But.. how do you find out if a man can handle you while maintaining respectfullness. Masters- what are the best ways you have ever been approached? Please help.... Thank you

Well I can't speak for Mster but the line tht brought us together was "Nice St. Andrews" after I had finished a run to his bathroom upon arrival at a social gathering that was not lifestyle oriented.

However, I suspect that tends to be a pretty rare comment unless you are arriving at their home where they have one or, are at a club/munch. Generally speaking however, you have already gotten some good advice.

Be polite and give them the respect you would give anyone you are talking to. Listen, talk, don't interrupt rudely but if you have something to say, make it known the same way you would with your friends. Remember they are people first. IF it progresses beyond that, then how you speak to him will be between you and he to decide.

Be real. Don't try to impress him, be a person, let him learn who you are as a person first, not as a sub or slave. You have hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, favorite movies, books, foods. Talk about them and listen to what he offers as well. Be yourself, if you are playful, cool, like to laugh, cool, cry at chick flicks, love action adventure flicks, again cool. If you are a match up there you have a basis for something more than a one night "play" stand and perhaps a friendship even if things don't work out between you.

Prepare to kiss a lot of Frogs. Play partners are easy to find, they come out of the woodwork if there is a BDSM club near you you can go to. Finding your Master on the other hand takes patience. Not every man who wants to play with you is going to be the "One". You will know when he comes along and so will he. At that point you won't be worried about whether he can handle you, you will know, he can.

Dating in the BDSM life choice is like dating anywhere else. There are good dates and dates from hell. Dates that will put you to sleep and some that will quicken your blood. Enjoy them and get to know a wide variety of people. Learn about the different things that can be done and how they are done safely. Many munches these days have Demos you can attend, some are like cocktail parties/mixers. Explore and learn about yourself and your needs, the more you know about them, the more you will have to offer and the clearer you will be able to be when talking with a potential Dominant partner.

Good Luck

poenkitten

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 2:11:47 PM

lronitulstahp

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quote:

Be real. Don't try to impress him, be a person, let him learn who you are as a person first, not as a sub or slave. You have hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes, favorite movies, books, foods. Talk about them and listen to what he offers as well. Be yourself, if you are playful, cool, like to laugh, cool, cry at chick flicks, love action adventure flicks, again cool. If you are a match up there you have a basis for something more than a one night "play" stand and perhaps a friendship even if things don't work out between you.

great advice... i've been very recently bitten on the ass(self-inflicted) for not heeding that one...sometimes we forget there is no need to get all "subbie" in order to impress a Dom friend. If you're a cool chick with great stuff going on between your ears, don't suppress that because some Doms are put off by it. The ones who want no... REQUIRE a brainy and thoughtful sub/slave are far more interesting and worthy.
~humbled

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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 8:09:07 PM

InkedMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

Masters- what are the best ways you have ever been approached? Please help.... Thank you

"NICE HARLEY !!! can i suck your cock?"

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