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Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:09:51 PM   
Sub0liminal1


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/15/2007
Status: offline 		This is the first posting I have ever done but I am in a situation that I require the input of those more experienced within this lifestyle. I am a submissive, beginning a relationship with a said to be Dom. I believe that there are certain qualities that a Master/Dom must have in order to be able to lead, to take care of, to Master a submissive. The qualities I believe are of upmost importance are the following:
Confidence
Inner Strength
Assurity
Control of his own life
Financially secure and incharge of his own Finances
Independant as in resides in his own dwelling not living with parents or friends
Understanding
Disciplined
Respectful
If not educated with degrees then world and knowledge smart
Intelligent and able to carry on more than a basic conversation of world issues, society issues, family issues etc
Caring
Calm
Approachable
Loving
Open minded
Fair
Mature emotionally
Settled in mind and spirit
I am looking for guidance on whether or not I am expecting too much. For me within this list; some of the most important are, that He/She be self sustaining, emotionally mature, financially settled, living independantly, and relatively intelligent. I welcome your comments

Sub0liminal1
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:15:59 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Honest
Reliable
Responsible
Reasonable
My must-haves
I can deal with some jerkishness I can handle someone with no money, I can tolerate someone who is difficult to approach or might be a bit tempermental. Everyone has flaws. I cannot, absolutely cannot handle someone who is unreliable or deceitful though.

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:25:22 PM   
justdavid


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/19/2005
From: Saint Joseph, MO
Status: offline 		I have read this and other message boards over the years and questions like this often come up and I do understand why that is and I am not going to rip that. But (and you could tell that was coming) are not all these qualities listed or will be listed qualities for any human being to have regardless of gender or role in a power exchange relationship?

So I will add that a quality for a dominant to have is to strive to have all of these qualities and realize that does not make one dominant nor a great dominant but just the base to leap from if you are wanting to control and lead in a relationship. We must be good enough human beings to start and go from there.

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:30:45 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub0liminal1

This is the first posting I have ever done but I am in a situation that I require the input of those more experienced within this lifestyle. I am a submissive, beginning a relationship with a said to be Dom. I believe that there are certain qualities that a Master/Dom must have in order to be able to lead, to take care of, to Master a submissive. The qualities I believe are of upmost importance are the following:
Confidence
Inner Strength
Assurity
Control of his own life
Financially secure and incharge of his own Finances
Independant as in resides in his own dwelling not living with parents or friends
Understanding
Disciplined
Respectful
If not educated with degrees then world and knowledge smart
Intelligent and able to carry on more than a basic conversation of world issues, society issues, family issues etc
Caring
Calm
Approachable
Loving
Open minded
Fair
Mature emotionally
Settled in mind and spirit
I am looking for guidance on whether or not I am expecting too much. For me within this list; some of the most important are, that He/She be self sustaining, emotionally mature, financially settled, living independantly, and relatively intelligent. I welcome your comments

Sub0liminal1



Expecting too much is a bit of a loaded term. I really can't tell you what you need or should expect in a relationship. However, I have never bought the idea that you have to have your own house and be completely secure money-wise to be dominant. Valyraen and I met and got together in college and, while I find older men attractive, I prefer a man my own age. Call me impatient but I wasn't about to wait around until I found someone I liked who had those things when there was someone right in front of me who I liked, was attracted to, shared many vanilla interests and who I was interested in exploring a relationship with.

Edited cause I realized I forgot something.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/10/2008 2:41:42 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:40:45 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub0liminal1
I am a submissive, beginning a relationship with a said to be Dom.

In other words...... he doesn't match the list?  What's the question behind your question here?  Don't you read the threads?  Wannabe Doms like me don't understand women.  We need things explained reeeeeel cleeeeeer.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:49:24 PM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		i only have one issue with your list.....i am a slave to my current Owner of 5 years so i havn't searched in quite a while but in regards to your statement that a Master has to live a lone with no parents.....

things happen in life, and a person could go from having the world ahead of them in a good way to being knocked on their feet the next second.....it happens all the time for a multitude of reasons.

there are other situations where the Dominant in question is a caretaker for His parents are you actually telling me that you wouldn't consider a Dominant because a parent or maybe even both live with Him so He can take care of them...if that was the case and i was the Dominant in "question" i wouldn't be considering you, you wouldn't even have the chance to be on the flip side of considering choosing me.

Now mind you these situations can fit both sides, Dom and sub / slave....how would you feel if it was you?

~meticulous~

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 2:56:41 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		The qualities you *listed* are the same qualities you would think one would look for in a submissive/slave/whatever they are called...
 
I know I have been very guilty in the past forming a *fantasy* in my lil mind of what *one* outta be, etc...
 
Time will take care of that and...experience and...mistakes. I have found..
 
You alrerady know the answer....
 
Good luck...
 
Oh wait...REFERENCES from others in the scene are very helpful.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:14:40 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I find all of those to be reasonable goals for all adults regardless of sex or orientation.
None of them appear to be necessary simply to be a dom.
Only you can know which traits are essential in your relationships.

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:29:01 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		It's excellent to know what one wants.  The only problem with having a long list of must-haves is that some really quality Dominants may simply see a long list and think 'demand' rather than 'would like'.  Some of the things in your list could be pared down to one word like 'personal integrity' instead of three traits that basically mean the same thing.  Understand?  i don't want you to think i'm being mean, just trying to parse the list into something that appears more approachable.  You list three words that pretty much mean Self Confident and several things that mean Self Accomplished. 

You are not expecting too much to know what you seek but you may allow a little wiggle-room.  The most perfect Dominant for you may feel he doesn't exactly meet your lengthy criteria while a perfect asshole is positive he meets them all.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:42:10 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		cheese
bacon
mayo
lettuce
tomato



_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:44:07 PM   
Sub0liminal1


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/15/2007
Status: offline 		First let me say thank you for all of your input thus far it is genuinely appreciated.

I also see the need to be clear. I am not looking for a cash cow or some rich and prestige lifestyle. I am a single mother of three children. I work to support all of us. I work hard infact doing whatever it takes to pay the rent and all other expenses. I would say that the man I look to - to be my leader, to depend upon, to fill the need I have to be dominated must have his poop in group. If I can have mine together give my life situation then I would expect him to have his in order. He is not recovering from Divorce, he has no over the top expenses. If you are not incharge of your own life, and be responsible for your own well being how can you be a leader to another, and be responsible for another person's well being?

Many I have found look to this lifestyle as just about SEX and playing scenes. I seek the real life lifestyle, the day to day. I seek the male that not only I can respect but that I can trust can handle his own survival.

I am speaking of a Master, Dom, who has a job and infact makes a good living, however cannot seem to manage his money or his affairs. Who seems to be an impulsive buyer and has no restraint or maturity where money is involved. So much He living conditions are not of an independant nature. Therefore given that I have children, the ability to actually live as Master and sub is more than difficult.

To answer one of the contributers questions, no  He is not looking after his parents because they are old or ill. Of course if that was the case the scenario I speak of would be very different as would the acceptance and understanding.

Perhaps I do ask for too much. Perhaps I view the man I look to lead me and for me to submit mind body and soul to; to be in at least at my level in many things not simply financially. It is the early stages of this dance and all exploratory, where you feel each other out, learn about each other. Yes there are many things I like, yes there is chemistry but the things that I thought should be a foundation or a given seem to be scued.  

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:51:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I wrote this some time ago when someone asked about the ten qualities that every Dominant should have.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Only ten?  If I would give a list of ten, I would surely think of an eleventh, but here goes.

1.  Trustworthiness
2.  Honesty
3.  Integrity
4.  Intelligence
5.  Craving for knowledge
6.  Loyalty (I know that sounds like a submissive trait, but think about it.)
7.  Compassion/Empathy
8.  Creativity
9.  Protective
10.   Sense of humor

I was wrong.  When I wrote the list, I didn't come up with eleven.  It was easily more like fifteen that immediately popped into My head.  Just another glowing example of the complexity and wonder of domination.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:52:06 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Well, if this man meets your criteria in many areas, but sucks at handling money, he might do well with a sub/slave who is good at it. Then he can hand that chore over, she's serving him by fulfilling that function, and they can both be happy.

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 3:57:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Playful.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 4:02:53 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:


I am speaking of a Master, Dom, who has a job and infact makes a good living, however cannot seem to manage his money . . .


That is an apt description of my Dom, which is why I'm the bookkeeper.    Budgeting is my responsiblity too - he despises that stuff.  He'd rather have me tell him "We can't afford that," than keep track himself.  Everybody has strengths and weaknesses.

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 4:04:12 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Playful.


And kinky would be good too.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 4:16:58 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Quite honestly, if you go into a relationship with another person; no matter who or what that person may be...if you go into a relationship with another person with a huge, long, EXPECTATION list...you WILL be disappointed. No if's, and's or but's about it.

With that said...the only expectation you should have is that you both are mature and honest about what  you want and don't want.


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 4:23:16 PM   
Dvoratrelunda


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline 		A submissive friend and myself were discussing this very topic recently.
She summed it up very well, in my opinion with:

"Dominance is a state of mind, not a person...it is not the action that makes the person dominant, it is the means in which they carry themselves...that has nothing to do with personal success...the only thing that matters is if they themselves and their submissive are successful in what they do."

I know many dominant persons that, like a previous poster pointed out, that 'life just happens' and they are not in that same financially secure position they once were, for many reasons. The quality about them that I admire, is they take the lemons, make lemonade and share the fruits of learning with others.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 4:52:20 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		Although i am certain there are Doms who lack some of these traits and are quite capable of mastering someo9ne else beautifulully I would guess that to properly master you they should have at least almost all of the traits you have listed.  My suggestion would be to see if you can find someone with all the traits you have listed, but allow for friendship and conversations with others, and if you find something developing with someone who falls short in one way or another, then you can evaluate just how important your criteria are to you/

(in reply to Sub0liminal1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Qualities of a Master/Dom - 2/10/2008 5:07:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If that's what you need, then that's what you need.

By the same token, I would expect that you can meet all these criteria yourself.

Demanding that he be a professional with a 6 figure income while you live in your mother's basement just doesn't cut it.
Demanding that he be educated while you are a high school dropout is unrealistic.
Demanding that he have his shit together while you could qualify as the top drama queen in the nation just doesn't work.

The more you expect, the more you need to be in the same league.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Nineveh)
Profile   Post #: 20
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