RE: Am I really a dom?

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CMRTyson -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 8:55:45 AM)
There have been a lot of very good comments and advice here so far, but in reading them, I thought about my own way to define it. This forum is so very good for that. Dominance is a desire to lead, the confidence to lead and the willingness to take the responsibility of leadership. A good dominant leads their submissive in the right direction, even if it means a delay or even sacrifice of what you may want today. It is about building a better life. Sex is a way to express desires and feelings. BDSM is an extreme method to express extreme desires and feelings. They are not always the same, but for me, when they are together with the right submissive(s), they become a soul satisfying, larger-than-life experience. Ask yourself if you agree and if you would find satisfaction in that way of living. Good luck CMR Tyson

tigerstyle -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 8:58:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spankuvrymuch I am not sure how to articulate this so I will just let it flow and see what happens. I think I am a dom, but I am not sure. I am arroused by spanking and humiliation and some amount of pain (light) but at the same time I don't want to really hurt a woman. Yet I believe women to be equals in all things. The real contradiction in my mind (maybe it is only in my mind) is that while I do not think of myself as a "hero" (more of an anit-hero; John Wayne in The Searchers for example) and I am by no means a knight in shining armor (I kind of detest that motif) and no one's prince charming I find with in myself a strong desire to be a protector, the shoulder to cry on. How does all that work with sexual domination? How can this contradiction hold? Maybe I am not a real dom and CM is not the place for me? The entire thing is completely subjective. If it makes you feel good to call yourself a "dom", then do so, if not, not. I use the word for myself, usually semi-ironically, but the only thing I have in common with most doms is two arms and a dick.

Dnomyar -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:04:52 AM)
Mmmm the op is only struggling with the Dom part. Im struggling with the whold Dnomyar thing.

GoodgirlFind -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:07:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Mmmm the op is only struggling with the Dom part. Im struggling with the whold Dnomyar thing. My experience has been that when a dom says he wants to dom you, its really just sexually. most doms want to dominate a girl sexually and thats about it. Most girls don't want a dom trying to dominate the rest of their lives anyway.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:11:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spankuvrymuch I am not sure how to articulate this so I will just let it flow and see what happens. I think I am a dom, but I am not sure. I am arroused by spanking and humiliation and some amount of pain (light) but at the same time I don't want to really hurt a woman. Yet I believe women to be equals in all things. The real contradiction in my mind (maybe it is only in my mind) is that while I do not think of myself as a "hero" (more of an anit-hero; John Wayne in The Searchers for example) and I am by no means a knight in shining armor (I kind of detest that motif) and no one's prince charming I find with in myself a strong desire to be a protector, the shoulder to cry on. How does all that work with sexual domination? How can this contradiction hold? Maybe I am not a real dom and CM is not the place for me? Suggestion: Every time this question pops up in your brain, grab your woman and spank her until the question goes away--won't take that long once the blood flows from the north head to the south head. Even if it doesn't resolve the question, the great sex you'll get should make the questioning worthwhile.

Dnomyar -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:20:47 AM)
GoodgirlFind please enlighten me. What do most girls want a Dom for??

Nineveh -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:26:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TracyTaken quote: The real contradiction in my mind (maybe it is only in my mind) is that while I do not think of myself as a "hero" (more of an anit-hero; John Wayne in The Searchers for example) and I am by no means a knight in shining armor (I kind of detest that motif) and no one's prince charming I find with in myself a strong desire to be a protector, the shoulder to cry on. You are comparing yourself to: "a hero," "knight in shining armor" and "Prince Charming." In my mind, all of that equates to fiction. If you presented yourself as actually being those things, I would consider you dishonest and probably less of a Dom than a kiss ass. [;)] I think these are useful archetypes to define oneself with. The knight in shining armour is a type of man, I have known a few, they have their flaws, they are far from perfect, but I would not hesitate to call them knights in shining armor because they live to rescue damsels in distress.

toservez -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:31:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nineveh I think these are useful archetypes to define oneself with. The knight in shining armour is a type of man, I have known a few, they have their flaws, they are far from perfect, but I would not hesitate to call them knights in shining armor because they live to rescue damsels in distress. Actually it has been my overwhelming experience those in the life who consider themselves White Knights and/or who like to rescue submissives have serious self esteem issues. They need to believe and perpetuate the view that submissive equals weak, naïve and flawed while dominant equals strong and wise and view people they try to help as inferior to them.

amadeus77 -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:34:03 AM)
quote: My point is. It truely doesn't matter what you motives are or what you call yourself. If you enjoi it do it. BadOne Two people both take a knife to someone. The first preson is a psychopath; the second is a surgeon. No, actually, it matters a lot what your motives are. Your statement, as a reflection of a personal philosophy, is incoherent. Being something -- a Dom, a sub -- does not release us from the responsibilities of living an ethical life.

GoodgirlFind -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:37:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoodgirlFind quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar Mmmm the op is only struggling with the Dom part. Im struggling with the whold Dnomyar thing. My experience has been that when a dom says he wants to dom you, its really just sexually. most doms want to dominate a girl sexually and thats about it. Most girls don't want a dom trying to dominate the rest of their lives anyway. And in my exper, most girls want a dom for attention, lots of attention. and lots of sexual attention. most girls can dominate their own lives just fine.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:38:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez Actually it has been my overwhelming experience those in the life who consider themselves White Knights and/or who like to rescue submissives have serious self esteem issues. I agree..... I mean, I echo that sentiment.[;)] I'm going to pick a broken bird up at the seashore and nurse her back to health. Once she's a bit healthier, though, she'll fly away. People attracted to illness and damage are often damaged themselves, and once the partner gets healthier, it's time to move on.

Nineveh -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:39:30 AM)
The white knights I knew were submissives.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:41:12 AM)
The point is still the same, dude.

TracyTaken -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 9:51:54 AM)
quote: I think these are useful archetypes to define oneself with. The knight in shining armour is a type of man, I have known a few, they have their flaws, they are far from perfect, but I would not hesitate to call them knights in shining armor because they live to rescue damsels in distress. There are many Cinderellas out there too (frequently posting in the form of new submissives). You don't need a storybook character to define who you are, and anything of the sort is going to fall far short of defining a living human being. A human being trying to live up to such a limited definition is probably pretty oblivious of him/herself - or maybe just creating a persona as fake the character he/she is attempting to emulate.

junecleaver -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 10:02:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spankuvrymuch I am not sure how to articulate this so I will just let it flow and see what happens. I think I am a dom, but I am not sure. I am arroused by spanking and humiliation and some amount of pain (light) but at the same time I don't want to really hurt a woman. Yet I believe women to be equals in all things. The real contradiction in my mind (maybe it is only in my mind) is that while I do not think of myself as a "hero" (more of an anit-hero; John Wayne in The Searchers for example) and I am by no means a knight in shining armor (I kind of detest that motif) and no one's prince charming I find with in myself a strong desire to be a protector, the shoulder to cry on. How does all that work with sexual domination? How can this contradiction hold? Maybe I am not a real dom and CM is not the place for me? Ignore the labels. Write out what you really want in a relationship, in your sex life, and what you bring to the table. Labels are important identifiers when searching for a mate, but it's a lot easier to go from specific to general. Advertise yourself as a 'Dominant' or 'Sadist' if you are looking for someone to control and hurt, but be ready to explain what that would mean in a relationship with you.

laurell3 -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 10:03:35 AM)
FR: You are a Dom if YOU say you are a Dom and no one else. Kink, sadism, masochism, structure, protocol, and every other thing you can think of varely widely from person to person. If you are interested in the lifestyle and want to explore being a Dom, you are. Don't be dissuaded or fooled by those that say there is a formula you must follow. The only thing you have to do is be you, find someone that fits with you and respect the person you find's wishes as well. I detest the broken bird analogy. Everyone in life are broken birds to an extent, it truly isn't the troubles one has facing them that defines a person, it's how they deal with them. There's nothing to say that someone that has or has had troubles makes a bad partner or will leave you. That also is indvidual. If one choses to support someone in that situation, the criticism for being a "white knight" is just silly. We all need support, we all have problems. OP be who you are, don't worry about labels.

Dnomyar -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 10:06:38 AM)
Snuggles up to laurell. Good post.

laurell3 -> RE: Am I really a dom? (2/11/2008 10:28:33 AM)
thanks, I needed that!

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