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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/11/2008 8:49:00 PM

MasterFireMaam

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I can't speak for everyone but...

A serious relationship, for me, does include being together for a certain amount of time. I have an unusual background: Unlike many I know, I currently have no childhood friends still active in my life, nor do I have any close friends save one (whom I love dearly) who have been close for more than a year. I've had one friendship last for 4 years, but it lasted, in part, because I had to work with her to run a group and kept forgiving her when she damaged me (third time's a charm). I say that it was a friendship because, when we got along, we got along really well and I really enjoyed her company. In fact, I still miss her.

On the flip side of that, I've been married twice, once for almost 10 years and the other for 7. My girl has been collared for two years after a year of "getting to know you" period. So, I DO have experience with long-term relationships.

I'm usually impressed when I've been with someone or close to someone for a year. I have a lot of people come and go in my life; few seem to "get me" enough to stick around. That suits me fine since I really only want people who truly match me on some level to be close to me. I've always had that attitude and, given the quality of those who are currently in my life, it seems to work well.

Hmmm...I think that answered your question.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 2/11/2008 8:51:43 PM >

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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/11/2008 9:01:39 PM

Maestro66babycak

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It is my opinion and experience that a successful relationship is when 2 people stay together thru all of the pain and sorrow and laughter and love and joy and depression that life brings.

It is not, however, leaving at the first sign of a problem, or the second or third or twentieth problem.It means working out all the problems , which most of the time involves compromise of some kind, and always involves compassion and understanding.

I hope that helps your understanding .
Peace.

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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/12/2008 5:42:02 AM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: atursvcMaam

What is Y/your thought of a "serious" or successful relationship?

I think a relationship is only as serious as your commitment to it. By commitment, I'm not referring to a specific time frame or format for the relationship such as monogamy (I consider those relationship goals), but your dedication to the positive continuation of the relationship... in essence, how much you care.

It doesn't have to be mutual, either. I could be in a relationship with a man where I care very much for him and have a deep desire for the continuation and growth of our relationship. At the same time, he might simply like me and enjoy my company, but have a casual attitude wherein it doesn't particularly matter to him one way or another that the relationship continues. In other words, I consider the relationship serious where he does not.

The success of a relationship directly relates to what it is that you desire for the relationship. If what you desire is only casual sexual companionship, then a relationship with a woman or man you occasionally have sex with could be considered successful. If you only want someone to talk to when you want to feel desirable, then that online chat buddy could be the perfect relationship for you.

There are no limits to the number of goals that you can have for a relationship, so it's possible for one to be both successful and a failure. You can hope for a relationship to lead to marriage and when it does, it's successful... but you can also have a goal for that marriage to last for the rest of your life and it could end.

Goals do not have to stay the same, though. If ten years into your marriage you find yourself miserable, your original goal of "til death do us part" might change into "this continues over my dead body". If you desire a relationship to end and it does, isn't that a success, too?

Basically, seriousness or success is a matter of perspective... and if you're lucky, you find someone who is compatible with both your desired commitment level and relationship goals.

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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/12/2008 7:11:55 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's successful if afterwards you both feel better about yourself, not worse.

I totally agree. I have often stated in my posts that Master never wishes to make me "less than" what I was when He first encountered me. For us, that sums up so much. It basically means that He really liked what He found in me on many levels and wants our relationship to enhance and build up those qualities/traits, not wipe out or tear down the CORE of me and who I've always been before knowing Him.

Like ownedgirlie has stated, He loved my personality and my intensity. All He sought to change, per se, were the bad habits or patterns He saw, not essential traits I possessed. As you say, DesFIP, if your partner and your relationship make you feel better then, for us, that mean's it's "working" as it should.

In our estimation, for someone to see the best of you and want to always draw that out and showcase it, so to speak, makes for a healthy, happy relationship that is mutually beneficial...........luci

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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/12/2008 7:41:41 AM

LaTigresse

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I also won't put a time frame on this simply because there are things that can end, or change, a relationship that are not necessarily negative.

To me, a relationship is sucessful when the people in it are pleased with the relationship. When that changes, it is no longer sucessful. The serious part I don't really see as applicable to relationships actually.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/12/2008 7:45:11 AM >

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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/12/2008 8:06:29 AM

RavenMuse

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As other posters have mentioned there is a difference in 'serious' and 'successful' in terms of relationships. Also those terms will be effected by thing such as the difference between Poly folks and Mono folks. One of My most successful relationships lasted 5 years, but it was far from serious as both of us had primary partners and only saw each other maybe once a month, if that. However We where good for each other and for our respective relationships.... and when it ended it was nothing more that a drift in different direction, no drama, no animosity, just an acceptance that our time was at an end.

Serious, thats more about the intensity of the feelings and the level of the dynamic for Me. A play partner will never be a serious relationship regardless of how successful it maybe. I can't get too attatched to someone I don't Own for one thing, the feelings are more those for a friend who I have an enjoyable time with occasionaly, I have little responcibility to or for them.

Sticking with the illiteration of success and seriousness, another important factor is stability. A successful serious stable relationship.... Thats what I aim for when I take on a slave. My current girl is sertainly serious, live-in 24/7 TPE and so far successful in that We continue to be good for each other, she makes Me happy and she is thriving on the depth to wich she has found her submission reaching (Even though it sometimes scares her)... stability? To early to tell, so far yes, no major glitches and only a couple of small incidents that required correction and discipline, but it has only been 3 months so far.

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RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relation... - 2/12/2008 8:09:18 AM

Leatherist

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Your two wills come together in a way that impact positively not just for yourselves-but those you touch around you.

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