When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far?

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When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 12:46:18 PM

carefulsub

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/7/2005
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I am curious. I have recently ran into several submissives that have had horrible experiences with Dom/Masters. I personally have had wonderful caring Dom/Masters. But I have met several young submissives that have been scared and told they were going to do whatever these Dom/Masters wanted.

I am concerned for their safety. When safewords are disreguarded or the submissive is made to feel that safewording is being a baby (so she will not use it the next time) this is dangerous. I wish I could show these girls how wonderful a Dom/Master could be, but they now have this scewed idea of what a Dom/Master is supposed to be.

Then these giels are told they are not to talk to anyone about their experiences. Even after they have left these Dom/Masters care. I enjoy sharing my submissive experiences with my sister submissives and find it gives me perspective at times. I can not understand why a Dom/Master would want to hide in such a manner? or want me to hide in this manner? So these girls don't feel like thay can speak to anyone about what is happening... Also these girls are all Novices so they do not know that there are other submissives out there that they can ask questions of. These girls are then isilated.

I have always believed that this relationship could be a wonderful adventure for the submissive into a world that is both loving as well as interesting. What should I tell these girls?

careful

Post #: 1

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 1:12:41 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Remind them that their relationships are their choices and should serve to fulfill everyone involved in them. Remind them that dominants are just like everyone else, some are dorks and assholes. Remind them that this is real life and they should treat it just like they would in a vanilla relationship and let go of all their illusions.

It won't really change much, but perhaps a few will make a few less hard knocks and be a little less prone to mistakes.

(in reply to carefulsub)

Post #: 2

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 3:22:17 PM

carefulsub

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Joined: 3/7/2005
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These Dom/Masters are, from what I can gather are telling these girls that this is what this lifestyle is all about... There are so many facets to this life that I find it disgusting.

careful

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 3

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 5:14:40 PM

OscarHargraves

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What would you tell a friend who was in a bad (read abusive) marriage? Or relationship? What would you tell your daughter about a guy who she lets beat her up?

No, this is not normal. Those 'Doms' are very worried indeed that this will get reported to the authorties, and probably with just cause. Sit down with these girls individually and explain the difference to them between a Dom and a perverted sick-o. See if they were really being abused or if this is just a wanna-be Dom who is afraid that someone else will find out that he doesn't know his own ass form a hole in the ground.

Either way, tell them that this is NOT normal and they should move out and move on. Maybe you could talk in detail about some of your experiences and the experiences of others you know. Convince them that 'Sub' does not equal 'doormat' or anything similar and try to help them.

You might even get them to check in here as a guest and read. That alone could be very enlightening.

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(in reply to carefulsub)

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RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/11/2005 5:41:12 PM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

What would you tell a friend who was in a bad (read abusive) marriage? Or relationship? What would you tell your daughter about a guy who she lets beat her up?

No, this is not normal. Those 'Doms' are very worried indeed that this will get reported to the authorties, and probably with just cause. Sit down with these girls individually and explain the difference to them between a Dom and a perverted sick-o. See if they were really being abused or if this is just a wanna-be Dom who is afraid that someone else will find out that he doesn't know his own ass form a hole in the ground.

Either way, tell them that this is NOT normal and they should move out and move on. Maybe you could talk in detail about some of your experiences and the experiences of others you know. Convince them that 'Sub' does not equal 'doormat' or anything similar and try to help them.

You might even get them to check in here as a guest and read. That alone could be very enlightening.

I agree with you totally here, perhaps she could be like a mentor submissive to these women, also I found it very helpful to be here during my search for Master, and learned alot. Yes I made some mistakes, but the worst one cost me 400 dollars but now I look at it as money well spent the jerk of a dom came and stayed for a couple of weeks took off to help some friends in florida and needed the money for bus money back, yep I haven't seen him since and am well glad I haven't.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 5

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/12/2005 1:07:43 AM

lordboundheart

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Joined: 8/3/2004
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it is so hard to help some of these girls. One, because they are novices and have less experience in the lifestyle, and because they are very often younger and dont even have life experience. It is in my opinion, a big red flag whenever a Dom/me asks or commands his keep to be quiet about what they do and not to talk to others. shhhh Its a secret is very much what pedophiles use with small children. I feel that anyone who tells their "trainee" to do so, is in fact afraid of being discovered by someone who knows their way around, or they fear that someone with a little more experience may start to influence the submissive and wake them up to their antics. Any time a Dom injures someone, its either an accident or a loss of control. An accident is just that, we have all hurt someone out of loss of concentration, or the like. Loss of control however is a much more serious issue. And any time a Dom has a loss of control like that, he needs to be upfront about it and deal with it.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 6

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/12/2005 5:33:18 AM

Dr24

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Joined: 9/5/2005
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Yip this is pretty much the discussion me and angel were having in "what was I thinking" under the 'ask a sub' threads .. sadly there are those out there who are just sick phucks and find delight in beating the shit outta people under the flag of bdsm ... I feel when the general respect, fun games and sexual pleasure for BOTH parties is not there then you know there is something wrong! I mean I dont care what you are into if a dom is not treating you like a human being (and its not a game) then the dom has serious issues that need to be looked at by a professional!

(in reply to lordboundheart)

Post #: 7

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 9/12/2005 8:42:12 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: carefulsub

When safewords are disreguarded

To me being in a D/s BDSM relationship is like being under a contract. Things are negotiated out, both sides agree to the terms and then activities commence. When either side breaks the terms of that contract, the contract is now null and void.

I consider ignoring the safeword and/or limits to be a HUGE breach of contract. Bottom line, it shows that the Dom does not respect the submissive and in most cases will only escalate.

Cutting off contact with outside people is a tool that abusers use. Another fact is that news of a Dom that ignores limits and safewords spreads very quickly within a community unless a Dom can convince the sub not to talk. The most likely person to be cowed into not talking is a novice. I bet if one of these subs did start talking, they'd find out they weren't the first.

This is one of the reasons why I think mentors within your own community are important.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to carefulsub)

Post #: 8

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/13/2007 11:44:20 PM

MasterIceStorm

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Joined: 5/6/2007
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I remember when I was younger, granted I'm not that old now. But reading a nice way to help keep yourself safe for meetings. IE. Giving people a valid address to in which you are going, Explaining as you are setting terms for "play" that you have a phone call to make @ such and such time. If that phonecall is not made within say 2 mins of said time that the local police will be contacted. Any real Dom/Master Will respect this. As this is a safty tool for you. As far as safewords go. The second they are ignored you need to call someone close by and get out. Only advice I know to really give at this point. Best wishes to all.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/14/2007 12:43:49 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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"You have to do what I tell you," followed by, "Don't tell anyone," is CLASSIC abuser, especially a sexual predator, behavior. Because it triggers fear, the victims never seem to get that if they had to do what their told, why would it have to remain hidden? If it was right to do, it'd be right to say.

Head them towards sexual abuse sources and therapists. Let them know that this is NOT a fantasy world...and they should use the same sense in choosing Doms as they would dates. Hopefully, they have good sense in the vanilla world.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to carefulsub)

Post #: 10

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/14/2007 2:01:34 PM

mercurialis

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/20/2007
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*cough* The thread is two years old guys. I'm sure other people will find it helpful....but everything said is also kinda just common sense. Not to mention the OP had their question addressed, well, two years ago.

*wonders if he's the only person who notices the little dates at the top of each post......*

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/14/2007 2:07:52 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: carefulsub

What should I tell these girls?

Short answer: "Start taking responsibility for yourselves".

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to carefulsub)

Post #: 12

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/14/2007 4:00:13 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

What should I tell these girls?

Nothing; unless it is only to explain what your own relationship is like. It's not your place to step in and state whether theirs is right or wrong simply because it is not the same as yours.

If these submissives are so weak minded that they can not tell the difference between a person who means them good and a person who means them harm...then they have no business getting into relationships in the first place.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to carefulsub)

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RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/14/2007 4:53:11 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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If you see a McDonalds on the north corner, you've gone too far...

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(in reply to IrishMist)

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RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 12/14/2007 4:55:51 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

What should I tell these girls?

Tell them being a submissive doesn't mean leaving your brain at the door.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

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http://www.collarchat.com/post.asp?do=reply&messageID=1... - 12/25/2007 2:48:55 PM

ligar59

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Joined: 9/11/2005
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If acts have been performd against these women without consent, it is abuse and it is illigal.
They need to to consult their local authorities.

(in reply to carefulsub)

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RE: http://www.collarchat.com/post.asp?do=reply&message... - 1/26/2008 5:06:57 AM

Kennyisherenow

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

My slave desires what I do with her. I have no reasons to hide or anything. I believe a lot of abusers come on here to do what they do. abusers are not Doms in My book. I have utmost respect for My slave and she loves pleasing Me. I am proud to have her and when she wants to talk about Me, it reminds Me that I am doing good as a Dominant. I believe just about any slave can potentially make a good slave. Bad slaves arent to blame, their Doms are. And anyone who is ashamed to have people know what he does is a bad person. I wont even call them a Dom. I may be rather extreme in My lifestyle but I am not ashamed of being what I am. If people dont like it they at least respect My honesty about it. I see too many fakes in so much shit on here its a shame people like this claim to be in the lifestyle. To Me, the lifestyle is a repectable life where honesty is the core to everything. I dont think any real Dom or sub/slave that isnt honest is real

(in reply to ligar59)

Post #: 17

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 1/26/2008 7:43:49 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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Tell them to wise up. Otherwise, human beings learn mostly by experience, not by being taught, they've already chosen to be in the pain zone, and they're not going to leave it because you say so. Sad, but that's the real world.

(in reply to carefulsub)

Post #: 18

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 1/26/2008 9:04:28 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
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Being a sub doesn't mean being inhuman or somehow no longer entitled to a fulfilling relationship and lawful protection from abuse. It is a personal preference in orientation, nothing more. Treat it like bullying and abuse, constantly show them what the good side is like. Enforce the ideas and examples of a healthy D/s relationship and let them talk to other people to see there's no set pattern, no rule, that everyone finds what works best for them so they can be happy.

Doh! **Edited for stupidity after realizing this is an old thread**

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 1/26/2008 9:06:04 AM >

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 19

RE: When has a Dom/Master Gone TOO far? - 1/26/2008 10:57:48 AM

Kerjin

Posts: 41
Joined: 10/21/2005
From: Seattle, WA
Status: offline

When have they gone too far?

Very simply they've gone too far when they stop thinking of their property as a human being and start thinking of their proprty as a inamite object that's to be used and forgotten once they're done playing with it.

This is a very fine line for a Master to walk, but, IMNSHO, no matter if its a submissive or a slave, collared or owned, at the end of the day, they are still human beings with normal wants needs and desires to be filled. The dynamic of a Owner/Property, Master/Slave, Dominant/Submissive or whatever label you choose to use, still resolves around the needs of both parties being fulfilled.

_____________________________

When I despair of the BS online, I remember that the ways of truth have always won. There are people that claim to be something that they are not, and, for a time, get away with the lie, but in the end they always fall. Think of it........ always!

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 20

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