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How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 5:19:39 PM   
Ragin11


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		So, here goes, I'm going to explain the best I can, I'm sorry if I don't make any sense. I've had only a few experiences giving up control in the bedroom and here's why. The few times I tried, we would start and then I started to freak out, I guess it probably goes back to the fact that I have always been in control of my life and to let someone else take it, makes me nervous. I want to give up control really bad, but I can't stop myself from losing it when I attempt to do it. I mean this isn't some little freak out, this is a fully blown panic attack. I might add that I have asthma, always have since I was like 2, when I start to freak my breathing starts getting irregular and then that snowballs into a full blown asthma attack, you can see why this worries me. The attack could result in very bad things, including my death if I don't get immediate help.

So here is the issue, has anyone here had a similar experience, where the first few times you kinda freak out? If so, how did you deal with it?
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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 5:35:10 PM   
kittengirl8


Posts: 120
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		While I haven't had that experience, I think the best advice is to take it slow for a while. Something that might help you would be to have more of a "pre-scripted" scene a few times, so you've then experienced the things, but you already know what exactly is going to happen.

I don't know if it will work, or really how to help, but at the very least I wanted to offer my thoughts.

And before everyone else says it, make sure you communicate with the D-type so they know what's going on.

Best of luck. Hopefully someone around here can give better advice.

~kitten~

(in reply to Ragin11)
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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 5:38:01 PM   
ViviDreamz


Posts: 42
Joined: 12/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Ragin. I will be the first to tell you that I am new to this rabbit-hole; however, I can empathize. I have been where you are. I have been a control freak my entire life yet at the same time looking back I was always seeking for a person stronger and more willed than I that I could entrust myself too. I want and wanted that control taken from me, held in trust for me, and know that I would be taken care of. Unfortunately, there was a great deal of fear involved. I was scared. What would happen if I let go? What would happen if I didn’t control the situation? Where would I go? The thousands upon thousands of questions and what if statements would go whizzing and whirling like a cyclone in my mind until the very anxiety would have me in a tizzy.
 
This became especially true in reference to orgasm. I was afraid of it. I fought it. I’d rail against it. I’d struggle to avoid it and if given even a split second of free headspace I would shut myself away from it mentally and effectively turn it off as easily as a light switch. Now I do not know if you do this, but I did. Why? Because I would have to let go to experience it and I was afraid of proverbially falling on my keester.  I was afraid there would be no one there to catch me because of all the emotions that get tied into orgasm. I was afraid to be vulnerable.
 
This hurdle also froze me from exploration of my nature because of the inherent truth being, how can I let go? How will I know it will be okay? I do not have asthma but I am acutely anemic and as such can lose my breath quickly, even more so if I allow myself to start huffing and puffing without really trying to bring in real air. I have been on the verge of full panic attacks to where I could not breathe.
 
So what did it take? I forced myself to jump. I spoke to a friend who just happened to be Dominant several times. He encouraged me and even promised to help me by allowing me to try whatever would be most comfortable for me but most of all he made me feel safe. When it came time to do those things, he didn’t allow me to shut him out. He didn’t allow me to panic. He kept deliberately focusing me upon him again and again until I was able to click into that “I am okay” headspace. If I began to pull out of that headspace and become nervous, he eased me back into it once again. He made the first step a comfortable and easy one so I have been given the confidence to know I can do these things on my own without running into that fearful wall because I have gotten past it once.
 
I do not know if this helps you but if you would like to speak about it more, I would not be opposed from doing so by memo.
 
As always, a vivid dreamer,
kitten

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As always, a vivid dreamer,
Kitten
There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.-Tolkien

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 5:43:54 PM   
JoyfulMistress


Posts: 628
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline
Everning hun,
not sure if this is going to help you however I do hope it does.. treat the panic attacks like you would ANY other panic attacks..
What helps you when you have a panic attack outside of the dungeon?
I seem to have panic attacks when I find myself in a crowded store etc and have found if I take a moment and focus on something else completely not related to what is making me panic ( like a putting a single jelly belly bean in my  mouth and simply focusing on sucking off all the flavor without chewing etc ) by the time I realize that I completed the task I challanged myself with .. then I am already calmer.
giving up control is NOT easy in the least ...
what about talking with the One you are wishing to give up control and taking things a tad slower or approaching your play in a different way .. an example .. could they request things for you to do outsider of the dungeon/bedroom for you to do ... with the soul intent is to help you get comfy with giving up control .. I would recommend that it be a silly task something that will make you giggle a bit at the situation and even at yourself .. over time you hopefully will be able to do more and more tasks and before you know it you are more relaxed to give up some control not to mention you and your Proper One would have some more trust and some great giggles in the process
Ease into the scening again and hopefully if you talk with your One
together you both will find what works best for you both and I wish you the best of luck
Joy

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 5:55:21 PM   
Ragin11


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for your replies, they do help a lot more than you think. I think it has a lot to do with the orgasm, without going into a lot of detail, I will just say that those feelings scare the hell out of me.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 6:40:13 PM   
givingin


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline 		I had a panic attack once during a scene, it actually turned into sort of shock.  I think it's most important you are with someone you trust and you know will stop no matter what if you show any signs of distress.  I don't think you ought to let this scare you away from experiencing all that bdsm has to offer, I just believe you might have to add a bit more caution to the mix.

Just remember it's all in fun and for enjoyment.  You aren't in any situation that you aren't really in control of...it's your permission that allows it to happen.  If you look at it that way, maybe you won't feel as out of control as you seem to at this time.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 7:18:27 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Slow down, slow down a lot. If he's big on full body bondage, switch to you holding a scarf in your wrists with your arms above your head. If he loves gags, start by a scarf laid across your mouth, between your lips but not tied. Little baby steps.

The other thing is that this may be your subconscious' way of telling you he isn't safe to give full control over to. If he's going too hard, too fast, it won't help. It will push you in the other direction.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/11/2008 8:51:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		From experience, I can tell you that fighting the spiral, doesn't do much good.  It's like a whirlpool, and once you're sucked in, fighting it can be an effort in futility.

I very much agree with some of the tips you've been given so far.  Some very useful advice.  I'm sure I'll repeat some of it, especially the first one.

Absolutely talk with the Top about this situation.  The Top needs to know about this if it's happening while you are playing.  Believe it or not, that person can have a lot of influence when this is happening to you.  It may mean changing direction, or pulling the scene all together, but as you discuss it more, you'll both know how to proceed.

Breathe.  I know that is a difficult direction, since asthma is a concern, however, concentrating on your breathing can change the severity of the attack.  There are two points to this.  The first is that slowing your breathing, even though your impulse is to do the exact opposite (gasping for air) will actually let you get more oxygen, because the breaths are slower.  Second, it changes your mindset to concentrating on your breathing, rather than the trigger for the attack.

Go slowly and find what is the real trigger.  Is it always the same kind of play that brings on the attack?  Maybe you should attempt something else and see if it brings the same sort of reaction.  This could bring you and your Top to a better understanding of what is causing your reaction.

Since you've had asthma since you were two, I'm going to assume that you have medication for that.  Are you also aware that there are medications to assist in preventing the panic attacks themselves?  You might want to talk to your doctor.  There might be an option available.

I hope some of this helped.  Oh, and believe Me, you're not the only person who's had a panic attack during a scene.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 3:44:15 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Slow down, slow down a lot. If he's big on full body bondage, switch to you holding a scarf in your wrists with your arms above your head. If he loves gags, start by a scarf laid across your mouth, between your lips but not tied. Little baby steps.

The other thing is that this may be your subconscious' way of telling you he isn't safe to give full control over to. If he's going too hard, too fast, it won't help. It will push you in the other direction.


I completely echo this. 'Pushing through' a panic attack can be bad for a few reasons, taking it slow may be tedious or feel as if you're somehow not measuring up, but it's better for building trust. It is also better for dealing with the attacks given your health is at risk.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 5:52:45 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds
Pushing through' a panic attack can be bad for a few reasons, taking it slow may be tedious or feel as if you're somehow not measuring up, but it's better for building trust. It is also better for dealing with the attacks given your health is at risk.


Can you push through a panic attack? Because I can't, I need the situation to stop immediately and I need to be held. I need the simple comfort of physical contact.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 6:03:08 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Talk to your doctor, in addition to your Top. You don't have to give him the nitty gritty, but there are medications that can stop a panic attack cold. And, actually, just knowing that I have medication keeps me from freaking. I would NOT take any of the medications before a scene, however, it might do you some good to know that there is a solution if you start to lose it.
 
I think the first mistake I ever made regarding a panic attack was thinking that it was stupid and that they would go away. I almost never have them anymore...and I think it's because I know that I can stop the panic. It might not help to talk to your doctor, but it certainly wouldn't hurt given the nature of your asthma.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 6:05:45 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds
Pushing through' a panic attack can be bad for a few reasons, taking it slow may be tedious or feel as if you're somehow not measuring up, but it's better for building trust. It is also better for dealing with the attacks given your health is at risk.


Can you push through a panic attack? Because I can't, I need the situation to stop immediately and I need to be held. I need the simple comfort of physical contact.


If you've ever seen animal trainers 'take-down' an aggressive dog, or 'drop' an aggressive horse, think along the same lines. I've been forced through a panic attack. When I said 'push through' I was thinking in my head 'someone else' pushing you through it. Sorry for the clarity issue on that one.
Being hauled through a panic attack is much like trying to break an animal, dangerous, and destructive, and generally unacceptable to most people with any form of empathy.
I don't consider myself terribly strong, I can open my own jars, ect, but when you are forced through panic, adrenaline takes over and you forget who is there with you and what's going on. Such an exercise resulted in me breaking bindings and throwing someone bodily into a nightstand and indirectly breaking a hole through the bedroom wall.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 7:41:16 AM   
liminalRapture


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		My ex managed to train me to start having panic attacks.  (For the record I lived in NYC till 9-1-01 and I had my first panic attack on 9-11-01, and had them consistently for the next few years; I moved back to NYC and they went away.  None of that was Ds related.) 

The thing with my ex is he really liked me scared (we were mismatched), so he would get 'angry' and I would feel it in the pit of my stomach and it felt hopeless.  The more scared I got, the more turned on he got.  Panic attacks sort of worked for us because he'd get super turned-on, come quickly, and then comfort me.  But they didn't work for me because the emotional residue in my body made me feel really shitty for several days. 

For me, I had to end the relationship.  This wasn't the only reason, but it was a big one.  I've been involved with one person since and it was a very different tone, and lovely.  But for me, I can't handle anger if I've been obedient.  I need to have that level of 'control'--as in--if I obey without hesitation, he won't get angry at me.  Maybe that means I'm topping from the bottom, but it is just a chemical thing in my body.

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"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 7:44:43 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		take things very very sloooooooowly .. in fact there is a lot to be said for so slowly your are gagging to take it mroe quickly ... thats stops you dreading something

its all about the baby steps

if you are being forced to run before you can crawl, tell him the damage it is doing, if he doesn't change the pace to ensure your security in what is happeneing ...

BIN HIM


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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 7:51:10 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ragin11

So, here goes, I'm going to explain the best I can, I'm sorry if I don't make any sense. I've had only a few experiences giving up control in the bedroom and here's why. The few times I tried, we would start and then I started to freak out, I guess it probably goes back to the fact that I have always been in control of my life and to let someone else take it, makes me nervous. I want to give up control really bad, but I can't stop myself from losing it when I attempt to do it. I mean this isn't some little freak out, this is a fully blown panic attack. I might add that I have asthma, always have since I was like 2, when I start to freak my breathing starts getting irregular and then that snowballs into a full blown asthma attack, you can see why this worries me. The attack could result in very bad things, including my death if I don't get immediate help.

So here is the issue, has anyone here had a similar experience, where the first few times you kinda freak out? If so, how did you deal with it?


I've never had a panic attack during a scene.  I have had moments of anxiety.  During those I change the way I am thinking.  I'm always with someone I trust completely and remind myself of that. Giving up control is difficult at first, but it can be viewed like sitting back and letting someone else do the driving and recognize the thrill can be being able to totally let go and not have to worry about anything.

If you experience panic attacks to the point that they become physical, the best thing is to stop whatever you are doing.  You can put yourself in physical peril even without the asthma by pushing the issue if you get to that point.  I have had panic attacks, usually related to medical procedures and needles.  I tended to deal with those by either seeing it coming and breathing slowly and deeply and assuring myself mentally that I am not going to come to harm or asking for more time to get myself calm and in a better mindset before I go forward.  Trying to push on when panic is rising has never been successful for me and will only make it worse.

The simple fact is you may not be ready yet.  Talk to your partner.  Work out ways you can take baby steps that you are comfortable with so you don't end up in panic attacks.  I'm fairly sure a trip to the ER for you isn't what he has planned for the scene.  Start with the things that don't cause panic and work up slowly from there.

good luck!

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 8:14:24 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

So here is the issue, has anyone here had a similar experience, where the first few times you kinda freak out? If so, how did you deal with it?
 
it doesn't come from the same trigger as yours, but, when it has happened to this slave, what has helped is sets of controlled breathing exercises...(in through the nose, out through the mouth) while mentally shifting this slave's focus off of SELF--(the thing that is experiencing the heat waves and pins and needles in the extremeties and mental frenzy-panic) and onto Him.
 
it has helped tremendously.
 
so has cannabis, which this slave started taking for pain and nausea related issues, but has discovered that it also helps to decrease anxiety and dissipate panic attacks rather well, too.
 
best of luck to you!

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 9:30:39 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hi I cant comment about it happening during a scene but I have suffered from panic attacks for a while and whilst in one I have found that doing 7/11 breathing really helped.  It made me concentrate on something else, basically you breath in counting for 7 then slowly breath out counting for 11.  My dr said when I am panicking I remeber to breath in but forget to breath out which makes it worse.  And I also found when smoking canibis that the attacks were fewer and my anxiety was less (though only while I smoke it its still there when im not lol)  If you can identify when its starting I would say stop what your doing and concentrate on your breathing till it passes.

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 10:02:07 AM   
badprofessor


Posts: 515
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline 		GO SEE A DOCTOR!

When people have a panic attack it is quite common for them to begin hyper-ventilating. It feels like you are out of breath, but in fact you are breathing TOO MUCH oxygen. This upsets the body chemistry and causes symptoms like light-headedness and tingling in your extremeties. When you are hyper-ventilating, it is important that you reduce the amount of oxygen you are taking in. Breathing deeply and slowly from the diaphragm and through your nose will help. Get someone who practices yoga to teach you how. If you know for sure you are hyper-ventilating and you can't get it stop through breath control then breathing into a paper bag will is the next step. As you exhale, the concentration of carbon dioxide in the bag increases such that when you inhale you are breathing less oxygen. I wouldn't recommend this in your case because of the asthma until you...

GO SEE A DOCTOR!

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 10:58:12 AM   
BloodLuna


Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		ragin
 
luna is going to try to preface some of her feedback with a bit of personal experience, w/o taking too much time or space.  in 1999 luna was in a bad car wreck that left her with a 3 day coma and head trauma that caused some damage to the area of her brain that deals with adrenaline and flight/fight response.  this girl suffered severe panic attacks that triggered convulsions/seizures.  they grew progressively worse and worse until by 2005 luna was addicted to xanax.  luna's attacks would start as a standard panic attack, plus a sudden, flash migraine, then drop to the floor in painful convulsions that would cause her muscles to lock up.   after a bad time with an abuser luna also had anxiety attacks when trying to submit.
 
in early 2005 luna met her Master.  as a druid and healer, he began to teach her focus meditation and deep breathing techniques.  it is not the quick fix that most people like from medicine - it takes time and practice - but luna has not had a panic attack in 18 months and has been off of the xanax for over a year.  luna doesn't want to take up too much space so if you would like some details and a few of the meditations let luna know and she'll cmail them to you.  but please believe luna -  this girl used to have attacks just having her hands pinned - if luna can kick it, so can you!!!
luna
slave of Masterdruid666

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RE: How to deal with a panic attack? - 2/12/2008 3:45:23 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		You may need to get some help with this but here are a few things that may help.
  1. Start slow. Don't give up control, working on relaxing in his hands first. At the first sign of panic as he begins to move you about under his control the parts below are from the Mayo clinic Site and may help.
    Sit or lie in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Allow your jaw to drop and your eyelids to be relaxed and heavy, but not tightly closed.
    Mentally scan your body. Start with your toes and work slowly up through your legs, buttocks, torso, arms, hands, fingers, neck and head. Focus on each part individually. Where you feel tension, imagine it melting away.
    Tighten the muscles in one area of your body. Hold the muscles for a count of five or more before relaxing and moving on to the next area. This is a good method for releasing tension. Tighten the muscles of your face, shoulders, arms, legs and buttocks.
    Allow thoughts to flow through your mind, but don't focus on any of them. Many people find using autosuggestion to be a great help. Suggest to yourself that you're relaxed and calm, that your hands are heavy and warm (or cool if you're hot), that your heart is beating calmly, and that you feel perfectly at peace.
    Breathe slowly, regularly and deeply during the procedure. Once you're relaxed, imagine you're in a favorite place or in a spot of great beauty and stillness. After five or 10 minutes, rouse yourself from the state gradually. (Pursed lip breathing for asthmatics)

It may help greatly if he talks to you throughout telling you exactly what he is going to do and checking with you to make sure you are ready for it before he does. This will help in building trust and may help in negating the panic attack. You are in effect still in some control of what is happening and letting him know when you are ready. Reinforce the positive, not the negative of being out of control.

You may also want to explore with a therapist the causes of these attacks, something perhaps in your past (recent or ancient) may have made being out of control of yourself equate to danger.

Good luck

poenkitten

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