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What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:32:55 PM

allie1027

Posts: 19
Joined: 3/13/2007
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To start this..I would like to say that I'm a 19 year old slave that still lives at home...the underlined part is of particular importance. This may take a minute to explain, so please bear with me.

My mother is a manager of a convenient store, and she has regular customers, and one happened to see me while I was getting coffee a few months ago. This person also happened to see me on this website. According to what my sister told me this afternoon...this person printed out my profile (now hidden) and handed it to my mother...stating that "I'm in the lifestyle..but I'm a father..and I think you should see this." My sister also told me that my mother kept this a secret for the past few months...and that she can't wait any longer to talk to me about it....

Apparently the breaking point was when she heard something on the news, and she's tired of worrying about me everytime I leave home. I think it's also important to know that I use proper protocol when meeting someone. I get references...I have safe calls...I don't play on the first meet...and I always meet in a public place.

How do I defend myself or my lifestyle choice without giving too much information? Does she want to know the truth? That's very doubtful...and I certainly don't want to tell her the truth.

If you were put in a situation like this...what would you do?

Allie

Post #: 1

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:36:58 PM

kittengirl8

Posts: 120
Joined: 11/11/2007
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To be honest, I'm a bit freaked of the same thing happening to me. (18 and at home.)

I think if she does confront you, you just need to be open, honest, and communicate with her what precautions you always take. Heck, offer her the option of being a safe call if you think it would be a comfortable thing between you and her. No matter what, it's probably going to be awkward.

For some reason, I'm so tempted to mention what people do when they come out to their parents. "No, it's not something you did. I'm happy with coming to this conclusion. I'm very safe, don't worry..."

Best of luck. I hope it turns out okay. Sorry I wasn't that much help.

~kitten~

(in reply to allie1027)

Post #: 2

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:37:48 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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Sit her down, explain to her that this is a personal choice, then hand her a copy of some decent books about BDSM.

My gf freaked when she found out what I was into. I gave her a movie (documentary ) about BDSM that went into depth explaining it and I gave her a copy of Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns.

She came back a week later and said she understands but knows it isn't for her.

That is the best you can do. Be open, honest and don't lie or hide things.

_____________________________

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:39:53 PM

LadyHathor

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You are over 18, she has no right to ask, IMHO as long as you don't bring it home, what is it of her concern--and how did they make the connection? I mean that has to be a better long shot than the lottery--and he just outed himself, Id be like booya--

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:41:01 PM

AquaticSub

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Do my best to reassure my mother by telling her safety measures I was putting in place. Tell her about the safe calls, you might even want to ask her if she wants to be your safe call. Your mother's friend said that they were also in the lifestyle, so I don't think your mother is worrying so much that the lifestyle as you being young and keeping yourself safe.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 5

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:44:46 PM

allie1027

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Joined: 3/13/2007
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kittengirl8-Thanks for the advice, but I'm pretty sure she won't be content with.."I'm very safe, don't worry..." She isn't that kind of women..not even close.

Akisha-That's good advice...maybe I'll do it..it depends on her initial reaction..tone...body language...ect. I'm pretty sure she's not open to learning about it.

LadyHathor-I know it's a long shot..I don't know how they made the connection... I suppose he saw my mother everyday and saw me as well. He was looking for younger sub/slaves in the area and saw me... It is none of her business...but she won't take that for an answer.

Thank you all for the responses so far.

Allie

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 6

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:46:30 PM

allie1027

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Joined: 3/13/2007
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AquaticSub- This man wasn't my mothers friend..just a person she saw every day. My sister told me that she's not only worried about my safety...but she said that she brought her daughters up to be "strong individuals...independent...etc. etc. etc." I am strong and I am independent and everything that she taught me, but I'm a slave to one. I don't think she'll understand that.

Thank you for the suggestion though.

Allie

(in reply to allie1027)

Post #: 7

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:50:48 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allie1027

AquaticSub- This man wasn't my mothers friend..just a person she saw every day. My sister told me that she's not only worried about my safety...but she said that she brought her daughters up to be "strong individuals...independent...etc. etc. etc." I am strong and I am independent and everything that she taught me, but I'm a slave to one. I don't think she'll understand that.

Thank you for the suggestion though.

Allie

For whatever reason they weren't afraid to out themselves to her. To me, that means something. I strongly suggest buying her a copy of "When Someone You Love is Kinky", maybe read it first and highlight the parts that really speak to you and you think will help her. Show her that you are becoming educated in how to stay safe, get a copy of SM 101 or other books that also deal with safety and let her know what you are doing.

Remind her that you are being independent - you are following your own path and not simply the one she laid out for you. If she really needs to know, you can try telling her what being a slave means to you. Valyraen, my owner, did not approve of the concept nor did he think he could take part until I explained what it means to me.

Best of luck,
Aqua

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to allie1027)

Post #: 8

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:51:50 PM

atursvcMaam

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As a dad, and also as a grandfather, and a CM person, i find it a bit rough to know that one would "out" a fellow participant who is of age, and safe and sane in their approach. Personally while i am aware of my children's activities, and would be quite honored and touched to be asked if i could be a safe call, it would frost me to have an outside person give me details of their sex life/love life. i have brought my children up to make their own decisions, and tried to give them the tools and thoughts they need to balance input. None of them are in jail, and each has sought advice to avoid drug temptations, and to discuss relationships at whatever their comfort level might be.
As the "cat is out of the bag" and you are aware of it, it might be worthwhile to discuss this before it rears its head in an argument. Let her know that she has given you the judgement and sense to be careful and to make informed decisions. Just a thought.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

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Post #: 9

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 6:57:42 PM

allie1027

Posts: 19
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

atursvcMaam- Thanks for that input...it's greatly appreciated. My mother will never be my safe call. She won't even understand what being a slave means to me...I'm sure I can't count on her to take a phone call when I'm meeting someone. I don't want to throw too much at her at once.

However, I can't bring it up because I'm not suppose to know. My sister was absolutely not suppose to tell me. Also...I don't argue. I refuse to...it stresses me out too much..I would rather walk away..and my mother knows that.

Hopefully it doesn't end up with us walking in two different directions.

Allie

(in reply to atursvcMaam)

Post #: 10

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:03:28 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
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"Mom, I know you worry. The best I can tell you is that I make sure friends know where I am at all times. I make sure I can reach them. I would never embarrass you, and this is how I want to live my life.

I love you very much and I'm doing everything I can - even more than I'd do if I were dating the men you may think I should be dating - to keep myself safe.

I go to public places precisely because it IS public. I will introduce you to some friends of mine so that you can feel better about how they are very watchful over me as well. The functions I go to are in normal restaurants and coffee houses. We do things like talk about the week we had at work and school. I know you heard some frightening stuff on television, but mom, you heard some frightening car accidents as well and I'm still driving my car. I promise I'll keep you informed about where I'm going and with whom. I know I'm 19 and some people would say I'm old enough to make these kinds of decisions on my own, but mom, I love you and I don't want to see you hurt and I certainly don't want to see me hurt. I promise I'll be very careful. And when I meet someone that I end up dating for more than just dinner, I'll be sure to introduce him to you so that you can know I've made a good choice. Ok?"

Mom's get scared. If she's 19 and living under her mother's roof, all the talk about how it's none of her mother's business is moot. Moms don't just give up on their children because they've reached the age of majority. They worry. And when moms find out about their childrens' proclivities, it really doesn't matter if their children are 19 or 49, they still worry.

Leave the sexual end of things out of your conversation. Assure your mother - not just with words, but with introductions to mom-presentable friends so that she can know her baby is as safe as is possible. To many moms, the unknown is more frightening than the known...so move the unknown to the known by doing the things that adult children do to help their moms feel more comfortable when, through no actions on their part, they've been made aware of their childrens' activities.

Introduce friends in average situations - I do it through invitations for a day out on the lake in the summer. My parents get to see that my friends aren't crazy people. They have liked nearly everyone I've introduced to them.

Call home a lot to just talk - at least for a while. "Mom, I'm just leaving coffee, I'll be home in a minute." ... "Mom, I'm headed over to ____'s house...remember? you met him last week. Yes, there's a number of us that are going over there to visit." I'll call you when I leave.... or.. "I'll be home around ______>" (and then, don't be late.)

It's an old song, but the lines "teach your parents well" comes to mind (Thanks Crosby Stills Nash and Young). When you're 19, you're just starting out in your adult life, and they're just learning how to be the parents of adults. Cut them some slack and don't get all huffy regarding their worries. Help them to understand that they really DID raise you right, and that you're respecting their concerns.

And when they've gotten a bit over the conversation you might be having soon, ask them..."Mom...why in the world do you think that guy wanted to mess with our family like that so that you'd worry so much? I know he's been after some younger women, maybe he said that to you because somewhere along the line, I turned him down and he's angry. You raised your daughter right. I won't disappoint you."

Oh yea...and like I said, if at ALL possible, unless you have a very open relationship with your mother, leave all the conversation about sex out of what you have to say. It's just easier that way.

Just an opinion from a mom of kids just a tiny bit older than you.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 2/11/2008 7:06:07 PM >

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 11

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:06:52 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

um... yeah, what Juliet said!

(thanks for articulating what I was trying to figure out how to say :) )

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RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:07:28 PM

atursvcMaam

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Joined: 5/10/2004
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Sounds to me like she planted some good work there, and you might be surprised at how much smarter she will get over the next 5 to 7 years. (or how much you will start to give her credit for) If she has chosen not to bring it up then she might be handling it perfectly. i would not with my children, without their invitation. up til then i would have to give them the credit for being as smart as the have always seemed to be.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to allie1027)

Post #: 13

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:09:13 PM

PhoenixRed

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
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Hi Allie. Sorry this happened the way it did to you. You've gotten a lot of good responses from the posts so far. I'm a very pragmatic person by nature, one that likes to have all the bases covered and contingency plans for my backup plans. My question to you is....is there a chance, if you do admit to your mom the truth, that she will be angry or hurt enought to actually kick you out of the house (you did state you were living at home). I know my parents would probably have considered such an action if I were the way I am now, doin the things I am now and I were still living at home. The "not as long as we're putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth" argument would definitely come to bear. Consider this, even if it's a remote possibility. I truly hope your family is accepting or at least tolerant, and that you can educate and reassure them. All I'm saying is...what if..... Best of luck to you.

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Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

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Post #: 14

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:09:55 PM

allie1027

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Joined: 3/13/2007
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Thank you juliet

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Post #: 15

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:12:04 PM

allie1027

Posts: 19
Joined: 3/13/2007
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PhoenixRed- That's a good point...but I don't believe they will. I lived on my own for about a year, and the reason I'm home is because I help care for my grandfather. I'm pretty sure her hurt or anger over my lifestyle choice will not reflect on my grandfather. If she kicked me out..it would, and I don't think she would do that to me or him. Although, never say never.

Allie

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Post #: 16

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:12:49 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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All parents (people) react differently.

I was seeing my first Dominant when I was 17, but I've always had a very open, honest relationship with my mother. And she raised me to make my own decisions and live by the concequences. She was there for advice but untimately what I did was up to me.

We have a "only ask if you really want to know" policy. She has learned that I will tell her anything she wants to know, but only as much as she wants to hear.

As for the guy that told your mother. I'd tell him to mind his own friggin business. You are not a child and you have the right to make your own decisions

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to atursvcMaam)

Post #: 17

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:12:53 PM

julietsierra

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oh.. I went back and re-read all the comments...I see you belong to someone. Be very sure to introduce him to her with all the trappings of mom-comfort you can. He's your "boyfriend." You love him. He loves you. all that...

But SERIOUSLY...given the extra information you've given about the guy who outed you, could you bring it up to her by telling her that there's this guy that always comes into the store who is always hitting on young women and you're wondering if he said things to her because he gets angry when women turn him down and you think he may just try to hurt them by embarrassing them in front of their families? In other words, instead of justifying your actions to your mom, make her your ally against him. Then you two can discuss how she and you will handle him the next time he comes into the store.

And once she is your ally, you can discuss everything else. to give her the reassurance she needs to hear.

juliet

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RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:33:07 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
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while I don't normally suggest this, there are desperate situations that sometimes require desperate actions:

you can seriously lie like a mofo saying that the pic was stolen.(unless the pics are of you tied up then you are SOL.

as someone who is old enough to make my choices but still stuck at home I seriously wish you the best.

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Post #: 19

RE: What would you do? - 2/11/2008 7:53:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Don't defend- the more defensive you get, the more she'll think there's something wrong.

Be warm but firm. Be open to answering questions with good thoughtful answers, but continue to remind her that she brought up a bright cookie and will use good sense. Certainly allow her to be a safe call for you.

Don't bring up how hurt you may be that she didn't bring this up with you- that's her issue, not yours.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 20

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