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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/13/2008 2:12:14 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
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People generally want what they don't have or try to get what they want. I'm lucky that pet is faithful and patient with me....we've had ups and downs but he's still in it for the long haul. I guess its somthing we learn in high school...oooohhh cute guy with a girl, he must have somthing good.

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/13/2008 11:08:51 PM

newlychaste

Posts: 70
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMyles

yes, I suppose to some extent the fact that a submissive is taken does increase his attractiveness at a base level. he's owned, therefore he must be one of the good guys, and not just a wanker. he's obviously got some redeeming qualities, because he's passed whatever tests his dominant has. it's basically the same gut-level reaction as in the vanilla world. if he's attached, there is a reason, and if it's long-term, it's probably a good reason.

Lol. "If a submissive man isn't taken, there must be a reason; therefore, don't bother."
Hence, I CAN HAZ DOM PLZ KTHXBAI

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/13/2008 11:22:08 PM

newlychaste

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd

Hmm if that theory worked we would have had an all male sub caged death match by now.

You can't swing a dead cat in well just about any half way populated town with out hitting a male sub.

Go to any munch and there are flocks of them.

It is why I do not go to a munch with out a date on my arm. I actualy had a "sub" male cop a feel of my ass when I went by myself once. ick.

I do think females tend to be more aggressive and competitive with each other.. I remember the girls in High School *rolls her eyes* ripping out each other hair, and clawing out each others eyes over guys.

Guys just tend to get discouraged by who ever is more Alpha in the pack.. and runs along to who ever is second in line of available women. *shrugs*

Gwyn

Funny, that. The idea of a male submissive vying for the attention of a dominant woman. I just don't understand that at all. There are three kinds of people when it comes to the King of the Mountain:
1.) the kind that get trampled, and become part of the mountain
2.) the kind at the top of the mountain--the ruthless and strong
3.) the kind that take pictures

Point being, in an environment based on power exchange, what do men have to distinguish themselves from the other men? Moreover, what's the incentive to try?

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 5:07:14 AM

MmeGigs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Women attracted to BDSM who identify as dominants love power. They are not afraid of a power struggle and conflict to get what they want. And beating another Dominant (usually female but not always) gives them a much bigger power rush than the willing ceding of power by an available submissive.

Reading this made me feel pretty icky. Are you talking about the online world or the real world? I know quite a few dominant women, and none of them are like this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

The more a nice taken guy like DC says sweet things about his Mistress, the more this kind of woman thinks "Bah humbug! I bet they are not as cosy in real life as they pretend online. I bet if I privately make a big fuss of him, he will be so flattered and excited, he will hide our clandestine contact from Her. I could put a wedge in the trust between those two easily"

That's just so sad. A dom who does this kind of thing is seriously depleting her karma bank. Whether or not she succeeds, it seems that she'd be worse off at the end of the experiment. Either she'll have been rejected or she'll have proof that the world is as sad a place as she thinks.

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 5:23:06 AM

ItalianSMistress

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I never wrote this before, cuz I just quickly filled in My first reply but wanted to add that those Dom/mes that are willing to deal with a taken sub, are not worthwhile anyways. And, IMO, those slaves that allow themselves to be poached are equally as useless. Remember that old saying, if they will do it with you, they will do it TO you..........
I personally think its nice to see subs talk about their Mistress' like these boys do on here, but it does not make Me desire them, it makes Me smile, remembering slaves I have had like that in the past and makes Me realize there are others out there like that.

On a side note, joke, someone once pointed out the difference between men and woman and dating. A man will see a nice woman his friend is dating, and think, I need a woman like that. When I woman sees a nice man her friend is dating, she thinks, I need THAT man.

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 8:39:03 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Does a man being owned by another dominant make him more appealing to you, nomatter that you'd never consider an attempt to take him from his owner? If so, why?

I have no time for guys who are otherwise occupied -- by a domina or a girlfriend or a wife. Some of you fellas can barely pay attention to one woman and do it well! (My constant struggle and frustration is with two guys I have long term friendships with where our SM play is negotiated and the wives are aware and friendly with me. Thank goodness they are just casual play partners.) And any guy who'd be sniffing around at another domina's skirt while collared to another needs to stay far away from me -- his fickle nature and inattention clearly isn't worth her keeping nor me taking.

I hit send and then recalled something my former boy told me. "Goddess, I want to bring on another boy so that you can be better served. You're too much for me to handle!!!!!" Apparently, I do take them mind, body and soul. I can't really fathom trying to share his attention with someone else....

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 2/14/2008 8:43:28 AM >

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Post #: 46

RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 12:43:55 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Ok, i've found i have a bit of popularity here with a number of the female dominants here. Because of my experience in the vanilla world, and when i was a professional bottom back in the day; i can't help but think that i wouldn't be nearly as attractive were i available. Now, i'm not implying that anybody would be trying to lure me away from Ma'am (or any other sub from their dominant); and i was already property before i joined collarme, so i don't have a relative reference point for my observations in this instance.

In the vanilla world, i've long known that men seem to be much more attractive to women when they are visibly attached to another man (i also know that this is not a phenomenon restricted to women's attraction to men). i can't but wonder how much of that carries over here.

Does a man being owned by another dominant make him more appealing to you, nomatter that you'd never consider an attempt to take him from his owner? If so, why?

Never felt the need/desire to tempt another Woman's man - my conviction in the "Sisterhood" and my own self-esteem/respect is too strong.

A "taken man" isn't more appealing to me because I realize her standards, preferences, etc.. most likely differ than mine.

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 1:00:38 PM

AAkasha

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The distinction that seems to be lacking in this thread is the difference between finding a man "attractive" and making a move on him. There are many men I am sure MANY of us find "attractive" but he doesn't know it, his GF/wife doesn't know it, and nothing will ever come of it - it's simply an observation.

Akasha

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 1:25:03 PM

ShaktiSama

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You're right, Akasha. Although I do think the way the question is phrased indicates a man's perception of being increasingly "hit on" because of "taken" status, which is a nastier issue than attraction which a woman does not talk about or act upon.

Actually, I saw an article on MSN today that made me smile--it said that a sizable percentage of men misinterpret a woman's behavior as "flirting" when it is actually just "friendly". I think it is very fair to say that many women are more "friendly" to a man who seems to have a positive relationship with a woman--I will freely admit that I tend to move any man out of the "potential psycho" category when he has a girlfriend or a number of close female friends.

Maybe a small margin of the "women are hitting on me" factor simply translates as a "women are talking to me" factor? Notwithstanding the percentage of women who really are hitting on him--and there have to be a few.

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 2:41:24 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Women attracted to BDSM who identify as dominants love power. They are not afraid of a power struggle and conflict to get what they want. And beating another Dominant (usually female but not always) gives them a much bigger power rush than the willing ceding of power by an available submissive.

Reading this made me feel pretty icky. Are you talking about the online world or the real world? I know quite a few dominant women, and none of them are like this.

I agree it is icky

Real life only. I don't know any online Dom/mes or participate in online domination (whatever that is). Are you talking about real life or online?

The way to spot one in real life: these women have an extremely tiresome need to dominate everyone, not just their own submissives.

Quirkily, the nastiest one I ever met was also a pro-domme, but that is just my experience. I am sure she was unusual.

The worst have also tended to be rather new to the scene (less than 2 years) with some very confused ideas that nasty = Dominant, nice = submissive/inferior to Queen Me!!.

It takes a while for them to realise that other Dommes being nice to her are not "weaker" or "un-Dommely".

But are most Dommes willing to fight power struggles if necessary in, say, the workplace? Are they ambitious for power? Or are Dommes doormats in real life outside the dungeon? That is actually different threads and the answers were mixed from memory.

So it would have been more accurate for me to say "Some Dommes are not afraid of a power struggle......" I think you would agree women who identify as Dommes love power. D/s is all about power exchange after all.

But Mme Gigs, you are very blessed to have never tangled with a "Queen of the Scene" man-eater!!!

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/14/2008 3:19:32 PM >

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 3:09:41 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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My own reaction to "taken" men for what it is worth.

I can honestly say I have never been attracted to a taken man.

The opposite happens. I meet a guy I think is yummy, but as soon as I find out he is taken I am turned off him. Sometimes repulsed even. Especially if he tried to hide the fact he is taken for a while.

I had an unfortunate formative experience as an early teen. My first real kiss was after a dance and I eagerly went to the same dance the following week to wait for the boy. Instead an angry girl turned up claiming to be his girlfriend. She and her friends threatened to beat me up. Of course the boy didn't show up.

I have spent the rest of my life carefully rejecting men who are taken (unless his partner asks me to spend time with him - and even then, things can go awry). I don't need the aggravation. But that is just me.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/14/2008 3:29:44 PM >

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/14/2008 4:25:33 PM

ShiftedJewel

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I haven't finished reading the thread yet, but something sarbonn said struck a key in me... I don't know that being "attached" has anything to do with being more attractive to some, not for me... if I find out they are attached I drop it immediately... but I wonder if men that are attached seem to notice it more?

I have openly flirted with available subs here and it seems to go right past them... ok, it's probably just me... but still, it makes you wonder if owned or attached men just seem to notice it more?

Jewel

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/15/2008 5:11:23 AM

MmeGigs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

Women attracted to BDSM who identify as dominants love power. They are not afraid of a power struggle and conflict to get what they want. And beating another Dominant (usually female but not always) gives them a much bigger power rush than the willing ceding of power by an available submissive.

Reading this made me feel pretty icky. Are you talking about the online world or the real world? I know quite a few dominant women, and none of them are like this.

I agree it is icky

Real life only. I don't know any online Dom/mes or participate in online domination (whatever that is). Are you talking about real life or online?

Real life. I'm not involved with the online kinky world other than discussion groups, so I don't know how things work there. We've been involved in our local community for about 9 years. I don't think any dom has ever attempted to snake my Al out from under me, and he says that no one's ever approached him that way. We don't know everyone, but I don't recall hearing about beau-snatching behavior. I'm not in the gossip loop, but I'm sure that if there was anyone I needed to be careful of, someone would let me know.

It could be a community culture thing, I guess. I don't have any personal experience with communities other than my own, but I understand that they're very different. Ours is made up of a lot of small cooperating groups, with many people belonging to more than one group. The atmosphere is kind of small-town, in a good way. Folks are very accepting of one's personal eccentricities, and forgiving if one screws up occasionally, but folks who are consistently assholes end up on the periphery because people don't want to hang around with them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

So it would have been more accurate for me to say "Some Dommes are not afraid of a power struggle......" I think you would agree women who identify as Dommes love power. D/s is all about power exchange after all.

I dunno. For me, d/s is more about control than about power, although that may be a semantics argument. In some ways it's more about me having complete control over ME than it is about having control over my partner. In my private life, I want to do what I want to do without having to ask permission or explain myself to anyone. My Al has quite a bit of lattitude to make decisions for himself, but anything that affects me must be cleared with me.

I know that some dominant women see 100% willing submission as unchallenging, but from where I sit it's a rare and wonderful thing, and exactly what I want from a partner. It allows me to focus on what I want in my household. I'm not afraid of a power struggle, it's just not what I want to focus my attention on, and a partner who drags me there too often is going to be more trouble than he's worth to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

But Mme Gigs, you are very blessed to have never tangled with a "Queen of the Scene" man-eater!!!

I would agree! I hope that I continue to be so blessed.

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RE: Dommes and the taken man - 2/15/2008 6:26:42 AM

BlueHnS

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I think it's entirely possible for someone to be hot and in the "off limits" category at the same time. Does it make them "hotter"? Not necessarily, but for me it sometimes, depending on the individual, makes them more fun to BS with because I have established limits that I have to work within. Sometimes it's a real challenge and I personally enjoy that. We both know that it's a game and nothing more.

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