RE: A life in contradiction?

RE: A life in contradiction? (Full Version)

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MasterFireMaam -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 8:36:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: usedandpurrin why am i still frightened? I've heard it said that the emotion most associated with the past is regret and the emotion most associated with the future is anxiety. Mostly, this comes from a bunch of negative "what ifs". The problem with focusing on the negative is that we often then call our fear to us through self sabotage and whatnot. I know I have. So, start focusing on the positive "what ifs". What if you meet the Master you want and he or she is great? What would happen if you were actually HAPPY/HEALTHY/WEALTHY? What would happen if we had nothing, truly, to complain about? It's a point to ponder...fear of success is as rampant as fear of failure. Master Fire

MistressOfGa -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 8:37:33 PM)
quote: My reaction is, for some men that I dug interacting with, I've lost respect. Tee, What are we missing here? I don't understand why this loss of respect. Has her profile changed? quote: sure ill wear tops that show cleavage and not let it worry me, but these are mostly with jeans, i dont generally wear short skirts and you will never see me in shorts. but this is apparantly 'inapropriate day wear'. I cant imagine what they would think of my slave tendancies nor at this point do i really want to. quote: Are you kidding me? Is there a reason to doubt that she doesn't wear shorts? I'm lost.[8\|]

Missokyst -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 8:41:30 PM)
Based on the description you give of your mothers direction it doesn't seem to me you were taught independence. You were programmed to obey the rules, the dictates, even the taste of someone other than yourself. Where did you get the idea that they taught you to be independent? It seems to me you are only following a lifestyle that was most comfortable for you. It is putting a kink label on it which takes it out of your norm. You have no need to feel guilt for following a path you were set on from an early age. You cannot teach a child independence by making them comply with everything you say. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: usedandpurrin My mother was a strong woman. She taught me from an early age to be strong, independant, open minded and to NOT follow the crowd. She always taught me not to like everyone else. To work out what was right for me and go with it. I guess what im trying to say is that i was bought up in a very rigid way. Vanilla was the only way for my family. I guess vanilla may be the wrong word here. Conservative maybe? I have endured many lectures on how i choose to dress. i am afraid, this i will admit. i know what i am. i know i am a slave and that i am happiest while serving. i know i want to find a Master that i may serve. i was bought up to be independant and to meet a guy, fall in love, marry, have a bunch of kids, get a morgage, buy a house etc, etc, etc.. i just dont understand why i am filled with conflict, and have yet to surrender to what i know is my true nature. why am i still frightened?

MistressOfGa -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 8:41:43 PM)
quote: i know i am a slave and that i am happiest while serving. i know i want to find a Master that i may serve and please. but i am also afraid of this. there is still some part of me, screaming in my head somewhere that it is not right, that it is not an acceptable way to live ones life. The reason you have that part of you screaming in your head is because of the way you were brought up. If at all possible, get rid of those old tapes in your head and record new ones. There is nothing wrrong with wanting what you want. Youu want a Master to serve and please. Isn't that the way any slave would think? I would think so, but then again, I am not inside the head of any slaves. My advice for you is to do what makes you feel complete. MoGa

RedMagic1 -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 8:46:42 PM)
Well, I've interacted with you, subtee, so perhaps you've lost respect for me in particular. There's a thread going on right now on how new people, women in particular, write profiles -- and there's a whiole lot of bitching going on about how there is either nothing there, or they're written to appeal to the reader instead of expressing who the person really is. I keep on telling these guys who complain about getting no dates that profiles are almost completely irrelevant. Half the time, people don't know who they are, and the other half the time, they're afraid to share themselves. Interaction is the only thing that matters. She signed up two frikkin weeks ago. Her photos look like amateur snaps. She's got the playlist of an educated 24-year-old. So she got insta-ecollared for a few days. So what? If people were less willing to think "fake" and more willing to think "new & confused so I should welcome this person" they'd be less likely to be alone. Have whatever level of respect you want for me. I'm not going to stop being nice to newbies just because I might get accused of tripping over my dick.

XiaoTheOwl -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:01:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I might get accused of tripping over my dick. I might consider this a blessing... untill.... I tripped on it...

subtee -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:04:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: Well, I've interacted with you, subtee, so perhaps you've lost respect for me in particular No, not just you, but you are one I certainly regret having seen....eager, uniformed, "nice" okay... quote: . There's a thread going on right now on how new people, women in particular, write profiles -- and there's a whiole lot of bitching going on about how there is either nothing there, or they're written to appeal to the reader instead of expressing who the person really is. And how would you characterize this experience, for you? Nothing there? Or, (by your own words), written to appeal to the reader instead of expressing who the person really is? In either case, how is your self-admittedly uninformed response a respectable one? quote: I keep on telling these guys who complain about getting no dates that profiles are almost completely irrelevant. Half the time, people don't know who they are, and the other half the time, they're afraid to share themselves. Interaction is the only thing that matters. How's that workin for ya? And the others? quote: She signed up two frikkin weeks ago. Her photos look like amateur snaps. She's got the playlist of an educated 24-year-old. So she got insta-ecollared for a few days. So what? Okay, so you did read her profile? Skimmed? Found what you wanted? quote: Have whatever level of respect you want for me. I'm not going to stop being nice to newbies just because I might get accused of tripping over my dick. I welcome a newbie every single day on CM. Check my posts. I do. Domme, subbie, switch, whatever, I see an introduction and I give them good wishes. I don't, however, reliquish my brain while being "nice."

MistressOfGa -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:14:52 PM)
Tee, Let me get this straight, you are upset that the Dominants who answered her posts were too friendly? I had to go back and see if I could get where you are coming from. I don't see any of the men being inappropriate or falling over themselves trying to impress her. What I do see, is a girl who came here obviously looking for a little help in understanding herself and a whole thread of people trying to help her. I don't get why you are upset about the way the men have responded. <Shrugs> But then again, there may be something "behind the scenes" that I am not aware of that caused your reaction. MoGa Edited for clarity

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:16:41 PM)
A slave who is strong, independant, openminded and does not follow the crowd! Who the hell would have imagined. I thought all slaves were supposed to be week, codependent, closed minded girls that follow the crowd like a heard of cattle. Hate to break it to you, you are normal and wow.. what a catch you'll make for the right Master. You just need to find a Master that values those qualities in you. Basically, somebody who is secure, independent, openminded and not into following the crowd as well. Basically, you're not a good match for some insecure Master, that lacks self control. Just make certain you find somebody worthy of your submission. BTW, many people in this lifestyle get married, get a house and live life just as any other normal person does. Even having kids and all. Make certain you are upfront about what you do and don't want. Such as if you don't want kids ever, make that known upfront. Else you might get hooked up with some Master that personally wants to Breed you himself and have you have his kids. The Needs, Wants, and common interests work here in BDSM land just like they do in the vanilla world. It's ok to have wants and don't wants out of life even as a slave. This is why it's critical you pair up with a Master/Dom with similar wants, needs, beliefs and mindset. If you don't you will find submission to be a bitch, you will find yourself never being able to truely please your master, and you'll wind up feeling like a complete failure and looser at being a slave.

XiaoTheOwl -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:22:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave Basically, you're not a good match for some insecure Master, that lacks self control. Then he wouldn't really be a 'Master'.... Just an opinionated obsevation.

RedMagic1 -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:23:10 PM)
I have no idea how "it" works for anyone besides me. I know I've dated online-to-real 9 women in 9 months, and could have met more. I know that I'm in a brand new real-life relationship with someone I met online, who plays classical guitar, sings and writes me poetry. I know that two of the women I met earlier have expressed interested in being a third playmate. Both of them own businesses and all three of the women currently in my life are what most men would call seriously hot -- and they're nice people. Do you think I'm going to change what I'm doing because I might "lose respect"? WTF???? An extremely pretty (and smart) woman approached me and sent me her contact info just today, and I'm not looking. You live two hours from me. You can come see me anytime you want. No secrets here. I'm not going to ask you how "it" is working for you, because it's none of my business, but I am soooooooooooo sick of "you're a fake" being used when people are just trying to figure themselves out.

subtee -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:26:09 PM)
MoGa; Ah. I'm disappointed in the men (and some women) who have been so eager because of ...(read her), they have lost, it seems to me, their intellect and good sense. Tongues dragging on the floor, tripping over their dicks, as I've mentioned, apparently, brains (which have been proved to be in exitense), suddenly absent. "I don't have to know the facts, I'm just being nice." Oy

MistressOfGa -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:34:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee MoGa; Ah. I'm disappointed in the men (and some women) who have been so eager because of ...(read her), they have lost, it seems to me, their intellect and good sense. Tongues dragging on the floor, tripping over their dicks, as I've mentioned, apparently, brains (which have been proved to be in exitense), suddenly absent. "I don't have to know the facts, I'm just being nice." Oy Wow..you give these men/women absolutely no credit for having any brains. I must be reading another thread, because unless you point out to me exactly where you see that the guys (and some women, one of which I hope you don't mean me) have lost their minds, intelligence and their ability to control how they walk without tripping over their dicks, I will just assume that I am nnot reading the same thread as you are. <hugs> MoGa

SimplyMichael -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:41:29 PM)
What the fuck is your problem Tee? I thought it was just me you got all pissy about? Not sure if I should be jealous or relieved! Regardless of what you think about her profile (and how many 24 year olds write a good one anyway?) and since my woman is my age and hotter than the OP by far, I am not responding because my dick ordered me to. The question is a good one and a common one and the responses were reasonable, they were not flirtatious and seem quite reasonable to me. I think you need to check your dosage or something or lay off the red meat! But it is fun to see you go off, you don't hold back which is why I adore you. As to the OPs question, you are dealing with the issue that makes most people miserable. How to deal with feelings/beliefs/emotions that are outside the mainstream. Most try and force themselves into some mold they don't actually fit and are miserable because of it. To me, the most glorious thing about BDSM is we can explore alternative ways of living. I am a "daddy dom" and inside the space I create for myself I get to be sadistic and caring, strict and carefree, loving and cruel. My woman is a fellow dominant and we gleefully talk of torturing little girls together and I have even co-topped guys with her. She is also my most slavishly slave woman I have ever owned, willing to do things I am not yet ready to ask. She is also a woman I would not want to sit across from in a boardroom and negotiate a contract with. We also love to hold hands and walk to the farmers market skipping and acting like teenagers in love. Fuck what other people think or want. We are happy together being US, we create the world we want to live in together and neither of us have ever been happier. So don't fight yourself, embrace both sides of yourself, the light and the dark. Celebrate the best in you, work to overcome the weakest, and unlearn the worst. I mean you don't want to end up all bitter like Tee do you? [sm=lol.gif]

MistressOfGa -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:46:43 PM)
quote: "I don't have to know the facts, I'm just being nice." I meet people every single day at school or elsewhere (not online) and I know nothing about them, I dont know the facts as to what they are like or who they are. Yet, I am nice to them. It is just the way I am. I'm strange that way, I will ask them if they would like to join me for a cup of coffee at school, or I will give up my seat at the doctors office if my sister told me that someone was standing. (Since I can't see) Since when did being nice to someone require you to know the facts about them? To be informed of who and what they are? Good grief, if that werre the criteria, no one would be nice to anyone. We live in an almost hate filled world as it is, let's not criticize the few who actually are nice, without an ulterior motive. I am a bit insulted by your attitude regarding this. I hope you were not referring to me when you mentioned "a few of the women too". <shakes head> And if we are to be honest here, I see jealousy more than I see men tripping over their dicks. Maybe you should examine why you feel so strongly about this. MoGa

subtee -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:48:54 PM)
No, I didn't mean you. And I'm sure you're reading the same posts. I don't care to point out (other than what I have done) what I'm referring to. We're reading the same posts, but I'm "reading" them differently. I'll let it go there.

XiaoTheOwl -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:49:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee Good grief you boys... ~bites the shit out of her tongue~ I'm going to go way out on a limb here... and say, that sticking with your initial reaction may have been the better road to follow... I know... who asked you Xiao? LOL

subtee -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:52:24 PM)
Wow. That's all I got. Power to the OP and SM is right...don't end up bitter like Tee!

subtee -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:58:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa quote: "I don't have to know the facts, I'm just being nice." I meet people every single day at school or elsewhere (not online) and I know nothing about them, I dont know the facts as to what they are like or who they are. Yet, I am nice to them. It is just the way I am. I'm strange that way, I will ask them if they would like to join me for a cup of coffee at school, or I will give up my seat at the doctors office if my sister told me that someone was standing. (Since I can't see) Since when did being nice to someone require you to know the facts about them? To be informed of who and what they are? Good grief, if that werre the criteria, no one would be nice to anyone. We live in an almost hate filled world as it is, let's not criticize the few who actually are nice, without an ulterior motive. I am a bit insulted by your attitude regarding this. I hope you were not referring to me when you mentioned "a few of the women too". <shakes head> And if we are to be honest here, I see jealousy more than I see men tripping over their dicks. Maybe you should examine why you feel so strongly about this. MoGa I'm sorry to have insulted you. I wasn't referring to you at all. I'll think about your posit that jealously is my deal.

usedandpurrin -> RE: A life in contradiction? (2/12/2008 9:59:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee FR~ Okay, can't do it. I'll happily get slapped for this. I've lost much respect; while you are all tripping over your dicks, read, actually READ her profile: 1.30.08: interest in someone; 2.5.08 collared--no, no an "owned slave." 2.10.08 "no longer an owned slave." quote: sure ill wear tops that show cleavage and not let it worry me, but these are mostly with jeans, i dont generally wear short skirts and you will never see me in shorts. but this is apparantly 'inapropriate day wear'. I cant imagine what they would think of my slave tendancies nor at this point do i really want to. Are you kidding me? - quote: i didnt know anyone else interested in this lifestyle and had always felt slightly peverted and 'wrong' in my sexual preferences. i enjoy rough sex, (ok understatement) i love voyerism. i like to be tied up, held down, bitten, scratched and have hot wax dripped... every where. i didnt know anyone else like that (my mother and sisters hate the mere existance of porn, so the fact that i enjoyed watching it and furthermore, making my own movies used to fill me with a deep sense of shame. but it went further then that. i have a deep desire to please. this was NOT news to me. i generally tie myself into knotts looking to please everyone all the time. Her boyfriend's in porn and she didn't know? There are 2 quotes about "tie[ing] herself in knotts (sic)" quote: i did not go into this lightheatedly and spent months reasearching all aspects of BDSM. i soon realised that i was a slave - (not a sub) ... quote: i have a very strong will and personality. i am used to people leaning on me and being a 'dominating influence' in the lives of my friends. my Master has to therefore be stronger, mentally, physically and emotionally then me. all my vanilla boyfriends have been weaker then me and this have FORCED me to be the dominant half. the "slave" god i'm disappointed. Ok firstly my original post seems to have caused a lot of contention, for this i apologuise. i didnt mean any offence and will be more careful before posting in the future. Now secondly i adress subtee. i dont see the point in attacking me, you have asked me no questions, at times completely misunderstood simple statements and just made some fairly idiotic assumptions. Am i kidding you? uh no not that i recall. my dress, apprearance and weight rolls eyes has caused many problems between my mother and i for many years. and no i do not know what they would think of me being a slave and as stated i do not want to. i dont see how that is so difficult to comprehend. Please point out EXACTLY where i said i didnt know my boyfriend was in porn. i said my mother and sister didnt like it, that i enjoyed watching and making it (non professionally, more home movies and stuff) and that it always made me feel slightly ashamed, which is mostly due to my upbringing. the comment about tieing myself into knotts... seriously get you head out of the gutter for a second and you will see that it didnt mean sexually. i spend so much time running after my family and friends and allowing my submissive side to be exploited that i (non literally tie myself in knotts) its a fairly common phrase where i come from,. im sorry that you didnt get it. ... I meant what i said about it. i didnt know anyone else involved in this lifestyle and the only sourse of knowledge i had avaliable was reading material. As i am a big reader anyway it came naturally to me. the "slave" god i'm disappointed. you have not had my life and therefore have no right to juge me. there is a reason which i WONT go into here that i have had a tendancy to go for men who needed a lot of support and have for the most part carried them. Mymum calls it going out with limp ducks, lol. Unfortunately this was bad for me and probably bad for them. it was never what i needed or wanted. As for your comments about going in and out. i will admit it does appear that way. But if you consider how long i have been on this site and that i used to belong to another, basically you are coming into this story half way through. it did have the whole thing in the profile originally but out of respect to my ex- Master i removed it as it made him uncomfortable. basically he was my Master for about a month but it wasnt working and when i realised that there was no trust in the relationship i knew it had to end. it did and i found a trainer. NOT and owner, someone i trust and is a good friend to teach me and help me grow a little. that was good untill i spent an entire day and night arguing with my Ex Master who was very upset. Stupidly i admit, i went back with the blessing of the guy who had been training me. Within a week i realised my mistake and how stupid it had been to go back to a d/s relationship with no trust (on top of the other problems) i spoke to Him about it and he agreed it wasnt working and released me. This is why i am not looking at the moment. i need a little time and need to figure out exactly what i am looking for, what exactly is wrong with that subtee. for someone into an alternative lifestlyle i dont think you are particulary tollerant of those that act in a way that is different from you own. THATS dissapointing and very sad Love Purrin

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