quote:

ORIGINAL: Spankuvrymuch

Hey all.

I am sure this will get me some nasty replies but...
Let's hope not, but don't hold your breath :)

I seem to be striking out pretty hard in the internet world when it comes to finding sub women and such.  I do really well in person, at bars and so on.  But I am getting no where on BDSM type sites.  Just thought I would put this out there, and please be honest, but gentle (rare moment of vulnerability here)...
Are you more interested in a hook-up or a relationship? Being able to hook-up in a bar doesn't necessarily mean you'd do well in a long-term relationship. What is your track record like in that regard? Your profile sounds like you are looking for some kinky fun, and not much more. Lots of woman aren't going to find that appealing. Part of what makes this dynamic work so well, is the trust that the partners develop over time. If you aren't willing to invest some time in the relationship, it will be hard for many women to trust you enough for play.

Is it the pics?  Is it the profile?  I don't send off one liner messages or R rated pics or anything like that.  I just don't get it.  When I go out with friends I have no problem meeting women (except they are all into vanilla stuff which is fine but all of us here want a little something different right?).  So I have to conclude that it is something about the online world that I don't get.  I mean, I can't even get replies to emails!  And yes, I am well aware that women get tons of emails.
Online all you have are your words and a maybe a picture or two to convey who you are. And while no one should make a total decision about who you are from those few clues, they do set a tone. Let's say a person says they are funny...well, actually if they simply say something funny, I can make that decision for myself. If you say you are intelligent, then write intelligently. In your particular profile you say you are an anti-hero- what do you mean by that? What does a  "daddy dom"  protect a woman from? What makes you progressive when it comes to gender roles? It's easy to throw out terms, but what do they mean to you and a woman you'd be interested in seeing? There is very little in your profile outside of the checklist that tells me who you are outside of your kink. That's just as important to me as what you could do in the D/s realm. And honestly, your whole interest in a Female Domme fantasy? You need to decide what you actually want. This comment  makes it seem as if you are not clear about being a Dom, or maybe you are just out for a wild time.  As a slave, I read that as "guy who wants some kinky sex and not a whole lot else."


So if anyone is willing, please read the profile and check out the pics.  I am no Gap model, but I think I am attractive.  Give me some clues about what I am doing wrong.  Thanks.  Oh, and if you are just going to be mean feel free, I will just disregard what you say.
Again, since you reference the picture, I am guessing you are accustomed to your looks getting you attention from women. While I can certainly appreciate an attractive body, I am way more fascinated by an amazing mind, a creative flair, someone who is a good listener, someone I can talk to, someone I find interesting, someone who makes me laugh, someone who can teach me things, and so on. Looks only can get you so far. What else do you offer? My Master is the most interesting person I've ever known. We have these amazing talks all the time, he writes like a poet, he is a super kisser, and he can make me melt by just a look..but I didn't fall for him because he had an amazing picture. (Not that he isn't gorgeous to me, but it's his many qualities that make him so attactive). A picture might get you an acknowledgement, but it will take a lot more to keep a woman interested.
As for pictures, since I haven't seen yours, I would offer you some suggestions:. no nudes, black and white is artsy (if you are the type- they certainly catch my eye), don't take them in your Mom's basement, or in a room that looks like a frat house with dirty dishes, beer bottles,etc in the background, no pictures where it's obvious you cut a girl out of the shot (makes you look even more like a player), no male "posing" , no self-shots you took with a camera in your bathroom mirror. What impresses me most about a male's picture is just a natural shot-not super close, but close enough I could see your face (I think you can tell a lot from a person's eyes). Outside shots in natural light,  maybe doing something you enjoy, tells me a lot about you. There are some subs who love dark, moody pictures though, so I suppose you should gear your picture to the kind of woman you want.
 
And truthfully, you haven't been looking that long. It took me YEARS to find a person who was a good fit for me. Many others would tell you the same. In eliminating vanilla partners, you've narrowed your dating field. That field gets smaller and smaller as you want specific qualities. If you realize that you need a woman of about the right age, right location, right interests, right qualities, etc...then you can see why it shouldn't just happen overnight. Also, be willing to make a friend first. I didn't expect to be a collared slave to Master when I first met him..but that grew over time. If you don't automatically expect every woman to be your perfect woman right off the bat, then perhaps that "not quite right" woman will turn out to be even better than you could have hoped.
Best of luck!


< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 2/13/2008 1:02:13 AM >

(in reply to Spankuvrymuch)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence
 And honestly, your whole interest in a Female Domme fantasy? You need to decide what you actually want. This comment  makes it seem as if you are not clear about being a Dom, or maybe you are just out for a wild time.  As a slave, I read that as "guy who wants some kinky sex and not a whole lot else."

quote:

ORIGINAL: venusinblu

I really feel that doms recognise subs in everyday life