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RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 5:06:09 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

As I am a college student, I would advise giving her a few days - at least until the mid-terms are over. If you want to own the 20 year old college student, you have to understand that 99 times out of a 100 her studying is more important than you. There is no way around that unless you want to drop out of school and hopefully you don't. We handle this nicely by simply having Valyraen own my studies - I am under orders to ignore/politely refuse/etc any other order that interfers with my schoolwork.

As GreedyTop pointed on, just because she is logged on doesn't mean she is there. I frequently forget to close the CM window so that it says I'm logged on while I'm off studying, spending time with friends or Valyraen or just plain sleeping.

Can a d/s or m/s relationship be balenced with school? Yes, it certainly can. But it takes some time to figure out how to work things. Wait until her mid-terms are over and talk. She might be blowing you off, but she might also be struggling with a hard semester and needs support, not punishments. If she keeps blowing you off after the mid-terms are over... well then you have a definate answer.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Originator)

Post #: 21

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 5:23:52 PM

Originator

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

What a great group of people, glad I posted today.

I don't think she is blowing me off at all in a long term sense. We had lots of phone calls, not much left to the imagination but to meet after midterms.

I am just trying to learn and understand about the dynamics, not to obssess over this one girl which who knows what will happen. I have noticed with a few other phone calls with girls off some sites, that I made a few obvious mistakes with experienced subs, and want to get up to speed.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 5:58:38 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

not to obssess over this one girl

Too late. You are already stalking her on the site where you met. That would creep me out.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Originator)

Post #: 23

RE: Question aboutnew sub's actions - 2/13/2008 6:25:01 PM

nwcutie102

Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline

20 years old. young. maturity takes time and age, along with experience and some wisdom. maybe try a sub more to your age?

(in reply to TotalState)

Post #: 24

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 6:39:29 PM

texancutie2

Posts: 40
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

Maybe I am slightly confused or something. Could very well be, because I went back to college and have a ton of work to do as well. But only 4 days of lengthy chats? And you want to punish her over the phone or online because she has been busy? Also, I would wonder about someone that would want a stranger to take full control of her.

One other thing....did mid terms start already? I swear only a month or so of school has passed! Much too early for mid terms for most universities, if Spring term started in January.

Anyway...good luck!

(in reply to Originator)

Post #: 25

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 6:54:06 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

not to obssess over this one girl

Too late. You are already stalking her on the site where you met. That would creep me out.

Did he say if he had to look for the information? I think CM has the list of users who are currently online in your area and it lists the people who are currently looking at any particular page on a fourm. He might have simply seen her name without having to look for it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 26

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 7:04:55 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Our school started Jan 2, and midterms were last week. We have quarters though, and not semesters.

~Christina

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 27

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 7:25:42 PM

Originator

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

I was quite clear earlier that on the site, the list of online users is at the top with photos, you can't miss it, and I chat with others there too often, so it is not a big deal to see her online, requires no stalking.

The stalker comment from the poster above is just hyperbole for effect.

Actually this is way beyond my threshold in terms of analysis over a girl I never met on the net. My interests were more to understand the D/s aspect of this particular interaction, and there not much to take from it really.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 28

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 7:43:50 PM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

i've had a few promising chats with Doms that i could potentially have ended up meeting but they became way too demanding before we'd even met. If that happens...i'm out...ASAP. And mind You, i am also looking for someone who is more "strict" than "lenient"...but i'm looking for that after we've established a real time connection and feel the need to move forward. If a Dom demands that i call him Sir, or makes *any* demands of me prior to meeting me...i lose interest really quickly.

Perhaps she'll bounce back to You...perhaps she won't. Either way, best of luck!

(in reply to Originator)

Post #: 29

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 7:45:06 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Except, as others have noted, there are days I log in here, then open 6 other windows, and seldom check back.
Technically, I'm logged in, but, I'm not really there.
When I'm on collarchat, someone on the cm site may see me as 'there' but, really, I'm just roaming the forums, and not paying attention to my mail.
Just a thought or two.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Originator)

Post #: 30

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 8:11:43 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I had the impression from what he said that he looked for her at the site where they met and her my space page. It seems deliberate to me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 31

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 8:12:55 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

So you never thought to examine the fact that she's only 20 and she's already been in several supposedly deeply committed relationships?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 32

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 8:14:05 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Love your new subnic!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 33

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 8:23:21 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

LOL thanks, but for the first time I want to go back! I like insane better.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 34

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 8:35:45 PM

texancutie2

Posts: 40
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline

Sure would shorten things by 4-5 weeks...which is decent. But would be pretty intensive. Doubt I would have time to even get online. But that is just me! Ughhh...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 35

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 9:08:58 PM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Ok, I read through all the other posts and like always my twisted mind likes to look for a perspective not presented so far. So here goes the wacked out devil's advocate thoughts and the logic behind it.

The big issue here is you are not a mind reader. You can only operate on what she has currently have presented to you and you have to trust it as honest and true desire if any relationship will ever come to pass. I am sure you have gone over and over in your lengthy chats to be certain this is really what both of you want. Let us assume she was legit in her desires, and communicated it clearly and conscisely, and is true and honest with herself. Now if this is the case she may be feeling out your capabilities as Dom to see "if you walk the walk" and see how far you will go to exert your authority. Most slave and subs will test the boundries and challenge those who try to claim them as my poen can attest to that. In this situation it is your responsibility to try and meet the needs of your partner as clearly documented and communicated, to do anything less would mean you did not care for her most fundemental needs and desires. Having been in college I well understand the desire to yield the responsibilities to another and be saved from the stress of competative academia. If these are her goals then she is looking for someone who can go the distance claim his prize and enslave her for life and rely on your strength to make everything better.

Now, I would advise not gong after her or going the strict line. Frankly, I suspect that a strict line is not your cup of tea no matter how enticing the idea may be. Trying to be someone you are not is one of the fast way to have a relationship fall apart even with the best intentions. If she is testing you, your physical impairment (punctured eye and heavy painkillers) make the implementation of any direct control impractical. And, unless you are truely indepenantly wealthy such a submissive/slave would take a great deal of time and resources to bring to heel (and provide the level of control she wants). Now back to the start and the final point: You are not a mind reader or fortune teller and if none of the above assumptions are correct the pursuit of a strict line of control has the potential of landing your ass in jail. I do not know what your level of risk you are comfortable with or enjoy, so this could be exactly the thrill you are looking for. In this situation the rewards are every Dom's dreams, but the risks for those rewards are high and the probabilities too slight to rationally make that bet.

The true oddball of the forums
BlackPhx

P.S. I agree with most who have posted: slow and steady is the way to go I am just being a devils advocate. I truely believe people are entitled to assume as much risk and extreme behaviour as long as there is true consent. To do anything less closes the doors of legitimacy of our lifestyle.

"I am not kissing your ass, I am just dominating it with forceful blows of my lips"

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 36

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 9:44:40 PM

Originator

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

Well anything most anything I could I add at this point is redundant to the newer posts, thanks for the insight to all.

Most definitely I am not quite myself this week, and have had too much time on my hands.

We have chatted today, she is just asserting her need to focus 100% on several major exams, and there is no problem on her end. I do think she is looking for strictness, although by that I don't mean punishment or such, just maintaining control.

I appreciate that there is a community here to bounce stuff off of.

True, ideally someone older would be better, just not that easy to find in LA on the sites I have been on, at least not a connection yet.

(in reply to BlackPhx)

Post #: 37

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 10:19:22 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Midterms? Hell, I have finals next month!

(in reply to texancutie2)

Post #: 38

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/13/2008 10:27:02 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

BlkPhx... THIS is getting moved to the favorite siglines thread!!

""I am not kissing your ass, I am just dominating it with forceful blows of my lips"

back to topic, folks...LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 39

RE: Question about new sub's actions - 2/14/2008 12:07:24 AM

SovereignDaddy

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

i've had a few promising chats with Doms that i could potentially have ended up meeting but they became way too demanding before we'd even met. If that happens...i'm out...ASAP. And mind You, i am also looking for someone who is more "strict" than "lenient"...but i'm looking for that after we've established a real time connection and feel the need to move forward. If a Dom demands that i call him Sir, or makes *any* demands of me prior to meeting me...i lose interest really quickly.

I think you're right on here. The whole online Master thing is just way too silly. I do think that a lot can be discussed online, and that sometimes we really can get very involved in relationships online. (Heck, I fell in love with a woman online, and when we met, it was heavenly.) However, conducting an online D/s relationship is just an exercise in futility and silliness, if you ask me. It's better to find somebody who lives near by if you want to get into a real D/s relationship. (I don't think my post relates to the original topic at all... I just wanted to comment on the above.)

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 40

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