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Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Question about new sub's actions (2/14/2008 3:44:50 AM)
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Hey, doing formal D/s is like informal D/s... basically I don't expect full submission and compliance within 2.5 seconds flat. For me D/s has always slowly evolved over time. Basically, trust and respect need to develop along with getting to know each other.
There are many comments I can/could make regarding things you've shared.
It appears that you are taking things at this insane pace, out of fear or as a reaction to her comments about her last Dom not being strict enough. Basically this has become a driving force in your current relationship. Ask yourself this, would you be like this, if you had known nothing about her last D not being strict enough? If the answer is 'No' then are you really in control of yourself and the relationship the way you want to be?
If anybody asked me to take full control and strict control right away, without going through the getting to know each other stage, and without building a solid foundation of trust and respect, I would tend to think they are off in La La land a little. This is probally why she left her last D, and odds are it had nothing to do with him not doing the right thing. Sounds like she has some fantasy issues or problems on her end.
Basically, I would have laid out it to her what it takes for a Full Control and Strict D/s relationship to work. Total Power Exchange does not generally happen overnight or in a matter of a few days or a week even. It's something that takes time to grow, cultivate and nurture along the way. Perhaps if she was an experienced slave/sub, I might consider stepping things up a bit. I would first have to know more about her and her BDSM and life mindset as well as experiences.
Dude, basically you are growing frustrated and you are on the edge now. You are at Risk of loosing self control. Notice I said you are at Risk at loosing self control. She might be trying to DOM test your ass. Oh crap, did I just say that. Basically respect and trust are things that are earned and not freely and cheaply given out.
Basically, my advice is slow the fuck down and regain control of your emotions. It's one thing to be disappointed in somebody, another thing to start becoming pissed. Even worse when you start to guess at what is or is not the truth. Communication is very important. Also it's very important not to rush into judgements or make assumptions about things.
If she is like a stay dog that requires a leash and you are not in a real time 24/7 relationship, it rather difficult to be the strict and controlling Dom she is looking for. After all, you could tell her to do something, but since you are not physically there, she can do anything she damn well pleases without you knowing about it.
Personally, I know my own value as a Dom, if somebody is not willing to play along nicely by some set or form of basic human civil rules, I can't expect much out of their submission. She just not be the one for you. Again, I think you are trying to fit yourself into the Jello mold of being that "strict controlling Master" she is looking for, and you are fearful if you don't it will be the end of things between you and her. Would not suprise me, if she tried to blame you for not being <something> enough to cover up her own stupid behaviors. If you get all pissed off and loose control of your anger, she just might use that against you.
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