RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/14/2008 5:45:41 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: venusinblu

This would cause me to never play with him at all. I am sorry, he doesn't sound like a Dom or a Master to me, after the way he treated you, he sounds like a bully and a man who has no respect for himself or the women he plays with.

My thoughts exactly. No Dom I've ever known wanted to deliberately break that trust. Sounds as though he didn't give a rat's ass what was happening as long as he got his. I know everyone has to do what they feel is right, but all the wrong feelings are going off on this one (to me)

(in reply to venusinblu)

Post #: 41

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/14/2008 7:49:08 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

You felt like you were raped, it sounds to me like you WERE raped. Anytime someone is hurting you like that and ignoring "No" and your pleas they are thinking of only themselves and not your well being. He hurt you and then took you while you were in a pain weakened state, how much of a Daddy do you really think he is?

He's a predator and you may not be the first woman nor the last he preys upon. Cut him loose and be glad that you survived the experience.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 42

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/17/2008 4:31:08 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

He told me that it was the second time he had tried fisting on a woman that went wrong and he had decided never to do it again.

So, in other words, clueless and doesn't bother to learn from past mistakes.

quote:

I wouldn't mind if he tried it slowly and gently, and made it something romantic, but I didn't tell him that.

Well, then there's one more thing he doesn't know; just what he needs.

quote:

I asked him what the lesson for the session was, and it turns out that the session was supposed to be for MY pleasure.

... come again?

quote:

If he can be my daddy and not a sadist I will gladly serve him, but that's the only way.

Sounds like he needs a mother, not a daughter...

Health,
al-Aswad.

Edited for emphasis.

< Message edited by Aswad -- 2/17/2008 4:33:57 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 43

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/17/2008 4:37:53 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

I am assuming you used your safe word, if so run don't walk away from this person who will not respect you or your limits.

Mike

I second that.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 44

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/17/2008 4:58:15 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

You can pound on the Justification Key until you're blue in the face, but remember the old adage: If he hurts you once, shame on him; if he hurts you twice shame on you.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 45

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/17/2008 6:06:59 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

What went wrong
1. Crying, screaming NO & bleeding didn't clue him there was a problem he just told you to shut up

2. He didn't realize there was a difference between his and your fist

3. Anal rape with no prep or checking on you after 1 & 2 was good for him

4. This wasn't the first time he screwed up like this

5. He says this was for your pleasure? When exactly?

Honey, this clueless dude is dangerous. He has insufficient self control, is not aware of what is going on and dosen't have the presence of mind to check and flat out dosen't know what he's doing. And on top if it all he tries to BS you that it was all for you?

Unless all this was your idea of a good time and you have a need to be victemized, why are you even considering signing up for more of the same? When he thinks it's safe to repeat or just cannot manage to control himself you can bet your butt it will happen again - or deity-of-your-choice protect you - even worse. You even felt a need to apologize that you weren't up to his standards? He's lucky you didn't file charges and you certainly could have. You've "invested" all of 2 months in consideration before getting a good picture of exactly what is being considered. Now you know. Run, do not walk to the nearest exit.

You will find one that is worthy of your trust and affection - but it ain't this one.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 46

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/17/2008 6:20:15 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

I have never had this experience. But I will say that I know I would follow my Dom to hell, WHY you ask? The simple reason is I know he'd never ask me to go there... So I totally agree with everyone here. Run, don't walk away. BSDM is not Abuse...THAT was abusive... One is not the other and visa versa.. I would never want a dom who wouldn't see me bleeding and stop... Let alone asking him, telling him and pleading with him to stop... Dreamer

< Message edited by greeneyedreamer -- 2/17/2008 6:21:31 PM >

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 47

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/17/2008 6:42:28 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

I had something not nearly so traumatic, but many years ago I had a b/f who wanted to get into BDSM but had no idea what it really was. He began by getting my consent, and eventually just DID what he felt like. I forgave him once, chided him the second time, and considered leaving him the third time. Fortunately, he decided to leave me.

What would have happened if he had not left? I don't care to contemplate that. Inadvertent abuse hurts just as much as intentional abuse, and abusers tend to repeat.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 48

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 5:47:55 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

This is something that has been bothering me about this story. The whole thing about you had prepared, as he instructed you to, by using your own fist, and, later, he said he didn't rerlize the size difference. Yes, everyone has mentioned how clueless that is. But, it is more than that.
What if you had lied to him? Yes, I know you did not. But what if you had? What if he told you to use your own fist, and life was just sooo busy this week, and you didn't get 'around to it'? Or, you tried, and it hurt too much, and you just couldn't manage? And then, when it came time, you couldn't bring yourself to admit to him that you had disobeyed or failed? I am not saying this is okay. I am saying I have known subbies get caught up in not wanting to displease thier Doms and lie like this. No, it is not excusable, yes, it should be punished. But the appropraite punishment is NOT 'well, I told her what we were going to do, and we are going to do it! If the bitch didn't follow my instructions, let her wind up in the hospital for all I care, she deserves it!'
There are simular what ifs that are slightly less extreme. Every night is different, every play session different. Your mind handles each evening differently. What if you two DO try it again, are successful, get good at it, and you really love it? What happens on that one night that, for some reason, you just can't tak it, and, even though you have been doing it for a while now and loving it, tonight it is like the first time? When you scream no and beg - no bleeding this time, your body is more adjusted to the action - will he stop and find out what is wrong with you?
I am a rather extreme girl. I like my little trips to Hell. Need to visit there regularly. Master and I talked about that when we negotated, and he said, jokingly, 'Good, buy a condo, you'll be visiting a lot' But in truth, most of our play I love. Others might not, but I am very aware that, most of the time, Master modulates his hand so that it is at an intensity level that I can adore. But every night is different. He didn't really hit me harder, last night it just hurt like hell. Now, as I said, I need my trips to hell, so that was all good for me. But not for you. When you have nights where you percieve the action differently, and it just fucking hurts, even though the same thing felt great last week, you need to know that you can make him stop.

(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)

Post #: 49

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 6:13:16 AM

SensualPassion41

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

I agree with everyone who has posted before me. This Master was unable or unwilling to stop when he was hurting you. You cried out in pain asking him to stop and he ignored you. Do you honestly think he won't do it again? To me it's abuse. It is not any different than a man who beats his wife. He's sorry, makes excuses for his actions and promises he'll never do it again. Two days later she got beaten up for not cooking the roast the way he likes it. Get out of there, do not put yourself in a position of being hurt again.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 50

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 7:23:58 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

By the time I was screaming no and crying he was telling me to shut up.

Unless the play was intentionally non-consentual (e.g., rape fantasy), when one says "no" and the other says "shut up", everything that comes next is criminal.

Your dominant needs to get his brain around the fact that he assaulted you.

You need to get your brain around the fact that he assaulted you.

_____________________________

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 51

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 10:22:27 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

IMHO, if he didn't realize that his fister was bigger than you OR your fist, he didn't do prep and is an idiot--and to say shut up and continue when you are in pain, moves right out of consensual--and all bets are off at that point.

Destiny, shmestiny, he is self centered and callous.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 52

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 10:26:37 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Unless the play was intentionally non-consentual (e.g., rape fantasy), when one says "no" and the other says "shut up", everything that comes next is criminal.

Your dominant needs to get his brain around the fact that he assaulted you.

You need to get your brain around the fact that he assaulted you.

Well said CelticLord

Unfortunately it is far more common for someone abused by a Master, or someone they love, to make excuses for them and their behavior. Then wonder why it continues happening. Humans can be such odd, enabling creatures.

< Message edited by sweetwenchie -- 2/18/2008 11:09:08 AM >

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 53

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 11:31:37 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Wow. I dont think anything anyone can say on here will change your mind. Two months of fantastic may seem like something you wish you could keep and you may feel like your falling in love with him and I can imagine the thought of walking away from it is very hard but seriously you need to look at the fact that the man who wishes to be your "daddy" hurt you. You admitted yourself that it was the emotionaly hurt which was worse. You have only been together two months and he violated you completely. He hurt you then told you off for crying and screaming

is that really the kind of daddy you want?
If that kind of edge play floats your boat or you can handle everytime you session with him wondering if he will do it again and not being able to relax then you have the perfect relationship.
Honestly I would walk away. If he is serious and he is really sorry and truely wants to be your daddy then he will show you in time slowly that he wont do it again.

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 54

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 5:56:38 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

The dom in question made a huge mistake and is attempting to cloak his mistakes in some TPE/edge play/D/s crap bullshit. If you expected a positive reaction (even if they hated it and or you at the time) and you were too stupid to realize a petite woman's hand is half what your oafish hand is, you fucked up and better own up to it.

Mistakes happen, quality people own up to them.

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 55

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 7:52:15 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I had a session today with my daddy, and the first half went great. The second half turned into a nightmare. He had told me that he would fist me, and would start gently. By the time I was screaming no and crying he was telling me to shut up. He left me bleeding.

Then he took me anally with no preparation. He got off, felt great, then cuddeled me. I sat and cried. I lit a cigarette and was shaking so badly I could harly strike a match. I apologized to him later for not being up to his standards, and he finally compared the size of his fist to mine. (He had me prepare by fisting myself.) He apologized for not realizing the size difference, but never realized that I felt raped and had to pray for strength through the whole thing.

He had told me that we were destined to be together. Now I'm afraid to ever see him again. Anyone been through anything similar?

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It sounds pretty heavy and I'm sure you're still recovering from the ordeal. If you told him "no" AND you were crying and the dude didn't stop??? Well, I would say fuck off and never talk to him again! The whole thing sounds terrible! It sounds to me like he has no regard for you as a human being and is in it purely for his pleasure... never mind if you're lying there bleeding. jeesh!

Please, I don't know you, nor the whole story, but my gut says to walk away and don't look back. Best of luck.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 56

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/18/2008 8:45:42 PM

silvermuse

Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

Ask yourself something.

what excuse will he give the next time it goes wrong?

Your life, your body, your mind - and your nightmares - that you will deal with alone in the middle of the night.

If you're willing to deal with that, with the next opps, and the next opps and the next, by all means continue on with him. But the fact you came to this board, spoke of your concerns, brought up the painful details and asked for help tells me you aren't truly willing to face another opps.

Listen to the voice that brought you to the board.

Listen long. Listen well. Then re-read the advice you've been given here. Because the next opps that you then have to deal with after he's gone home, might be one you never recover from.

silvermuse

_____________________________

There is darkness and there is evil, never mistake the two.

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 57

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/19/2008 4:23:39 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

i think everyone has just about summed up what i had to say to you.. You have to remember your a person that's once the session is over may need to go on and continue in your everyday business duties.. If this dickhead has done damage to you then you will be left with a disadvantage, and maybe seeking medical help.. How can you allow him TO TREAT YOU LIKE THIS?????

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 58

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/19/2008 7:08:45 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I had a session today with my daddy, and the first half went great. The second half turned into a nightmare. He had told me that he would fist me, and would start gently. By the time I was screaming no and crying he was telling me to shut up. He left me bleeding.

You mentioned that you were bleeding because of the tearing.. Where did you tear? How badly? Is it possible you need stitches?
This whole thing pisses me off.. How could he be so frigging stupid and irresponsible? The two of you never discussed any of this beforehand...Ever?
Michael is a Daddy and a sadist.. The two can peacefully co-exist in the same persona... That being said, Michael would sooner cut off his own hand than hurt me that way.. Furthermore, if he felt he couldn't control/master his sadistic tendencies, he would certainly find some outside help before he would ever let himself touch me again..

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 2/19/2008 7:11:34 AM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 59

RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong? - 2/19/2008 10:34:01 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

The dom in question made a huge mistake and is attempting to cloak his mistakes in some TPE/edge play/D/s crap bullshit. If you expected a positive reaction (even if they hated it and or you at the time) and you were too stupid to realize a petite woman's hand is half what your oafish hand is, you fucked up and better own up to it.

Mistakes happen, quality people own up to them.

That statement bears repeating....wait...maybe even again.

The dom in question made a huge mistake and is attempting to cloak his mistakes in some TPE/edge play/D/s crap bullshit.

Not to yell or be rude. Charlotte's Master doesn't stop when she tells him to and does not play with safe words but that is part of our dynamic that we'd discussed for months and he still hasn't taken it as far as he can and will because he is learning how to gauge her reactions. A man who doesn't believe in safe-words better be a man who does believe in learning to read your partner and taking responsibility for dangerous play. This slave is by no means saying that not using safe words is bad or that rape play is bad or that edge play is bad (these are things that Master engages in with charlotte quite often.) But just because some people do it and it works for them doesn't mean you need to justify his actions as somehow right even though you felt raped after. This girl sees too many people comparing their relationships to others on here as some kind of way to judge if something is ok. It's ok if you want it to happen. Just because it's ok for this girl doesn't mean it's ok with you. Charlotte wants to be made to do things she doesn't want to do but it certainly doesn't sound like that's something you had talked about with this man. Some people want extreme power exchange but that doesn't mean he can force something on you then call it something you never even talked about. Don't let him make you feel bad for feeling bad.

Anyway, that probably just said what Michael said in more words and with more ranting but a girl felt like ranting. Good luck however you decide to handle it.

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: How do you handle it when things go wrong?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094