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Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 1:04:26 PM   
DomButNotForgotn


Posts: 108
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		This is a sincere question I'm posting. I have asked some subs repeatedly to tell me fantasies they have, ones that turn them on, or ones they might have kept to themselves for a long time. My interest is not just purient, I want to learn what makes a sub tick, what her secret turn-ons are. I probably would act on them, and perhaps I should ask her if we should negotiate the scene in that instance, before she even offers up her fantasies.

But... some subs really hold out, have to be asked time & again, and only reluctantly, or after some months of the relationship do they begin to give me an idea of what their fantasies are.

So, please, dear subs, tell me why you might be reluctant to fess up your secret, naughty, kinky fantasies to a Dom who clearly cares, and isn't just seeking a scenario... is it fear of losing the fantasy if it's made into reality? What would make you hold back? Please advise. Thanks....

(dom) Mark
[email protected]
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 1:22:42 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It can be difficult to face a fantasy that seems dark or overly slutty. It may appear sexy, but I'm not sure I would want to act it out. It may be embarrasing to discuss it, especially in a new relationship.

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 1:40:43 PM   
lustiwench


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		I know for myself, that some of my fantasies are probably best left to the fantasy world. With that in mind, I wouldn't tell anyone about them that I think might try to make them a reality.

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 1:40:59 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		For me it's because I don't have fantasies like porn movies. I rarely think out a whole fantasy. I just have a few flashes and hot ideas that I sort of sift through when I'm thinking about it, never a whole storyline.

So to be put on the spot like that is just uncomfortable because I (and I've heard this is a general female trait) just don't fantasize like that. I'm sure most people have SOME storyline occasionally, but that only goes so far.

Plus, sharing a fantasy is a very intimate thing for someone. I'd say just relax and let the ideas flow naturally, instead of making it a "discussion on fantasies" make it something you just regularly discuss. For example, if you watch TV and see a tree and say "It would be so hot to tie you up there" then watch their reaction. Hopefully they can follow your lead, once they become comfortable.

And let's face it, some fantasies are best left as nifty hot ideas. Even once spoken or shared, they can lose some of their essence. I think it's fine if a woman wants to keep a few fantasies to herself in the beginning.

For the stereotypical bent- women are not comfortable being active sexual beings. That's why things like not wearing panties and bras are so impactful, why orgasm denial is so popular and so forth and so on. Bluntly bringing up a womans fantasy life is actually just a small piece of a much larger chunk of her identity.

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 1:42:13 PM   
quietlilone


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		It really depends on the situation. Working with new Doms may make it difficult to express these ideas. You aren't sure yet how they may react or if it is something that they will even wish to participate in.
Other times, and perhaps I only speak for myself, when you express a fantasy, and it becomes a reality, it may lose that "thrill" it had when it was just and unspoken desire. I know that once I physically act upon a fantasy I no longer can use it for a mental thrill, or that exciting "twinge" of it possibly happening. Some may just not be ready to give that up.

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 2:44:14 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lustiwench

I know for myself, that some of my fantasies are probably best left to the fantasy world. With that in mind, I wouldn't tell anyone about them that I think might try to make them a reality.


Yes! I have some fantasies that are, frankly, just plain sick. They make great fantasies but I'd -never- want them to happen, and I'm a bit ashamed of them. Well, quite a bit ashamed of them.

Because of this, it's hard to share them with my partner. He wants to know what I fantasize about, but I'd never want my fantasies to happen, for the most part.

Also, it's really hard for me to share stuff that makes me blush, at the same time, it's an incredible turn on.

As I become better at being his, I find it easier to tell him whatever he wants to know. We're growing, and I find I'm -definatly- getting better at belonging to him, and stopping the bits I was holding back.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to lustiwench)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 3:51:11 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		quote]I know for myself, that some of my fantasies are probably best left to the fantasy world. With that in mind, I wouldn't tell anyone about them that I think might try to make them a reality.
[/quote]


Ohhhhhhhhhh?!?!?!?!

< Message edited by WickedKev -- 9/13/2005 3:52:38 PM >

(in reply to lustiwench)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 4:09:44 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Yikes, the ole share fantasies thing. Yup, it's damn difficult to share um. I'm in agreement with Katy and Lusti to some extent although to me the fantasies go in degrees. Eventually, ok... after what you'all would most likely say is a LONG time I'll share level one knowing they might be acted on. As the levels go up? . . . dont hold your breath. Then again, Emerald said it best:
(quote) I just have a few flashes and hot ideas that I sort of sift through when I'm thinking about it, never a whole storyline. Somehow for me if I had to finish the story line it would take all the fun out of it!

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 4:31:25 PM   
anopheles


Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		I think that is prevalent in just about everyone, Doms and subs alike. I'm still learning things about my sub, and i've known her intimately for a LOOOOONG time. I think part of it for a sub is that sharing you wishes when you are a sub is scary. You're scared they might think negatively of you, scared that you might over-encourage them, or scared that that they might feel you were trying to top them from the bottom. I don't think it has to be that way though, IMHO, learning new fantasies or desires from your submissive is a lot of fun! The least thing you can do as a responsible Dominant is that if they take the time to share them with you, then you can make sure that you fulfill them!

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 5:15:37 PM   
softysub


Posts: 101
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		In the past, i always told of my fantasies to the Dom at that time, but someone has told me, if you tell or realize your fantasies, then they arent fantasies anymore......some do remain to be fantasies.

Only my opinion!

softysub

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 5:49:45 PM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thankfully, i have a Master who never judges me, so at this point in our relationship, i wouldnt hold back any fantisy i may have, however, being that i' pretty inexperianced...i dont think my fanties would be all that shocking or exciting to anyone but Master, for ALL of my fanticies always involve HIM!

~my'lee

< Message edited by Mylee -- 9/13/2005 7:28:56 PM >

(in reply to softysub)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 7:10:31 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

for ALL of my fanticies always involve HIM!


Well that is nice and tidy. But it's not like that for all of us.

(in reply to Mylee)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 7:20:57 PM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

for ALL of my fanticies always involve HIM!


Well that is nice and tidy. But it's not like that for all of us.



I should hope not!! He's MINE, mine mine mine i tell yoU!!!! * Giggles*

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 7:29:16 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I should hope not!! He's MINE, mine mine mine i tell yoU!!!! * Giggles*


hehe

(in reply to Mylee)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 7:39:51 PM   
greenie


Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		i can't speak for every sub but i know that for some they are ashamed of their fantasies, not so much what others might think, but they themselves think they go too far or are somehow wrong...it all goes back to what society, family, religion taught us during or developmental phases. i for one am very non-judgemental of what others do but am still very judgemental of what i do. Certain fantasies are great for others to do and i think it's great if it works for them but i'm still working on allowing myself to even consider doing them myself. We are always harsher and expect more of ourselves then we do others.

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/13/2005 9:59:20 PM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		Sometimes you tell your mate (Dom or otherwise) your desires and fantasies and if it's not what they're into they just let it fall to the wayside. I know that can personally be very disheartening. It's kind of like announcing that you'd really like to go out for sushi and martinis to find out he's allergic and in AA ;) you just go out for the spider roll later that night! What gets my goat is not so much dragging out the 'wild stuff' but changing the day to day. It's extremely difficult for me to communicate my erratic need for humiliation/discipline/nastiness. Sometimes i wish i could just write up index cards with one or two words on them and hang them around my neck for hints, lol. Hell, maybe i can come to think of it....

_____________________________

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(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 7:13:58 AM   
ChereeAmoor


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		A lot of the previous responses really made a lot of good sense - sometimes fantasies are meant to remain just that, sometimes they are a bit overboard, sometimes a little mental privacy is needed.

For me, when I am asked, I often have a brain dump, in which coherent thought is utterly GONE.

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 8:05:43 AM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well in some ways I agree, (That doesn't mean your off the hook lusti you will tell me those fantasies) But some are not meant to become reality like the one with the sheep, the hotel room, a pair of handcuffs and the mint jelly.
What do you mean we haven't all had that one?!?!?!?!?

(in reply to ChereeAmoor)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 9:09:10 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomButNotForgotn
What would make you hold back? Please advise. Thanks....



Because our red tapes have been ingrained in us from childhood. We've had a lifetime of being told what is acceptable and what is not. So, if we have a hard time coming to grips with the content of our fantasies, then we are reluctant to share them with others. It has nothing to do with the judgement of the other person, but more to do with our own judgements.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 10:47:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

My interest is not just purient, I want to learn what makes a sub tick, what her secret turn-ons are.

convincing someone to expose their deepest, darkest fantasies or secret desires is not an easy task if they aren't willing to share, ask any psychiatrist, some folks just can't be helped...perhaps they have been open in the past and told one too many times they are sick or mentally ill and need psychiatric help and dropped like a hot potatoe for mentioning the desire to be flogged into a sobbing mess?

quote:

some subs really hold out, have to be asked time & again, and only reluctantly, or after some months of the relationship do they begin to give me an idea of what their fantasies are.


this sounds like something that you would perhaps WANT to achieve after being involved in a relationship over a period of time, as you prove to be trustworthy with their secret. Trust and communication is a two-way street.

(in reply to DomButNotForgotn)
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