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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 11:28:33 AM

littleone35

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I have a few some i share others are best left to the fanasty realm. That is because i am married and some involve puclic play.

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 1:08:03 PM

plantlady64

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Hello There,
I agree with most of what the others have said in here. The reluctance to tell someone new a deep dark fantasy is how I'd feel too.
For example Rapes, DP, and screwing in a full football stadium in the middle of the field are some of mine. If I thought someone would act on these I would not tell them about them. I like the fantasy, but the reality is not something I'd want to do.

For example I've always had hot rape fantasies, but when I was 7 mo pregnant I was raped for real. SO not fun or sexy at all in reality for me. To imagine some clean, hot, sexy guy taking me against my will without consent is very hot. In reality an attacker is rarely hot, sexy, and clean. The fantasy very sexy to me, and even though I was raped for real I still think my fantasy notions are hot.
I'm sure to really be taken without my consent isn't hot to me at all it's terrifying (and not in a good way).
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/14/2005 3:09:28 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

when I was 7 mo pregnant I was raped for real.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I can't begin to understand how tramatic that must've been for you.

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/15/2005 10:41:53 AM

Hallittlelolita

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i keep a slave journal in which i talk about my day and different scenario for Master and i to try. Master reads it instead of me tellling Him it is easier for me that way and it dosent seem like i'm topping from the bottom that way. Master reads it everynight and it makes me feel more grounded as a slave.

Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/15/2005 11:06:53 AM

carefulsub

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I totally agree. I have recently found out br careful what your Dom/Master thinks you are asking for. LOL

We had this conversation about experiences that we have never had... Not realizingi that was going to give him a way to make these things come true.

Blindfolded and bound walking into the woods at night is oddly exciting now thatI've done it. WEG

careful

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/15/2005 12:52:29 PM

nelbot

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I agree with the majority of posts, some fantasies are not meant to be made real and just because something gets me wet in theory and from thinking about it, doesn't mean I want it to become reality, but then again those things change- I remember when I was in highschool and Anal sex was just a fantasy that I thought I would never EVER want to have in real life, and yet...times change so sometimes as not only trust is built between you and Yours but also as part of your own evolutionary path changes over time somethings may be able to bo brought out and shared and put on display. Plus something are also not practical or possible (at least as yet)- like the fantasy to have stainless steel ball bearings implanted subcutaneously in my pussy to add texture for my Master (BTW if anyone knows a good plastic surgeon/ GYN that would be interested...). Also soemtimes it is easier to share things in an anonymous way- like in a slave journal that you can forget Master reads when he wants or in short erotic works of fiction that you can post, etc... it seems safer than facing your Master and telling him to his face that you want something really terrifying when you probably don't want it or at least know you are not ready for yet... MHO

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/15/2005 6:02:44 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

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Is'nt a fantasie a place of retret for all of us to have one preivate and free time to explore alone and do what we wish to with whom or what ever and change in any way just for our own sanity and happiness even ones that we do know we would at no time ever attempt to try or speak out aloud about but others in time becomes so develoed we bring it into the light and want to atleast see if that was all it could be made a reaity,but from the first fantasie others develope for our own exploration and privace.
As with everyone from childhood onwards through life we have both good and bad ones some we will even admit as adults we loved to only wish for as children but even now when looked back on would not attemp or discuss.

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/15/2005 8:11:46 PM

master4shock2you

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As many of you are stating, there are different types of fantasies. Basically there are those that are shared with a confidant and/or partner (play or otherwise), those that are not shared, and those that are substantively illegal. As I continue I am not considering the last group.

To share fantasies that we do not normally share usually requires a level of trust and comfort with the one we decide to share them with. [Notating that sharing them does not equal doing or fulfilling them.] Of course it is possible for some fantasies to be beyond one’s capacity to share them. Depending upon what they are, to maintain one’s sanity and/or self-preservation, they might require sharing them with an understanding psychoanalyst or psychologist.

I believe any female can share her fantasies with me without having to worry about how I might react, as I view fantasies as elements of our imaginations; until such time that we allow them to become realities. As a naturally inquisitive exploring individual, I find the reasons for our fantasies to be interesting subjects in and of themselves. After sharing fantasies, we can discuss them in a nonjudgmental way, without criticizing each other’s views, accepting them as a part of our being uniquely ourselves. Then whether or not we decide to allow them to become realities will be by mutual consent and design. In extreme cases it might be possible to modify and/or simulate a fantasy that might otherwise be too unsafe or impractical to actually carry out.

For those of you who might ask, an example of impractical is being nude having sex in the middle of a busy intersection. If you have this fantasy, you might be able to create a substitute situation that will safely satisfy such a desire. No, it is not one of mine, and yes, if it is “hers”, I will try to creatively discover a way to safely satisfy it (insert my smile).

MS

< Message edited by master4shock2you -- 9/15/2005 8:12:53 PM >

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/15/2005 10:18:40 PM

Rubyb

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Hmmmm....what would make me hold back?

Before I really trusted my lifemate, I would hold back because of

fears of being judged,
fears of having my fantasy used against me..."but you said you wanted it!",
wanting to make sure that my confidant understood the difference between having a fantasy and actually wanting it to happen,
or the thrill of the fantasy being removed once its spoken aloud.

As a reader and writer of vampire erotica, I have lots of dark fantasies, but that doesn't mean I'd want them acted out in real life. Some fantasies are best left to a nice bubble bath, a waterproof vibrator and myself. * wink, wink *

Recently, my pet and I modified one of those dom/sub activity checklists so we could discuss our fantasy "outercourse" play over the phone and webcam, versus what we wanted to do in our real life meetings. I encourage anyone to feel free to use it as an ice breaker for fantasy discussion. Take it, modify it and make it your own. I don't have time to update it as often as I would like.

http://www.vampirespet.com/ActivityChecklist.html

< Message edited by Rubyb -- 9/16/2005 7:40:35 AM >

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Ruby Bloodstone
Author and fan of erotic vampire fiction.
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Ruby's portfolio at writing.com:
http://Writing.Com/authors/rubyb

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/16/2005 12:04:26 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev

Well in some ways I agree, (That doesn't mean your off the hook lusti you will tell me those fantasies) But some are not meant to become reality like the one with the sheep, the hotel room, a pair of handcuffs and the mint jelly.
What do you mean we haven't all had that one?!?!?!?!?

well get rid of the Hotel and put in a farmers field and then have a do able one!!!

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/16/2005 4:10:40 AM

tigress31047

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I agree with EmeralSlave here...I do have fantasies but very rarely a whole storyline that i could verbaly tell someone. Master touched on this subject inthe early stages of O/our relationship. When He realized how difficult it was for me He made it a writing task. I had to write out the full fanasty in short story form and e-mail it to Him... I did this easily enough, once i got started writing it just seemed to flow. I was actually impressed with it myself (lol). I thought that would be the end of it ..uhhh Noooo...after He read it and told me how much He enjoyed He made me read it aloud to Him as He watched my reaction to my own fantasy. while i still have that fantasy it does not seem as much of a fantasy anymore. now it seems more like a story one would see in an erotic magazine. I can understand why we do not want to share our fantasies . Sometimes they are OUR fantasies and not meant to be shared just enjoyed at moments when we are alone.

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/17/2005 2:06:51 PM

cinnfulhussy

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I don't WANT to act out my fantasies. For me, thats not the point of a fantasy. My fantasies are to help me achieve orgasm. They are what my twisted, sick, perveted mind finds erotic, under the right circumstances, at the right time. I don't think knowing them would help a partner understand me any better, and it would probably ruin the fantasy for me. What I find erotic in fantasy and what I find erotic in reality really are quite different, thank goodness. Thats the safety of fantasy.
*some* fantasies are fun to share, Like.... I fantasize about you sweeping me off to
Scotland for scones, shortbread, kilts and scotch. We can make love on the heathered moors.
Thats more of a desire than what I would consider a fantasy, though. That kind of thing would help a partner know me better.
Things like discussing kinks, desires, thats all good. But the most personal and dark fantasy? People can't help themselves. If someone heard a particular fantasy of mine, they might... worry. Even if they knew me like the back of their hand. Even though I know that,
I might also subconsciously make judgment calls about someone if I knew thier dark, dirty fantasies. There IS such a thing as being too honest. I like to fantasize that my butt does NOT look fat in those jeans, so I'm sure not gonna ask about it and ruin things!

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/17/2005 3:12:02 PM

aurora31

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OMG ChereeAmoor this is exactly what happens to me weather it be fantasies or questions I want to ask. My job allows me lots of time for private thought and fantasy and I can come up with lost of good ideas of things I want to try or things I have questions about. But bye the time I get home and I get the chance to talk with the Dom I have been playing with...its all gone. I so wish my job was conductive to keeping my note book close at hand so I could write things dowm when I think of them.

aurora

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/17/2005 3:19:40 PM

aurora31

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I have used erotic stories to comunicate my fantasies/needs sexually long before I was ready to explore my submissive nature. I tend to get very embaressed and tounge tied very easily. This makes communicating my fantasies/needs very dificult. But if I come across a erotic story or artical that effectivly comunicates a need or desire I can show it to my partner and it then acts as a means to start the conversation and for some reason I do not get all tounge tied when I do this.

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/17/2005 7:45:19 PM

krikket

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i've been asked this question a time or two myself, and do, indeed, find it difficult to talk about. Some of that is that ever popular "parental training" of not admitting to such "sinful" thoughts, some could be because i don't know the person well, but probably more because, like emerald, my fantasies don't always come in complete sentences much less "form". One thing i found helpful was a request by former my Master, to help me get past this, was to write him a story, it should be more erotica than porn, but it had to include at last one thing i've always dreamed about doing with a man.

my second thought about Your dilemma is wondering if You've share some of Your own fantasies with these subs. i often find it easier to share a deep, dark part of myself if my partner is willing to open up to me, either before i begin, or afterwards. Speaking strictly for myself, that type of sharing helps me to respect him as a man and Dom -- that he is sometimes willing to be as vulnerable and open to me as he wants me to be to him.

Just a thought..

jiminie

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomButNotForgotn

This is a sincere question I'm posting. I have asked some subs repeatedly to tell me fantasies they have, ones that turn them on, or ones they might have kept to themselves for a long time. My interest is not just purient, I want to learn what makes a sub tick, what her secret turn-ons are. I probably would act on them, and perhaps I should ask her if we should negotiate the scene in that instance, before she even offers up her fantasies.

But... some subs really hold out, have to be asked time & again, and only reluctantly, or after some months of the relationship do they begin to give me an idea of what their fantasies are.

So, please, dear subs, tell me why you might be reluctant to fess up your secret, naughty, kinky fantasies to a Dom who clearly cares, and isn't just seeking a scenario... is it fear of losing the fantasy if it's made into reality? What would make you hold back? Please advise. Thanks....

(dom) Mark
[email protected]

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/17/2005 9:49:06 PM

pandoravampire

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Well personally, i wouldnt be telling a Dom my fantasies, unless i was involved with that person. My sexuality is for me, and who im about to share it with. So perhaps if your not the sub's personal D, they are holding back for this.

another reason, is that we are often asked this question by patrolling Dom's. Wanking material? or genuine interest?

Fantasies, are just that, make believe. Some i would like to see brought to fruition, and so share these with my Dom. Others are to remain fantasies, as they are above a limit id chose to play at, but within the privacy of my own head space, i have no such limits.

Some fantasies are not safe, or- just not possible!
I would not be able to be caged in a hog tied position for hours, not capable of being starved and force fed cum for days on end. etc etc, but as a fantasy i can do this.
Tell this to a Dom, and they may feel obliged to try to emulate them. For some very good reasons, a watered down version may be tried, but it does not compare to the extreem levels i can achieve in fantasy, basically, it can be dissappointing to have to face reality. So best left as fantasy.

The telling of fantasies, is a 'framework' for discovering more about a submissives drives and needs. Another way is to ask outright, or to watch carefully to the responses during the discussion. All have merit.

But unless im likely to be playing with you, why tell you? Is it any of your business? I would hope your asking this from a view point of Your subs not telling you, not submissives in general. As you have no right to expect to be told nowt.

Another stance is that, trust, is something that grows, so although you may have a denial of a certain kink early on in the relationship, as this progresses and the trust level increases, what was once refuted, is now a 'yes please'. So maybe your rushing your submissive too fast, not having earnt the trust required to disclose intimate details.

just a few thoughts.
pandora

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/17/2005 10:55:27 PM

perverseangelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiandSirHugh

Is'nt a fantasie a place of retret for all of us to have one preivate and free time to explore alone and do what we wish to with whom or what ever and change in any way just for our own sanity and happiness even ones that we do know we would at no time ever attempt to try or speak out aloud about but others in time becomes so develoed we bring it into the light and want to atleast see if that was all it could be made a reaity,but from the first fantasie others develope for our own exploration and privace.

Perhaps for some, but for me, personally and in our relationship, that place isn't -mine-. It's as much his as is everything else.

I may ask to keep it to myself, but that's -his- choice.

Heh, this sounds submissiver-er-than-thou. I'm not there yet. But I'm sincerely working on it

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/18/2005 3:34:43 AM

TexasMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

For me it's because I don't have fantasies like porn movies. I rarely think out a whole fantasy. I just have a few flashes and hot ideas that I sort of sift through when I'm thinking about it, never a whole storyline.

So to be put on the spot like that is just uncomfortable because I (and I've heard this is a general female trait) just don't fantasize like that. I'm sure most people have SOME storyline occasionally, but that only goes so far.

There's your answer, DomButNotForgotn.

Women don't fantasize along the same lines. If a man keeps asking Me about My fantasies I stop communicating with him, assuming that he is only interested in acquiring some erotica to wank off to.

If, on the other hand, he asks Me about the activities that arouse Me, I assume he's a more sensitive kinda guy who wants to learn 'what makes Me tick'.

Re Fantasies and telling them to a new acquaintance: men/Mars, women/Venus

Texas Maam

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/18/2005 7:56:26 AM

slavedesires

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Only He has drawn out my darkness. And as we journey, only He brings out further darkness. Before i met Him, i would never tell my darkness to just any dom i scened with, i would submit to him in play with agreed upon safety "regulations," as he desired.

Fantasies are just that, fantasies. Desires are not fantasies. Desires, to me are genuine needs or worth exploring if shared openly with Him. Fantasies are like fairy tales that only happen in ones mind because that is where they belong.

A fantasy i have is to live out the movie "Dances with Wolves" or "Last of the Mohicans."
A desire is genuinely different, to me. A desire is more approachable, more liveable and not mere unrealistic dreams that exist to excite me, like a movie can.

quote:

If, on the other hand, he asks Me about the activities that arouse Me, I assume he's a more sensitive kinda guy who wants to learn 'what makes Me tick'.

Re Fantasies and telling them to a new acquaintance: men/Mars, women/Venus

Texas Maam

Very nicely said Maam

< Message edited by slavedesires -- 9/18/2005 7:59:44 AM >

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RE: Holding back fantasies from Master? - 9/18/2005 7:40:11 PM

master4shock2you

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quote:

---pandoravampire wrote---
another reason, is that we are often asked this question by patrolling Dom's. Wanking material? or genuine interest?

pandoravampire, women here have told me that while they have a photo with their profile they receive hundreds of replies. Then when they remove their photo, they get far fewer replies.

A female member shared with me her very clever way of determining if someone is sending a lengthy reply that they copy/paste to multiple profiles. She simply replies with a couple of questions that should result in a somewhat detailed reply from someone who had written so much to begin with. If all she receives in response to her questions are very short one or two line statements, she thinks it is highly possible that they copy/paste their lengthy reply to more than one member.

Of course this is especially and very obviously true of lengthy replies sent within seconds to a couple of minutes of a new profile's name having been submitted to CollarMe. It is mentally and physically impossible for anyone to compose and write so much so rapidly.

MS

< Message edited by master4shock2you -- 9/19/2005 6:29:18 AM >

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