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I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 12:10:13 AM

MistressKris26

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Status: offline

I am a 27 yo BBW Domme. I am fairly new to realizing I love this lifestyle. Always knew I liked certain aspects of it, never really connected it with BDSM. Here's a few questions for both Domme's and Submissives.

1. Where do you find all the great leather and vinyl outfits that fit our curves?
2. Do you think that being larger hurts your intimidation and domination? Like subs don't want or respect you because of your size. The reason why I ask with this one, is because in a "normal" dating scene or society it affects us greatly that we are bigger. I realize that this is well outside of the "norm" of society, but wonder if I should prepare myself for running into the same prejudices here.
3. For me it isn't really about my fantasies... I love the reaction and being in control of that reaction. So I tend to personalize a great deal what I do to my submissives. It's all about secretly what they want and like. As long as it gets me reaction that I want, and I'm in total control of the situation. If humiliation gets them hard instantly, than that's what I do. How many Domme's are the same way?
4. If that's not how you are/how your Domme is tell me how it does work.

Thanks in advance for all your help. Being so new to this I have lots of questions. I am trying to learn how to be the Domme I can be!

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 2:04:32 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

I can answer question two for you.I am overweight and therefore,a sub bbm although it is well proportioned.I haven't been with many Dommes but the ones i have been with were mostly all plus-sizes.There wasn't an attraction because i weighed 235lbs. and the others weighed in the vicinity of 265-280.There was an attration because of personalities.Always keep that in mind when you are searching foe a partner.That is about the best advice i could give.

(in reply to MistressKris26)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 2:15:41 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

MitressKris Hi PLeased to meet you :)

1. Cant help you there I am afraid. I am still searching myself for nice clothes in my size (british 14)
2. Whilst I dont consider myself to be BBW I am very concious of my weight. I dont think that weight is a big issue in the community and in my own experiences it doesnt affect how people percieve you unless your really hung up about it yourself.
3. When I started out in BDSM most of my play came from knowing what my play partner wanted and making them act it out. It was a great way to learn how to get someone to that "space" and gave me great satisfaction knowing I could do that. Over time its come to point that I know exactly what I want and I know exactly what my boy wants and needs and we have a mixture of it all.
4.It gets better and more interesting over time. Start small and perfect each technique as you go along :)

Most of all have fun.

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to chezzy52)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 9:06:28 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

1. There are plenty of vendors who cater to plus size women. Be forewarned though, fetish clothing isn't cheap. Manufacturers like Stormy Leather, Versatile Fashions and Catherine Coatney have plus sizes in their clothing lines. Most better fetish boutiques -- mine locally are Passional (passional.us) and Le Chateau Exotique (fetishwear.com) -- stock sizes through 4-6x. Corsets can be made in waist sizes that exceed the 50 inch mark. One particular vendor on Ebay that many women flock to is Alter Ego Designs. There are plenty of other corsettiers that will accomodate your size. My favorites include Dark Garden and Delicious. The other option is to go custom. You then have the power to pick whatever you want and be assured that it will fit you. The Leatherman in NYC, Marvelous Mayhem in FL, Second Skin Construction Company in TX, Madame S in CA and Savage Wolf Mountain Leather (recently moved to Germany but vends several times a year in the states) are some folks who do reputable work.

2. No, I don't. I am a special cup of tea that is not to everyone's taste. I embrace that. Some guys want skinny doms, some want muscular women, others want a woman who are voluptuous and rubenesque. It's no different than someone having a preference for blondes over brunettes.

3. At my stage of involvement (12 years), it's well beyond my fantasies. I don't leave them hanging around unfulfilled! It's moreso my ability to generate the connection with someone who has desires that match my own and to orchestrate fantastic experiences with them.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressKris26)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 10:15:16 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

thank you Pandora...what a wonderful treasure trove of links....i book marked them all.

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Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MisPandora)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 10:16:12 AM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKris26

... I love the reaction and being in control of that reaction...

So my small suggestion is don't limit yourself in seeing what he responds to. Submissive men are *lovely* experiment subjects! ["Oh my, he likes that....Oooh! He REALLY doesn't like that..." ]

You will discover that a lot of the things an individual submissive really truly hates will still get him hard when he feels the enjoyment the Dominant gets from using him in that fashion.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to MistressKris26)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 10:21:59 AM

irishdan

Posts: 31
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline

hiya and welcome just from a subs point of view i actually prefer dommes that are bbws! so i would have no problem!

(in reply to Misstoyou)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 5:44:53 PM

amativedame

Posts: 331
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKris26
2. Do you think that being larger hurts your intimidation and domination? Like subs don't want or respect you because of your size. The reason why I ask with this one, is because in a "normal" dating scene or society it affects us greatly that we are bigger. I realize that this is well outside of the "norm" of society, but wonder if I should prepare myself for running into the same prejudices here.

Like real life... you run into the same issues here. While there will be some who will either love the fact that you're a "bbw" there will be some that care, and some that don't want anything to do with you. Just one of those things, for every one person who "doesn't care" you will always have one who will. Its a preference thing that will always exist.

_____________________________

Always remember that great love and great achievements both involve great risk.

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/18/2008 6:30:19 PM

barrieboytoy

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

There is not a "right" and a "wrong" way to be a Domme. Do what you enjoy, and what feels right to you, and don't be concerned about the opinions of others. Good luck, Miss!

(in reply to amativedame)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/19/2008 1:52:44 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hi Kris and welcome!
1. Where do you find all the great leather and vinyl outfits that fit our curves?
Pandora had a great set of links there for USA. I had My own corset made by a good friend Michael of AladdinE in Perth West Australia. He has a website and sells internationally online and I found his prices very reasonable. It's also amazingly comfortable! He has a wide choice of fabrics and trims.

2. Do you think that being larger hurts your intimidation and domination? Like subs don't want or respect you because of your size. The reason why I ask with this one, is because in a "normal" dating scene or society it affects us greatly that we are bigger. I realize that this is well outside of the "norm" of society, but wonder if I should prepare myself for running into the same prejudices here.
No, if anything it enhances it for some men, they like to be Dommed by a larger woman. It's a bit better than vanilla world in that there seems to be more subs with a bbw fetish than there are vanilla males with that desire. Also, I have found that in the Dungeon, there is a remarkable freedom from "size". I am both Domme and sub, as a sub, i can be totally naked in the Dungeon and be totally at ease ... something i couldn't be in any other public setting!

3. For me it isn't really about my fantasies... I love the reaction and being in control of that reaction. So I tend to personalize a great deal what I do to my submissives. It's all about secretly what they want and like. As long as it gets me reaction that I want, and I'm in total control of the situation. If humiliation gets them hard instantly, than that's what I do. How many Domme's are the same way?
That's very much how I started out, and even now, I like to work with a lot of what they like BECAUSE it puts them into a state (subspace) that I like to see them in. I like the control over putting them there ... and bringing them back. However, it's not ALL about what they like and they don't necessarily get it when they want it either. I have become more confident in My control and My timing over the years.

4. If that's not how you are/how your Domme is tell me how it does work.
I am looking for a sub who is sub in all aspects of life now ... so for Me, it is as much about training them how I like My laundry and dishes done as it is about bdsm play or intimate service. I am looking for someone to live with Master and Myself 24/7 in a loving partnership. So I am very much the caring for the whole person type of Domme. However, there's no right or wrong way, best thing is to be open-minded and see how You develop! In the early days I didn't dare dream that I would be living as I am

Good luck and keep the questions flowing!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to barrieboytoy)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/19/2008 7:19:19 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Look at the old Masters paintings. Most of the women in them were beautiful rubenesque women. canupleaseme quit worrying about your weight. Worry about your attitude. Attitude makes a big difference no matter what the weight or size of a person.

(in reply to MaamJay)

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RE: I'm new to this and would like some help... - 2/19/2008 9:17:43 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Dnomyar I hear ya. Am working on it all the time my new found love of the gym has helped loads