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What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:41:20 PM

rob425

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Ok I know this question gets asked alot but I would love to know what counts as experience.

Recently I saw a profile of someone who was 20 years old with 7 years "extensive experience." What is the the experience you have at such ayoung age?

Personally I only count the years in which I was actively participating in the lifestyle and attending events when I turned 18. I have been reading and teaching myself about the lifestyle since I was 13. So do those years count as expierence? When I say read, I am not refering to erotica but bondage how-to's and other BDSM how-to and safety stuff.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:43:31 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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Good question,

While I often roll my eyes at people that say "I'm 18 and have 7 years experience" I'd say there is a chance that some have experienced elements of BDSM play when teenagers and even earlier (have to watch TOS on that one). I know I was 17 the first time I went to a fetish club though I didn't know it was a fetish club at the time. I know in my high school years I dabbled in certain kink. I mean, if Hillary Clinton can say she has 35 years experience as her basis for being the President of The United States, why not?

Yeah, I (kind of) went there.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:45:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rob425
Recently I saw a profile of someone who was 20 years old with 7 years "extensive experience." What is the the experience you have at such ayoung age?

Depends on how lucky they got, how precocious and how flexible their group is.

The answer is- about as much as a 45 year old if conditions were right. And it's going to be become more and more common for people to enter the public scene at 18 with a few years of actual practice under their belts.

quote:

Personally I only count the years in which I was actively participating in the lifestyle and attending events when I turned 18. I have been reading and teaching myself about the lifestyle since I was 13. So do those years count as expierence? When I say read, I am not refering to erotica but bondage how-to's and other BDSM how-to and safety stuff.

They count for what they are.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:45:32 PM

celticlord2112

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Experience is whatever you persuade others to accept.

Myself, I just tell people I have a black belt in asshole...that basically ends the discussion right there.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:47:49 PM

Elorin

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I claim approximately 10+ years of experience because I was introduced to kink by my ex-husband, and was actively practicing things at home from the time of introduction.

Edited to add:
I didn't join a local community until 3 or so years later, after the ex and I had separated.

< Message edited by Elorin -- 2/18/2008 1:48:23 PM >

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:57:43 PM

MsIncontrol

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I am not saying that someone couldn't have experience at that age, it is completely possible...but it is one of those things you need to ask a lot of questions about. What one person calls experience, I may call exposure. I was tying boys up to trees at a very young age playing cowboys and indians...but I don't neccessarily consider that BDSM experience...but some may. I also think it depends on what it is they are getting experience in. To me, quality of experience is much more important than years of experience. Someone who mentored with a well respected master or mistress and attending many classes/seminiars/play parties all in 1 year may have more experience than someone who is playing with their hubby/wife for 10 years behind closed doors without outside exposure. I am not saying one is better than the other...you just have to decide what is important to you.

< Message edited by MsIncontrol -- 2/18/2008 1:59:45 PM >

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 1:59:26 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rob425

Ok I know this question gets asked alot but I would love to know what counts as experience.

Recently I saw a profile of someone who was 20 years old with 7 years "extensive experience." What is the the experience you have at such ayoung age?

Personally I only count the years in which I was actively participating in the lifestyle and attending events when I turned 18. I have been reading and teaching myself about the lifestyle since I was 13. So do those years count as expierence? When I say read, I am not refering to erotica but bondage how-to's and other BDSM how-to and safety stuff.

Maybe they figured there were not any math majors on this site. Exp is overrated in my book. Personally I look for someone that can make me smile and work out the kink later. It seems quite a few ppl put the cart before the horse ie kink first. In all my years lets you do the math. Ive never looked for a match via a bdsm site and Ive been on the net since before the URL was invented. In other words a long fucking time.

BadOne

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 2:01:05 PM

toservez

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I often define it in two forms the broad form and specific form.

In the broad form someone mentions they have x amount of experience I only assume that they are aware of the aspects and have direct experience in at least some things but do not assume they have direct knowledge/experience in anything specifically that they have not disclosed.

In specific form it is what it is. If a person has been active in their local community for a decade that means just that and has no bearing if talking about aspects of living 24/7. Just as someone saying they had a M/s relationship that was 24/7 for a decade does not mean that they have any BDSM experience.

Blanket experience comments should only be like an introduction if experience matters to you. Until you talk about specifics, mind sets and things of that nature. It is unfortunate but cyber has produced an obsession of trying to make “experience” a tangible quality to make a person superior to others instead of just another important piece of information to factor into a potential relationship between two unique individuals.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 2:06:01 PM

sweetwenchie

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Experience can be many things. When i was sixteen i was with someone who was sadistic, and pushed all my masochistic buttons. That was not experience in D/s, but it sure as hell got me started exploring. So do i claim i started learning when i was sixteen, or do i start the timer from the point where i started reading books on this freaky shit we do, perhaps from the time i got out into the public scene? What about the years i tried to squash my needs and went ~shudder~ "normal"?

i try to make judgements on my observations of their actions rather than on the number of years they can claim experience.

i do not pay a huge amount of attention to numbers anyway.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 2:23:08 PM

MasterFireMaam

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I lost my virginity at 14. So, by the time I was 20, I had six years of experience with sex. Why is it so hard to believe that others could have been having kinky sex all through their teenage years...that they actually tied knots and spanked boyfriends and thought rough sex was just hot?

I don't think that teenage years are good for relationship experience, but physical experience? Sure.

Master Fire

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 2:35:40 PM

Evility

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You can have all of the experience in the world but you still have no experience with that new submissive you have just met or are about to meet.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 2:56:11 PM

Paulsgirl

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rob425

Ok I know this question gets asked alot but I would love to know what counts as experience.

Recently I saw a profile of someone who was 20 years old with 7 years "extensive experience." What is the the experience you have at such ayoung age?

Personally I only count the years in which I was actively participating in the lifestyle and attending events when I turned 18. I have been reading and teaching myself about the lifestyle since I was 13. So do those years count as expierence? When I say read, I am not refering to erotica but bondage how-to's and other BDSM how-to and safety stuff.

My experiences as a submissive go back to the age of two and my first 'medical scene' was at seven and then there was gang bang date rape at fourteen..... but it breaks the TOS here to talk about it.
But realising that it was what is now termed 'in the lifetsyle' has only been as as long as i knew the term 'in the lifestyle'....it's rather like having been an anorexic, let's say as an analogy.
A person can have been an anorexic long before they knew the term or that anyone else was an anorexic.
I was having a conversation about this with my Master today about how my behaviours are not imitative of anyone else i know, or based upon what i think i 'should' or 'should not' do as a slave. Indeed my demeanor around Him is not because he instructs me constantly all of the time. for example i walk behind Him when we leave the house and carry things for Him or at least always offer too and i will always constantly be tidying or cleaning. i find a pen, as if by magic, when He needs to write something down and spoke when spoken to and listen actively as i am absolutely fascinated that He wishes to share about himself with me.

i have not learned these acts as far as i know from anyone and i suppose i 'pass' when in public especially in parts of London where anything goes........
Certain non erotic things i did as a child i also knew somehow were erotic or would become erotic later for me. Ironing for example. And definitely housework. But again if i start talking about pre-adult stuff it might upset the moderators....

but in short all my life, as, as an emotional masochist as well as a physical masochist pain and pleasure got associated, and fused pretty early on.......
but more tha that i have an instinct for it........
paradoxically though every scene, every encounter, every emotional exchange, every touch is experienced as of for the first time and i hope always may it remain so. i am just so grateful that there is no way i feel i need to prove my submission.

< Message edited by Paulsgirl -- 2/18/2008 2:59:52 PM >

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 3:07:02 PM

stella41b

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Yes I'm experienced, but you know, there's experience and experience. It doesn't always equate to skill, knowledge or understanding.

But I have also been experienced by others, and this is I guess much more important.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 3:14:17 PM

Paulsgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

But I have also been experienced by others, and this is I guess much more important.

i love that turn of phrase.....

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 3:14:33 PM

SilkLaceNPearls

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When it comes to experience, I label myself as a "novice" as I have very little real time exposure in regards to D/s and BDSM. What little I do have has come via my own naiveness, my willingness to please and my eagerness to embrace this lifestyle but I hestitate to count it as experience. It is more like having been taken in but I guess experience is experience no matter how you come by it and especially if you learn from it as I have. However I have learned much more by researching online and spending a lot of time reading on the message boards as I am now but I am not sure if that counts as experience either. I guess this is kind of like what they say about have a lot of book sense but not common sense. I have "book" experience but no "real" experience. SIGH!

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 4:33:08 PM

thetammyjo

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I, too, only count the years since I got into a BDSM community at age 22 when we moved to NYC.

Before that I did play with partners but didn't know what it was called until I was in college, and then I did research and explored with one partner. I don't consider anything I did until I was fully conscious and trying to learn and explore BDSM on purpose to be experience in BDSM.

Interest in? Sure.

Research about? Sure.

Not experience.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 5:01:46 PM

SteelofUtah

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I have said before I really don't know how but I have really always known what BDSM stood for, I can't think of being told (Although I am sure that I was) what it meant however the more impoartant part is that it never bothered me or came across as being strange or wrong.

I am 27 I got activly involved in this lifestyle at 16 by the time I was 20 I had met authors of Kink Books and even learned how to crack a whip by Robert Dante (Sorry for the name drop, but some consider that GOOD experience)

Personally I consider myself a permanent student of the lifestyle trying to learn as much as I can and to think only inward and never try to judge outwardly.

I am not the End All Be All Uber Dom, nor do I have any derire ever to be that, the Cocky Arrogant Asses usually have less TIME in this lifestyle then I do but Time is not experience and sometimes those who have been involved only for a year or so can have VOLUMES of information that I don't have.

Experience in using a Tool is a different thing too. I respect that you read the How-To's I did as well however and I am sure you will agree with me. Reading about Tying Knots and actually tying them are very different as are Reading about Flogging and Caning and Nipple Clamps and Actually using them.

I try to stick to a usual concept of giving the amount of TIME I have been involved and trying never to use the word experience and when I am asked how much experience I have with something I usually say I have never used one on you so we will have to say none.

Take it for what you will

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As Always

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 5:19:22 PM

BlackPhx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Paulsgirl

My experiences as a submissive go back to the age of two and my first 'medical scene' was at seven and then there was gang bang date rape at fourteen..... but it breaks the TOS here to talk about it.

Ditto, not all parents during the 50's and 60's qualified as June and Ward Cleaver. June and Ward DeSade maybe.
Amazing how much experience you can have before age 20 if it is NOT voluntary and consensual, then again there's an awful lot you can have consentually too.

poenkitten.

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 6:04:24 PM

SirJohnMandevill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Yes I'm experienced, but you know, there's experience and experience. It doesn't always equate to skill, knowledge or understanding.

Well said! For me, it isn't so much how much experience you have, but how you use that which you do. And for my .02 zlotys, you should always be open to learning more, no matter how much experience you have.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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RE: What counts as experience - 2/18/2008 6:18:14 PM

SimplyMichael

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I have all sorts of experience. I lost my virginity at 18 and was great at sex from the get go even though I had zero experience. I spent the next 24 years in various relationships, all of which I undermined both my partner and probably myself in various ways, in short, despite all that experience I sucked at relationships until now.

I have only been doing woodworking for 6 or so years but I am far better than many with twice that experience and I have know people with half what I do who have done things I envy.

Experience is a measure of quantity, not quality. Skill is a measure of quality.

I am very experienced with rope bondage but I don't have what I would call skill with it. I have very little experience in doing relationships right but if you ask BSB I seem to be skilled at doing it with her.

In short, till you can watch someone do something, their resume doesn't mean much.

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Post #: 20

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