BlackPhx
Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
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While what is below is geared toward Blind Dates, it also applies nicely to BDSM first meetings, (italic inserts are mine).
Pick a safe place
"Think safety first and arrange to meet in a public place that is well lit and has a good number of people around," Try a cool, casual pizza joint, a laid-back café, or a popular java spot. A little noise is good -- it saves you from those awkward quiet moments. (you can also if the place has been agreed on in advance have a rescue person there, someone who at a signal can follow if you are forced to leave the place, or interupt if things are going badly)
Transportation
Make sure you have your own way home. You can cut loose when you feel like it, and your date doesn't have to drive you home. Be wary of letting your date escort you to your way of transportation. Remember, you don't know them that well yet! (It may seem romantic, but you can be forced into your car as easily as his)
The alcohol factor
Watch your alcohol intake, as well as your date's intake. You need to be clear-headed to make rational decisions should you need to. The last thing you want is the both of you passing out on the couches in the bar lounge.
Watch your drink
Never, ever leave your drink unattended. Even if you are getting a good vibe. If you do leave it, simply order a new one. (No one ever wants to think someone may slip them something, or be that dishonorable, but it does happen.)
Trust your gut feelings
Get the impression your date's there for a one-night hook-up? Chances are, you're right. We often talk ourselves out of warning signs, only to regret it later. Some warning signs could be rudeness, inappropriate comments, touching, or you just have nothing in common. If you start to feel uncomfortable, make your way out of the date as respectfully as possible. (Trust that little lizard hindbrain and this goes for Dom/inas as well as Subs. There are nuts on both sides of the paddle)
The first minutes
First impressions are everything. You're able to tell a lot by someone within the first few moments of interaction. How they talk, what they say, how they say it and their body language can speak volumes. In the first 10 minutes, you can get a sense of whether the individual is kind, considerate, confident, self-centred, reactive, egocentric, or controlling.
Don't expect too much
Going in with expectations of meeting your soul mate or the man of your dreams can lead to disappointment. Easy connection is great. Sparks, rare. Go into it with plans to have fun and let things happen naturally. (Be cautious and prepared, but open to meeting this person you have talked to by email, online or at a munch. They may not billow your sails at first glance but an awful lot of Princes and Princess's are just a kiss of a frog away. Boy was that a mixed metaphor)
Ultimately BDSM dating is a lot like a Blind Date save for the fact that you may not have been introduced by a mutual friend, eHarmony or a dating service. Planning it out so that both people feel safe in meeting and are able to relax and get to know one another is no more difficult for BDSM than any other method. We may travel further, stay in Hotels or just be meeting someone from across the city, but dating rules really haven't changed all that much since you were a teen. Let someone know where you are and who your with, don't change plans without letting someone know and all the rest above.
poenkitten (edited as space got away from me)
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