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Rushing into Things - 2/18/2008 6:31:44 PM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I had a really great weekend with someone who I had met from CM. Things went surprisingly well and everything felt natural and in place. However, that is the scary part... That after spending a day or two with Him, I felt compelled to kneel at His feet (He didn't ask me to, like other Men that I've met) and I restrained myself from calling Him "Sir" until after that (because I wanted Him to be different... the other Men I've met, I've called them "Sir" but that did not necessarily mean that I truly respected them as a dominant).

I keep looking into His eyes and I see something. Despite being sadistic, He is very gentle and caring. He is still recovering from a long-term relationship from a vanilla woman who had hurt Him deeply. And me, I am still young and confused and need to stop throwing myself at any man who gives me some attention. Neither of U/us are ready for a relationship, especially since we haven't known each other very long.

How do you progress slowly in a relationship? Part of me yearns to become His pet, but the more rational part of me is telling me to stop myself because it is too soon. I can't help but to kneel at His feet. How can I calm down my desire to submit until W/we agree on a relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/18/2008 7:10:09 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

You might not be able to calm down your desire to submit to him, but you are going to have to contain it and control it so you don't freak him out..He is coming off a long term relationship and may not want to jump right into something new so quickly.. It's the same as in any brand new vanilla relationship too.. Like when the phone rings (after sitting next to it and having spent the entire day willing it to ring of course) but you wait two to three rings before you pick up so that you can compose yourself...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 2

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/18/2008 8:19:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You consciously choose NOT TO GO THERE, at least physically. Even if this means physically not seeing eachother very often.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 3

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/18/2008 11:18:33 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wordstoponder

I had a really great weekend with someone who I had met from CM. Things went surprisingly well and everything felt natural and in place. However, that is the scary part... That after spending a day or two with Him, I felt compelled to kneel at His feet (He didn't ask me to, like other Men that I've met) and I restrained myself from calling Him "Sir" until after that (because I wanted Him to be different... the other Men I've met, I've called them "Sir" but that did not necessarily mean that I truly respected them as a dominant).

I keep looking into His eyes and I see something. Despite being sadistic, He is very gentle and caring. He is still recovering from a long-term relationship from a vanilla woman who had hurt Him deeply. And me, I am still young and confused and need to stop throwing myself at any man who gives me some attention. Neither of U/us are ready for a relationship, especially since we haven't known each other very long.

How do you progress slowly in a relationship? Part of me yearns to become His pet, but the more rational part of me is telling me to stop myself because it is too soon. I can't help but to kneel at His feet. How can I calm down my desire to submit until W/we agree on a relationship?

Search "sub frenzy" here and understand why this happens.

Then do the opposite. He doesn't need smothering right now.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 4

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/19/2008 5:47:28 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I had a really great weekend with someone who I had met from CM.

words,

You met him on CM and you just joined 2 weeks ago! May I suggest that you slow down!

CP

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 5

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/19/2008 7:32:37 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

First off, let me congratulate you on finding someone that makes you feel that way from the start. It seems to be a very rare person that has the type of presence that can make your knees turn to water and the urge to kneel overwhelming. You must have felt something quite special about him. With him coming out of a bad LT and you being new, go slowly. He needs time to heal and be himself again. You need time to learn about yourself just as much as learning about him. You can be a comfort to him and he can guide and lead you gently. I think going slowly but naturally forward would be a nice easy lead-in to a relationship for both.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 6

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/19/2008 8:59:20 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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Well put littlebit. Let's hope that they both understand the concept of going slow.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 7

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/19/2008 9:30:34 AM

AS11

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline

Self discipline and composure are the tools you most need to use. Not just in this instance but in life in general.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 8

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/19/2008 9:37:06 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

Force yourself not to see him very often. We often can't help our feelings but we can help our actions. If you really think that you're in danger of rushing into something you don't want to rush into then don't let yourself focus your life on him too much yet. MAKE yourself get out and do other things etc.

Not that charlotte is the best example of taking things slow. But Master and this girl jumped into things fully willing to accept the consequences that might come from it. Ultimately you can move as quickly as you like but you have to willing to accept the fact that rushing things in this relationship may cause it to turn sour and be ok with dealing with those future consequences.

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 9

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/19/2008 12:56:55 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

fast reply

rushing into things - been there, done that, then woke up and got out

tough lesson learned

and now i'm moving on

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(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 10

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 8:50:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

On the other hand, nothing permanent would have happened if you had followed the urge to kneel at his feet. You would have discovered if he liked it or not, you would have had a few quiet moments of peace to savor, and then you would have gone on with the day. Doing something once does not mean you have to do it ever again.

If he then wanted to immediately collar you, tell him you hope you someday get to that point but you aren't interested in hurting him by going into this as a rebound thing, that if it ever happens you'll need it to be real. And then go have lunch or whatever.

_____________________________

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(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 9:47:31 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Force yourself not to see him very often. We often can't help our feelings but we can help our actions. If you really think that you're in danger of rushing into something you don't want to rush into then don't let yourself focus your life on him too much yet. MAKE yourself get out and do other things etc.

Not that charlotte is the best example of taking things slow. But Master and this girl jumped into things fully willing to accept the consequences that might come from it. Ultimately you can move as quickly as you like but you have to willing to accept the fact that rushing things in this relationship may cause it to turn sour and be ok with dealing with those future consequences.

charlotte

Oh charlotte I so agree and yet it is soooo difficult. I'm like wordstoponder - very early stages (I hope) of a relationship with someone I've just met on CM. Not even met r/l yet. But I think she's great and, while I know go slow is best, I want to progress now. (<stamps foot - NOW, NOW, NOW!>).

So it doesn't matter how wise you are, or how wise the advice you get (see all the above posts) - the strong urge is so not to go slow. Logically we know slow and steady is so much better, else you look hysterical and needy and all the tedious things which put people off. And compounded in wordstoponder's case by a potential partner who needs time to heal.

So go slow wordstoponder (and go slow Sundowner) is entirely the right approach. But sheesh - you try achieving that in practice when you find a relationship you think could be exceptional.

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 12

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 9:53:38 AM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Force yourself not to see him very often. We often can't help our feelings but we can help our actions. If you really think that you're in danger of rushing into something you don't want to rush into then don't let yourself focus your life on him too much yet. MAKE yourself get out and do other things etc.

Not that charlotte is the best example of taking things slow. But Master and this girl jumped into things fully willing to accept the consequences that might come from it. Ultimately you can move as quickly as you like but you have to willing to accept the fact that rushing things in this relationship may cause it to turn sour and be ok with dealing with those future consequences.

charlotte

Oh charlotte I so agree and yet it is soooo difficult. I'm like wordstoponder - very early stages (I hope) of a relationship with someone I've just met on CM. Not even met r/l yet. But I think she's great and, while I know go slow is best, I want to progress now. (<stamps foot - NOW, NOW, NOW!>).

So it doesn't matter how wise you are, or how wise the advice you get (see all the above posts) - the strong urge is so not to go slow. Logically we know slow and steady is so much better, else you look hysterical and needy and all the tedious things which put people off. And compounded in wordstoponder's case by a potential partner who needs time to heal.

So go slow wordstoponder (and go slow Sundowner) is entirely the right approach. But sheesh - you try achieving that in practice when you find a relationship you think could be exceptional.

Hehe, well that's why this added the part about being willing to accept the consequences of rushing things. Master and charlotte rushed their relationship faster than she thought possible so she's just saying that sometimes you have to follow your gut feeling and go for something if it feels right but not complaining later that it wasn't your fault. We all have to learn lessons for ourselves and hopefully we can heed people's advice enough not to hurt ourselves too bad in the process.

charlotte

_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to Sundowner)

Post #: 13

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 10:35:20 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

Take things at whatever speed that is mutual.   Not your speed and not his speed, but at a pace that fits both you and him. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings.   Just because you think or feel on way about something, does not mean it's going to be happening that fast.

In short it's one thing to think about something, it's another thing to do what you are thinking about.

What you posted here you could share with him. Who knows perhaps he's feeling the same way are you are.    In Short, be open and honest about what you are thinking and feeling.

Just because you feel like you wanna run a million miles a minute with him, does not mean you have to.

Basically, take the pace at whatever feels right between you two. Again, not your pace nor his pace. But a mutal pace.   The only way you are going to do this is by letting him know things and communication.

Without taking things at a mutal pace, you run the risk of moving too slow as you do run the risk of moving to fast.   If you move too slow, he might not think you are really interested, if you move too fast he might think you are being needy or clingly. Then again, who the Hell knows what he'll think about it, unless you at least talk about these feelings you are stuggling with.

(in reply to wordstoponder)

Post #: 14

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 10:41:06 AM

Sundowner

Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Hehe, well .....

"Hehe" ? Oh you heartless girl!

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 15

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 2:37:25 PM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

The problem with rushing is that you don't get to appreciate each exquisite moment. Sometimes, My Lord and I lay in our bed together and just...savor the moment. It becomes a perfect, perfect bublle of time wrapped around each other. There are other times, other circumstances, even over the phone, that are so completely perfect, and I can clearly remember the smell of the air that day and the feel of his presense mingling with mine.

Our relationship did move quickly, but we were both comfortable with the speed. It's still good after more than a year.

So, savor it. Kneel at his feet, should you choose. Lay your head on his knee. Close your eyes and breathe in the scent and feel the moment. If it is going to be, it will be, if not, not. Nothing you do is going to change that.

(in reply to Sundowner)

Post #: 16

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/20/2008 3:10:52 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Going slow is very important with him needing time to heal, i don't think you want to be his "rebound girl". I know about going slow i talked to my Master on line and on the phone for about 2 months before we met. I also understand about everything being so perfect and you click on everything. Just take things slow it is a very new relationship give it time amd make sure this is the man you want to submit to.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/22/2008 11:08:49 PM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Thank you charolette and sundowner for the replies. So far, things have been working out well. Communication is important, and we've been talking a lot.

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 18

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/23/2008 12:17:27 AM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

I had a really great weekend with someone who I had met from CM.

words,

You met him on CM and you just joined 2 weeks ago! May I suggest that you slow down!

CP

Sometimes rushing in to things isnt such a bad idea its not always wrong. I met someone of Cm under a different profile a few years ago. We met IRL the day after we met on here and by the next weekend we were dating. We were together for two years and only broke up because our kinks just didn't match we are now great friends and housemates. If you do rush in to it just be careful don't go handing over control of your finances ect to him.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 19

RE: Rushing into Things - 2/25/2008 6:16:50 PM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Weekend #2: Everything has been working out very well. I bring out the dominant in Him, and He brings out and cherishes the submissive in me. We know that our "relationship" is still new, and we continue to be cautious about knowing where things are and where things will lead. Thank you guys for the concern.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 20

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