RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/23/2008 1:58:47 PM)

I would be in deep doo doo if I tried to have another D/s relationship with someone other than my Daddy because I will never refer to any man as master or sir.... just won't happen. 



goodgirlkitten -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/24/2008 9:41:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Here in the south every male who is a stranger or a person of authority is called "sir" and is just a part of everyday language.  Because of this i've been very confused by the honorific because i've had plenty of Doms get almost mad at me for saying "Sir" because they are not my Dominant.  Sort of your problem in reverse.

i think it's rather common for certain terms of endearment to feel natural toward a specific person.  Not every female is 'pumpkin' but my daughter is and will always be 'pumpkin' to me.  my Master is 'Master' and it flows easily for me.  If He told me He prefered to be called 'Cupcake'  i would most likely start finding a good doctor for Him as the term would be totally out of character and perhaps symptom of a serious disorder.




i totally agree! Sir or Ma'am for that matter to me being born and raised in Texas then spending the past ten years in Alabama...it is how i was raised. For me i do not call A/anyone Master, Mistress, Lord etc... as that term to me will be specific and seclusive for One person in my life one day. But actually i have found many Doms and Domme friends of mine constantly remind me i do not have to say Sir or Ma'am all of the time. It is simply not a M/s, D/s, or even BDSM to me but general respect for those with who i communicate. But it is personal to E/everyone.



branbran77 -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/24/2008 11:18:52 AM)

I call my Dom Daddy....he told me to call him Sir...but i asked if i could call him Daddy and he said it was ok....mabey their is a name he would be ok with other then Sir that u can call him



Alexantraining -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/24/2008 12:38:54 PM)

I have been taught from an early age to respect my elders, those in authority (military, police, etc.), of course those in upper management whom I am meeting for the first time, and "Sir" or "Ma'am" is the appropriate address to such.  I have also been chastised for using such a term on ones I am answering emails to, as well as chastised for not.  I don't mean disrespect but it seems to go with the territory  ::sigh::



alwaysuna -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/24/2008 5:11:27 PM)

Titles are a bit too Role-playing from me.  I generally have trouble referring to people as names at all.  I rarely use someones given name in any situation.  I say "Hey" or "Check this out" or some other way of getting someones attention.  At work, if I get intercomed I answer "Yes Sir?" and use "Sir" very often when referring to my bosses.  "Did you get X done?"  "Yes Sir".

In reading the previous posts I realize that this is something that I learned while living in the south and my Yankee bosses probably find this quite odd![:)]

I remember I called my ex-husband "Hey you" for about a year when we started dating....that's weird!!!!!

I think I could use a bit of training in this department! lol



trueshadow -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/28/2008 8:45:16 PM)

I have no trouble calling a Domme 'Ma'am'.  It usually is accepted with no rebuke or remark for that matter.  I'm a submissive guy, and that just seems like a natural thing to do to when conversing with a Dominant.



LK -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/29/2008 7:10:27 AM)

I am southern, so is he actually, but he hates being called Sir by me. At work, he is called Sir all day long, when he is with me he prefers his name. We certainly know who's in control...trust me

e



littleone35 -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/29/2008 9:14:09 AM)

To me Master has always been Master.  It is a natural form of address for me.  I public i will call him by his given name as per his orders.  I would not call Master sir he got "sir'ed" enough when he was in the Army he does not require that of me.  So when i call someone sir it is to be polite not because he is  a Dom.  Doms i meet (only on here) i will address by their screen name.

Matt's littleone




Shammon5 -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (2/29/2008 10:02:10 AM)

I would love to call my master "sir," but he doesn't like it... Sometimes when we're playing (or if I'm in trouble...lol) a "sir" will just well up in me, and it's hard for me to suppress it. I usually call him Ian-Sama or just Sama which is a very very respectful japanese honorific, similar to "master". But, I don't know, those "sirs" just drive me crazy...



Hisgidget -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 6:23:41 AM)

Basically no I have no trouble calling Him Sir.  Recently we have been in a conversation of boyfriend  vs Sir as He is both to me.  On occasion I have called Him baby when the space really called for Sir.  Now I always default to Sir.  There have been conversations in the recent past about how to address Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress in the community, not your own.  I have found that there are a couple of Doms that out of respect I prefer to call Sir when addressing them.

gidget
Sir MKs



sweetnsensual -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 6:34:55 AM)

Thanks for everyone's answers and opinions.  I greatly appreciate them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

i think that one day if you are really really lucky and able to handle it, you find yourself in awe of someone that knows you in a way no one else ever has, can touch you deeper then any one ever has, and will push you into your own shadows in a way that feels safe, and scary at the same time.

if you are lucky enough to experiance that, you will find your self on your knees , in awe of this person, and you will want to honor him or her, and you will want to honor the relationship...when you feel it deep down in the softest most vulnerable places of your protected heart...you will say it and youll mean it...and it will change your life.



That's how I imagine it happening but as time goes on and thinking I found someone (and I thought I had which had inspired the original post) but then it falling through and then me wondering if I really do deserve someone as great as all that for various extremely personal reasons and then others just plain disappearing without a word/not replying at all (and I don't understand why people do that at all.  Just tell me you're not interested in me and I'll wish you the best of luck in your search.  Not that big of a deal...) it gets frustrating and it's getting harder to believe in what you just described.

If any of that made sense. 

Anyway, thanks again for all the replies.




DesFIP -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 6:58:39 AM)

We tried the sir/girl stuff in the beginning but the truth is, we both roll our eyes at it. That just isn't us. We're casual, laid back types. And I'm more often in sweats than in a garter belt and heels.

I will occasionally while playing call him sir in a mock demure way, it usually garners a response of brat and then a spank or tickle followed by us both laughing.



CelticPrince -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 9:01:51 AM)

quote:

Here in the south every male who is a stranger or a person of authority is called "sir" and is just a part of everyday language. Because of this i've been very confused by the honorific because i've had plenty of Doms get almost mad at me for saying "Sir" because they are not my Dominant. Sort of your problem in reverse.


eyes,

Thisobservation you made simply shows how divergent the path has become over the last decade.
It used to be a sub showed her respect for the lifestyle by refering to all "D"s as sir or ma'am. nThe subs own Dom always carried a cap S and OR m and the rest were lower case.

I always suggest that usage to those I mentor and they have reported back a much more favorable response when in chat or PM, as it reflects a higher awareness to the protcols of the path.

CP



MCoyote -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 9:18:59 AM)

FWIW.

I'm active in our local lifestyle community (yeah, people I understand!!).

I require my slave/wife to use Master when asking or answering questions, Sir is ok otherwise, we are often casual.  My name is reserved for times when she really, really needs to speak freely.

Honestly, in real life, I find it about 50-50, here in Michigan.  Half use Sir almost always, about half normally don't.

What I enjoy (and it still surprises me, being in the lifestyle only a bit over a year), is watching and listening to a submissive go from casual to Sir in speaking to me.

NO ONE but kitten has the right to call me Master, nor do I use it as a title routinely.  Don't feel I've earned it yet.

I believe in treating all with respect, I often call subs "young lady" or "dear lady", although I may refer to "you girls" also.

Fortunately, since I came into the lifestyle with my wife of 8 years, I've not been "hunting" and I never fell into the newbie/wannabe mistake of expecting that submissive automatically meant falling to their knees in front of me, just cause I'm a "Dom type".

Respect should be earned, politeness should be expected.

Be well.

MCoyote





sugarkiss -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 10:10:17 AM)

I think an honorific is something earned. I refuse to call someone Sir, Master, etc. until they've done just that- earned it. Wouldn't the meaning become pointless is you used it on everyone who says two words to you?



trusting -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 10:11:47 AM)

once that complete and undying bond is apparent, i would see that there would be no reason not to... i have had this issue before and i find that once you have truly submitted yourself to Him, you will not have any problem calling Him whatever He chooses.

just be cautious in 'long distant' relationships on here!



DesFIP -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 10:15:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince




Thisobservation you made simply shows how divergent the path has become over the last decade.
It used to be a sub showed her respect for the lifestyle by refering to all "D"s as sir or ma'am. nThe subs own Dom always carried a cap S and OR m and the rest were lower case.

I always suggest that usage to those I mentor and they have reported back a much more favorable response when in chat or PM, as it reflects a higher awareness to the protcols of the path.

CP


Some of us aren't interested in subbing to the entire community. We value ourselves and don't submit casually. Additionally of the doms I've talked to, the ones who insist on unearned submission from every sub around are always the ones I'm least compatible with. Always.

A dom who isn't so hung up on his own ego that he has a fit if everybody around doesn't bow down to him isn't someone I want to chat with. The ones who sign their email with their first names are always more sensible, more likable, more mature. They understand that this is a relationship between two (or more) people and that the relationship must be entered into willingly by both.

Personally, I wouldn't call any random dom Sir, simply because their reaction is a good way to weed out the ones I don't want to talk to.



MCoyote -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 10:28:17 AM)

Indeed, sugarkiss.

My point (and feeling) exactly.

**I**, personally, get a lot bigger ego boost out of hearing a very experienced submissive change from using my name (or avoiding name/"honorific") to using Sir and meaning it, than I ever would from expecting every submissive out there to use it.

Your mileage may vary....



MasterWilliam55 -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 10:48:42 AM)

I've reached a point in my life and development that has steered me towards protocol. It's steered me towards a smaller group of people who  understand and appreciate the use of protocols, rituals and behaviour. These extend not only to your sub/slave but between dominants as well. An example of this would be my greeting another dominant. I always greet them with "Hi Bill Sir, nice to see you again." Or "hello Miss Leather" After that I revert to their given name. This is simply a sign of respect. I teach my sub/slaves to do the same. At a protocol event, they will continue this formality except in a very few rare cases.

In my community I'm almost always greeted formaly by sub/slaves, even at a casual event such as a munch. After the introduction or greeting, I have no problem with them referring to me by my given name alone. This form of greeting sets the D/s atmosphere. My sub slave always calls me Sir except on very rare occassions. She calls me Master, only when she is begging for something and often with a humorous edge to it. This sounds stricter, then it always is, but the intent is there.

The D/s atmosphere in the community and certainly in my private relationships is important to me. It can be subtle in some settings or overt in others, but it is always there to some degree. I have friends that I don't really view as either sub or Dom, simply because our friendships have been long and enduring. I know though how they view themselves and inside the laughter, teasing and playfulness that we often exhibit, everyone acknowledges through some protocol or other our respect for each other.

I don't come here or go to my community events for vanilla relationships or friendships. I go for the D/s atmosphere and that usually implies some protocol.






colouredin -> RE: Troubles with calling a Dom "Sir"? (3/12/2008 11:05:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Personally, I wouldn't call any random dom Sir, simply because their reaction is a good way to weed out the ones I don't want to talk to.



I know a few D types like this., one tells me to behave any time i swear, one gave girlie an hour long lecture on respect, we just roll our eyes at all that stuff. What so i could decide tommorow that I am Domme and demand EVERYONE call me Miss? maybe i could but it would feel rather empty to me, and i dont think respect comes with a name, I respect people because I respect them not because of their own self imposed idea of importance. I call Sir Sir on here because I dont want to use his name, I occasionally call him Sir in r/l but certainly not all the time, and he knows I respect him, doesnt need a name for that it comes across in the way I act, I could walk around calling everyone Sir and Miss and think they are all pathetic little loosers, thats not respect.



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