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He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:20:15 AM

Belladonna30

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline

He lied to me, again. He cant stop, its compulsion with Him. About everything from what He ate to if He still talks to His ex to whatever. He lies about everything. i cant trust Him anymore and frankly i am losing respect for Him. i dont think i can do this anymore. i refuse to give myself to someone who is going to do little more than make me more paranoid than i already am. i dont hide anything or lie to Him about anything, i felt as part of our D/s dynamic that it was important as hell not to lie. Am i wrong here?

i feel betrayed and furious to the point of packing Him up and getting Him the hell outta my house! i love Him though, but dammit i dont want to go down this road again.

What do you do when they lie and lie and lie???

Post #: 1

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:30:28 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Trust is the foundation of any relationship but particulary a D/s one. If he cannot be truthful with you then I would say your on pretty shakey ground. It maybe time to tell him that you are tired of the lying and you feel its in your best interest to move on.

I know it may seem hard to believe but there are other fish in the sea.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 2

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:38:37 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

He lied to me, again. He cant stop, its compulsion with Him. About everything from what He ate to if He still talks to His ex to whatever. He lies about everything. i cant trust Him anymore and frankly i am losing respect for Him. i dont think i can do this anymore. i refuse to give myself to someone who is going to do little more than make me more paranoid than i already am. i dont hide anything or lie to Him about anything, i felt as part of our D/s dynamic that it was important as hell not to lie. Am i wrong here?

i feel betrayed and furious to the point of packing Him up and getting Him the hell outta my house! i love Him though, but dammit i dont want to go down this road again.

What do you do when they lie and lie and lie???

Leave, Leave, Leave.......

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 3

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:41:42 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I've always been hard on liars in the scene. To me, no liar can be a dominant.
When they lie you cannot trust them...trust is paramount.

Small lies turn into huge lies, so on and so forth.

I'd throw him out and find yourself someone who deserves to be with you. Of course it is going to be hard right now. However, consider what you're going to go through in say 5 years if you stay together. Which is going to hurt more? Throwing him out now or all the pain of what 5 years can bring?

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 4

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:45:58 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

many moons ago, in another life...

we had MAJOR issues with his lack of integrity, mostly the lying about his illicit lifestyle choices---and he wasn't even a "good" liar...

the couples counseling sessions had dwindled to only one participant(not him), so the therapists gave this slave some timely advice at our last visit:

"Accept it, or leave. He is NOT going to change for you."

either way, they suggested individual therapy for this slave to help her deal with the consequences of choosing an individual with no integrity to start, and look forward to the probability of ending, a family with.

only you can decide which lie will be the last one you intend to have to live with.

it came down to protecting the young from all manor of gang activity, for this slave, to demand separation. she had made the commitment of self, better or worse, but the young couldn't protect themselves and needed her to separate from him for that.

you have this slave's condolences and warmest wishes that you have friends or other contacts to help you through such a hurtful time.

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 5

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:47:56 AM

decstorm37

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline

I don't deal with people who lie. I have no use for it, if my Master were to lie to me how could i trust him with anything else. That is one of the things i would leave for.

_____________________________

You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 6

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 9:50:55 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

What do you do when they lie and lie and lie???

Once and he's gone.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 7

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 10:00:52 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I think that all of these answers are saying the same thing. The question now is are you going to listen. Of course you can join him and lie to yourself by saying that he will change.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 8

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 10:01:12 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

i can only echo what everyone else has said. If you cannot trust him, how can you have any sort of relationship.

i have been in the position of being collared to a liar, i forgave once, of course it happened again, only on a much larger scale. Needless to say i ran from that relationship as fast as my legs could carry me.

Compulsive liars cannot change, you have to do what is best for you. If that means kicking him out of your house... well, he is the one that brought it on himself.

Good luck to you!

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 9

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 10:20:21 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Reply ~

Let's not forget one of the most deceitful representations of lies - the hypocrite. The one who represents one face to your face and, in with cold blooded reptilian skill change their color and face as soon as you are out of hearing distance. Once that hypocritical liar is identified he/she should be exposed at every opportunity.

Integrity, honor, and trust is not subject to interpretation. There is no requirement to love or like everyone you meet, but if you can't represent yourself with integrity why bother 'acting' to portray a image of acceptance and open arms. These people are not only ego centric and desperate for attention and glorification; but have the potential to be dangerous. Misplaced trust can be destructive physically and emotionally. Hypocrites and liars are plague.

Sometimes the liar and hypocrite can learn and evolve. However most often they just move on to other victims in another location. They start anew knowing enough to portray experience with people who don't recognize their depth is that of cheap vainer. They then move on again leaving behind people nodding and acknowledging how badly they were taken in and fooled.

The OP benefits from learning now. Today is day to act upon the knowledge you've learned. Tomorrow is first day you'll not have doubt. You KNOW - choosing not to act enables the charade to continue. There is often a thread started in an attempt to define 'doormat'. Whether your self identity is Dominant or submissive; accepting and enabling hypocrites and liars seems to me as a good working definition of the term.

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 10

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 10:53:07 AM

AS11

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/17/2008
Status: offline

Of course I lie on my taxes even if I call it avoidance and use little known rulings that may be challenged but just may slip through the cracks too. Of course I lie when stopped at 3:30 in the morning and ask if I have been drinking, certainly I lie when I receive a gift I dislike or have no use for and when I tell someone their baby is beautiful even though it’s the ugliest kid I have even seen…it’s a damn lie. Frankly, I think everyone lies from time to time.

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 11

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 10:57:43 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Of course, but if the first instinct is to lie, if the lies become a way of life, therein lies the danger

Jeff

(in reply to AS11)

Post #: 12

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 10:59:01 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

You've stated the facts as you see them. You love a man, who you barely know; after all, the only things you seem to know about him are what he shares with you. That which he shares, has nothing to do with who he is.

You need to decide if you want to continue living his lie, embrace the truth about him, or find someone who won't make you pick between the two. With as much kindess as I can muster, it becomes a question of how much fantasy you wish to live.]

Good luck,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 13

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 11:06:14 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Unfortunately all too often, people fall in love with the idea of someone, rather than the someone.

Jeff

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 14

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 11:21:20 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

Most of the other posts I've read seem a tad too quick to condemn lying. Lying is a problem, for some people it's uncontrollable...but like -any- problem, I think it can be fixed.

That is, if you think it's worth fixing.

If my Owner told me a big lie and I found out about it... My first instinct would not be to just get out of things. Nobody ever said life was easy, or that people were perfect. My first instinct would be to try to fix it. Of course, there's only so far you can go with forgiveness...but I you don't fall in love with the worst in a person, you fall in love with the best in a person.

However, if that person refuses to change and you've exhausted all your means of helping...then all you can do is get out or at least take a huge step back.

If it's worth saving, then try to save it. If you've made the decision that it's not, then by all means, get moving. You've got to decide that.

DV's Fox

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 15

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 11:23:54 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Leave. I don't sweat the small lies..You look wonderful, or Such a pretty child she has your (nose, eyes, lips), Uh..Yes Boss I am working on it right now. There are a lot of small lies that make navigating through your day a lot easier and keep you from hurting others unneccesarily. Sometimes they are as simple as saying something politely that you would rather be blunt about.. "That scent is not quite right for your skin", rather than "Geeze you smell like a Skunk what did you roll in?" Hey I am a slave..I like being able to sit down once in a while.

Lie about anything important or involving the relationship..not on my side and not on his. If you are going to do something with someone else (dance, have sex), tell me, if you are in contact with your ex, tell me, if you blew your calories out of the water and you have ordered me to help you with your diet..Tell me. If we are broke, facing bankrupcty, you have cancer, or you just want to leave..tell me the Truth. Yes I mean the hard truths as well as the daily grind ones, I am a grown woman and can take it, I may not like it, but, better to know that to have me find out later and things blow up.

If I catch a big lie more than once I am gone. I show you the honor of giving you the truth, I expect the same. I have to be able to trust not only your skill, but your honor, and if you are not honorable enough to tell me the truth, then you are not honorable enough to hold my life in your hands.

poenkitten

(in reply to Belladonna30)

Post #: 16

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 1:12:15 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

Most of the other posts I've read seem a tad too quick to condemn lying. Lying is a problem, for some people it's uncontrollable...but like -any- problem, I think it can be fixed.

That is, if you think it's worth fixing.

If my Owner told me a big lie and I found out about it... My first instinct would not be to just get out of things. Nobody ever said life was easy, or that people were perfect. My first instinct would be to try to fix it. Of course, there's only so far you can go with forgiveness...but I you don't fall in love with the worst in a person, you fall in love with the best in a person.

However, if that person refuses to change and you've exhausted all your means of helping...then all you can do is get out or at least take a huge step back.

If it's worth saving, then try to save it. If you've made the decision that it's not, then by all means, get moving. You've got to decide that.

DV's Fox

OK-- I'll run with this one. I'm not a fixer and if a person has a problem that needs to be fixed and aknowleges it, I may stick around, but if he's not then I'm not wasting my time either.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Shawn1066)

Post #: 17

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 1:20:13 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Ok...... but would you fix my lunch?

Jeff

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 18

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 1:20:17 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna30

He lied to me, again. He cant stop, its compulsion with Him. About everything from what He ate to if He still talks to His ex to whatever. He lies about everything. i cant trust Him anymore and frankly i am losing respect for Him. i dont think i can do this anymore. i refuse to give myself to someone who is going to do little more than make me more paranoid than i already am. i dont hide anything or lie to Him about anything, i felt as part of our D/s dynamic that it was important as hell not to lie. Am i wrong here?

i feel betrayed and furious to the point of packing Him up and getting Him the hell outta my house! i love Him though, but dammit i dont want to go down this road again.

What do you do when they lie and lie and lie???

Leave, Leave, Leave.......

ditto ditto ditto

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 19

RE: He lied and i want out, i think... - 2/19/2008 1:33:54 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ok...... but would you fix my lunch?

Jeff

I didn't know it was broken.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 20

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