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I'm real curious - 2/19/2008 9:45:48 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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We were discussing this in another thread. I happened to mention that I have not "dated" anyone from the various kinks sites. I prefer to meet girls like we all did before the internet through friends and other social settings. If I made a conneciton with someone sometimes in casual conversation I could tell weather or not they were submissive

I am curious if there are any others out there that can determine that the person there talking to has a submissive streak or conversly could you tell if there the dom type.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 2/19/2008 9:46:57 PM >

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RE: I'm real curious - 2/19/2008 10:36:42 PM

crouchingtigress

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yes, after a while you can smell it like a drop of blood in the water.

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RE: I'm real curious - 2/19/2008 11:28:11 PM

azropedntied

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From: Phx AZ
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i can somehow relate to the blood in the water quote , chuckles ..
Amazing how and what you can pick up on in every day situations .
Also i think sometimes people are just placed in front of you , in your path per-say .

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 3

RE: I'm real curious - 2/19/2008 11:31:40 PM

laurell3

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Well not really. When it comes to a man being a Dom or not, I'm not sure there's many characteristics that they don't display in everyday life already that might be misleading. I certainly would never guess or drop hints. Submissive men might be a bit different, although hindsight is always 20/20 and the vast majority of people that I meet in the lifestyle I meet through lifestyle venues. The ones I have found out after the fact that I already knew in rl, I was actually rather suprised and they wouldn't have fit any role stereotypes.

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RE: I'm real curious - 2/19/2008 11:57:03 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

We were discussing this in another thread. I happened to mention that I have not "dated" anyone from the various kinks sites. BadOne

lol

juliet

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 5

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 1:36:56 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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I s'pose life would be easier if every BDSMer had "Dom/sub" tattooed on their forehead but personally I think there's also cues and clues to be gleaned from another's eyes, even if that person doesn't readily identify with the lifestyle.

When it comes to the opposite sex, it seems to me every creature on the planet can identify its own species through sheer instinct and without any need for that tattoo. And there is definitely something in how certain womens' eyes respond to my own gaze, just as those of every sub I've known r/l have. And that "look" (or mostly a lack of) is one of the cues that decides whether I invest some time and energy in striking up a conversation.

There's a lot of potential partners out there for anyone - and everyone generally knows who attracts and who doesn't, even if we can't always specify what that attraction is. Me, I start with a brief mental checklist - 1. Human, 2. Female 3. Living/breathing. 4. Feminine 5. Eyes. 95% of the time, my interest ends with their eyes. Hey, it's a method....

Focus.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 6

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 5:28:41 AM

justdavid

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From: Saint Joseph, MO
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The submissive or dominant trait in everyone can range so widely in people that to see peaks into something to me is misleading. If I get to know a person in terms of spending enough time with them I can see and predict their motivations. I have seen people with the stronger traits of either but meeting someone and talking for awhile a guess is all I would have and not much of a degree of that trait in them.

I think most of us would like to meet a person in a live setting. I know though for me personally at my age I am done with wanting to devour critical time with someone who does not know themselves or is just at their exploration stage. Dating a regular woman with submissive traits is not tough to do. Thinking they will agree to live the dynamic I want is to me about the same or longer odds then finding a women in cyber who knows herself and is drawn to the life naturally.

There is being with a woman with submissive personality and being with a woman with a submissive personality that loves domination and into power exchange, two very different things.

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Post #: 7

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 5:41:36 AM

Dnomyar

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Let's see. Submissive or Dom. Shy or loud mouth. I have been told I am a quiet person. I have been told that I talk to much. The way you see a person might not be the way someone else views them.

(in reply to justdavid)

Post #: 8

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 5:50:29 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justdavid

The submissive or dominant trait in everyone can range so widely in people that to see peaks into something to me is misleading. If I get to know a person in terms of spending enough time with them I can see and predict their motivations. I have seen people with the stronger traits of either but meeting someone and talking for awhile a guess is all I would have and not much of a degree of that trait in them.

I think most of us would like to meet a person in a live setting. I know though for me personally at my age I am done with wanting to devour critical time with someone who does not know themselves or is just at their exploration stage. Dating a regular woman with submissive traits is not tough to do. Thinking they will agree to live the dynamic I want is to me about the same or longer odds then finding a women in cyber who knows herself and is drawn to the life naturally.

There is being with a woman with submissive personality and being with a woman with a submissive personality that loves domination and into power exchange, two very different things.

To refine my thoughts I am attempting to say is "she may already be into BDSM and by picking up on clues while getting to know her you may be able to determine that she is submissive.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Post #: 9

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 5:59:14 AM

Mezrem

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From my experience some people are more naturaly dominate and some more submissive. That said it does not mean it has anything to do with the life style or any kind of interest in it. In my area, by and in large the people I have met are people involved in the local BDSM groups. Yes I am able to pick up that some of the people I encounter on a day to day basis have dominate or submissive traits to thier personality, but I could not venture to guess about involvement in the life style...

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 10

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 6:03:48 AM

SailingBum

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I.ve talked to a few ppl in a casual way and worked the conversation over to BDSM after I thought they might be into it. I discovered that they were into the lifestyle.
Which is why I posted ths question.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Mezrem)

Post #: 11

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 9:50:20 AM

Lashra

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Yes I usually can tell after speaking with them, watching their body language, the way they held their eyes. Sometimes though its hard to tell as people do wear masks and hide who they really are inside. The tougher part is figuring out whether or not if they are into BDSM

I don't do vanilla anymore, I did it while I was married and there is no way I would go back to it. So yes I think sometimes you can definitely tell but other times no its just a mystery that if you want to unravel it, you will have to work at it.

~Lashra

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(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 12

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 10:10:31 AM

LordVelvet

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With submissive woman for the most part I can tell. The Switch is the hard one for Me. Jusst My thoughts.
LordVelvet

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Post #: 13

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 10:23:36 AM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

We were discussing this in another thread. I happened to mention that I have not "dated" anyone from the various kinks sites. BadOne

lol

juliet

What does this mean?
It sounds like she knows something we don't...
fess up, Juliet!

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Post #: 14

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 10:46:38 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

And there is definitely something in how certain womens' eyes respond to my own gaze, just as those of every sub I've known r/l have. And that "look" (or mostly a lack of) is one of the cues that decides whether I invest some time and energy in striking up a conversation.

Focus.

[snip]

Focus, what you describe is how I think it happens with me. I can sense someone looking at me in a particular way, as if I'm transparent. Then I realize he must be Dom-(ish) and he can tell I'm submissive.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Post #: 15

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 11:18:33 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

What does this mean?
It sounds like she knows something we don't...
fess up, Juliet!

lol it's not some secret I know jules real life. Damn it must be 5 or 6 years now hell maybe longer. How time flies

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 2/20/2008 11:20:23 AM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 16

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 12:12:11 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Well not really. When it comes to a man being a Dom or not, I'm not sure there's many characteristics that they don't display in everyday life already that might be misleading. I certainly would never guess or drop hints. Submissive men might be a bit different, although hindsight is always 20/20 and the vast majority of people that I meet in the lifestyle I meet through lifestyle venues. The ones I have found out after the fact that I already knew in rl, I was actually rather suprised and they wouldn't have fit any role stereotypes.

I agree with laurell on this one.

The friends of mine that i've "come out" to, always guess the wrong role. They assume I would be a dominant, just because in work and in most nilla type events I'm a leader type.

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Post #: 17

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 8:58:20 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I s'pose life would be easier if every BDSMer had "Dom/sub" tattooed on their forehead but personally I think there's also cues and clues to be gleaned from another's eyes, even if that person doesn't readily identify with the lifestyle.

When it comes to the opposite sex, it seems to me every creature on the planet can identify its own species through sheer instinct and without any need for that tattoo. And there is definitely something in how certain womens' eyes respond to my own gaze, just as those of every sub I've known r/l have. And that "look" (or mostly a lack of) is one of the cues that decides whether I invest some time and energy in striking up a conversation.

There's a lot of potential partners out there for anyone - and everyone generally knows who attracts and who doesn't, even if we can't always specify what that attraction is. Me, I start with a brief mental checklist - 1. Human, 2. Female 3. Living/breathing. 4. Feminine 5. Eyes. 95% of the time, my interest ends with their eyes. Hey, it's a method....

Focus.

Blink*..Blink*..smile...
To the OP...My Domdar must be broke...Halp!...Tempting

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(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 18

RE: I'm real curious - 2/20/2008 11:19:30 PM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
Status: offline

LOL!!

A good friend of mine is as single mindedly dominant as it gets... still hasn't stopped guys with this so called 'ability' from telling her that she's got it all wrong, she's really a sub who just needs to sleep with them to find out...

It would make an interesting test for the Randi Million Dollar Challenge though.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 19

RE: I'm real curious - 2/21/2008 1:33:57 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

And there is definitely something in how certain womens' eyes respond to my own gaze, just as those of every sub I've known r/l have. And that "look" (or mostly a lack of) is one of the cues that decides whether I invest some time and energy in striking up a conversation.

Focus.

[snip]

Focus, what you describe is how I think it happens with me. I can sense someone looking at me in a particular way, as if I'm transparent. Then I realize he must be Dom-(ish) and he can tell I'm submissive.

Yes, gays often use the term "gaydar" (as in 'radar') for spotting another gay in a predominantly vanilla World - including a gay who isn't "out" or even self aware of that orientation. There are presumably subtle cues or traits that only another gay is atuned to.... Which is what I was trying to say in my first post - that all creatures can recognise their own "species".

That makes sense to me because the standout feature of every sub I've met r/l has been their eyes. They're like magnets to mine and is something I specifically look for when out and about, only to be disappointed probably 99% of the time.

And I can think of equally "interesting eyes" I've only seen on TV that have made me sit up and take notice. The early seasons of the excellent "Boston Legal" featured one Rhona Mitra, a red-headed English girl; she definitely has those eyes. And Brad Pitt's love interest in "Meet Joe Black" was another, though her name escapes me (anyone know?). The moods and demeanour may change as different scenes demand but the "magnetism" of their eyes generally remain constant - you can't fake that, IMO.

And finally, not saying I'm not the original and twue HUNK, but every sub I've known has readily picked the same feature as my most attractive physical quality - and the 'eyes' have it. If it's working both ways, there's gotta be some substance to the theory....

Focus.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 20

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